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Has anyone ever had a cat (not a feral) that didn't even want to be petted? Allie is supposedly 6 years old and I suspect she was abused by her prior owner. She doesn't appear to be afraid of me or my husband, but she definitely does seem to shrink from my touch. I have had cats that didn't particularly want to be held, but this one doesn't even want to be petted. Should I just stop trying and wait until she actually comes to me seeming to want some affection? Or should I continue to gently pet her when I walk into the room where she is? I'm willing to be patient, but I do want to approach the situation in the best way.
Has anyone ever had a cat (not a feral) that didn't even want to be petted? Allie is supposedly 6 years old and I suspect she was abused by her prior owner. She doesn't appear to be afraid of me or my husband, but she definitely does seem to shrink from my touch. I have had cats that didn't particularly want to be held, but this one doesn't even want to be petted. Should I just stop trying and wait until she actually comes to me seeming to want some affection? Or should I continue to gently pet her when I walk into the room where she is? I'm willing to be patient, but I do want to approach the situation in the best way.
You can pet her and she may eventually be OK with it. She may be aloof in general or she may need some time to know your intentions. I'd just give her a pet or stroke and let her be and she may eventually come to you. My cat couldn't stand any hint of restraint, like being hugged, and forget picking her up. I just kept at her gently and while I still don't pick her up much, she will let me hug her, kiss her, and pet her without getting upset. She does come to get, or give, affection and is sleeping on my foot right now - after getting me to scratch her head for like 10 minutes. As in, I tried to pet her and she inserted her head under my hand. So be careful what you wish for.
Yes, stop petting her. You will never win her trust until you show her you are paying attention to what she is telling you. Once she sees you are not forcing yourself on her, she will start to trust you. And eventually may come to you for petting.
And yes I rescued a shelter cat who could not be pet, or touched in any way, without risking losing a hand. She's here on my lap purring away and allows a few strokes at a time, now. And I can trim her nails too, without being sent to the hospital. But it took a few years.
Go at her speed. Slow. Let her call the shots for now.
Yes, stop petting her. You will never win her trust until you show her you are paying attention to what she is telling you. Once she sees you are not forcing yourself on her, she will start to trust you. And eventually may come to you for petting.
And yes I rescued a shelter cat who could not be pet, or touched in any way, without risking losing a hand. She's here on my lap purring away and allows a few strokes at a time, now. And I can trim her nails too, without being sent to the hospital. But it took a few years.
Go at her speed. Slow. Let her call the shots for now.
Thanks for the advice, Catsmom. I'm going to try to take it, based on your success story. Do you think that seeing me pet the 10-week-old kitten we just got (who can't get enough petting) will help? Could she learn from a kitten that it's safe to let a person touch you?
You can pet her and she may eventually be OK with it. She may be aloof in general or she may need some time to know your intentions. I'd just give her a pet or stroke and let her be and she may eventually come to you. My cat couldn't stand any hint of restraint, like being hugged, and forget picking her up. I just kept at her gently and while I still don't pick her up much, she will let me hug her, kiss her, and pet her without getting upset. She does come to get, or give, affection and is sleeping on my foot right now - after getting me to scratch her head for like 10 minutes. As in, I tried to pet her and she inserted her head under my hand. So be careful what you wish for.
Thanks, NYC. I actually seldom even try to pet her. When she gets close to me (on her own), I'll sometimes scratch under her chin (my last cat loved that!) or gently stroke her head. But every time I do, she kind of cowers. It makes me feel so bad. I'm starting to think of her as a special-needs child. It's hard because I've never had a special-needs child. She's going to be a real challenge for me, much more so than my kitten, who keeps jumping up on my desktop computer and stepping on the power button, shutting me down.
Yes, stop petting her. You will never win her trust until you show her you are paying attention to what she is telling you. Once she sees you are not forcing yourself on her, she will start to trust you. And eventually may come to you for petting.
And yes I rescued a shelter cat who could not be pet, or touched in any way, without risking losing a hand. She's here on my lap purring away and allows a few strokes at a time, now. And I can trim her nails too, without being sent to the hospital. But it took a few years.
Go at her speed. Slow. Let her call the shots for now.
Don't force your attention on her, and avoid any touch that makes her shy away. Let her fear dissipate on it's own. It probably will eventually.
I used to have an Alpha female cat named Rainbow. She was obsessed, welded at the hip, and quite married to our resident sweet black mancat Stormy. Her whole world revolved around him, and she had little time or inclination to get attention from her humans. She wasn't afraid of us at all, she just wasn't interested. She would not get in our laps, nor could we pick her up or handle her very much at all. She really didn't care to be touched. A few years after my wife passed, I got to pet her for the first time when she was around 9 years old. It was a breakthrough of sorts, and after that she became more and more affectionate, wanting attention more often and even getting in my lap briefly on occasion. Over the next few years she lost that aloofness, and became quite the attention junkie. She ran for the Bridge in 2013, and I missed her cranky old self terribly.
Anyway, your cat will most likely come around, it's just a matter of how long it will take.
Thanks, NYC. I actually seldom even try to pet her. When she gets close to me (on her own), I'll sometimes scratch under her chin (my last cat loved that!) or gently stroke her head. But every time I do, she kind of cowers. It makes me feel so bad. I'm starting to think of her as a special-needs child. It's hard because I've never had a special-needs child. She's going to be a real challenge for me, much more so than my kitten, who keeps jumping up on my desktop computer and stepping on the power button, shutting me down.
That's all I recommend you do, make contact. If she comes to you and you can get a pet or scratch, I feel that over time she'll stop cowering because of course you'll never do anything bad to her. You have to go at her pace and let her back off when she wants to. Sometimes you can just put a finger out and let her smell it and she might rub against it. That way she'll be in control of the physical contact and how close she wants to come.
Don't force your attention on her, and avoid any touch that makes her shy away. Let her fear dissipate on it's own. It probably will eventually.
I used to have an Alpha female cat named Rainbow. She was obsessed, welded at the hip, and quite married to our resident sweet black mancat Stormy. Her whole world revolved around him, and she had little time or inclination to get attention from her humans. She wasn't afraid of us at all, she just wasn't interested. She would not get in our laps, nor could we pick her up or handle her very much at all. She really didn't care to be touched. A few years after my wife passed, I got to pet her for the first time when she was around 9 years old. It was a breakthrough of sorts, and after that she became more and more affectionate, wanting attention more often and even getting in my lap briefly on occasion. Over the next few years she lost that aloofness, and became quite the attention junkie. She ran for the Bridge in 2013, and I missed her cranky old self terribly.
Anyway, your cat will most likely come around, it's just a matter of how long it will take.
This is probably bad advice, so don't take it as gospel.
One of my cats isn't as affectionate and rarely willingly sits in my lap. She doesn't mind being petted, but doesn't like being picked up. Well, I do so anyway. Sometimes walk to the kitchen so she follows me hopes of food or treats (even after I feed, she always wants more and she'll eat tell she throws up) She gets so annoyed, but tolerates it. I can't help it, I didn't adopt her just to feed her.
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