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Old 10-10-2008, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Pleasant Shade Tn
2,214 posts, read 5,580,151 times
Reputation: 561

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
This is a subject that has definate meaning to me and I am looking for a little insight deeper into it...from outside sources. My wife is a very faith based woman. Me..not so much. Occasionally this has caused some friction the particulars of which are not really important as we have always managed to resolve them in one way or another, yet she has professed to me that me not being a Christian does trouble her, sometimes deeply. Thus is my prediciment. I love her very much and have no desire to see her so troubled yet neither am I going to move myself into her faith. I have had my beliefs my entire life and they work for me. We discuss faith sometimes( I am well aquainted with the Bible and books of many other faiths) and as a philisophical exercise I enjoy these talks. I guess the nuts and bolts of what I wish to know is, at the core, are relationships between Christians and non Christians generally doomed to failure if one or the other partner does not want to convert? Is this a common problem?
It is a common problem. THere is a reason Christians were admonitioned in the bible to 'marry only in the Lord'. After all, w/out both parties having a relationship w/ God, it would be difficult to have that 'threefold cord' the scriptures talk about.

While a marriage between Christians and Non Christians isnt necessarily doomed to failure, there will always be a rift of sorts. But a strong love for each other can still cement a bond that will last.
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Old 02-10-2009, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Weymouth, MA
4 posts, read 20,208 times
Reputation: 16
From a completely non spiritual standpoint, a person's faith in Christ and the inner workings that take place in a person as a result of that are a HUGE part of their life. Unequally yoked, bla bla bla. The crux of the situation is that as a Christian there is this whole major part of yourself that you can't even open up about with your non Christian spouse. They either won't understand, won't be in to it, won't care, get sick of it, think you're preaching, etc. Every time a Christian has a delema or a skirmish with someone at church they will get the obligatory, "You should just leave," along with a 20 minute lecture on why their spouse doesn't like orgainized religion. It can be really isolating and marginalizing for a Christian which is the meat and potatoes reason why marrying outside of the faith is soundly discouraged. Does this mean you have to convert? No. It would be better to enter into a relationship with G-d because you want to and to please Him rather than everybody else. It does mean however that you may have to hold your tongue at times and be respectful of your wife's beliefs and choices even though you don't necessarily share or understand them. If you expect her to observe the same restraint with you then it's not unreasonable for you to start putting it in to practice yourself.
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Old 02-10-2009, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Gaston, North Carolina
4,213 posts, read 5,837,291 times
Reputation: 634
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
This is a subject that has definate meaning to me and I am looking for a little insight deeper into it...from outside sources. My wife is a very faith based woman. Me..not so much.
I can relate, My wife has been a Christian since she was 14 and I just came to the faith at age 31, about 8 years ago.

Quote:
Occasionally this has caused some friction the particulars of which are not really important as we have always managed to resolve them in one way or another, yet she has professed to me that me not being a Christian does trouble her, sometimes deeply.
Been there done that, I was trully evil and she was so pure.

Quote:
Thus is my prediciment. I love her very much and have no desire to see her so troubled yet neither am I going to move myself into her faith. I have had my beliefs my entire life and they work for me.
This is what I thought, I had my own beliefs and I was actually violently opposed to Christianity.

Quote:
We discuss faith sometimes( I am well aquainted with the Bible and books of many other faiths) and as a philisophical exercise I enjoy these talks. I guess the nuts and bolts of what I wish to know is, at the core, are relationships between Christians and non Christians generally doomed to failure if one or the other partner does not want to convert? Is this a common problem?
Your wife is a blessing to you whether you agree with her or not. I did not realize how much my wife was a blessing to me when I was a non believer, I didnt really realize this until I had been saved for about 5 years and the old me still tried to stand in the way of my realization. There are many here who would be more than happy to discuss your troubles with this mix match, but remember your relationship is not doomed, but it is strained. Honestly, and this is from my experience, we cannot trully experience love of any kind unless we first love God and this is something I denied for so long until the Lord showed me the truth.
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Old 02-10-2009, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Tulsa
2,529 posts, read 4,352,589 times
Reputation: 553
I was married for 18 years to an atheist. I didn't become a Christian until six years into our marriage. When I did, we sat down and discussed things. He agreed I would take the kids to church with me, and he wouldn't ever say anything negative about it. (The only time he ever had a problem with church, is when one of our son's baseball games fell on a Sunday or Wed night. Our son was the star of the team, and the coach would even beg me to let him play. I told him if it meant so much to him, he needs to go to the Little League Board and make sure no more games are scheduled on those days... he did... and from then on there were no games on Wed or Sun!)

When the kids and I would pray at dinner or whenever, my ex would sit quietly. He never minded me having the whole youth group over, or the times we traveled for Bible Bowls, or paying for church camp, etc. He really did try his best in that regard.

The problem I had with my ex was the times he wished I wasn't a Christian so I would get drunk with him, or do others things I wasn't inclined to do. He would, at times, tempt me like crazy.

Then there were the things he was doing that actually ended our marriage, which may not have happened had he been a Christian. Porn, drugs, drinking, cheating, etc.

I know if I ever remarry, I will only marry a Christian. Just makes things easier, and it's a command from God.

PS...my daughter who is now 22 is married to a man who wants to be a minister, she's a very faithful, intelligent Christian who loves the Lord dearly. My son, who is now 18, lives with his father, doesn't go to church, smokes, smokes pot, and drinks...all with his dad.
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Old 02-10-2009, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Gaston, North Carolina
4,213 posts, read 5,837,291 times
Reputation: 634
Quote:
Originally Posted by mzjamiedawn View Post
I was married for 18 years to an atheist. I didn't become a Christian until six years into our marriage. When I did, we sat down and discussed things. He agreed I would take the kids to church with me, and he wouldn't ever say anything negative about it. (The only time he ever had a problem with church, is when one of our son's baseball games fell on a Sunday or Wed night. Our son was the star of the team, and the coach would even beg me to let him play. I told him if it meant so much to him, he needs to go to the Little League Board and make sure no more games are scheduled on those days... he did... and from then on there were no games on Wed or Sun!)

When the kids and I would pray at dinner or whenever, my ex would sit quietly. He never minded me having the whole youth group over, or the times we traveled for Bible Bowls, or paying for church camp, etc. He really did try his best in that regard.

The problem I had with my ex was the times he wished I wasn't a Christian so I would get drunk with him, or do others things I wasn't inclined to do. He would, at times, tempt me like crazy.

Then there were the things he was doing that actually ended our marriage, which may not have happened had he been a Christian. Porn, drugs, drinking, cheating, etc.

I know if I ever remarry, I will only marry a Christian. Just makes things easier, and it's a command from God.

PS...my daughter who is now 22 is married to a man who wants to be a minister, she's a very faithful, intelligent Christian who loves the Lord dearly. My son, who is now 18, lives with his father, doesn't go to church, smokes, smokes pot, and drinks...all with his dad.
That is tragic, I will keep you all in my prayers. Just imagine though how much worse it could have been if you hadnt become a Christian. I thank God for you and your daughter and pray for your husband and your son.
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Old 02-10-2009, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Tulsa
2,529 posts, read 4,352,589 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by RobinD69 View Post
That is tragic, I will keep you all in my prayers. Just imagine though how much worse it could have been if you hadnt become a Christian. I thank God for you and your daughter and pray for your husband and your son.
Thank you Robin.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:14 PM
 
Location: The Land of Oz
112 posts, read 581,741 times
Reputation: 128
I'm married to a non Christian and have suffered so much!!!!!!! I wasn't a believer when we got married but I got saved after married to him for three years. He didn't like it that I changed. The Holy Spirit really convicted me and I was another person. He would yell at me cause I wouldn't get upset about money, unpaid bills, him being unemployed. I had faith. He hated it and still does. He was so angry when I started going to church with our kids. Said I was brainwashing them with a fairytale. So he hurts me the worst with having an affair with a coworker. He tells me that my beliefs are a problem. My religion has put a huge gap between us. He tells me this stuff. Says I'm naive. Again I wasn't a Christian when we got married. Before I was saved we never had a fight and it was a wonderful marriage but if I could do it all over I would still become a Christian. I don't know what to do next. He's living with his girlfriend but doesn't want to divorce me. It's a mess. I do know that if there's a next time, I'll marry a good, mature Christian man. In the scripture it says that all Christians will suffer and Jesus suffered. This has brought me closer to the Lord but I ask him how much longer can I do this. I want to feel loved and respected not like a door mat. I remind myself that God is in control and there will be a good outcome to this!
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Old 02-12-2009, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,728,231 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
This is a subject that has definate meaning to me and I am looking for a little insight deeper into it...from outside sources. My wife is a very faith based woman. Me..not so much. Occasionally this has caused some friction the particulars of which are not really important as we have always managed to resolve them in one way or another, yet she has professed to me that me not being a Christian does trouble her, sometimes deeply. Thus is my prediciment. I love her very much and have no desire to see her so troubled yet neither am I going to move myself into her faith. I have had my beliefs my entire life and they work for me. We discuss faith sometimes( I am well aquainted with the Bible and books of many other faiths) and as a philisophical exercise I enjoy these talks. I guess the nuts and bolts of what I wish to know is, at the core, are relationships between Christians and non Christians generally doomed to failure if one or the other partner does not want to convert? Is this a common problem?
It never really works.

Some of my cousins have married guys who are hindus. This other cousin of mine married a muslim girl.

Today their lives are ones of contention. There was a huge quarrel when one of my cousins insisted on baptizing her new-born daughter.

This one day I heard she secretly sneaked out of her house, smuggled the baby into a church for a hi-velocity before dark baptism.

All I can ask is WHY

It throws a huge question mark on the children. What would they become? The multi-religious baloney never really works IMHO. At least one of the parties ends up sorely disappointed.

It's up to the individual to choose, GOD or love. I would choose the first hands down and live my life in peace
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Old 02-12-2009, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,728,231 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by mzjamiedawn View Post
Porn, drugs, drinking, cheating, etc.
Exactly why atheists dismiss faith in religion, for it advocates against all these

But then we really need a foxhole to test if they are true atheists hehehe.
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Old 02-12-2009, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Out of Florida........
4,309 posts, read 6,442,249 times
Reputation: 951
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
This is a subject that has definate meaning to me and I am looking for a little insight deeper into it...from outside sources. My wife is a very faith based woman. Me..not so much. Occasionally this has caused some friction the particulars of which are not really important as we have always managed to resolve them in one way or another, yet she has professed to me that me not being a Christian does trouble her, sometimes deeply. Thus is my prediciment. I love her very much and have no desire to see her so troubled yet neither am I going to move myself into her faith. I have had my beliefs my entire life and they work for me. We discuss faith sometimes( I am well aquainted with the Bible and books of many other faiths) and as a philisophical exercise I enjoy these talks. I guess the nuts and bolts of what I wish to know is, at the core, are relationships between Christians and non Christians generally doomed to failure if one or the other partner does not want to convert? Is this a common problem?
A sure recipe for disaster..........................!
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