I'll give a quick list:
Mathew Macaunehey, I don't know how to spell that stupid name. Shirtless all the time. Enough said. Gets a very severe Mike Tyson beating. Make it painful enough to keep him in the hospital just long enough for every guy in America to forget we ever saw him with his shirt off.
Denzel Washington--I just can't stand his arrogant skeletal smile. Someone please beat him silly.
Adam Sandler--You need a good beat down for waisting my money at about the last five floppy films you made. Heck, we should put chunk on trial for robbery.
Lindsey Hohan--I got an idea for a new reality show for you, How about "can someone not Fuc* me."The premise, we put Hohan in a room with ten good looking people ( man and women) and give her a week. See who she doesn't bang. Whoever she doesn't bang is the winner. She needs a beating to restore humanity.
Paris Hilton--Where gonna have to go after her parents for having her. Daddy Hilton should be sued by the american public for unleashing little Paris on us. We were not prepared for that sucker punch. Daddy Hilton, right or left, pick which hand you want to be beat with.
David Becham--No one in America likes soccer or your sad anorexic hairsylist wife. We need to lure him onto a soccer field and tie him to the soccer goal and whip that skinny overrated (body of a fifteen year old adolescent girl) into puberty.
Angelina Jolie--How about adopting in America saint Angie? We have a lot of poor to, not just Africa or Asia. She is always flaunting her skinny body on film, and she's always playing a ninja type warrior assassin. We'll put her in a UFC ring to see how tough slim really is. No takes, cuts and body doubles angie, this time your getting fu*** up.
Brad Pitt--Douchey thinks he's a architect! All your money in the world will never make farm boy an architect. Actually we'll skip the beating with you, because it looks as if the last few years (age wise)have already given you a beating.
Jessica Simpson--We'll make it easy on her. We'll ask her simple questions. They'll go like this Jess, whats four plus four? For everyone she gets wrong we'll spank that asz. Hey, I am male and human.
Olson twins--Your both so ugly alread, but your both so annoying that you definately deserve a beating, I just can't figure out where or how. How about we beat those unproportioned izzy legs of yours so we don't have to watch you walking from thrift store to thrift store around NYC.
Ellen--Ah, my favorite Lessbo, Actually I can't stand you the most. You actually top my list. First I hate your dancing and I never want to see it again. So your legs, they just gotta go butch. Secondly, Your less butchier girlfriend is just to good for you, so we replace her with Rosie.And you will learn to love her, every giant inch of her.Third and not last, we can't have you having your own annoying stupid talk show so we will demote you to being a fluffer for straight porno. That should all be beating enough.
Dr Phil--So you like analyzing people huh, How about this for analyzing. Who's fat, ugly, annoying, with an eating disorder? That would be Dr. Phil Alex, correct. Next question, who's pretentious, fake, can't get a piece of asz unless he pays for another plastic surgery for his wifey? Who is Dr Phil Alex. Correct. Next question, who is an arrogant, egotistical, blind, self serving fat asz from Texas? Uh, would that be Dr Phil Alex, correct three for three. Your next question. Who is a media *****, Oprah's bit ch, bald, and dieing to get laid?, I don't know but I'll take a try, is it Dr. Phil.?You are so correct, thats four for four slick Rick your on a roll and last question. Who is never sexually aroused, weird, plastic, tooty, but knows how to keep her dog in line, Uh, geez that's a tough one Alex, but I'll give it a try, Is it Dr. Phils wife? Correct,
Drew Barrymore--God your such a talent, NOt. I would like to stand there with her in the corner and say give it to me, give me that wimpy, gimpy, I am so sweet voice one more time so I can beat her like a red headed step child for being so fake and assuming we buy that act. Go back to drugs, I liked you better when you were waisted all the time. Actually I didn't, I never liked your fake asz, I just think you would be good for celebrity rehab 3, speaking of
Jeff Conway--Oh boy, this guy needs a double dose of whoop asz. For one stand up straight and look me in the eye before I beat you. None of that gimpy fake Im hurt walking. For you Jeffy, we'll get to use your own cane on your brother, we'll really give your baby asz something to cry about.....Then will put you on some pain pills and send you back to Rehab. I'm sure deep down Drew would love to beat the sissy out of you when no camera are on......
Your good friend
Slick
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