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By medicine do you mean therapy because I am looking for that. Really just constant sadness and regret right now and unable to feel at ease?
I was talking about transcendent experiences. They snap your mind out of a rut. There is research going on now about psychedelic drugs being used. You can get there thru meditation but that takes longer and not everyone is able to do it. Some people find it easier in a group so I suggested a Christain festival. Probably any music festival would have an effect.
Why should I believe again when I was dealt such a bad hand in life?
You shouldn't. Get out. Leave it all behind and start a new life w/o religion. Don't believe anyone who says to you, "God has great plans for your life." You've already experienced God's plan for your life.
Thing is you are often told how God will bless you if you follow him and such, and so those who are dealt a good hand would have reason to believe if God cares about people individually.
Jesus forewarned us that his genuine 'wheat' followers would be: hated - Matthew 10:22 B; 24:9; Luke 21:17; John 15:21
Sinner Satan did Not only challenge Job (Job 2:4-5) but includes all of us.
' Touch our flesh....." (meaning: loose physical health) and under bad conditions we would Not serve God.
Both Job and Jesus under adverse conditions proved Satan a liar and so can we.
They had good reason and they cared about God as an individual.
Job and Jesus were blessed at the end.
Jesus instructed to 'endure' to the end at Matthew 24:13.
The figurative living 'sheep' endured and will be blessed at the end of this system of things at the coming 'time of separation' as found at Matthew 25:31-34,37.
............... I know I have it better than most humans to walk the Earth and many others who are alive today even. Still sucks though.
I wonder if you ever read the Bible book of Job _________
Both Job and Jesus put God above their own self.
Sinner Satan's challenge is that under adverse conditions we would choose Not to serve God.
Both Job and Jesus proved Satan a liar and so can we.
In other words, everything in this system is temporary.
The humble meek people who inherit the Earth as Jesus promised at Matt. 5:5 from Psalm 37:9-11 is permanent.
Earth and its people will be happy-and-healthy as described in Isaiah's 35th chapter.
This is a reason why we are all invited to pray the invitation to God asking for Jesus to come ! - Rev. 22:20
Come and bring ' healing ' to earth's nations - Rev. 22:2
Healing to the point that No one will say, " I am sick....." - Isaiah 33:24
Jesus to come and bring an end to ' enemy death ' on Earth - 1st Corinthians 15:24-26; Isaiah 25:8
To me this is worth ' enduring to the end' as Jesus said at Matt. 24:13
Endure because Jesus forewarned his genuine (wheat) followers would be 'hated' - Matt. 10:22
Endure faithful until death, or be found faithful at Jesus' soon coming 'time of separation' as found at Matthew 25:31-34,37
By medicine do you mean therapy because I am looking for that. Really just constant sadness and regret right now and unable to feel at ease?
May you be blessed to find the therapy you need with physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. - Numbers 6:24-26
'Spiritual therapy' I find is found between the pages of the Bible and through prayer and good association.
May you have undeserved kindness and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
...... the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our trials so that we may be able to comfort others..........- 2nd Corinthians 1:2-4
Have you ever read the book of James ? I found that to be of comfort for me.
Perhaps one way to look at things - being in human form, regardless of the challenges, is preferable to being bored to death (on the "other side"). Against boredom even the gods cannot prevail.
On the 'other side ' ( after Jesus comes - 1st Cor. 15:24-26 ) I find No boredom found in Chapter 35 of Isaiah.
At Isaiah 65:13 we find there will be plenty of food to enjoy.
At verses 16 B - 17 I find former troubles will Not be called to mind.
Look at Isaiah 65:21-22 because we will build houses (plural houses) because we will have all the time in the world.
As with Eden there will be harmony between humankind and animal kind - Isaiah 65:25; Isaiah 11:6-9; Hosea 2:18
So, I don't find boredom when Jesus comes for the humble meek who will inherit the Earth - Matt.5:5; Psalm 37:9-11
As for those who are called as 'saints/holy ones' (Luke 22:28-30; Daniel 7:18) they are the ones called to Heaven to govern over Earth as kings and priests to take care of governmental responsibilities and spiritual duties towards people of Earth.
This starts with the figurative humble 'sheep' at Jesus coming time of separation as found at Matt. 25:31-34,37.
I am step-Dad to a 30 year old man with autism and ADHD and OCD and Tourrette's, so I have some concept of what you are talking about. I am sorry you have so much to deal with.
Like you, both me and my stepson do not see gods generally or the Christian god in particular as having any explanatory power for why some people are so much less fortunate than others in terms of how much of a struggle their life is. As others in this thread have done, we can rationalize that life was never "supposed to be easy" or is in many ways easier even for guys such as yourself than it would have been 200 years ago or whatever. But in my view the only thing that really matters for your purposes is that you must make sense of your life being (1) more challenging than a sane person would want it to be and (2) more challenging than 99.9% of the other people you know.
My response is that it is probably just bad luck and not in any way personal, and despairing about things that aren't your fault or have nothing to do with you is a waste of precious time and energy.
My stepson has kept himself sane by finding a couple of passions: working out (1 to 2 hours every day including a weekly session with a personal trainer), cooking, and enjoying modern classical music. These give him things to look forward to and to excel at. For you, it would likely be something different.
I also am fortunate to make him a package deal with me in my work as a software solution architect; I've trained him in data analysis and I have a labor budget for him and he works as much of those hours as he can (due to limitations on his focus) and I pick up the slack. The work is tedious and uninteresting to him but he's very good at it. He's able to work 10 or 12 hours a week and we're fiddling with his meds to see if we can get that bumped up. I have a 25 hour a week budget for him that I hope he can grow into. If he can't, he can't; I don't judge it. I'm just trying to help him be as viable as possible. His mother and I are working beyond our desired retirement in an effort to have some bequest for him to live off of when we're eventually gone. Of course we are trying to help him live independently if possible in the meantime, but that may not be possible.
If you don't have supportive and engaged family to help, I would start by seeing if you qualify for better health care than you're getting so you can explore your options. Here in NY state my stepson qualifies for Medicaid and gets free health insurance based solely on his own modest income. He has no premiums or deductibles, only co-pays. It looks like he has survived the current round of Medicaid cuts.
The reason for my emphasis on healthcare is that it tends to open up opportunities to get help with meds, which is pretty critical for ADHD, which in turn is critical for holding down a job, etc.
On the other hand I have to prepare you for the fact that a lot of the funding and training for care providers in autism and ADHD is for school children. Finding qualified providers for autistic / ADHD adults is much harder (but not impossible, and the situation is gradually improving). You might have to go virtual, or geographically further, to find help.
What health insurance generally won't help with is life coaching services, which is a burgeoning industry for those on the spectrum or with ADHD. Here you can get training for specific practical needs and coping skills, but it's costly and probably out of most people's reach. We are offering it to my stepson but he has to want it and be ready for it, too. Since he's making slow progress on his own we are not pushing it on him. But I just wanted to mention that it's in the mix and even if you can only afford a few sessions, the right coaching could be a game changer for many. Maybe for you.
Anyway these are a few random thoughts, for what they are (or aren't) worth to you. Keep seeking support and resources and keep trying, though. You are worth it. Of that I am certain.
Thank you for your input, probably the best answer so far but I appreciate everyone else's thoughts. I am in California and our health insurance is pretty good since my mom is an RN. Granted I all but got a diagnosis at age 8 for ADHD because I was showing clear signs but my mom declined treatment(likely more than once) as she misinformed like many people about ADHD medication(thinks it would make me an addict, that therapy is all I need, claims you shouldn't even take psych meds unless you are bipolar/schizophrenic). Also said I didn't need it as while I had acted out at times as a kid I didn't flip over tables and fight teachers. I am still waiting to hear back about therapy referral. I am just at an impasse spiritually. I once tried being a hardcore super critical skeptic but that wasn't for me either. Even if I were to be Christian again, I wouldn't be one who believed in hell or took issue with the LGBT. So my mom would likely see that as no better than not believing and still thinks I am going to hell.
As to your point about it just being bad luck, one thing I struggle with in all this is that that line between how much of this is playing the victim versus legitimately being dealt a bad set of cards. I will say right now while nothing illegal I have done things I am not proud of due to social ineptitude. A nice guy phase during middle school I still cringe at, general moments of faux pas even coming off like an *******. Also with my sister we have had times of being physically aggressive with each other and my and my mom still have moments of significant tension. It can be hard to tell how much emotional dysregulation from ASD/ADHD and growing up fighting a losing battle on both fronts(home and school). Then there's the fact I only had ADHD a couple months ago and that explained why my school performance was subpar(barely graduated high school, failed 11th grade English). Part of my regret/hurt at missing out on formative experiences is also because those things do have practical value in adulthood. Not that one should peak in high school, but in terms of learning to socialize with people from different backgrounds, work together(sports, extracurriculars,etc), and setting up your future(AP classes, college prep,etc) Someone once put it to me like this:
You didn't really get to enjoy your childhood the way you wanted to. Now you have the choice to fully live your adult life the way you choose. Once you move out and create some distance it becomes easier to achieve that. You already hold yourself to a standard of what a normal childhood should have looked like, even though you had no control over that.
With my dad, he had been a dysfunctional person for a very long time. Dealt his own bad set of cards growing up in the inner city and losing his father at a far younger age. Still, he had times where we went to the movies, amusement parks, got us school clothes or toys etc. But there were also times of him shoving my mom into walls or smacked me,disowned/threatened me,alleged infidelity on both sides. One time he even took me out of my old church youth group to say my mom had condoms in her car. CPS looked into things at some point apparently, which makes sense because no way the neighbors never heard any of it. Was a school basketball star who got a college scholarship but hurt his knee, and then left and had a kid(my adult half sister) and he was dysfunctional then too. So essentially he had been the way he was before my younger sister and I were even conceived yet I feel guilt that I didn't say more before he passed which my mom also mentioned(but has since also said not to hold onto the guilt and she had even told him this was why he needed to start acting right.
Among the neurodivergent community, I do not sympathize with the idea that autism or other conditions is just a different mindset/only a problem because of society among other things. Society does need to support and understand the disabled more for sure. But aside from many nonverbal/intellectually impaired autistic folks or those who have sensory overload just from wet socks or flourescent lights, even someone like me struggled alot that didn't have to do with society. I couldn't make friends not because of bullying or no acceptance, but because I couldn't connect with others without rambling on about creepypastas, Christian lore or whatever special interest I might have had. Even with the video game club I didn't get into because of the restrictive interest tendencies. Plus ADHD also meant I had trouble finding things in a messy room, messed up hobbies(doing martial arts again, but years of style hopping means I am still a white belt) and with a long term goal of wanting to work in law enforcement, failing probation at 3 911 EMT jobs isn't doing me any favors.
I applied to another one and hopefully being medicated I won't have the same issues remembering protocols/treatments. I have heard people with (controlled) ADHD do thrive in dynamic work environments. Long term I do not want much from life aside from my own place, hobbies some friends and to meet a nice girl and settle down. Don't want kids though, just not for me.
Why should I believe again when I was dealt such a bad hand in life?
You shouldn't. Get out. Leave it all behind and start a new life w/o religion. Don't believe anyone who says to you, "God has great plans for your life." You've already experienced God's plan for your life.
I gotcha. Even if I were to become spiritual again it would be low-key and not mainstream Christianity. Admittedly my mom and sister want me to believe again because they want our family together in the afterlife and for me not to go to hell. But even if I became a progressive Christian who rejected hell and accepted the LGBT that wouldn't cut it either.
It seems you are looking for a reward in this world - the only reward in this world that you should be seeking is knowing that you'll be blessed in the next!
God gives every person an opportunity to rise to heroic virtue in this world whatever their limitations are.
Rise!
Not every person. Tell that to kids who died in the Holocaust, babies born with severe deformities and illness who don't live to be even a year old. Or people who are born intellectually disabled with no hope of living a full independent life. Plus there is no certainty that this rewarding afterlife is even real.
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