My Christian friend. (women, churches, preacher, beliefs)

[reed067]

I am putting this here because I want some input from other Christians.








One of my oldest & best friends has been going to school to be a preacher & he's almost done with school.
A few months ago he met a women while in school she goes to the same school as he does. She's from China & has been in the states for some four years now. Now he has been single for a long time now & tends to want to jump into the first relationship that comes along. Which he did with both feet.


They dated for a Very short time & while visiting her parents in China they got married. Now all his friends agree that they rushed into the marriage. While they were dating things were great no problems what so ever. She was even fine with my wife & I being Pagan including my sister who is also Pagan.
Now that they are married she has changed her mind about her caring about us being Pagans even more to the point she doesn't want him to have ANY friends other then herself.


Keep in mind she wasn't like this when they were dating they even came down & visited us soon after my mom passed. My friend looked terrible trying to deal with her & finish school but it was more her stressing her out then school.
They both have been going to therapy. She refuses to admit that she has a problem with her anxiety.
She had accused him of cheating on him more then once when she see's that he is talking to another women even if there is a guy there with them talking. My friend is loyal to a fault in all honesty.


Here is the reason why I post this here. He feels that IF he divorces her that as a Christians he'll be looked down on by other Christians & that he feels like they will judge him for that. I told him that no matter what his friends & family will still love him & stand by him no matter what he does.
I feel that it's going to get worse for him if they stay together. His wife's sister told him that if he wants out of the marriage she & her family would understand.




He is really in a bad place now, can someone give me some advice as to help him?


Thanks!

[Rafius]

Originally Posted by reed067

He is really in a bad place now, can someone give me some advice as to help him?


Thanks!

1. Get rid of his superstitious beliefs and divorce her.
2. Keep his superstitious beliefs and suck it up.

[RonkonkomaNative]

He should continue therapy. They do not need to be seen as a couple, every session. He needs someone to speak to privately about his situation. She might need the same.

He might seek the advise of a good attorney, too.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by RonkonkomaNative

He should continue therapy. They do not need to be seen as a couple, every session. He needs someone to speak to privately about his situation. She might need the same.

He might seek the advise of a good attorney, too.

This answer wins.

[Vizio]

Originally Posted by reed067

I am putting this here because I want some input from other Christians.


One of my oldest & best friends has been going to school to be a preacher & he's almost done with school.
A few months ago he met a women while in school she goes to the same school as he does. She's from China & has been in the states for some four years now. Now he has been single for a long time now & tends to want to jump into the first relationship that comes along. Which he did with both feet.


They dated for a Very short time & while visiting her parents in China they got married. Now all his friends agree that they rushed into the marriage. While they were dating things were great no problems what so ever. She was even fine with my wife & I being Pagan including my sister who is also Pagan.
Now that they are married she has changed her mind about her caring about us being Pagans even more to the point she doesn't want him to have ANY friends other then herself.


Keep in mind she wasn't like this when they were dating they even came down & visited us soon after my mom passed. My friend looked terrible trying to deal with her & finish school but it was more her stressing her out then school.
They both have been going to therapy. She refuses to admit that she has a problem with her anxiety.
She had accused him of cheating on him more then once when she see's that he is talking to another women even if there is a guy there with them talking. My friend is loyal to a fault in all honesty.


Here is the reason why I post this here. He feels that IF he divorces her that as a Christians he'll be looked down on by other Christians & that he feels like they will judge him for that. I told him that no matter what his friends & family will still love him & stand by him no matter what he does.
I feel that it's going to get worse for him if they stay together. His wife's sister told him that if he wants out of the marriage she & her family would understand.

He is really in a bad place now, can someone give me some advice as to help him?


Thanks!

First of all, I would say that my wife and I dated for 5 months before getting engaged. We were married 6 months after that -- for a total of 11 months after our first date. There were some adjustments to make and we had a difficult time the first year or so, but I thank God that I'm married now after 18 years. I cannot imagine not having her in my life. Time of engagement doesn't necessarily ensure a happy marriage.

Having said that, I think many of the issues, as you described, have more to do with her and her personality than religion. I've heard the same thing among non-Christians--they get married and the wife wants her husband to spend more time with her -- and not his friends. That happens whether or not they are Christians. They need to develop some interests together and make some friends together.


Now...about the subject of divorce. If he does divorce her, most conservative Christian churches would consider him disqualified from serving as a pastor. My denomination is currently considering ordaining a divorced man though, for the purpose of prison chaplaincy. He is very active in the local county jail and credentials would be beneficial. He is not qualified to serve as a pastor in our denomination.


Finally--I will agree with the rest of the people---they need to continue therapy. Preferably with a Christian counselor or a pastor that is qualified as a counselor.

[DRob4JC]

They got married... that assumes she is the most important part of his life. If that's true, and he wants her to stay - he should at least attempt to make some changes in his life... and if he truly values her above everyone else, he will change. Otherwise, it was short sighted on his part to get married in the first place, because he has not put her at the top of the priority list.

He needs to be in prayer to the Father about what to do and await an answer from the Holy Spirit.

He is studying to be a preacher. Is he preaching Christianity? Is he a Christian? If so, his life should reflect at least some dependence on God to get through tough times.

[hljc]

Still there are countless Christians who turn their backs on people in the world who do not know Jesus Christ and they can be influences of the world that weak Christians do not need , so if the man separates from his wife , or separated from his old friends then it will be His choice