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Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
23,816 posts, read 34,873,237 times
Reputation: 10258
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NDL
Thanks for sharing your thoughts .
South Jersey is indeed different than Central/North Jersey, and many areas on Long Island.
I suppose the best way to handle it is to ignore it. Sometimes that can be difficult, when a motorist uses their horn as though they were game show contestants on Family Feud.
Is this kind of behavior rampant in CLT? No. But then again, I moved down South, to get away from all of this nonsense.
Y
If you say something, be prepared for an earful.
Your thread reminds me of an incident in an AC Moore. A woman with an empty cart was allowing her demon-child to run wild & trash the shelves. Another customer & I were discussing the fact that the mother seemed to be mediating rather than shopping, when little Lucifer came up & kicked both of us & ran off laughing.
I finally walked over & asked the woman to please control her son because he had just kicked me & another customer. I got a loud foul tirade with a NY metro accent for my trouble, but she did pick him up & put him into the empty cart.
Some call what happens in NYC (per your example) a "nanny state" - you can see examples of this from other Mayors carrying on a tradition in the city. One could argue quite easily that government shouldn't be defining "civility" and "quality of life" through legislation. It's a libertarian nightmare... and I do not believe these laws make NYC any more "civil" than other cities.
I wholeheartedly agree. Yet the point I was making is that civility laws were put into place, to combat what lawmaker(s) saw as uncivil behavior that removes from societal quality of life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyKid
I still don't understand the connection to your examples and NY. Were the families from NY? Were you watching reactions from people who from NY? Did some native NC folks comment? Where does it all tie in to kids behaving badly?
You're right ; I should have better set the scene up.
Family style restaurant, with a fairly open floor plan. I don't know that the patrons were from New York, although they didn't sound to be from the Midwest, nor the South. They could have been from NY/NJ/CT. They were in their late 20/early 30's. Based upon their dress, habits, and conversation, they appeared to be educated.
But their kids made a scene. They behaved as children do - except they were very loud; they stood on their booth seats the entire time; the parents were very loud, and behaved as casually as they would have in their own kitchen.
The surrounding dining population consisted predominantly of Southerners. Their reaction was to look, sigh, and whisper.
As I noted in other posts, this kind of behavior is not specific to transplants, nor are Southerners void of bad behavior. But there still exists a culture in the South that frowns upon certain behaviors, and many Southerners still hold to such a code.
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
23,816 posts, read 34,873,237 times
Reputation: 10258
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDL
I suppose so .
But is their no merit to what I said?
Do the schoolchildren up North address their elders as "Ma'am" and "Sir"?
Can you imagine the typical Long Islander, on Long Island, answering an insult with a smirk, and non-confrontational: "Bless your heart"?
I grew up in Michigan a long time ago. We addressed elders as Ma'am & Sir or Miss Smith, Mrs. Smith, or Mr. Jones, unless that person told us to address them by their name.
The same held true in Philly & South Jersey when we moved there in the 60s, but not as much with the sir & ma'am. Females of my generation were very much to blame for eliminating the the Miss ____ & Mrs. ______ which took the Mr. _______ with it. We were in the workforce in numbers & since many of us had ethnic surnames & didn't want to pay for unlisted phone numbers, we asked to be called by our first names.
That said, I have been ma'amed with a far greater frequency in Philadelphia & the metro than Charlotte & the metro.
It is considered socially unacceptable, by Southerners, to make loud noises in public places. It even has a term: "showing out." That includes children screaming and parents screaming at them. It also extends to patrons of businesses getting in the faces of employees over "nothing."
If you aren't a 5th generation or more Southerner, you may not understand what I am talking about.
In the South, class distinctions have always been based on public behavior. You "mind your manners" in public b/c to do otherwise means you are low-class. You are acting "trashy."
Folks who move here and are loud, obnoxious and obstreperous may be tolerated publicly, but they sure won't be tolerated in social circles.
Of course, the rules change in re: to events such as college football games, lol. But overall, if you are loud, pushy, yelling, making a scene, etc. - Southerners may seethe about your boorishness, but it is doubtful they will say anything, unless they approach management and complain (but that is doubtful - unless you personally assaulted someone).
I, myself, have no problem asking parents what is prohibiting them from curbing the behavior of their feral child. I have done it on many an occasion, actually, and more frequently the older I get. I have also asked if there is some way I could help them with calming their feral child.
So my advice is . . . if someone, regardless of their cultural background (and Southern or not!) is being an arse in public, or their kids are, to simply ask them why they are disturbing everyone's peace with their (or their kid's) bad behavior.
I also have told people that it is time they take their kid home and give him/her a nap and some food, b/c in many cases, I can tell the children have been dragged around all day and are being tortured b/c their selfish parents are simply too self-involved to care that their kids are suffering and having a meltdown b/c they are exhausted and hungry!
The other thing I frequently do and have seen many other Southerners do is to address a child directly (if the parents are not stepping in) . . . and simply ask them "where is your mother?????" in a very loud voice. LOL. That usually spurs an irresponsible parent into taking action, even if accompanied by an angry retort.
No region has a monopoly on bad or good parenting.
Is true. A friend of mine who ended up working for a lawfirm writing briefs and appearing before the Supreme Court had a strict policy if thinking it's fine to let your kids run wild in a restaurant and he had at least 6. This nonsense is one of the reasons I don't tend to see movies in the theater unless my mother drags me to see Star Trek or Avengers 3D. Once while watching Shrek with a family an adult was heckling the screen using profanity. I went to talk to a manager and he shadowed me to make sure I knew he knew. Kids at Birkdale theater just about ruined it for me for good with their upper middle class boredom.
Recently I was at a place in Conway, SC and an infant was not only blasting the air with screams, but he was doing it strictly for effect and discovered it was neat to try to hit the highest note that he could. I've got to give him props since he isn't old enough to speak but his parents just gave an occasional glance. Didn't attempt to discourage it at all.
My "favorite" example though was when a boy and his dad got out toy cars while waiting for their mean and got down on the ground between my booth and theirs right in the middle of the aisle to play with them.
I don't believe in the death penalty but I do think I should be given a special dispensation to mete out justice
I think for the most part, it's a generational thing. The Baby Boomers (I'm one) for the most did a horrible job raising their kids especially when they let the day care and schools raise them instead. Now those kids are rasing kids and so forth. They are loud and entitled.
I was walking the other day and two young 20 something women were walking as well. They were yacking so loud I could hear them a 1/3 mile away. Sent the birds flying in fright. Bad thing is, despite all the noise, I don't think there was a coherent thought passed between these two. Just some bubble headness. Completely oblivious to anything except themselves. I hate to think what their kids will be like when they start to pop them out.
Bad behavior is common, regardless of where one is or where one is from. My current peeve is people who don't have "indoor" voices. A week ago I was in a restaurant and a woman on the other side of the aisle and two booths away was talking loudly enough that anyone within 20 feet could easily follow her conversation. Her lunch partner was barely audible. I kept staring at her when she spoke, but it didnt help. I was on the verge of asking her to quiet down, loudly, with the intent of embarassing her, but they left. Patrons at other tables watched her go, and seemed relieved.
It is considered socially unacceptable, by Southerners, to make loud noises in public places. It even has a term: "showing out." That includes children screaming and parents screaming at them. It also extends to patrons of businesses getting in the faces of employees over "nothing."
If you aren't a 5th generation or more Southerner, you may not understand what I am talking about.
In the South, class distinctions have always been based on public behavior. You "mind your manners" in public b/c to do otherwise means you are low-class. You are acting "trashy."
Folks who move here and are loud, obnoxious and obstreperous may be tolerated publicly, but they sure won't be tolerated in social circles.
Thank you for your very thoughtful, and edifying, reply .
Perhaps I am a little sensitive about this matter, having lived around this boorish behavior for much of my life.
In any event, you now know why my tagline is "Whistling Dixie..."
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