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I am looking for some Christian advice in this situation.
My fiance's daughter has a father who has kids with 4 women now, and has abandoned the children with two of them. My fiance is the third, and he has not had any contact with her 2 year old in a year and a half, but suddenly filed for visitation. he lives with the forth woman and her kids (at the moment).
He is very narcisistic in nature, and really only does things when it is in his best interest. He is also violent, a past abuser of drugs and alcohol, and in general does not seem to be someone you would want to subject your child to. He has also harrassed and made threats towards my fiance, resulting in a temporary restraining order being granted.
My fiance has been given some legal advice to offer him a deal, where he would be free of all financial burdens (such as Child Support) as well as receive control of a rental property without any of the debt owed on it (it is jointly owned by both of them still, but is in control of my fiance because she is the only one responsible for the loan on the property). In return, he would sign away legal rights to the daughter. We think he would be willing to sign away rights because he has never shown a loving interest in any of his children, and has a history of abandoning them anyway.
The problem is, this feels like a temptation. Just as the devil tried to tempt Jesus. It seems on the surface to have ungodly implications in it, even though my fiance's heart is to do what she feels is needed to protect her daughter from a known dangerous situation. Still, it is taking something she knows he values (the rental property and it's monetary value) and tempting him into agreeing to conditions because of it.
As such, my fiance is wavering on whether or not to try it. She does not want to do so if it is dishonoring to God.
Any biblical opinions here? I keep reading in proverbs about not taking counsel from evil doers, staying away from the foolish and the wrathful, and this individual by all acounts (not just from her, but everyone that I have met that knew him) seems to agree he is extremely foolish (he is not saved), wrathful, vengeful, and means ill towards people for his own fleshly desires. I have trouble believing God would present her with an opportunity to complete such a deal if it was against her will to do so.
I have just been praying about it, and was hoping with some more fellowship and discussion, God's plan may be revealed to me through his word.
The Bible doesn't say anything about situations like that specifically, so you should make up your mind based upon this particular situation. The only Biblical injuction which would apply is to forgive him. However, forgiveness doesn't mean you have to subject the kids, or your fiance', to his abuse.
We made a similar deal with the biological father of my eldest child and he jumped at it. It's not something we have ever regreted.
I personally would make this deal in a second. My spiritual feeling is that the protection of her daughter would be very pleasing to the Lord. (He is dangerous, lit a bed on fire with a 6 year old sleeping in it a few years ago while drunk and in a fight with the mother!).
She has a different mind, feeling guided that offering a deal would be unbliblical, and displeasing to God.
I just cannot believe a caring, merciful God would present us with an opportunity to legally insure her protection only to want us to pass on it, and hand her over into that environment for visitation.
At least from a lawyer you will get answers that are valid. Do what is best for the child, and quit worrying about what some god might think, for the simple reason they don't care. That child's future and safety and mental stability are an infinite times more important.
I personally would make this deal in a second. My spiritual feeling is that the protection of her daughter would be very pleasing to the Lord. (He is dangerous, lit a bed on fire with a 6 year old sleeping in it a few years ago while drunk and in a fight with the mother!).
She has a different mind, feeling guided that offering a deal would be unbliblical, and displeasing to God.
I just cannot believe a caring, merciful God would present us with an opportunity to legally insure her protection only to want us to pass on it, and hand her over into that environment for visitation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asheville Native
At least from a lawyer you will get answers that are valid. Do what is best for the child, and quit worrying about what some god might think, for the simple reason they don't care. That child's future and safety and mental stability are an infinite times more important.
Make sure the attorney is well-versed in these cases. I have lived too long and seen too much to not interject a cautionary note. Relationships between abusers and their victims who believed they were in love are complex and entangled in ways that are difficult if not impossible to understand or rationalize. God forgive me for this witness . . . but I have seen so many similar scenarios play out very badly. Here is just one:
She gets him off the child support hook and transfers tangible property to him debt free in the process. You eventually adopt the child and put yourself on the child support hook. She eventually leaves and returns to the scumbag and demands custody of her child. You are then supporting their child while she lives with him.
Last edited by MysticPhD; 07-18-2011 at 02:16 PM..
Make sure the attorney is well-versed in these cases. I have lived too long and seen too much to not interject a cautionary note. Relationships between abusers and their victims who believed they were in love are complex and entangled in ways that are difficult if not impossible to understand or rationalize. God forgive me for this witness . . . but I have seen so many similar scenarios play out very badly. Here is just one:
She gets him off the child support hook and transfers tangible property to him debt free in the process. You eventually adopt the child and put yourself on the child support hook. She eventually leaves and returns to the scumbag and demands custody of her child. You are then supporting their child while she lives with him.
Wow now there's a scenario I hadn't even considered.....and you're right, the OP could be left holding the bag on this one. Well.......OP you need to keep praying that your fiance' makes the right decision for the child, but there are other options. Rather than bribe this awful man with property and financial freedom, how about getting a great lawyer and proving how unfit he is to have visitation? It can be done, even if you have a so-so lawyer. Sounds as though he is intentionally asking for visitation knowing that your fiance' will offer up something to keep him from getting it.
If he is that bad of a person then his intentions are probably not good. If he is that bad of father to his children then if you hire a lawyer and show you're not going to back down then more than likely he won't continue to pursue visitation. It sounds like a big trick to me and you might need to call his bluff. The worst thing that could happen is he gets supervised visitation, which he'll probably NEVER be "available" for anyway.
Maybe this would be a good time for a visit from several large, male relatives.
It works wonders because wife-beaters and child abusers aren't anything else but cowards.
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