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Location: THEN: Paso Robles, Ca * NOW: Albuquerque, NM
519 posts, read 1,696,971 times
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I'm sorry if that title is crappy .. I don't know what else to call this thread.
This thread isn't a complaint, but I'm just curious and interested in what the single Christian men think (and, of course, married Christian men and women are more than welcome to weigh in!).
I live in an area of California where there are plenty of conservative Christians and homeschoolers. Most of the married friends (many of whom are ex-homeschoolers) I know got married in their early 20s and were ready to start a family ASAP. Typically, education hasn't been too important to these ladies (not a critique but an observation).
Sometimes I get the impression single, Christian men want to date/marry women who are ready to start a family ASAP. Maybe these family-ready ladies are more available than those chickas who wants to get an education?
I ask this question because I am in the education camp. I am 28, with my MA, and starting my PhD in the Fall. No, I am not a dorky person. I just happen to have always wanted to teach in a university. And I probably will be a mom in the future. I just don't want to be one right now.
I've noticed that non-Christian guys line up to date me (which is a no-go), but I haven't had a Christian guy interested in me for years.
There could be multiple factors, here ...
Of course, to be fair, I rarely meet Christian guys in my department.
I'm not saying that guys are intimidated by a chick with a BA. Obviously, that isn't true.
When I walk around the halls of faculty offices, so many profs are single.
Yes, school has been an overwhelming priority. And, yes, I probably haven't had enough time to socialize.
I'm sorry if these thoughts are random; they are a little jumbled in my head.
As the song suggests maybe you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Are there single men in your age group at church? Are there opportunites for adults to socialize without the kids around. And I mean all adults, not just couples, not only singles. My aunts's church solved the problem by creating what they called "Pairs and Spares." Sometimes they had a pot-luck or a progressive dinner, sometimes they went to a ballgame. It was an opportunity for them to share ideas, enjoy the cameraderie, and develop rapport.
You said that non-Christian men line up to date you but that's a no-go. Why is that? The reason I ask is because whether or not you share a faith with your spouse, you can still share similar values. Maybe one of the people who wants to date you is, for example, Jewish. But he wants children and is willing to raise them in the Christian faith. That's just a thought though...
Location: THEN: Paso Robles, Ca * NOW: Albuquerque, NM
519 posts, read 1,696,971 times
Reputation: 262
I appreciate your responses.
I don't mind that I am single; however, I'm interested in the mindset of Christian single men on the subject of educated women. Though I'm sure going to a large church would widen the prospects .. or even joining eHarmony. But I'm not interested in that.
Dating non-Christian men is a no-go because I wanted to be united in faith and beliefs with my husband. I understand there will be disagreements, but there are central doctrines that must be agreed upon. Sharing similar values is not enough for me.
I don't mind that I am single; however, I'm interested in the mindset of Christian single men on the subject of educated women. Though I'm sure going to a large church would widen the prospects .. or even joining eHarmony. But I'm not interested in that.
Dating non-Christian men is a no-go because I wanted to be united in faith and beliefs with my husband. I understand there will be disagreements, but there are central doctrines that must be agreed upon. Sharing similar values is not enough for me.
Most Christian guys I know want to marry a Christian woman who puts marriage and children as her first priority. By delaying marriage and having children until your thirties, you send the message that your job is your ultimate priority.
1 Timothy 2:15
But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.
Not that childbearing saves, but a woman who is saved will seek to fulfill God's design for her gifts and will put her role as a helpmate and mother ahead of other things.
I'm a single christian guy who's noticed the same thing about most christian women. As a guy in his late twenties, I sometimes wonder if there'll be any women to really choose from who are my age. (I'm 27)
No, it doesn't intimidate me, personally. In fact, I admire women who value education as much as homemaking. Its very outside-the-box to me--and not unbiblical. The idea that the only the most godly women are housewives irks me a lot. I want a wife with kids, and if she wanted to be a homemaker that's fine. But I also admire a woman who's a bit more...progressive (for lack of a better word) and in the christian world, it seems that formally educated women are more progressive than not.
Disclaimer* I have many intelligent female friends who are housewives, and I mean no offense at all. It's very admirable to want to be a good wife, and to care for children and want to raise them up in the Lord. I just don't think that those two things are the only things a woman has to offer.
Location: THEN: Paso Robles, Ca * NOW: Albuquerque, NM
519 posts, read 1,696,971 times
Reputation: 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by mackinac81
Truckzter,
I'm a single christian guy who's noticed the same thing about most christian women. As a guy in his late twenties, I sometimes wonder if there'll be any women to really choose from who are my age. (I'm 27)
No, it doesn't intimidate me, personally. In fact, I admire women who value education as much as homemaking. Its very outside-the-box to me--and not unbiblical. The idea that the only the most godly women are housewives irks me a lot. I want a wife with kids, and if she wanted to be a homemaker that's fine. But I also admire a woman who's a bit more...progressive (for lack of a better word) and in the christian world, it seems that formally educated women are more progressive than not.
Disclaimer* I have many intelligent female friends who are housewives, and I mean no offense at all. It's very admirable to want to be a good wife, and to care for children and want to raise them up in the Lord. I just don't think that those two things are the only things a woman has to offer.
Thanks for your perspective. Obviously, I'm not married, so I'm not going to be "saved though childbearing" .. I gotta get married first. I, personally, don't think childbearing or work life is mutually exclusive. Plus, there are plenty of OT and NT women who worked and were pillars of their communities without receiving rebuke from the prophets or disciples or Jesus himself. My mom stayed home and homeschooled the 3 of us, so I am very familiar with that option. But, I can tell you, without a shadow of doubt, that God has called me into higher education. And I love it. So this is where I need to be right now, and I am very content.
But I am glad to know that there are single guys who wonder the same thing!
Thanks for your perspective. Obviously, I'm not married, so I'm not going to be "saved though childbearing" .. I gotta get married first. I, personally, don't think childbearing or work life is mutually exclusive. Plus, there are plenty of OT and NT women who worked and were pillars of their communities without receiving rebuke from the prophets or disciples or Jesus himself. My mom stayed home and homeschooled the 3 of us, so I am very familiar with that option. But, I can tell you, without a shadow of doubt, that God has called me into higher education. And I love it. So this is where I need to be right now, and I am very content.
But I am glad to know that there are single guys who wonder the same thing!
I do not mean to imply women should not go to school or even work under that right circumstances. Just suggesting that you weigh your priorities carefully if you have a choice before you of marriage and children versus career. You asked about guys perceptions. Most are looking for women who will be good mothers. Why marry if you are not going to have children (that's what most guys think, believe it or not)?
I know many, single Christian women (over 40), some with advanced degrees, all will tell you they wish they had pursued marriage over their jobs or extended education. They either had no time for a man and dating or the men perceived them to have no interest in marriage and raising children (perceptions may not be right, but they count).
As to women working in the bible, the bible makes it clears that a wife's first priority is God, her husband, children and then the home. Only if these are fully addressed and within the consent of her husband is she to pursue outside work. This may not be PC in today's world, but much of God's word is not PC in today's world. Christian guys looking for a wife and future mother would be unwise to chose a woman who did not show this level of dedication to marriage and children.
"4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
John MacArthur said the following on this topic:
"There is nothing in Scripture that specifically forbids a woman from working outside the home as long as she is fulfilling her priorities in the home (Proverbs 31).
Whether or not a woman works outside the home, God's primary calling is for her to manage the home. That is the most exalted place for a wife. The world is calling many modern women out of the home, but not the Lord. His Word portrays the woman's role as one preoccupied with domestic duties. It is a high calling, far more crucial to the future of a woman's children than anything she might do in an outside job.
The ultimate decision is a personal one that each woman must make in submission to her husband's authority. Obviously, a single woman would be free to work and pursue outside employment. A married woman with no children is perhaps a little more restricted in the amount of time and energy she can devote to an outside job. A woman who is a mother obviously has primary responsibility in the home and would therefore not be free to pursue outside employment to the detriment of the home. In fact, from a parental perspective it is difficult to see how a mother could possibly do all that needs to be done in the home with the upbringing of children, hospitality, care of the needy, and work for the Lord (cf. 1 Timothy 5:3-14) and still work in an outside job. Indeed, any wife who fulfills God's priorities in her life and home will be a busy lady. However, her children and her husband will rise up and call her blessed, and a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised (Proverbs 31:28,30). "
Location: THEN: Paso Robles, Ca * NOW: Albuquerque, NM
519 posts, read 1,696,971 times
Reputation: 262
kmc757 --
I do appreciate your responses, and I do agree that God's obvious purpose for women is as a helpmate, mother, and wife (among other things).
I'm not sure your purpose of quoting these scriptures to me because I don't see how they correlate to my question (though they do correlate to a different question -- Biblical male and female roles).
You quoted 1 Timothy 2:15 and said, "Not that childbearing saves, but a woman who is saved will seek to fulfill God's design for her gifts and will put her role as a helpmate and mother ahead of other things."
I didn't ask how to fulfill God's design (and it seems -- correct me if I am wrong -- you are inferring that I am not in God's design if choose a career.). I asked if Christian single men found Christian women with MAs/PhDs intimidating. Now, if your above statement is meant to explain why men might not date me, then I can understand that. [I don't mean to sound rude; I'm just asking for clarity.]
Then you said, and I agree completely with you, here:
"A married woman with no children is perhaps a little more restricted in the amount of time and energy she can devote to an outside job. A woman who is a mother obviously has primary responsibility in the home and would therefore not be free to pursue outside employment to the detriment of the home. In fact, from a parental perspective it is difficult to see how a mother could possibly do all that needs to be done in the home with the upbringing of children, hospitality, care of the needy, and work for the Lord (cf. 1 Timothy 5:3-14) and still work in an outside job. Indeed, any wife who fulfills God's priorities in her life and home will be a busy lady. However, her children and her husband will rise up and call her blessed, and a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised (Proverbs 31:28,30). "
As I said, I completely agree (and a rep point to you, too! ). One of the places I have ministry is in the classroom. I may not be a missionary in Tibet, but I am an image of Christ in a institution that is shockingly devoid of Christian influence.
I do want to mention that, obviously, not all men are opposed to their women working. My best friend is working on her PhD and has been married for 4 years (and together with her spouse for 9 years). They have no children. Her husband is an engineer, and he always knew she wanted to teach ... and he is A-Okay with that. So, really, I think it comes down to expectations. I, clearly, should not marry someone who wants me to quit school and have 10 children unless God changes my heart.
I do appreciate your responses, and I do agree that God's obvious purpose for women is as a helpmate, mother, and wife (among other things).
I'm not sure your purpose of quoting these scriptures to me because I don't see how they correlate to my question (though they do correlate to a different question -- Biblical male and female roles).
You quoted 1 Timothy 2:15 and said, "Not that childbearing saves, but a woman who is saved will seek to fulfill God's design for her gifts and will put her role as a helpmate and mother ahead of other things."
I didn't ask how to fulfill God's design (and it seems -- correct me if I am wrong -- you are inferring that I am not in God's design if choose a career.). I asked if Christian single men found Christian women with MAs/PhDs intimidating. Now, if your above statement is meant to explain why men might not date me, then I can understand that. [I don't mean to sound rude; I'm just asking for clarity.]
Then you said, and I agree completely with you, here:
"A married woman with no children is perhaps a little more restricted in the amount of time and energy she can devote to an outside job. A woman who is a mother obviously has primary responsibility in the home and would therefore not be free to pursue outside employment to the detriment of the home. In fact, from a parental perspective it is difficult to see how a mother could possibly do all that needs to be done in the home with the upbringing of children, hospitality, care of the needy, and work for the Lord (cf. 1 Timothy 5:3-14) and still work in an outside job. Indeed, any wife who fulfills God's priorities in her life and home will be a busy lady. However, her children and her husband will rise up and call her blessed, and a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised (Proverbs 31:28,30). "
As I said, I completely agree (and a rep point to you, too! ). One of the places I have ministry is in the classroom. I may not be a missionary in Tibet, but I am an image of Christ in a institution that is shockingly devoid of Christian influence.
I do want to mention that, obviously, not all men are opposed to their women working. My best friend is working on her PhD and has been married for 4 years (and together with her spouse for 9 years). They have no children. Her husband is an engineer, and he always knew she wanted to teach ... and he is A-Okay with that. So, really, I think it comes down to expectations. I, clearly, should not marry someone who wants me to quit school and have 10 children unless God changes my heart.
Well, I think you should marry Macinac81. He's a Christian, the right age, and definitely has the right attitude.
I know you're looking for men's perspectives about intimidation, but I think you're getting answers within answers.
If you feel God is leading you to focus on your education, then that is what you should do.
There's a flip side to something kmc said, though. That his friends have regrets about pursuing the education and not a relationship.
Well, I regret pursuing the relationships (two failed marriages) and not the education!!! See how that works? It's what's right for you, my dear.
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I just happen to have always wanted to teach in a university. And I probably will be a mom in the future. I just don't want to be one right now.
Put marriage first
I, personally, don't think childbearing or work life is mutually exclusive. Plus, there are plenty of OT and NT women who worked and were pillars of their communities without receiving rebuke from the prophets or disciples or Jesus himself. My mom stayed home and homeschooled the 3 of us, so I am very familiar with that option. But, I can tell you, without a shadow of doubt, that God has called me into higher education. And I love it. So this is where I need to be right now, and I am very content. 
