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I'm going through a midlife crises right now and don't know who to talk to about this, and it's tearing at my heart and soul lately. So anyone here willing to read/listen to what I have to say, thank you.
Forgive me if I ramble, but right now I'm in a state of despair and don't know who to go to about some of these things.
I was raised Protestant evangelical and never had a problem with Christ - I always believed, or at least never really questioned the truthfulness of the story of Christ. Even through college (where today as many of you know that is where many impressionable young adults lose their Christian faith) my faith held steady and I was not swayed.
But lately...I don't know what it is, but I'm struggling to believe.
I've been through a few things in my life, and more things in the last few years.
Alcoholism - I finally (hopefully) have gotten sober - it will be a full year since my last drink here shortly, for the first time in my adult life I got a year sober. I totally cars, been in several treatments, detox, jail, ruined relationships - the whole nine. But I never really lost my faith, and in some ways I always felt my faith kept me alive through all of the carnage I left behind from it, by the way.
Death - my mother committed suicide not long ago. My father and I found her hanging. She was bipolar but a devout Christian - she led my father to Christ, tried to raise her children in the faith, but went off her meds and my father and I found her deceased not long ago.
Broken relationships - I've had a few girlfriends over the years. relationships that lasted as long as 5 years, but the girl I was with lastly found some unemployed drug dealer and got pregnant with him. That kind of rocked me a little bit.
But I think what's really been tugging at me lately is HELL. I'm having a hard time lining that up with Jesus/Christ/God.
I've always beeb raised to believe that there is Heaven and there is Hell, and many of the things I see today are A LOT of people are going to Hell. Those practicing alternative lifestyles are most likely all going to Hell according to my religion; those not practicing my Faith are going to Hell (that means all the Mormons, Muslims, Jehovah's Witnesses, maybe even Catholics are all going to an Eternal Hell).
My mother's passing didn't shake me as much as I thought it would (we didn't have a good relationship) but lately I miss her more. I wanted for us to grow as she and I got older. My girlfriend getting pregnant definitely made me question why I'm here, and then for some reason this thought of Hell is kind of like the final thing that has just got me confused.
You know...I've always felt like Christ answered some of my prayers. Some real biggies, too.
I was so broken and destroyed by my alcholism that I couldn't find a job, and I got a stretch of sobriety a few years back and just prayed and prayed and prayed and one day, I opened a link to a job thinking there was no way, and I went for the interview....and I got that job.
It was like God answered my prayer.
Then, when I needed a car and was doing some serious prayer and daily devotions, I got the best purchase on a car I have ever had in my life. Again, it was like God answered my prayer.
Then, I was out of relationships for years from 2013 to about 2015 and then again, I felt desperate and alone and just prayed, and then God sent me my girlfriend and that felt again like he answered my prayer.
And finally, my sobriety for once in my life feels like it's here to stay, and again I feel like it's a miracle, and possibly because of prayer.
But....I lost that job (due to a relapse a couple years ago), then I lost that girlfriend who I thought cared about me (and she went and got pregnant) and in addition to my thoughts about Hell, I'm just kind of broken right now.
I'm 36 years old, by the way.
Recently, when I feel like there might be no God at all - like all this time I've been believing in...Nothing - my whole world feels like it's dark and cold.
Last night at work (I work alone) it felt so cold and dark. With no God...what is there?
Do we just go dark when we die? That's it? Is there Heaven? Hell? Nothing?
I'm sorry for rambling but I just needed to write this out to someone, somewhere, with some degree of anonymity.
Congrats on the year of sobriety. It's no small achievement. Don't stop now. Keep on going. You can do it. I'll be praying that you stay sober. It's worth it.
You've talked about a lot of stuff there that really is difficult to help with on an anonymous internet message board. I didn't see you mention church. Do you attend a church? Do you have a pastor? I'd suggest you really need to first find a good church, and then talk to him. Look for a Baptist church, or a Bible church, E Free is good. He might refer you to a Christian counselor--it might do you some good to sit down and talk with someone.
Hell is very real, and you don't want anything to do with that place. Look to Jesus, through eyes of faith, when dark times come in life. He's the author and finisher of this faith.
Congrats on the year of sobriety. It's no small achievement. Don't stop now. Keep on going. You can do it. I'll be praying that you stay sober. It's worth it.
You've talked about a lot of stuff there that really is difficult to help with on an anonymous internet message board. I didn't see you mention church. Do you attend a church? Do you have a pastor? I'd suggest you really need to first find a good church, and then talk to him. Look for a Baptist church, or a Bible church, E Free is good. He might refer you to a Christian counselor--it might do you some good to sit down and talk with someone.
I have a church I've been attending through some of the tougher times of the last 4-5 years - an Evangelical Free church. Lately I've been bouncing around to similar churches in the community. I keep in touch with that pastor - some times he feels like the only "friend" have in this world.
I'm kind of "13th stepping" (looking for companionship) but also just going through some tough times spiritually.
Maybe we just go black/dark when we die? I don't know. I just did my morning devotions/prayer and all I can ask God for is that he shows me he's real.
I feel like he did it in the past, with answered prayers, and otherworldly experiences that might be hard to explain.
I was at my mother's grave and the sun came out that day for just the few minutes I was standing at her grave. Certainly that could have just been a coincidence but maybe it was God talking to me.
I also forgot to add that I also prayed that God would help me to lose some weight and I was at a point I thought it was never going to happen. Then I went from 210 down to 180 when I thought I might never get below 190 ever again.
I don't know, maybe it's all coincidences, or maybe it is Christ.
I'm conflicted, and scared. My world is dark right now.
I have a church I've been attending through some of the tougher times of the last 4-5 years - an Evangelical Free church. Lately I've been bouncing around to similar churches in the community. I keep in touch with that pastor - some times he feels like the only "friend" have in this world.
I'm kind of "13th stepping" (looking for companionship) but also just going through some tough times spiritually.
Maybe we just go black/dark when we die? I don't know. I just did my morning devotions/prayer and all I can ask God for is that he shows me he's real.
I feel like he did it in the past, with answered prayers, and otherworldly experiences that might be hard to explain.
I was at my mother's grave and the sun came out that day for just the few minutes I was standing at her grave. Certainly that could have just been a coincidence but maybe it was God talking to me.
I also forgot to add that I also prayed that God would help me to lose some weight and I was at a point I thought it was never going to happen. Then I went from 210 down to 180 when I thought I might never get below 190 ever again.
I don't know, maybe it's all coincidences, or maybe it is Christ.
I'm conflicted, and scared. My world is dark right now.
Yes. Hell is real and it does exist. If you know Christ, you won't be going there.
Again, I'd REALLY suggest you need to go speak to your pastor. Seriously....let him in on some of what you're feeling, and just talk to him. Ask him questions. If he's worth his salt he'd love to sit down and talk.
I don't know why this is such a big deal to you but the first thing the Bible does is explain why we live forever. We live forever because Adam and Eve's Minds were uploaded to a computer. Our whole universe exists inside that computer. A tree like computer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by granpa
And the head El-o-hym layeth a charge on the man, saying, `Of every Rhod of the garden eating thou dost eat;
and of the Rhod seeing and knowing Good&Evil, thou dost eat of it, NOT, thou shalt die-die in the day that thou eatest thereof'
(or "and of the Rhod Good-Reu-Seeing-El, thou dost eat of it, for thou shalt kill death in the day that thou eatest thereof")
Now the serpent was more crafty (aruwm) than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
And the woman said unto the serpent, `Of the fruit of the Rhods of the garden we do eat,
But of the fruit of the Rhod which is in the interior of the garden, El-o-hym has said,
"Ye shall eat of it not; ye shall die"
And the serpent (named Good&Evil) said unto the woman,
"Ye shall eat of it; not ye shall die for knowing Kym-u-el".
For in the day you eat thereof your eyes shall be opened.
And you shall be like (in the image of) El-o-hym
Knowing Good&Evil, the woman saw that the Rhod was good for food,
and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and desired the Rhod.
To the bereaved she took the fruit thereof, and did eat.
And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked (eyrom)
(Who was right God or the serpent? Maybe both were right. Maybe their bodies did die when they ate from the tree but their consciousness was uploaded to a computer.)
And the head El-o-hym said to the woman, `What [is] this you have done?'
and the woman said, `The (sneaky) snake snaked me -- and I did eat
I don't know why this is such a big deal to you but the first thing the Bible does is explain why we live forever. We live forever because Adam and Eve's Minds were uploaded to a computer. Our whole universe exists inside that computer. A tree like computer.
First Sorry to hear about all your troubles. but it's one thing that stick out in all that you have said, God have always been there with you. Kavalier at 36 you been through a lot. but as I was told, in my 30's going through some, not all of the things you're are going through, just look around someone have it even worst. but take hope you're still alive and now set to make a Change in not only your life but someone else life. the keywords here are LIFE and LOVE. remember you said God answered your prayers, "Some real biggies, too". it is the LOVE of God toward you. and was he not with you in time of need? as you said got the Job. just remember what you said about God.
now I might not answer all of your question, but the Lord can. I would like to speak to you on "LIFE" and the "LOVE OF GOD". for the Love one whom you lost, but NOT Jesus, here is a scripture to consider, Romans 14:8 & 9 "For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. 9 "For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living". these scriptures gave me GREAT hope while I'm living and if/when I die I have the same comfort. for all Soul are his. and the Lord Jesus is a LOVING God. his Grace and mercy is everlasting. for he looses no one. David say let thy GRACE/LIFE and MERCY/LOVE follow me all the days of my life.
now as for Satan he's a deceiver only. he have no power, he can only deceive us. as said if one think that their life is the only one in a mess, just look abound.
Hell is only a place, and not made for any to stay. the Lord Jesus is in control of it. as well as heaven is his too.
I have spoke unto you on Life...death...God...Satan...Heaven...Hell as you asked. now here is the the GOOD NEWS for you. you have made it, you have overcome. YOU NOW CAN BE A WITNESS TO SOMEONE ELSE. you have been through the fire you have been tested. now you can make a different in someone else, "LIFE". because you have a "TESTIMONY".
what greater tool one can one have. yes, silver and Gold you might not have now, but what you do have is more better than silver and Gold, a "TESTIMONY".
Hebrews 13:5 "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 "So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me".
I leave you with this, Read the book of Job.
PCY
Last edited by mensaguy; 01-09-2018 at 02:31 PM..
Reason: Quit using red text. Read the R&S forum rules.
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