Euthanasia And The After Affects (dogs, howling, hair, rescue)
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I had posted a euthanasia topic quite awhile back,but it's so far down the line,I decided to start this one. If you have been following my posts,you know that we had to struggle with our furbaby "Goldie" having fibrosarcoma cancer over the past year. I want go into detail again about all we had to deal with concerning that,but when she took a turn for the worse a few weeks ago,we had to make the difficult decision to help her cross over to the rainbow bridge. I had been fortunate enough not to ever have to do that before and was hoping we wouldn't have to do it with her. I was hoping and praying God would take her naturally,but that didn't happen. I know it was the right thing for her,but I'm just really having a hard time getting over it. I have had many animals and many heartaches over them through the years,but this one is so much harder to get over. I'm thinking maybe it's because I had her with me for so long(18 years) and because we had to euthanize her. Has anyone else that had to euthanize their pet had more trouble getting over it than when one went naturally? I just can't seem to quit replaying the euthanasia part over in my head. I guess I just need more time? It has only been three and a half weeks.
You are probably replaying it in your head because you want to safeguard the memory and not allow yourself to forget. Advice once given to me might be helpful to you. Sit down with a pen and a notepad and write down the entire experience - as much as you can remember and in as many details as well. After you write it all down, read it to be sure it's the way you remember it, then place it in your night table or personal file cabinet or somewhere else that is safe. It will always be there for you and you won't have to continue to "save" it in your mind because it's saved on paper.
As always, Charley, is right on. I know how difficult all of this if for you. I went through the same with our 13 yr. old Golden a few months back. You second guess yourself over and over. I finally had to come to terms, that this was indeed, the very best thing for her. Her quality of life had gone down hill and while it hurt tremendously to put her too sleep, I know she is in a better place for it. I feel we owe them that much. In my mind, she has regained her youthful playfulness and romping and playing with her relatives of the past we had. That eternal tennis ball is being passed from one to another.
3 1/2 weeks is not very long....but try to bring to mind all the good memories...It does help. ((hugs)) to you. Feel free to PM me or come here to just "talk".
Very wise words of advice, Charley. I agree that writing it all will help us cope.
I have never had a cat die naturally. All were euthanized. I do have horrible guilt and regrets about the first one which took place when I was much younger and more apt to heed others' suggestions and not follow my heart. I had wanted to stay with him while he was euthanized but the vet said I should leave and remember him as he was.
I did that and instead of remembering him as he was I was left with bad images that in all likelihood did not happen, such as him being sent to a lab to have his diseases studied before he was killed by a stranger, etc. Not being there to see it for myself had caused me to imagine the worst.
So after that I will never leave an animal again at the time of death.
As for the memories, they do fade. That's what is meant to happen. If memories stayed in our minds too vividly and too easily accessed, we would be made to suffer without end. So it's a blessing. And your difficult memories, too, will fade in time. It's just the "meantime" that you have to deal with, and all you can do in that meantime is put it in writing and put it away. Symbolically that will allow you to move forward a little faster. If you're like most of us, you might feel that releasing your grief will seem like abandoning him. Let your grief exist but not dominate your thoughts.
And I also feel convinced that within 6 months it's a wonderful idea to adopt again! That has always helped me tremendously.
Making the decision to euthanize a terminally ill pet that is suffering is the last and greatest act of love you can give them. It is a terribly difficult thing for you to deal with, but keep in mind that it was the very best thing for your Goldie.
Definitely write it out. I'm fortunate. Through the rescue I've got my own website, so when I had to put my dogs down I was able to do a memorial page for them. I've added others as they've passed as well and it's really helped.
A friend sent this to me when I had to put down my first rottie. It really nailed exactly how I felt. Doesn't make the pain of losing them any less, but it was nice to know that there is obviously someone out there that knows exactly what I was going through.
"I am sending you on a journey to a land free from pain..not because I didn't love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay."
God speed to your Goldie and healing hugs to you. I think we've all been there. Time heals.
I know I'll probably get a lot of odd looks for posting my suggestion, but it doesn't seem to matter how long it's been, I have been through many animal deaths in my life, and more often then not, I just break into tears over a few of them. The pain of losiing them never will go away, but how I learn to handle it changes with time. I dedicate myself the animals I have now in my life, and the ones to come.
What greatly helped me, was the day I created a myspace account memorial page for them. (it's not like we're going to run out of room on the internet!) Their names, pictures, stories, and scripture versus - the opening memo reads as:
"Not a sparrow falls to the ground without our Father knowing it," (Matthew 10:29) I will spend the rest of my life making amends for the lives of animals that put their trust in me, that I have loved hard, fought harder for, yet feel I have failed inevitably, one way or another. ...He gathers them in his arms and carries them close to his heart." (Isaiah 40:11) I will see you again soon. Mommy loves you."
I am not overly religious by any means anymore, but nothing put me at more peace than being able to build this page dedicated to my babies. Because I have to believe with all my heart that they are at peace as well now.
Last edited by Marylandkitten; 10-18-2009 at 10:52 AM..
I totally understand what you are going through. Titi was the first cat I ever had to PTS and that was 4 months ago. Just like you, I kept replaying his final moments in my mind, over and over. I prayed for God to take him at home, in a natural death. I felt guilt, second guessed myself, you name it. I was just starting to heal and I finally knew I had done the right thing when I had to PTS Gizmo. Gizmo's has been harder to deal with since it was so unexpected. His death is going to be harder for me to deal with. Time will help.
I've had 2 cats die a natural death. One died while at the vet. Very heart breaking but there was no guilt with Chucky. I knew she was very sick. Mac was a beautiful long haired tortie. She died on Christmas eve 2003. It was so peaceful. We were prepared. We knew her time was coming. My dh and I always open one present each on Christmas eve and save the rest for the morning. We opened our 2 presents with Mac watching. She closed her eyes and died. It was the most peaceful passing. I brought each cat over to her to say goodbye. It was even easier on the other cats this way. Gizmo never got over Titi's death. He never got to say goodbye to his best bud. I take comfort that Gizmo, Titi, Mac and Chucky are together again, whole and healthy.
You will feel better again. I didn't think I ever would, but I did. Now I start the process all over again. I know I'll get through this. You will too. Every one on here has been a huge help. We're here for each other. Talk about Goldie as much as you want. We're all here for you.
[quote=ouijeewoman;11240748]I totally understand what you are going through. Titi was the first cat I ever had to PTS and that was 4 months ago. Just like you, I kept replaying his final moments in my mind, over and over. I prayed for God to take him at home, in a natural death.
I have had 2 die naturally at home & it was 'way more painful for me then the ones we've had PTS. The howling& moaning & crying I can hear to this day, even after 10 years. If we'd known how badly off they were, especially the last one (had just had an appointment earlier that day & she seemed to be still doing OK), we'd never have waited for them to go on their own.
Although I can never replace a deceased pet, I always get another within a few days. Once I stop crying all day, it makes it easier, to focus on a new fur-baby. It also seems to help the still-living ones, to have a new brother or sister (even in the cats' case, to hiss at!). Not for everyone but that is my way of healing. In a way, I guess it says that I loved the late one so much, I want to have that experience again.
I have only had one cat die at home, in over 40 yrs of owning dogs and cats. I had no idea he was so ill and it was horrible. He had cardiomyopathy, it turned out. All the others were indeed peaceful, as the vet gives one shot to put them into a coma-like state and then another to stop the heart. These days, it's just an overdose. I have held everyone's paw except the one who died at home, in my arms.
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