The woes of dating in Chicago (Atlanta: appointed, movies, income)

[usamathman]

I live in NYC and have had similar experiences to the OP. Reality is that casual dating and friends with benefits relationships have become the norm in today's society. It is not unusual to see women going on multiple dates throughout the week here in NYC. Meaningful...long term....committed relationships are not the norm anymore.

Best thing I can tell you is to keep looking and don't lose hope. And finally, do not settle for less than you want. If your goal is to find a women who is focused on eventual marriage..do not settle for a hoodrats or a casual fling. Be patient and keep looking for what you want.

Leave the gold diggers to the wolves.

[Atlanta_BD]

Originally Posted by marothisu

It is attractive, because I like to travel internationally and having someone who can do it with me is great (amongst a few other minor things like maybe they have their **** together). However, definitely not the end all be all of who you are. You could be the VP of a company but if you're a complete ***** then it doesn't matter, to me at least.

I've always wondered what it mean when men say they want a woman who has her ish together. What is that determined by or based on? Men and women have different needs and I don't hear the male perspective on that often so I'm just curious.

[emathias]

Originally Posted by marothisu

...
My best luck has actually come with upper class foreign women. My last girlfriend came from a wealthy, foreign family but was one of the most down to earth, non shallow (though she could be a little sometimes) people I've ever met.

Yeah, I just ended a relationship with a guy who is upper-middle class from another country and has a doctorate. He was nice and very frugal and cosmopolitan in the sense he could get along with anyone who wasn't an idiot (he was kind of like me in that regard - we never really suffered fools).

It was a really hard decision to end things, because there wasn't any huge issue, but sometimes you just know that it's not what you want on some level even if you can't exactly finger what the problem is.

In my experience one of the benefits of dating a foreigner is that you automatically know you have to give someone the benefit of the doubt when you're starting out because you know their cultural background is going to be different. If you're dating some American girl who looks and sounds like she could be your cousin, you can easily default to assuming they have the same cultural background as yourself and that can lead to misunderstandings. But dating someone who looks and sounds different is like a constant reminder not to make assumptions about where they're coming from. That's a good strategy in any relationship, but it's an easy thing to forget, too.

[treemoni]

Originally Posted by emathias

In my experience one of the benefits of dating a foreigner is that you automatically know you have to give someone the benefit of the doubt when you're starting out because you know their cultural background is going to be different. If you're dating some American girl who looks and sounds like she could be your cousin, you can easily default to assuming they have the same cultural background as yourself and that can lead to misunderstandings. But dating someone who looks and sounds different is like a constant reminder not to make assumptions about where they're coming from. That's a good strategy in any relationship, but it's an easy thing to forget, too.

Wow.

[nearnorth]

Originally Posted by usamathman

I live in NYC and have had similar experiences to the OP. Reality is that casual dating and friends with benefits relationships have become the norm in today's society.

You say that like it's a bad thing. This is one of the best things about living in a large city, IMO. I'd have stayed in a small town or suburb if I wanted to get married young and crank out kids.

That being said, I know tons of married couples who met each other while dating in NYC or Chicago. It happens all the time. Most (though not all) people eventually meet someone with whom they want more than just a FWB arrangement.

[usamathman]

Originally Posted by nearnorth

You say that like it's a bad thing.

That being said, I know tons of married couples who met each other while dating in NYC or Chicago. It happens all the time. Most (though not all) people eventually meet someone with whom they want more than just a FWB arrangement.

Depends on the individual. I personally have no desire to want to casually date when I am 35 or 40.

NYC is the dating/hookup capitol. Ask anybody that has lived here for any significant amount of time and

many will tell you that long term relationships aren't easy to come by. People don't move to NYC to find a

husband or wife.

[jman07]

Originally Posted by nearnorth

You say that like it's a bad thing. This is one of the best things about living in a large city, IMO. I'd have stayed in a small town or suburb if I wanted to get married young and crank out kids.

That being said, I know tons of married couples who met each other while dating in NYC or Chicago. It happens all the time. Most (though not all) people eventually meet someone with whom they want more than just a FWB arrangement.

Yes, and It think a middle ground somewhere in the middle is better. Thats what a mid sized city like Indy gives compared to a city like Chicago. Of course the people in NYC or Chicago eventually get married. I was just highlighting the differences while dating in these cities.

[marothisu]

Originally Posted by emathias

In my experience one of the benefits of dating a foreigner is that you automatically know you have to give someone the benefit of the doubt when you're starting out because you know their cultural background is going to be different. If you're dating some American girl who looks and sounds like she could be your cousin, you can easily default to assuming they have the same cultural background as yourself and that can lead to misunderstandings. But dating someone who looks and sounds different is like a constant reminder not to make assumptions about where they're coming from. That's a good strategy in any relationship, but it's an easy thing to forget, too.

This can be true, haha, but definitely true when you date someone from another culture too. I still had my fair share of misunderstandings in the beginning with my last relationship. Luckily we were both open minded so it wasn't a huge deal after talking about it, but that is something I did remember.

[marothisu]

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

I've always wondered what it mean when men say they want a woman who has her ish together. What is that determined by or based on? Men and women have different needs and I don't hear the male perspective on that often so I'm just curious.

For me personally, basically someone who is not crazy. I had a girlfriend here about 3 years ago who was crazy and it really screwed me up mentally. I don't mean "Oh I'm a man, and I think you're crazy." My women friends thought she was bona fide crazy too.

Apart from that, someone who has some sort of stable job or something they're passionate about in life (that doesn't necessarily mean a desk job or anything), someone who can converse (not a problem with 99% of women), someone who knows how to have fun but that doesn't mean getting black out drunk a few times per week, etc.

[Atlanta_BD]

Originally Posted by usamathman

I live in NYC and have had similar experiences to the OP. Reality is that casual dating and friends with benefits relationships have become the norm in today's society. It is not unusual to see women going on multiple dates throughout the week here in NYC. Meaningful...long term....committed relationships are not the norm anymore.

It's definitely not only a NYC, LA or Chicago thing.

You are right. Casual dating has become the norm in American society in general. I'm a single woman in Atlanta. I've lived here for over ten years and I've never been in a serious long-term relationship the entire time. I've never met a guy in Atlanta who has wanted anything more than an FWB arrangement. As a result of this, I no longer attempt to date at all and remain single.

It's everywhere and women deal it it too.