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This is entirely in jest. But I did find it a bit funny.
The ESV is the Word of God in English. What began with Tyndale, reached its culmination with the ESV 500 years later.
We of the ESV-Onlyist movement believe that God has preserved his perfect word in english in the ESV. All other english translations are either counterfeits or old stepping stones that ultimately lead to the perfect word in english.
We are comitted to:
1. We are comitted to: Argueing backwards from the ESV to prove our point...Since the ESV is perfect, arguements against any of its readings are automatically wrong. Whatever arguement works to defend a reading in the ESV is fine, even if one arguement contrdicts the logic used in arguements for other readings. Such arguementation is not really contradictory because, after all, these readings are all found in God's preserved Word in english.
2. We are comitted to: Camping out in Christian Bookstores to accost people shopping for any other Bible than the ESV.
3. We are comitted to: Infiltrating churches that don't use the ESV and splitting them over this issue. In this manner, we are starting faithful ESV-Only churches in the US and the world...
4. We are comitted to: Translating the ESV into foreign languages so people of other tongues can have the pure Word of God.
5. We are comitted to: Informing the world that whatever is preached from any translation other than the ESV is destructive to the souls of men!!!
6. We are comitted to: Dogmatically criticizing the Traditional Greek Text though we honestly have no idea what the real arguements are for the support of it. Such arguements matter not because the Traditional Greek Text is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!
7. We are comitted to: Insisting that all who oppose us are liberals who deny that God has preserved His word.
And last but certainly not least...
8. We are comitted to: The obnoxious overuse of bold text in all of our writings.
For those who weren't blessed with a sense of humour, this is a joke that mocks the KJV-Only position.
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