Does the city lifestyle change younger people? (loan, to live in)

[Avengerfire]

Originally Posted by nikitakolata

...Most of the women I know wouldn't care at all if there were 200 dishes in the sink...

I avoid dating women that do not care about that. Of course, there are negatives with "neat freak" women, but I would rather have a crazed clean woman than a sloppy dirty woman with a filthy apartment.

[SJaye]

I feel like whether or not someone is being or perceives they are being micromanaged is actually independent of whether they chose to live in the city, suburbs, a small town, or in the country. The general issue of women wanting their house in a certain way, and men not caring, and feeling like they are being nagged when asked to do things at a certain time, in a certain way is somewhat universal. What is not universal is how we respond to such conflict when it inevitably arises.

Does living in the city change young people? Yes, people's attitudes are always impacted by the environment they are around. However, different people are impacted to different extents, and a lot of also depends on what kind of people you end up around, and everyone's situation is unique. It is not a stretch of the imagination to conceive that if someone is mainly around married people they will be more likely to feel pressure to get married, while someone who is mainly around single people who gallivant for meaningless sex, will be more likely to go that route. So, do people seek the environment for the lifestyle they want, or does the environment they end up in change their lifestyles? The answer is both. Plenty of people want to spend some time in their 20s gallivanting for meaningless sex, and generally enjoying living life on their own for a while between being a part of one family and starting another. These people will probably naturally move to the city, as it cultivates itself to that lifestyle (for reasons discussed in this thread) better than suburbs, country, or small town environments. However, amongst that crowd there are definitely some who moved to the city for their career, weren't married yet, met some people, and ending up enjoying the single life a while. So, the 21-33 year-olds you will meet in the city probably consist of people who came to the city because they wanted to sleep around and not form relationships, people who came to the city and got a glimpse of the single life and liked it, as well as people who genuinely want to be in or are in a committed relationship. What proportion of which people you encounter in your Chicago experience depends on what kind of social environments you place yourself in, what kind of aura or personality you exhibit when you are in such places, and also a bit on luck (what people happened to be at a certain club a certain night). These factors probably all contributed to the more extreme situations mentioned in this thread.

[Chi-town Native]

Originally Posted by SJaye

I feel like whether or not someone is being or perceives they are being micromanaged is actually independent of whether they chose to live in the city, suburbs, a small town, or in the country.

I think you undercut your whole argument - the dynamic in question is certainly somewhat universal.

But the City is definitely a transient place for many people, and I think it just bestows that energy across the board.

What is more unique to a big city is that you have a lot more options in terms of dating, roommates & living options. You can't just dump your roommate if you live in a rural farmhouse and go crash on a buddy's couch a few blocks away, you know?

[Lookout Kid]

Originally Posted by temp2290

I'm 24 (but in a committed relationship) so maybe I can shed some light on this.

There are many, many reasons for this phenomena. One is that many young people look at the older generation and see nothing worth copying (high divorce rate, general unhappiness.) We want to figure it out ourselves.

Eh, marriage skepticism due to high divorce rates is hardly a new thing for the "younger generations". I'd say that peaked twenty years ago when the 60s generation was failing terribly at parenting and marriage. Divorce rates have actually dropped a bit, and there are far more young people who believe in "traditional values" now than there were then.

[Lookout Kid]

Originally Posted by nikitakolata

I must say, I agree. I happen to be 28 and married but, I when I was single, it definitely felt like slim pickings. Yes, I wanted to date someone who was attractive, financially independent, had his own place, was smart, funny, etc. But, what's wrong with wanting that? I brought all of those attributes to the table, so why shouldn't I expect a partner to be equal?

I'm glad my wife didn't have this checklist. I was straight out of grad school in an entry-level job, had high student loan debt, and very little cash. But it certainly worked itself out in the long term! Sometimes "potential" is a good thing too.

[Lookout Kid]

Originally Posted by deadplant

Well, here's a question. For those 20 somethings and early 30 something who got married as a 20 something, who didn't marry someone they went to high school/college with and live/met in the city, where did you and your spouse meet?

If I look at a sample of married couples in Chicago I hang out with on a regular basis, here's where they met.

1. Online dating site (eHarmony).

2. Met in college, starting dating a couple years later in Chicago.

3. One was in a lazy post-college haze of bartending and pot-smoking, the other was a bar regular (the former bartender now makes $200,000 a year, by the way).

4. Met at a bar through mutual friends.

5. Met at work.

6. Met at a house party through mutual friends.

7. Set up on a blind date by mutual friends.


As you can see, friends of friends can be a valuable resource in meeting people. Intermingling extended social groups have often led to romance. You go to a birthday party at a bar and meet a friend's co-worker, or incidents like that.

[deadplant]

Originally Posted by slow_nerve_action

A bar.

Which bar? What neighborhood? I'm curious.

[slow_nerve_action]

Originally Posted by deadplant

Which bar? What neighborhood? I'm curious.

Lincoln Tap Room, about ten years ago.

I'm a different "transplant" of sorts - moved to the big city from a small Midwest town when I was 18. A lot of people in my situation tire of the north side bars by 25 - we've been going to them for seven years at that point, while they are somewhat a new scene to your average Big Ten college grad.

I won't disparage such people that move to the city - its what keeps Chicago from not being Detroit or Cleveland.

And I'll echo what others were saying. Wrigleyville/Lakeview/LP is like an extension of high school for a lot of people. They won't be there forever, and the younger girls are going to go for the senior guys. Instead of complaining about it, the OP should step up his game. I see so many 24-30 year old guys that are in a state of arrested development, that is it any wonder these dynamics exist? You're 27 and still log a ton of time on the Xbox or PS3? Still get blotto at a place on Thursday night with cheap wings? C'mon.

More advice for the original poster- Adapt, stand out, and reassess. Take some time off from dating, hit the gym, develop some life skills, have some experiences, be something different. Be the guy that can cook rather than the guy who rocks at Madden. Speed date not to meet people, but to build your conversation skills. I've always been a proponent of improv classes, for the same reason. As someone here noted, a guy that has something interesting to say, and isn't 35-40 will really stand out.

[chitown85]

Originally Posted by Lookout Kid

I'm glad my wife didn't have this checklist. I was straight out of grad school in an entry-level job, had high student loan debt, and very little cash. But it certainly worked itself out in the long term! Sometimes "potential" is a good thing too.

How long until you started making money?

[SJaye]

Originally Posted by Chi-town Native

I think you undercut your whole argument - the dynamic in question is certainly somewhat universal.

But the City is definitely a transient place for many people, and I think it just bestows that energy across the board.

What is more unique to a big city is that you have a lot more options in terms of dating, roommates & living options. You can't just dump your roommate if you live in a rural farmhouse and go crash on a buddy's couch a few blocks away, you know?

But do you think that someone in the city is more likely to perceive that they are being micromanaged, or they are just less likely to put up with it! What I was saying is that someone is just as likely to perceive being told something as micromanaging whether they live in the city, suburbs, country, or small town, but someone in the city is more likely to think that they can find someone that won't micromanage them, and either be harsher on their SO or dump them altogether.