Why I Don't Think I Can Be a Christian Anymore (Long) (hell, woman)
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The title, I promise, is not "troll bait" or "click-bait." At the time I'm typing this, this is really how I feel.
I apologize if the "long read" puts off anybody, but I have a lot on my mind.
I've been saved for years and listened to teachings and taken them to heart, and done so for YEARS. So much of what Christianity teaches I identify with and agree with, and I for the most part agree with my wife (who's a Christian) in having our kids brought up in Christianity.
The big problem for me--God allowing things to happen.
No I'm not talking about cancer or car accidents, I'm talking about little things that nonetheless make life irritating and full of a lot of drudgery. I'm sick of it. I don't accept the excuse, and to me it's an EXCUSE, that 10,000 years ago Adam ate an apple and so the world is a fallen place and "that's how it goes" and oh yeah when you're in heaven it will all be worth it. NONSENSE. Fix it, I say, just FIX IT. I can honestly say I think I'm ENTITLED to it, and in fact EVERY human is, regardless of sin, we're entitled to it ANYWAY, even Saddam Hussein if he was still with us.
Let me elaborate.
What kind of things am I talking about? I'm talking about irritating things that nonetheless make life challenging and annoying. Losing things. The existence of cockroaches to where if they EVER get into your house you can't do ANYTHING to get rid of them it seems short of blowing a whopping $125 for an exterminator, yet meanwhile you have to expend SO MUCH ENERGY just to keep up with your car keys. Gnats. Horseflies. Cars breaking down out of nowhere and then you have to pay a HUGE amount of money IMMEDIATELY to get on the road again.
Losing things has always been a struggle, and I really do feel that it is God's job--yes his JOB--to make it to where nothing ever gets lost, especially if I make reasonable effort. My wallet for instance, I typically put it in a special place, well one day I don't, ONE DAY, and it took me nearly TWO HOURS to find it. TWO HOURS!!! That to me is unacceptable. You know where it is, why don't you get off your lazy arse and TELL ME where it is!! I don't mean you have to yell down from the sky, but if you would just "tickle my brain" so that I'd remember.
I didn't leave it in the store, but I used to cashier and let me tell you people used to leave stuff behind all the time. I never though of that as being their "fault" or such, I saw it as that life being what it is there's just no way a person can do things to where that never happens, yet when it happens it's a truly awful thing, so guess what I would do if I saw their phone or car keys etc left behind--I TOLD THEM!!! I would even leave my post and chase them down and bring it to them. I didn't sit there and watch and do and say nothing and figure "well they ought to pay more attention to what they're doing" or "the world is imperfect," no, I did this very revolutionary thing, I OPENED MY MOUTH!! Yet when it's up to God, he does--NOTHING. I understand and sympathize with how having to spend that much mental energy just keeping track of things--frankly, it's too much work and a person shouldn't have to have so much "drudgery" imposed on them, no matter their "sin," and so I "spot them" and I HELP OUT!! and I do that even with sore legs and a tired head. God has no such struggles, yet again He does--nothing.
Jack-arse.
More recently what it has really done it for me--expensive and necessary things getting destroyed, right when I'm in the middle of looking a new job mind you and thus funds are tight, despite very reasonable efforts.
Nine days ago while on vacation my best camera, which cost me about $500 two years ago (when I was still working), it was destroyed when it fell into the river. I was exploring a river and it had slick mossy rocks, no wait, I removed the camera from my person and put it to the side specifically so as to avoid any mishap. I return about 30 minutes later, and it had somehow slid from where I put it and fell in. Was that my fault? NO IT WAS NOT. I mean, what else was I supposed to do, walk 15 minutes back to the car and 15 minutes back again? No, that's too much work. Wasn't what I did good enough? It would have been one thing if I had not removed it from my person and kept on even as I was sliding and losing my balance, if I had ignored those warning signs and took no action. But no, that's not what I did, I took steps, REASONABLE steps, and yet it ends up in the river ANYWAY.
You see this, God, and you do NOTHING?
Then yesterday, only 9 days removed from that awful event, I'm mowing the grass. I have my phone on me and I put it in my back pocket, something I never do but I suppose I did because I was expecting to hear from someone and if it's in my front pocket it "burrows" its way to where it's WAY DOWN THERE and hard to fetch. Anyway I'm going backwards and unbeknownst to me there's a sandbox right behind me and it's full of water. I trip and fall and land right on my rump, where the phone is, and the phone is ruined.
I just can't take this anymore!!
I don't expect God to make it to where I just sit on a lounge chair while every little want is given to me, like I'm a good looking woman in a bathing suit being pampered by pool cabana boys, but come on, you can't pitch in just a LITTLE here? I think of it this way--no, I don't do everything for my kids, but when I see where they're trying but coming up short, I HELP THEM. I don't just sit and watch and do NOTHING even as they're trying. Again I certainly don't do every single thing for them either, I expect them to try, but when they try and yet can't quite finish, I HELP THEM OUT. Hello?
As I said I'm looking a job, and yet at times it feels as if I shouldn't bother because life itself is such a job. It reminds me of when in Seinfeld George Costanza has a lot of change and is surprised when the bank won't roll it for him, and when they say he can do it he says "what, you want me to quit my job?" Exactly. It feels as though if I DID have a job I'd nonetheless have to quit it because just doing these sort of things requires such an EXTREME amount of concentration and such an EXTREME amount of drudgery to where it's all you are doing every single minute of your life. And I'm sorry, but that's a bum deal to me.
I've pretty much come to the conclusion--either God just doesn't care, or there is no God at all and in fact the atheists are right. I can't accept any other explanations, I CANNOT accept that God knows what He's doing and all of this is part of some "master plan" or that he's "building character in me" because well let me tell you this--where it regards character I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THAT. I am interested in life not having so much drudgery to it. THAT is what is important to me, "character" can go suck a dozen eggs for all I care. Life not having so much drudgery to it, that matters to me almost as much as my children being alive, I can honestly say that it exactly how I feel and that it really does matter that much to me.
Those two instances of 9 days apart, to me that is the sort of thing which should happen maybe once every 20 years. No more. That's it. Enough. If it happens more than that such is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY too often. If God says otherwise, HE'S WRONG.
And no, telling me about how bad they have it in Haiti or how you know someone with cancer and they still haven't lost faith, it's not going to work either. That's not good enough.
I don't think there is a single "god" person who would be aware of all these minute details in life. However, you yourself know where you put misplaced things. You might be expecting something that cannot exist from this being. But you should have access to that information in your own brain. And if there is someone else out there who knows what you need, then you have the ability to tap into that "force" that can lead you to your destination.
But there is some truth in the Bible, such as everything working for the best. I have always found an almost miraculous blessing in some of the difficulties I have had. New opportunities and knowledge arise from crisis.
You have embraced the lie of the enemy that you can be like God. You can't be, He knows better.
I'm not asking to "be like God," in fact that's the last thing I want. Last night my son, who was hungry and waiting for me to cook but I hadn't yet because I was stewing about this, he started to cook his own food because he'd given up on me. I came this close to throwing it down the sink and saying "that is me being like God," because to me that is EXACTLY what He is, you try and fix your problems in a way that is TOTALLY REASONABLE and He just TRASHES it and makes you miserable.
Truth be told, although I did in fact end up cooking and making much better food, I don't blame my son one bit for becoming tired of waiting and taking it upon himself to fix the problem, because he was hungry and fixing his hunger was all he wanted done and there was nothing wrong with that and by George if Dad isn't going to then I'll just do it myself. RIGHT ON, I say.
There can't POSSIBLY be any "wisdom" with any of the hardships I described, and even in the off-chance there is, my reply--I'm ENTITLED to an answer, and NOW. No, I wouldn't LIKE an answer, I am ENTITLED to one. I can say I absolutely mean it when I say that. You don't go "effing" up my life like that and say nothing and stand behind your "title" of that you're God and all--BULL. Can you imagine if I did that to my son? What if I never cooked for him at all and when he cooked I destroyed his food and then I refused to tell him why I thought it was a good idea for him to go hungry and hey I'm your father and you don't question me? There's a phrase for that, it's called CHILD ABUSE.
No, me thinking that life shouldn't have so much drudgery to it, that's not a "lie of the enemy," that's COMMON SENSE. I am interested in what FIXES that drudgery and ELIMINATES it or at least makes me able to tolerate it without wanting to stick a fork in my own eye. THAT'S IT. There is NO WAY it makes any sense other than if there is in fact no God at all and it has nothing to do with me or any deity. To say that there is a God and He's just going to sit back and not help anybody out, that's just silly to me. Either there is no God, or He doesn't give a spit.
Selfishness of people is what causes most of these problems. And that kind of selfishness defines Christianity in my opinion. They are like the rich young man who did not want to help those in need. Most rich Christians live well above the means of people in need, and have no real concern for them. They just look for the next material thing that might bring more pleasure into their life.
You can fight against this politically.
There are churches that are smaller and community based that kind provide help when needed. Community is a good thing regardless of the "religious" label.
Yeah, I'm with Ozzy's first post (good post Oz). Rethink your concept of what God is... Perhaps not some omni-person in the sky watching you struggle and twiddling its thumbs.
Sorry you're feeling discouraged. ("Jackarse" did make me grin, though.) Perhaps consider that how you think about things is creating how you are experiencing life. Positive thinking isn't just a gimick. The good thing is that you are very aware at this point of some of the things you do NOT want in your life, so now you can focus on what you DO want.
You are far from the only one who has come up against this problem. "The problem of evil" or it might be called the problem of a god that does nothing.
You have also seen the usual responses "God can do what he likes", "Who are you to judge God?", "God knows best".
So the choice is really to ask yourself whether those are good enough answers and just tell yourself that God has everything in hand when it looks very much like nobody has it in hand, or decide that those answers are not good enough. You would be very much not the first to decide they were not good enough answers. Your choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by little elmer
There's only one person that can live the Christian life, and that's Christ.
We put way too much pressure on ourselves.
That's revealing, too. The feeling that somehow the requirement to live a perfect life is a sort of bait and switch con. Once yoiu are sucked in, no matter how much you try, you can never make it. What's even more of a hoot is that Jesus was far from perfect, but he gets away with it because he's Jesus. You behave like that and you are asked "Just who do you think you are, Jesus?"
No you are not Jesus, and whys hould people demand that you be him? It's a bait and switch to keep the enslaved to the company store. The scientologists run the same scam: you pay and pay to get 'cleared' and then you are told you have to do a lot more and yet more, and if any of them have ever got to the perfection of "Clear" we haven't seen a single one of them.
Of course you are not doing Scientology. You are lucky. You are in a religion you can walk away from.
Last edited by TRANSPONDER; 08-07-2017 at 05:48 AM..
shyguy, how's your prayer life? Do you spend time talking with God about your concerns?
Do you have Christian friends you can talk to about this? We all go through these things.
What does your wife say about all this?
Do you serve in any ministry? You know, helping others? If not, I have found that to be a great way to put life in perspective.
Just some random thoughts...
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