Neighbor Issues re Culdesac - WWYD? (cul-de-sac, HOA, condo)

[jenn02674]

We have a new neighbor, moved in within the last month maybe even the last few weeks, that is having MAJOR issues with kids playing in the culdesac. It started when a handful of kids on Saturday were playing and the lady came out on the porch and started "F**ing kids" out loud so that the kids could hear very well. They were drawing with sidewalk chalk, riding bikes, normal kids stuff. She called the cops on the kids . Cops came out talked to parents and her. Nothing really he could do. He did say that the kids shouldn't really be playing in the culdesac but he also said that she really shouldn't be parked in the culdesac either. Our neighborhood has marked parking spaces on the streets and there are none in this particular culdesac. Police officer said it is a HOA issue but the HOA says that the streets are owned by the county. Well the same thing happened yesterday except I think it was one of the moms that called the police on her. I wasn't there but they apparently got into a screaming match. I know, I know but I honestly don't blame her. This new woman is unbearable. The cop basically said that there is nothing he can do. While she had the car parked in the culdesac, I honestly don't think it has anything to do with the car. Her driveway and garage is in the back completely accessible by an alleyway so the kids can't get to it at all so she could so easily park around there. She was asked why she moved into a neighborhood like ours when it is clear there are tons of kids around and she said "peace and tranquility"

So, I am not hopeful for any positive outcome. Noone is going to tell us that we can play in the culdesac for liablity reasons, i understand that but the cop basically said that everytime she calls he would have to come out but there wasn't really anything he could do. Is there not anything we can do about a neighbor who screams profanities at young children??

I don't understand some people. Why would you live on a culdesac and expect the whole world to change around you? Most of us have lived here 4+ years and while there has been the occasionally neighbor spat, it never involved the kids and noone has ever had an issue with kids playing in a culdesac much less come out screaming profanities at them.

Any advice?

[Native_Son]

This is a question for the police.

I'm pretty sure you can't verbally assault children if you're an adult...

[unccman]

Unfortunately, I believe the officer is correct. There really isn't anything that can be done - from a legal standpoint. I would say that the best way to handle this is to actually talk to the woman. These neighbor disputes rarely get settled outside of the neighbors talking it out. Maybe you should try to sit down and talk to her about how you feel and try to put her in your shoes -- how would she feel if you were cursing at her children, etc. This is a sticky situation and one that will only end nicely and in your favor if you, personally, can work it out with the other woman.

[brokensky]

Oh, my. I always sought out cul-de-sacs (and envied those in c/d/s) b/c they make nice spots for kids to play! I will add, tho, that I have never allowed my kids to play in c/d/s w/o my being RIGHT THERE w/ them. Most of the play tends to be toddlers on bikes and mommies out w/ them.

I wonder about the lady's car and if her contention is that children are going to bump into her car (w/ bikes) or otherwise scratch it up.

You need to focus on her car. If others park there (ever) then that is a problem - she isn't going to change if others are parking in the c/d/s. Maybe you and the others in the neighborhood could agree to park your cars right there close to hers every time she parks there so as to make it hard for her to get out. Maybe she would decide to stop parking out there.

She may find the kids are making too much noise but I am like you - who would move into a neighborhood filled w/ kids if they don't want to be disturbed by kids' voices????

The other thing would be to make sure a parent is outside w/ the kids at all times when they are playing in the c/d/s. Ask all your neighbors to keep camcorders nearby and record the woman pitching her hissy fit and record her nasty language.

Not saying the woman is mentally ill . . . but do remember . . . there are mentally ill people around us and some mental illnesses include out of control behavior. This woman may have mental health issues and not be aware on a conscious level just how out of control she gets - or feel that her anger is justified. You really should record it for evidence. If the cops and the HOA can't do anything about her horrific behavior . . . you may need the documentation later if her behavior escalates and she grabs a child or engages in some other actual physical interaction w/ a parent.

My other question is . . . does this woman not work? No family there????

If you are ever accosted by her, make sure you and your neighbors do not engage in a verbal confrontation - just keep saying "This is a neighborhood. This is a neighborhood." Do not get on her level, especially important if she is mentally ill. If she is mentally ill - her reality just isn't yours and she may find the escalation and drama quite satisfying. In fact, she may have focused on the activity in the c/d/s as a way of channeling her anger and so is obsessed w/ any activity that goes on there.

[superk]

Wow, this situation sounds so much like the stuff I remember from when I was a kid. We just moved on to play somewhere else. No amount of conversations from parents to these old biddies ever changed anything. They just got older and more bitter every passing year.

[sunsetgoddess]

Whoa.

We have kids here where I live and they play all over. It's what kids do. I don't have any myself, but as long as they don't bang the balls against my house or touch my car I could careless where they play. I constantly hear them behind my house playing tag and such.

Kids = noise

If she wants to have no kids she needs to move to a child free neighborhood. Good luck with that.

[gizmobizmo]

I'll chime in here with another view. My hubby and I used to live on a Cul De Sac until a few months ago and the neighbor kids had gotten to be a problem. We understood that kids will be kids and all the "normal" play activity kids do. Those children ranged anywhere from 4-8 years old and their parents were always outside with them.

A big part of this issue was the lack of common sense on the part of the parents which really got on our nerves after a while.

1.There were a couple cars parked in the circle and on several occassions when someone would pull into the circle, a kid would dart out from behind a parked car. Neither the kid or the driver of the car saw the other till the last second. The kid could have been seriously hurt. The drivers were NOT going fast either.

2. For a time, I worked 3rd shift, yet the kids would be gathered in the court, playing and being loud, disturbing my sleep. I spoke with the parents about it without resolution. Most kids tend to get louder when they are in a larger play group.

3. The kids would play ball in the court and both my and hubbys cars were hit several times. When somebody pays a fortune for a car, they'd like to keep it in good condition. We spoke to the parents, again, and their response was..."Well, there's no damage, is there?" We responded.."This time. What about next time?"

4. The little ones liked to ride their bikes against the curb, between the cars and resulted in several dings and scratches on my hubbys work car. We had a small driveway and couldn't park it there so we parked it front of our house.

Mind you, these were not bad kids. They were all pretty sweet but the parents were NOT doing a good job of monitoring them. Kids need to be taught to be mindful of others but, the parents need to learn to be considerate themselves. Not everyone is going to be patient with certain things kids do. My hubby and I just don't want kids playing near our cars. Period. We also think parents need to take them in the house after a certain amount of time outside so the neighbors can get a little peace. Everyone may not have the same work schedules that you do and value a little bit of quiet time after a long day at work.

I think in your situation, a talk with the new neighbor may reveal what their reservations are about the kids playing in the court. She may have had similar experiences that I had and doesn't want a repeat of them.
I'm not condoning her cursing at the kids but there may be more to this than you know.

[lovesMountains]

Even though she sounds just nuts, go over and see her sometime when there are no kids out - try to be as sweet as warm pecan pie and get her to tell you what EXACTLY she is so upset about. Sometimes lonely, cranky people like this really just need someone to pay a little attention to them. They are angry at the world for whatever injustice they perceive the world has doled out to them, and showing them some concern will tone them down quickly. Make her feel like you are "on her side" and they you don't want to see her car get damaged either (if that is in fact one of her issues). Basically, just kill her with kindness and reassurances, but gently remind her that the kids have always played in the cul de sac and that this won't likely change on a street with so many kids. If you really can't soften her up and your attempts to be friendly are completely rebuffed, stay polite, remind her she moved to a great street and that everyone wants to be good neighbors, and say goodbye. THEN, the next time the kids go out to play, set a boom box in the yard and play some music they like. Don't blare it - just play it loud enough close to the kids to drown out her shouting when she shows up

[SunnyKayak]

see If I had this issue I would blare out typicial music kids cant stand classical or opera

[1AngryTaxPayer]

I'd find out what time she leaves and take up every flippin spot so maybe she'd figger it out. There is no reason on this planet for an Adult to swear at a child unless she wants to get knocked smooth out by one of the kid's Moms.