moving during high school (fit in, cliquey, buy)

[marilyn.f]

My husband and I are moving to one of the north shore communities in February 09 from Portland, Maine. (Haven't found housing yet.) I have a teenage daughter from my first marriage who is currently a high school sophomore in a very good public high school in a nice, community just north of Portland. It is a crummy time to have to move but with the current economy, we cannot afford to let this opportunity go by. We are trying to decide how hard it would be if my daughter decided to move with us, rather than finish out high school in Maine (living with her dad). Her high school has an enrollment of about 500 students for grades 9 - 12. There is very little diversity. She would finish out her sophomore year in Maine.

We are a professional couple and neither of us are originally from Maine. My daughter does well in school and plays field hockey. She very much wants to go to a good college (her step-sister is actually an admissions officer at one of the top Ivy League schools and has been guiding her--she has said that coming from Maine makes you a bit "exotic" from an Ivy League perspective, which sounds funny to me.)

Anyway, my daughter is smart, funny, very pretty and makes friends easily. Still, I worry that being in a school with thousands of kids and so many choices would be too overwhelming at this point in her high school career.

Can you come into a high school like New Trier, for example, and make friends as a junior and have a life or has everyone already formed their friendships and it would be too hard to break in? The educational opportunities sound amazing at the north shore high schools but can a new kid fit in?

Your thoughts are most appreciated!

[hannahtee]

Originally Posted by marilyn.f

Anyway, my daughter is smart, funny, very pretty and makes friends easily.

I'd say, if she has these things going for her, she won't have too many problems at all. I switched schools my junior year, and although it was definitely an adjustment, I got by just fine. I consider myself a somewhat shy person, and I made friends with no problem. And this is after I threatened all summer to drop out after learning I was going to have to switch schools (God, my poor mom. Everything is so dramatic when you're 16.). Both of the schools I went to were about the same size (about 1200 students), so I can't speak to that aspect of it.

Good luck with your move.

[Sunday1]

It depends on what you've taught her about change, a broad spectrum of everything that diversity really entails, and the concept of blooming where you're planted....a wide aperture and a great attitude will carry her far in attracting a warm welcome wherever she goes. I'm not sure if that's what your post conveys however, so I'd think twice if I were you. I'd make sure her own voice is heard in the matter since her father is obviously close by and possibly involved in her life. It's not really about New Trier. It's about moving at all in one's sophomore year of high school which circles back to what you've taught her. We've moved a daughter four times...she's thrived but in every school, and will attend college next year in another new area, but we don't think it's about the schools she's attended as much as the attitude she carries with her.

[jessiegirl_98]

It really depends on your daughter. Some kids handle the change well which, no matter how outgoing you are, can be very difficult. Some kids won't handle it well at all. I would sit down and have a talk with her to see what she thinks about the situation. You could also both take a trip out to a school you think she may go to (this may be more realistic when you know what district you will be in) and have her visit the school or shadow someone for a day.
As for being overwhelmed in a big school, or with choices, I really wouldn't be concerned. These are also things she's going to have to deal with if she really wants to go to an ivy league school. That being said most high schools can be pretty cliquey and I would consider how this may impact her emotionally/socially.

[marilyn.f]

Thanks everyone for your collective wisdom. I am excited about the move but sure wish the timing could've been different. I know we'll figure out what is best for her.

[ngrome]

Put it this way, my wife and I our ready to move out of Florida immediately, but we're delaying it three years until my daughter finishes high school. That is a time when she is entering adulthood and making some strong social bonds with friends who may influence her for a lifetime. If she's in a good situation right now and happy and doing well in school, I would say make the sacrifice and let her stay. Why upset the situation? But then again, it depends on her maturity. Other kids will be able to adjust. My parents moved me around a lot when I was a kid and adjusted each time, but there was still an adjustment period to live through. Would you want your daughter to go through that?

[JanuaryGirl]

If you buy her the right clothes, designer handbags, and car she will fit in fine at any of the north shore high schools.

(just kidding... sort of.)

[ferret111]

I switched from a school of about 600 to one of about 2500 midway through my junior year. I had no problems adjusting, it just takes a little bit. It really just depends on the person.