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TL;DR What are some good Chicago suburbs to consider where we prioritize safety/crime rate, commute time to downtown (Chicago Loop), quality schools, and "average" down-to-earth people? (Yeah, we want it all!) Or, more generally, in such a huge, sprawling metro area, how to find a community of like-minded folks?
We are currently living in the Old Irving Park (OIP) neighborhood of the city, going on seven years now. We chose to live in the city for one reason only: commute time to downtown. We live within walking distance of both the UP-NW Metra line and the CTA Blue Line. On the Metra, my commute to work is 30 minutes door-to-door. I have to be at work 9.5 hours/day, so additional commute time is just more time away from my family.
When we moved to the city, we didn't have kids, so schools and crime weren't our primary concerns. Now we have two kids (ages five and three). We are sending our kids to a small private school in our neighborhood; we like it, but class size diminishes each year because many families---wait for it---move to the suburbs. And the recent uptick in crime in the city (around our 'hood in particular) has us wondering if maybe I can give up the commute requirement for a presumably more kid-friendly environment.
It seems the "pricier" suburbs tend to top the safety and schools criteria. But we're worried about "fitting in". For example: I have a good friend that lives in the north shore area. I've met their friends from the area, and while they are nice, they lead lives that seem dissimilar to ours. E.g., "It's so hard to find a good nanny these days" (we don't have a nanny, wife is a SAHM); "My personal trainer cancelled on me again" (we don't have personal trainers); "Let's go to Denver next weekend for skiing!" (incompatible with our frugal tendencies); crazy-expensive birthday parties for kids; etc. Our gut feel was that these folks live conspicuously fancier lifestyles than we do. Nothing wrong with that, it's just hard to relate (and therefore develop friendships) when there's little common ground.
For example, my friend's wife also doesn't work, but they have a nanny. So it seems his wife spends most of her day in leisure: scheduled workout with the personal trainer, lunch with friends, napping, shopping, etc. Looking after two young kids and maintaining a household is a lot of work, so my wife doesn't have time for any of that.
Many years ago, before kids, my wife actually worked for a non-profit in the northwest suburbs. Her job was to manage volunteers and organize huge fundraising events in different communities. So she got a hands-on feel for the different types of people in the different areas. For example, Arlington Heights versus Barrington: the AH people tended to be more "hands on" and "grass roots" in terms of their approach to the events. The Barrington folks didn't do a lot, but were quick to write big checks. She worked a lot with the schools too, and found AH kids to be generally well-behaved and helpful, whereas the Barrington kids had lousy attitudes and caused the most trouble at the events.
With 6 million or so people living outside the city, I'm sure there's a community of folks "like us" out there, but how to find it? If we didn't have kids, we could just keeping moving until we found it... but obviously that ship has sailed.
FWIW, my family lives in central Illinois (Peoria) and hers in northern Wisconsin. So close access to highways is also a nice perk.
What's your budget? I think that's what will drive the recommendations you will get, otherwise there are tons of suburbs that will meet your criteria:
Elmhurst
Glen Ellyn
Wheaton
Naperville
Downers Grove
La Grange
Hinsdale
Arlington Heights
Mt Prospect
There are many others. I happen to live in Elmhurst and while I did struggle to find a nanny, that was an emergency thing and both my husband and I need to work. No nanny now as I found an in-home daycare instead. So, anyway, we have no personal trainers, gardeners, house cleaners, etc. here. No one I know has any of those things though, even my friends on the north shore.
TL;DR What are some good Chicago suburbs to consider where we prioritize safety/crime rate, commute time to downtown (Chicago Loop), quality schools, and "average" down-to-earth people? (Yeah, we want it all!) Or, more generally, in such a huge, sprawling metro area, how to find a community of like-minded folks?
We are currently living in the Old Irving Park (OIP) neighborhood of the city, going on seven years now. We chose to live in the city for one reason only: commute time to downtown. We live within walking distance of both the UP-NW Metra line and the CTA Blue Line. On the Metra, my commute to work is 30 minutes door-to-door. I have to be at work 9.5 hours/day, so additional commute time is just more time away from my family.
When we moved to the city, we didn't have kids, so schools and crime weren't our primary concerns. Now we have two kids (ages five and three). We are sending our kids to a small private school in our neighborhood; we like it, but class size diminishes each year because many families---wait for it---move to the suburbs. And the recent uptick in crime in the city (around our 'hood in particular) has us wondering if maybe I can give up the commute requirement for a presumably more kid-friendly environment.
It seems the "pricier" suburbs tend to top the safety and schools criteria. But we're worried about "fitting in". For example: I have a good friend that lives in the north shore area. I've met their friends from the area, and while they are nice, they lead lives that seem dissimilar to ours. E.g., "It's so hard to find a good nanny these days" (we don't have a nanny, wife is a SAHM); "My personal trainer cancelled on me again" (we don't have personal trainers); "Let's go to Denver next weekend for skiing!" (incompatible with our frugal tendencies); crazy-expensive birthday parties for kids; etc. Our gut feel was that these folks live conspicuously fancier lifestyles than we do. Nothing wrong with that, it's just hard to relate (and therefore develop friendships) when there's little common ground.
For example, my friend's wife also doesn't work, but they have a nanny. So it seems his wife spends most of her day in leisure: scheduled workout with the personal trainer, lunch with friends, napping, shopping, etc. Looking after two young kids and maintaining a household is a lot of work, so my wife doesn't have time for any of that.
Many years ago, before kids, my wife actually worked for a non-profit in the northwest suburbs. Her job was to manage volunteers and organize huge fundraising events in different communities. So she got a hands-on feel for the different types of people in the different areas. For example, Arlington Heights versus Barrington: the AH people tended to be more "hands on" and "grass roots" in terms of their approach to the events. The Barrington folks didn't do a lot, but were quick to write big checks. She worked a lot with the schools too, and found AH kids to be generally well-behaved and helpful, whereas the Barrington kids had lousy attitudes and caused the most trouble at the events.
With 6 million or so people living outside the city, I'm sure there's a community of folks "like us" out there, but how to find it? If we didn't have kids, we could just keeping moving until we found it... but obviously that ship has sailed.
FWIW, my family lives in central Illinois (Peoria) and hers in northern Wisconsin. So close access to highways is also a nice perk.
Thoughts, suggestions, ideas?
Thanks!
How about La Grange and Downers Grove? Maybe Clarendon Hills ? All have good commutes ( in the case of LaGrange, a great commute, better by your present one by alot ) , good schools and down to earth people. I kept Western Springs and Hinsdale out of there, since you might think that these are too upscale for your taste. Clarendon Hills would have the best schools, but your kids would be interacting more with some upper middle and upper class kids once you got to Junior High and High School, but the kids at HC are really nice kids. These train line suburbs give you the best of both worlds; good commute to the city with the safety of the suburbs.
OP needs to adjust their way of thinking, maybe assess what sort of things trigger thoughts they've expressed and why...
I have worked with literally hundreds of people that were worried about "fitting in" and with rare exception they have all found LOVELY neighbors that are facing the EXACT same challenges regardless of what sort of income / mortgage they have.
I won't sugar coat this -- there is absolutely a whole lot of "divergence of wealth" going on, but I also know that towns like Oak Brook or South Barrington that were essentially built-out DECADES ago saw many MILLION++ homes built way back when homes in OIP were probably under $100K. Fortunes have SERIOUSLY reversed https://www.redfin.com/IL/Chicago/38.../home/13458059 might be around the corner from you, while there are still SHORT SALES clearing in Barrington -- https://www.redfin.com/IL/South-Barr.../home/13903677 !!! There are almost certainly MORE listings on Chicago's Gold Coast well over $2M++ than there are in places like Hinsdale, so let's drop the nonsense about "all those rich suburbanites", there are all kinds of people in all kinds of places ...
It is the height of small minded hypocrisy to lump together folks based on where they live; I have good friends living in Barrington as well as some in Arlington Heights. One family in Barrington that I've known for decades did a great job of raising their kids right and that included helping them to understand that some of their neighbors that had live-in help muck-out the stables were leading a very different sort of life than folks that put effort into getting the whole family to appreciate the responsibilities that go along with being able to have horses. Similarly my friend that lives in AH is still teaching at Hersey HS and will tell you that there are no shortage of kids there that have been raised so badly that they demonstrate far more entitled traits than kids from far more wealthy but grounded families...
I personally know more than a few VERY VERY VERY spoiled "stay at home types" living a life of leisure in pretty much EVERY part of the region and if that is some kind of trigger for you maybe you need to think about moving to the Alaskan Wilderness or some rare remote valley where the satellite signals don't reach so that the kids of hardworking ranchers never get a chance to emulate "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" because short of joining a cult that is about the only way you can totally avoid that sort of influence.
All that out of the way, I will tell you that there are folks that don't fit in. One sad story I know first hand was of family that "moved for the schools" and proceeded to go out of their way to be critical of every little thing that was other than EXACTLY to their liking at those schools. This should not be "news" -- even on the North Shore or some other affluent town the public schools still have a budget, and they have an elected BOE that is largely made up of parents that mostly want to help the district stay on budget while serving the not just the mandated requirements but also having nice programs for every kind of child whether they enjoy singing or art or theater or sports but these ain't private schools and there are going to have to be compromises. That negative attitude hung over their kids and they eventually moved away. I was not shocked (but definitely saddened...) to hear their marriage ended in divorce and even one parent's suicide...
Dramatic? Absolutely, but that is certainly possible when anyone lets relatively minor issues take on out-sized importance. I work full time, so does my wife. We always have. Our kids went to daycare with her when they were infants and then spent time in "before care / after care" while in primary school. No big deal. Kids liked it, have friends from that era to this day! Meanwhile they also have some friends that mom NEVER worked and dad barely worked before hitting a "jackpot" through his employment before retiring early. (and a smaller number of families where the roles were reversed...) Again NO BIG DEAL. Some years we'd vacation with them to a nice warm place or for a ski trip (we'd pay for what was fair, it is nice to have gracious friends that own a 6 br vacation home, and it also fair to treat them to meals or maybe take a shared vacation to a rented cottage in Traverse City and split costs...) NO BIG DEAL. Kids all have good memories! Other years we just did not feel like spending so much while other families explored some tropic place that really does look pretty much the same when all you do is stay at the 'resort' or head to the tourist spots. Our kids also did stuff to reach out to various communities that are so far below the poverty of even Chicago's worst spots that is more like taking a time machine than an airplane when leave / return home. NO BIG DEAL...
If your head is in the right place you will see what your budget of $850K will get you in La Grange or Western Springs or Clarendon Hills or Downers Grove or Elmhurst or Wheaton or Wilmette or Highland Park or other towns along the BNSF, UP-W or other traditional rail corridors and you will realize that there really are LOTS MORE folks "just like you" all trying to give their kids a really nice place to grow up and not at all worried about stuff that is completely outside their control like who has a personal trainer or a NetJets account or vacation homes more associated with rock stars than working stiffs...
Last edited by chet everett; 04-05-2016 at 03:28 PM..
For what it's worth, your description of what you want sounds a lot like what my family is going for in Downers Grove, albeit on a much smaller budget. Lots of good options in Downers Grove at your price point. LaGrange will certainly have like minded people, too.
I think you have received a lot of good suggestions. I live in Wheaton and find it wonderful. It is politically conservative so if you are "feeling the Bern" you are not likely to find many like minded people, though I consider myself an independent and I'm fine. You will find people like you describe in Wheaton but you will also find people that are down to earth, frugal, don't have nannies and personal trainers, etc. I think Naperville, Downers Grove, Glen Ellyn, La Grange and Riverside are also places you might want to look at depending on what you want and how far away from the city you want to be. Personally I think the western suburbs are better than the NW suburbs, just my humble opinion.
OP needs to adjust their way of thinking, maybe assess what sort of things trigger thoughts they've expressed and why...
I tried to express that in the original post. All I have are my observations, which are admittedly biased, imperfect, and a terribly small sample size... but, with at least one north shore community, we've met people on a few occasions through a mutual friend, and the conversational topics were stuff with which we simply couldn't relate---they may as well have been speaking a foreign language. My friend introduced me to a guy, said we'd have a lot to talk about, because he, like me, is into high-fidelity audio. The guy started showing me pictures of the $50k speakers he just bought. I buy super-cheap stuff and hack on it to make it sound like expensive stuff. After a little bit of small talk, the other guy and I kinda sat there in awkward silence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chet everett
It is the height of small minded hypocrisy to lump together folks based on where they live
I think that's a bit hyperbolic, but fair at some level. Perhaps the gist of my first post could be summarized: "I want all the perks that come with affluent suburbs, but my prejudices about the people living there have me concerned." But what I was trying to do was give a sense of my perspective---admittedly flawed though it is---and hoping some folks might see where I'm coming from and share some knowledge or experience that helps me land in the right spot. And lots of folks have already done this, thank you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by chet everett
I have good friends living in Barrington as well as some in Arlington Heights. One family in Barrington that I've for decades did a great job of raising their kids right and that included helping them to understand...
I know there are good people living everywhere; I know we could pick a town at random and eventually meet some like-minded people and develop close relationships.
But I think for most communities, you can make some generalizations about the average person. That's not saying those generalizations hold for every single person, but they will hold for a non-trivial number of people. As I write that, I'm anticipating you'll say, "You're just rationalizing stereotyping." Perhaps. But c'mon, all I'm saying is that, at the end of the day, there will be some places where it will be easier to fit in, and other places where it will be harder. Sure, fitting is probably possible anywhere, but why not look for the easy road?
Let's look at it from another perspective: what if I spoke a different language, and was looking for communities were I was more likely to find people that spoke my language? Sure, there's probably someone in every community that speaks my language, but why not look for the place where a lot of people speak my language? Would it still be small-minded hypocrisy to make a statement like, "Most people in that town don't speak my language?"
I personally find LaGrange and LG Park to be pretty unpretentious, with very good schools and an easy commute into the city, and if I had my way I'd be moving there rather than downtown Naperville (which is actually not as bad as some would have you believe, but I prefer the charm of an older community and the shorter commute and central location). I know of at least 3 families with kids about your age in LG where the mom is a stay at home and does not have extra help or perks. For your budget you should be able to find something pretty nice there.
Of course, your mileage may vary and there are snobs in even the most lowly towns as well as down to earth folks in the most upscale. I'd spend some time in a casual restaurant in any town you're considering and just people watch and see if you're observing people you wouldn't mind living next to.
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