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So I was going to post with the question "Is it ok for Christian singles to have close companions of the opposite gender? I am referring to a woman and a man spending significant alone time together as platonic friends. Neither currently want to date each other but the friendship fulfills a need in both for companionship; is this inappropriate in any way/s?"
I included a snippet from it below which was insightful. I would love to still get opinions on my question above^ as well as the stance the article at the link above and the text from it below takes.
Your thoughts?
Friendship That Invites Confusion and Frustration
In this series of articles, I’ve raised several biblical principles regarding the way we should treat our brothers and sisters in Christ. First Thessalonians 4:1-8 admonishes us not to wrong or “defraud” our brother or sister by implying a marital level of commitment (through sexual involvement) when it does not exist. As I’ve discussed before, a broad (but sound) implication of this passage is that “defrauding” could include inappropriate emotional — as well as physical — intimacy. Romans 13:8-14 calls us to love others, to work for their souls’ good rather than looking to please ourselves. More specifically, verse 10 reminds us that “[l]ove does no harm to its neighbor.” Romans 14:1-15:7 offers a discourse on favoring weaker brothers and sisters above ourselves, valuing and encouraging that which is good in the souls of others.
Bottom line: I believe it is extremely difficult and rare — as a practical matter — to honor these principles in the context of a close, intimate friendship between two single Christians of the opposite sex. (For the verbally precise among you, I think such friendships between non-single Christians are also a bad idea, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.)
Intimate friendships between men and women almost always produce confusion and frustration for at least one of the parties involved. Close friendships by their very nature tend to involve extensive time talking and hanging out one-on-one. They tend to involve a deep knowledge of the other person’s hopes, desires and personality. They tend to involve the sharing of many aspects of each other’s daily lives and routines. In other words, they tend to involve much of the type of intimacy and companionship involved in — and meant for — marriage.
Yet even with all this deep communication going on, at least one aspect of these friendships inherently involves a mixed message. No matter how clearly one or both of you have defined what’s happening as “just friends,” your actions are constantly saying, “I enjoy being with you and interacting with you in a way that suggests marriage (or at least romantic attraction).”
The simple reality (of which most people are aware, whether they admit it or not) is that in the vast majority of these types of relationships, one of the parties involved either began the “friendship” with romantic feelings for the other person or develops them along the way. Either way, that person is now hanging on to the “friendship” in the hope of getting something more despite the “clear words” from the other person that he or she wants nothing beyond friendship.
To the extent that one person’s romantic feelings have been clearly articulated to the other (and were met with an unfavorable response) to continue in some no-man’s land of “good friends,” is arguably to take selfish advantage of the vulnerable party. Yes, I know, the other person is an adult who is free and responsible to walk away if he or she is so unsatisfied, but like it or not, it tends not to work that way. Hope springs eternal, whether it should or not.
And that’s the “clear” scenario. What if one person develops romantic feelings in a friendship in which no “clear words” have been spoken, such that the desires of the other person are a mystery? Especially if it’s the woman in this position (as seems to be the case more often than not) she will likely feel that if she pushes for something more than friendship, she may lose the interaction and companionship she currently has. Still, given her desire for a husband — and perhaps to have this man as her husband — the status quo of “just really good friends but nothing more for some odd reason” will leave her unsatisfied, frustrated and confused. I have seen and heard and read of such frustration and hurt playing out many times over.
Certainly, a man can find himself in a similar position with a woman he’s attracted to, but given his obligation to be clear and intentional with the woman and to initiate the type of relationship he truly desires, he arguably has placed — or at least kept — himself in such a position. He simply is not “between a rock and a hard place” in the same way a woman is.
Finally, there’s one more type of confusion to consider. How do others view your “friendship”? Ladies, might there be men who would have initiated with you but for their uncertainty about or discomfort with your intimate friendship with another man? Guys, has a woman perhaps turned you down over questions about a woman friend you spend lots of time with? Would you want to date someone knowing that he or she had a significant, pre-existing and ongoing emotional bond with another single member of the opposite sex? If I were a single person desiring marriage, the answers to these questions would matter to me.
The thread title should be "Close friendships of the opposite sex".
We as Christians cannot concede to "gender theory" nonsense.
I've never known any of my male friends to have had a close female friend where there wasn't some romantic interest. Similarly, anytime I've ever had a close female friend, there has always been romantic interest.
A purely platonic man-woman friendship where neither party is romantically interested in the other I suppose is possible, but it doesn't really make sense. What's the point?
Friendship is built around two people pursuing similar interests together. What similar interests would a man and woman have that wouldn't at some point lead to one of the parties becoming romantically interested in the other?
Look at the way Jesus Christ had platonic collegial relationship with a handful of Women who took care in their works and travels, as Jesus never showed that it was too hot to have friendships with the opposite sex ..... That that Jesus would expect His followers to have brothers and sisters who they would support ......
So I was going to post with the question "Is it ok for Christian singles to have close companions of the opposite gender? I am referring to a woman and a man spending significant alone time together as platonic friends. Neither currently want to date each other but the friendship fulfills a need in both for companionship; is this inappropriate in any way/s?"
I included a snippet from it below which was insightful. I would love to still get opinions on my question above^ as well as the stance the article at the link above and the text from it below takes.
Your thoughts?
Friendship That Invites Confusion and Frustration
In this series of articles, I’ve raised several biblical principles regarding the way we should treat our brothers and sisters in Christ. First Thessalonians 4:1-8 admonishes us not to wrong or “defraud” our brother or sister by implying a marital level of commitment (through sexual involvement) when it does not exist. As I’ve discussed before, a broad (but sound) implication of this passage is that “defrauding” could include inappropriate emotional — as well as physical — intimacy. Romans 13:8-14 calls us to love others, to work for their souls’ good rather than looking to please ourselves. More specifically, verse 10 reminds us that “[l]ove does no harm to its neighbor.” Romans 14:1-15:7 offers a discourse on favoring weaker brothers and sisters above ourselves, valuing and encouraging that which is good in the souls of others.
Bottom line: I believe it is extremely difficult and rare — as a practical matter — to honor these principles in the context of a close, intimate friendship between two single Christians of the opposite sex. (For the verbally precise among you, I think such friendships between non-single Christians are also a bad idea, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.)
Intimate friendships between men and women almost always produce confusion and frustration for at least one of the parties involved. Close friendships by their very nature tend to involve extensive time talking and hanging out one-on-one. They tend to involve a deep knowledge of the other person’s hopes, desires and personality. They tend to involve the sharing of many aspects of each other’s daily lives and routines. In other words, they tend to involve much of the type of intimacy and companionship involved in — and meant for — marriage.
Yet even with all this deep communication going on, at least one aspect of these friendships inherently involves a mixed message. No matter how clearly one or both of you have defined what’s happening as “just friends,” your actions are constantly saying, “I enjoy being with you and interacting with you in a way that suggests marriage (or at least romantic attraction).”
The simple reality (of which most people are aware, whether they admit it or not) is that in the vast majority of these types of relationships, one of the parties involved either began the “friendship” with romantic feelings for the other person or develops them along the way. Either way, that person is now hanging on to the “friendship” in the hope of getting something more despite the “clear words” from the other person that he or she wants nothing beyond friendship.
To the extent that one person’s romantic feelings have been clearly articulated to the other (and were met with an unfavorable response) to continue in some no-man’s land of “good friends,” is arguably to take selfish advantage of the vulnerable party. Yes, I know, the other person is an adult who is free and responsible to walk away if he or she is so unsatisfied, but like it or not, it tends not to work that way. Hope springs eternal, whether it should or not.
And that’s the “clear” scenario. What if one person develops romantic feelings in a friendship in which no “clear words” have been spoken, such that the desires of the other person are a mystery? Especially if it’s the woman in this position (as seems to be the case more often than not) she will likely feel that if she pushes for something more than friendship, she may lose the interaction and companionship she currently has. Still, given her desire for a husband — and perhaps to have this man as her husband — the status quo of “just really good friends but nothing more for some odd reason” will leave her unsatisfied, frustrated and confused. I have seen and heard and read of such frustration and hurt playing out many times over.
Certainly, a man can find himself in a similar position with a woman he’s attracted to, but given his obligation to be clear and intentional with the woman and to initiate the type of relationship he truly desires, he arguably has placed — or at least kept — himself in such a position. He simply is not “between a rock and a hard place” in the same way a woman is.
Finally, there’s one more type of confusion to consider. How do others view your “friendship”? Ladies, might there be men who would have initiated with you but for their uncertainty about or discomfort with your intimate friendship with another man? Guys, has a woman perhaps turned you down over questions about a woman friend you spend lots of time with? Would you want to date someone knowing that he or she had a significant, pre-existing and ongoing emotional bond with another single member of the opposite sex? If I were a single person desiring marriage, the answers to these questions would matter to me.
No such animal, well, there maybe one out of ten thousand men who are very close to a woman for friendship.
You see a man always with a woman in a platonic relationship that both say are just friends, the man is lying lol.
If a man hangs around a woman he likes that much, he ain't gonna say no, he says he's friends right up unto the point the woman gets drunk enough to flirt, then he's all in. He dont care about friendship no more, the second the woman would offer.
Look at the way Jesus Christ had platonic collegial relationship with a handful of Women who took care in their works and travels, as Jesus never showed that it was too hot to have friendships with the opposite sex ..... Jesus would expect His followers to have brothers and sisters who they would support ......
Yes, have to agree too. This is basically what I was going to say, so will just copy.
Jesus and his group had no issues, and neither do I or my friends.
I also agree with with the responses by Thoreau424 & hljc. Jesus demonstrated self-respect and respect for others when creating friendships.
What similar interests would a man & woman have? Many, hiking, biking, tennis, volunteering, etc. Does it always lead to romance, um no. If you’re friendship involves open communication then that sort of thing would be discussed. Does that happen often, probably not, but in my experience it’s possible to keep it platonic.
Plus, friendships don’t always develop or revolve around similar interests, sometimes it’s refreshing to have intellectual or engaging conversation with a friend of the opposite sex about topics that you know nothing about. It expands your perspectives and can deepen ones understanding on how the other sex views the world.
So I was going to post with the question "Is it ok for Christian singles to have close companions of the opposite gender? I am referring to a woman and a man spending significant alone time together as platonic friends. Neither currently want to date each other but the friendship fulfills a need in both for companionship; is this inappropriate in any way/s?"
Hey Southk--if both people are committed to being single, there does not appear to be any problems with this in my view. Yet, my impression is that that type of situation is kind of rare; it would seem most people out there are looking for a romantic partner if they do not have one. In such a case, if one of the parties would be looking to date then I think it may be a difficult thing to continue the relationship because once the one party is married, it would be inappropriate (according to my church's religious views) for the two to be alone together anymore; the married couple would be the "one" who would visit from then on out with the friend of the formerly single person.
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