Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree for most of us it's hindsight. But I just can't shake the feeling (maybe it's my upbringing like you) that God doesn't like premarital sex, if for no other reason than the danger of breakdown of morals, despite the two individuals' best intentions.
OTOH, I read on these Christian relationship problems website and the No. 1 problem by far is of a sexual nature. For the guy, "My wife is frigid. I wish I had known before marrying her. Now I am stuck." For the girl, "My husband likes to do it with me and three blow-up dolls. I wish I had known before marrying him. Now I am stuck."
Yeah, Christianity in general doesn't really want to talk about sex. its either your fornicating by having sex out of marriage or homosexuals are wrong for having the wrong sex(Which they are), but that is pretty much it outside of the obvious issue of adultery. I made a thread last week addressing the issue of Christians going not quite all the way, yet say they didnt have sex and it got closed.
Here is fornication in a concordance. IT pulls up porneia.
Outline of Biblical Usage 1) illicit sexual intercourse a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc. b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18 c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mk. 10:11,12 2) metaph. the worship of idols a) of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols
Lev 18, goes over ever kind of sex that one cannot have, yet never says "do not have sex with anyone you are not married to", So i can see why you are asking the question.
Look at the original design of marriage and sex. Adam and Eve were married......before they had sex. In fact, Genesis states that a man will leave his parents and become one flesh with his wife. The very act of sex "connects" a man and a woman and makes them one. It's not to be taken lightly.
But you see, that's also a problem. My girlfriend and I (before we were saved--and, I'm ashamed to admit, even afterwards ) engaged in premarital sex. But we had every intention of getting married and were even engaged before other unforeseen events ruined it and broke us up---the reappearance of her old boyfriend who she still had feelings for to be exact). So were we committing a sin? I think we were, but I cannot find exactly where in the Bible it specifically says "even engaged people cannot engage in premarital sex--you'll go to hell for it".
You're not going to hell for this, don't worry. The bible says anything that is not of faith is sin so asking questions like "is this a sin? is that a sin?" are rather unnecessary when the bible says what is sin, which is anything not of faith. For a believer (which you are obviously otherwise you wouldn't be concerned about this) the question shouldn't be "is premarital sex a sin?" but rather "what will I reap if I sow here?" Jesus paid the price for the sins of humanity. The punishment was imputed to Him so all believers will never have punishment imputed to them. Now this did not set us free from the "reap what you sow" system God has created for this world. A multitude of undesirable things can happen from premarital sex (or any sin for that matter) and not just pregnancy. This doesn't mean take precautionary measures to ensure nothing bad happens. The bible does say "be sure your sins will find you out" which means don't think you can ever sin and not expect to reap something bad out of it. The bible says God disciplines those He loves and guilt from sinning is something He does use to help lead us to the right path. The more a believer sins the more guilt, accusation, shame, depression etc. builds up in their life until it reaches a point that the believer finally realizes that continuing on this way is just going to make things worse. The very fact that you feel any guilt at all over this proves you're a believer.
I believe this short video will be a good watch for you.
Look at the original design of marriage and sex. Adam and Eve were married......before they had sex. In fact, Genesis states that a man will leave his parents and become one flesh with his wife. The very act of sex "connects" a man and a woman and makes them one. It's not to be taken lightly.
Furthermore - Where there is blood, there is a covenant. What is present when a man enters a virgin? Blood - which ratifies the man/woman covenant.
You're not going to hell for this, don't worry. The bible says anything that is not of faith is sin so asking questions like "is this a sin? is that a sin?" are rather unnecessary when the bible says what is sin, which is anything not of faith. For a believer (which you are obviously otherwise you wouldn't be concerned about this) the question shouldn't be "is premarital sex a sin?" but rather "what will I reap if I sow here?" Jesus paid the price for the sins of humanity. The punishment was imputed to Him so all believers will never have punishment imputed to them. Now this did not set us free from the "reap what you sow" system God has created for this world. A multitude of undesirable things can happen from premarital sex (or any sin for that matter) and not just pregnancy. This doesn't mean take precautionary measures to ensure nothing bad happens. The bible does say "be sure your sins will find you out" which means don't think you can ever sin and not expect to reap something bad out of it. The bible says God disciplines those He loves and guilt from sinning is something He does use to help lead us to the right path. The more a believer sins the more guilt, accusation, shame, depression etc. builds up in their life until it reaches a point that the believer finally realizes that continuing on this way is just going to make things worse. The very fact that you feel any guilt at all over this proves you're a believer.
I believe this short video will be a good watch for you.
Punished how, though. Not by stoning. Exodus doesn't address not marrying her except her father refusing to allow the marriage. It doesn't anything about if he refuses to marry her.
Jesus never talked about sex before marriage. Paul said for a man to marry in order to avoid burning with desire. I used to think "it is better to marry than to burn" meant it is better to marry than to burn in hell for committing fornication. Ha! Enough readings of the actual explanation showed me that was not what Paul was saying, but I can still not find a sold doctrine in the Bible specifically saying premarital sex is a sin.
Again, kids, I am NOT condoning premarital sex or in any way hinting that it's okay for you to go out and have sex. It is NOT okay!!!
I think what the scriptures are saying is that sex is not just for pleasure and if you do have it then you have been forewarned by God to commit to the full measure of love and get married to show responsibility. Whereas fornication is merely for the physical pleasure with no intent of what love truly means. God is all about love with responsibility.
That definition poses problems. Jesus said, "Whoever divorces his wife, saving for the cause of FORNICATION and marries another commits adultery." So Jesus tied "fornication" to adultery.
For the first time I just realized that perhaps fornication is used here rather then adultery because we all tent to think of adultery as meaning with another of the opposite sex while married but what of the same sex?
The wife of a friend of mine ended up going out with women. The marriage broke up. His 16 year old son was so distraught that he shot himself in the head and died. Perhaps fornication means any sex with another not your spouse. By using the word fornication, Jesus it seems was covering all the bases.
Garya: Very good post. Yes, adultery is obviously having sex outside the bonds of marriage for people already married. Fornication is any sex that is by two people who are not married to each other. If you read all the texts in the NT on the topic, you'll find it quite clear that God only approves of sex within the bonds of marriage. God's plan is for us to live with out spouses until one is dead. Then we are free again to marry, but as Christians, that means only to a fellow Christian.
If you also read the OT texts in Leviticus 18-19, you'll see the penalties for sex outside the bonds of marriage. It ought to be pretty clear that run away sexual activity like we have in our society today is not God pleasing and that these people will not be having a good day on Judgment Day, unless they repent.
Under Mosaic law a man was not stoned for having premarital sex with an unmarried woman.
Exodus 22:16-17
So basically, if a guy has sex with an unmarried woman he has to marry her. If the father refuses he has to pay the dowry an then he walks away scott free---unpunished. If a pregnancy ensues he's still off the hook. Maybe he has to pay child support; I didn't get that far.
So where did this idea that sex before marriage can send you to hell originate? Understand I am not condoning premarital sex, though many here will naturally accuse me of that just for asking an innocent question ("Your questions are not innocent, Thrill, they are designed to sow doubt and confusion in baby Christians and lead them astray"---(sigh)
In the scriptures the union of the flesh between a man and a woman was considered marriage. Therefore as in the verses you mentioned it would be that a man would have to take that woman as a wife. The understanding was that your purpose of joining the flesh was to bring forth and multiply to adhere to God's commandment. So what it means is that there really isn't pre-maritial sex but rather it shows that your married once you have sex and that if you don't act in that manner as having that responsibility then you were at fault.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) engaged in premarital sex. But we had every intention of getting married and were even engaged before other unforeseen events ruined it and broke us up---the reappearance of her old boyfriend who she still had feelings for to be exact). So were we committing a sin? I think we were, but I cannot find exactly where in the Bible it specifically says "even engaged people cannot engage in premarital sex--you'll go to hell for it".
