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I have a question for Christians on this forum. This is a slightly lengthy one because I want to include as much info as possible. I am a born again Christian, dating a guy who is saved as well. We connect, and we're sure we want to be married. However, I think we've hit a crossroads and do not seem to be on the same page spiritually. I have trouble being politically correct, and even when I try, somehow my writing does not seem to come off as having tact or grace, so I'll ask that you please try to see my heart and understand that I am not trying to be mean or speaking out of pride.
There are two major issues. Firstly, I am not attracted to this man, physically speaking. I am not repulsed by him, but I cannot help but worry what people will say and my friends have this thing about predicting if the children will be cute and all (very shallow, but it bothers me).
However, this would not be such an issue if it were not for the spiritual aspect. He is a Christian in that he believes in God and believes Jesus Christ is Lord. However, he seems reluctant to read the Bible, and seems to have embraced this new-ageish Christianity where we love all people (very Biblical) and accept all beliefs (unbiblical). He seems to think speaking out against any other religion is judging. "Jesus accepted all people," he told me yesterday. "Yes," i responded, "but he did not accept their sin; He told the woman caught in adultery to sin no more; He called the Pharisees hypocrites, He healed a man and said 'Sin no more, so that a worse illness does not befall you.' " (I paraphrase this last one, and I'm not even 100% sure it was a man, but I can find the verse.) I do not know if he takes the Bible at face value. He is very educated in the worldly sense and I wonder if that does not affect his view of spiritual things.
I know my Bible; my friends say it's intimidating but I credit that to learning to read early. He knows mostly just the general stories; David and Goliath, Moses and the Red Sea, etc. I like to discuss scripture; I think he has trouble doing this, might be because he does not KNOW scripture. I want a man I can worship and praise and pray with. We do pray together often, but we have also compromised sexually, even though we have not gone all the way. I take full responsibility for my role in that. He is a great guy; we connect, we see many things the same way, but I desire for CHRIST to be our all in all and I feel like that's not it. Yet again, I feel like God led me to him, AND I am wondering if this is an unequal yoke. I'm more Courson, DeMoss, Driscoll, Baucham, Piper, with a pinch of what he listens to; he's more Jakes, Osteen, Meyer, with a pinch of what I listen to. Now that I look at it, that sorta seems unequal to me (LOL) but hey. We are of the same view on the prosperity gospel, as well as, quite importantly, the basics, crucials, of Christian doctrine.
Anyway, to my point. My question is, can he lead me spiritually? How do I go about asking or encouraging him to get involved in Bible study and prayer and scripture with me, for himself as well, without changing him? How can we involve mentors or spiritual leaders in our relationship, to keep us accountable? Should I end this relationship? We're discussing getting married within a year; I'm in my late 20s, he's early 30s...
Advice, please?
Congratulations on making it to the end of this post and thank you all so much in advance for your thoughts.
There are two major issues. Firstly, I am not attracted to this man, physically speaking. I am not repulsed by him, but I cannot help but worry what people will say and my friends have this thing about predicting if the children will be cute and all (very shallow, but it bothers me).
Yet again, I feel like God led me to him, AND I am wondering if this is an unequal yoke.
I'd suggest talking to your Pastor and close friends. The unequal yoke thing has to do with Christians marrying nonChristians. Not relevant.
I am of a Certain Age and happily married to a "less than ideal woman". Oh, but do we ever connect!
I will leave you with this: Don't look for the perfect Guy (or Gal). Go for one who is right per God's choice for you. My first sentence had a point. My ideal woman is my opinion and apparently didn't line up with God's will for me. Fine I says. 20 years later would not have it any other way. Life is good!
So: what is God's will for you? Really seek it out and don't worry what people might say. Gosh, if your friends are true they will be fine with whomever. Your happines (in the Lord) should be what they care about.
I'm in my late 20s, he's early 30s...
Advice, please?
Congratulations on making it to the end of this post and thank you all so much in advance for your thoughts.
This part of your post is most cogent. Since your brains did not even reach full cognitive maturity until around age 25 . . . your judgments should not be considered either necessarily sound or unchangeable. inflexibility and certainty are easier and more typical of the physiologically immature brain. Life is change and you cannot expect that you will think as you do now twenty or thirty years from now unless you deliberately force yourself to retain a single mindset. As Jerwade said:
"A single mindset is unlikely to possess the flexibility and adaptability necessary for growth."
I'd suggest talking to your Pastor and close friends. The unequal yoke thing has to do with Christians marrying nonChristians. Not relevant.
I am of a Certain Age and happily married to a "less than ideal woman". Oh, but do we ever connect!
I will leave you with this: Don't look for the perfect Guy (or Gal). Go for one who is right per God's choice for you. My first sentence had a point. My ideal woman is my opinion and apparently didn't line up with God's will for me. Fine I says. 20 years later would not have it any other way. Life is good!
So: what is God's will for you? Really seek it out and don't worry what people might say. Gosh, if your friends are true they will be fine with whomever. Your happines (in the Lord) should be what they care about.
Thank you so much. I might have to expel all my fleshly notions of perfection and just go to God with an open heart and mind. If I can have the reassurance - from HIM - that this is it, then I know I will have peace. Trying not to be too legalistic, but also know that it is possible to abuse grace and that two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement.
"A single mindset is unlikely to possess the flexibility and adaptability necessary for growth."
Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticPhD
This part of your post is most cogent. Since your brains did not even reach full cognitive maturity until around age 25 . . . your judgments should not be considered either necessarily sound or unchangeable. inflexibility and certainty are easier and more typical of the physiologically immature brain. Life is change and you cannot expect that you will think as you do now twenty or thirty years from now unless you deliberately force yourself to retain a single mindset. As Jerwade said:
"A single mindset is unlikely to possess the flexibility and adaptability necessary for growth."
Yes, many might call this a single mindset, or even narrow-mindedness. But then, Jesus said "narrow is the way that leads to life..." It is not the mindset that fosters the growth; it is when we grow that our mindsets change. "When I was a child, I thought like a child, but when I became a man, I put off childish ways..." And I don't know where that theory of cognitive maturity comes from or why it's so broadly applied - after all, I have seen 50-year-old children and 10-year-old adults.
I appreciate you both taking the time to respond. I'm looking for answers from a Christian/Biblical perspective.
There are two major issues. Firstly, I am not attracted to this man, physically speaking. I am not repulsed by him, but I cannot help but worry what people will say and my friends have this thing about predicting if the children will be cute and all (very shallow, but it bothers me).
What are your worried that people will say?
Sorry, I admit.. I'm having a tough time getting past this part of your post. Why are you considering marrying this man, if you don't even really like him? That doesn't seem fair to either of you.
This part of your post has just got me a little confused...
Sorry, I admit.. I'm having a tough time getting past this part of your post. Why are you considering marrying this man, if you don't even really like him? That doesn't seem fair to either of you.
This part of your post has just got me a little confused...
I'm just being honest. He's a wonderful person and I love him (and like him, too), but I don't get butterflies in my tummy or any of that. I am considering marrying him because I know that good looks are not everything, and I'm willing to overlook that aspect if everything checks out spiritually. I think attraction can grow, at least when it comes to women, and I've heard several women say that they are glad to be married to their husbands even though they and their friends found them unattractive at first.
I'm just being honest. He's a wonderful person and I love him (and like him, too), but I don't get butterflies in my tummy or any of that. I am considering marrying him because I know that good looks are not everything, and I'm willing to overlook that aspect if everything checks out spiritually. I think attraction can grow, at least when it comes to women, and I've heard several women say that they are glad to be married to their husbands even though they and their friends found them unattractive at first.
That is quite risky. He may find out you are not really attracted to him in the physical sense and he may resent you for that especially if you don't grow to love him in that way. You got to remember that in America at least 50% of all marriages end up in divorce. Of course you are happy being with him now yet you got to ask yourself is it fair on the guy as well? If he wants to get married too and I sure he does good luck with it.
I'm just being honest. He's a wonderful person and I love him (and like him, too), but I don't get butterflies in my tummy or any of that. I am considering marrying him because I know that good looks are not everything, and I'm willing to overlook that aspect if everything checks out spiritually. I think attraction can grow, at least when it comes to women, and I've heard several women say that they are glad to be married to their husbands even though they and their friends found them unattractive at first.
I'm sorry, hope it doesn't seem like I'm picking on you. But this is what I'm confused about..
you say that you love him but you say this:
Quote:
but I cannot help but worry what people will say
I don't get it.
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and thank you all so much in advance for your thoughts.
