I need Godly advice please.... (women, believe, prayers, sin)
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Thanks in advance for reading this. I'll try to be brief...I was married to a man for 18 years. We had three children together. During our marriage he was unfaithful to me and as a result our marriage had alot of anger in it. Name calling ..on his part not mine...yelling, hostility, blame, etc etc etc. Sum it up to say it was not a happy place. We are both christians i guess i should say. We were in and out of marriage counseling for years...spent alot of time and money there but eventually, I had enough and I left him. He was very repentant when I left and made alot of promises but i was too angry to hear him and was tired of trying byt that point.(just being honest i know i was wrong but at that time i was just so tired of the battles).
this was two years ago. Now i am remarried. I love my husband, he's a wonderful man. My ex is also remarried. My children were devastated by the divorce..they were angry at me for leaving..even though they knew the reasons. we have tried to remain friends (the ex and I)as we are still raising the kids who are teenagers i might add.
I miss my kids. My heart breaks for them. I see them every other week but thats not the same. I am dying inside without them. I have asked my ex if he would take me back...he says maybe....but in the meantime he needs to 'see that i am serious'...and he wants to have an affair with me. Thats not what he calls it..he has 1000 ways of justifying without calling it adultery. He says he still thinks I am the wife God meant for him. etc etc etc. I am so confused. I do so want my children back in my life every day. I want to undo the damage and hurt that i caused by leaving. I want my family back. But...what would God want me to do? I know an affair( or whatever you want to call it) is not the answer...i know that to put our family back together would cause more people to be hurt. But what if he (the ex) is right? what if we are the husband / wife that God meant for us?? I have prayed and prayed. Begging God to show me what to do. I am empty.
Please tell me your opinion. Thanks again...
Thanks in advance for reading this. I'll try to be brief...I was married to a man for 18 years. We had three children together. During our marriage he was unfaithful to me and as a result our marriage had alot of anger in it. Name calling ..on his part not mine...yelling, hostility, blame, etc etc etc. Sum it up to say it was not a happy place..............
Please tell me your opinion. Thanks again...
llg63 my heart goes out to you. You are in a very difficult position but this is exactly the reason why God hates divorce. He knows this is the kind of strife it can create and God doesn't want that for our lives. I am not going to tell you what to do but that when you left your husband and remarried you committed a sin and God forgave you and now if you leave your current husband and go back to your ex then you are also sinning no matter how your ex spins it-you are basically committing a sin to undue a previous sin but again God will forgive you.
First and foremost do what you think God wants you to do (not your ex or your children) by praying and reading your bible and from the looks of things I can see you are doing that therefore I believe you already have the answer in you because I see the Holy Spirit is convicting you. Listen to the Holy Spirit who dwells in you and act on it. God will forgive you
Last edited by Fundamentalist; 02-22-2010 at 10:50 AM..
Divorce is ok with adultery-Jesus says so. If you *********r divorced husband, you become an adulteress. This guyed had an affair on you, now you think you want to become like him to your present husband-being drawn back in to this greasy guy and become a greasy couple? That will really "improve" your future life.
I am sorry but your ex does not sound very Christian like to me.
It also sounds like you may want to rekindle with him for the sake of your children which is a very strong reason. I as a Mother would also find it very difficult to live without my children. Are you not able to have shared custody where you have more equal time with them? This however, may not be easy on teenagers. Your children will be adults soon and what if you go back only to find that he continues in his adulterous ways? Your ex does not seem to care who he hurts along the way as he is now willing to have an affair with you. I am sorry but I do not see a happy ending if you go back to this man.
I think a lot of your pain stems from the fact that you are missing your children. Is there something you can do to improve this situation of having more quality time with them?
This is a tough one. Please pray to God earnestly and ask for his guidance.... my gut tells me your ex needs counselling.
Unfortunately, life has pitfalls in which we tend to fall into for whatever the circumstances are.
Married for eighteen years is definitely a plus in that in that marriage you produced children for the kingdom.
Unfortunately, like anything else, things happen and not necessarily easy things, but some hard things to deal with.
Our culture understanding, as taught can be very damaging to the soul, especially when it comes to the word or action of adultery.
Here are my thoughts, God saves our soul via the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, thus anything we do, good or bad, does not negate the work of redemption God provided us with.
But here is the problem: we are accountable for the sins we commit here and now via the consequences of what the world can deal us with.
In your case, your dealing with a moral dilemma of condemnation as well as the consequences of the cultural standards, also condemning.
First thing: settle things with God so that you will know to understand His forgiveness and release yourself from self condemnation.
Suppose He is not aware of what adultery means? Of course, did not Israel commit spiritual adultery not once, bur many times over, and still found forgiveness?
Listen, what is past is past, if you have a wonderful relationship with your present husband, by all means devote all your energies to that marriage.
As for your children, let them see your love for them in how you are handling yourself dispite the pitfalls.
They have to see that there is life after a pitfall, and not necessarily a life of condemnation.
Forgive yourself, make the best of what you now have, and invite your children to visit you as often as they would care to.
Be their strong pillar so that when they are faced with a pitfall, however deep it may be, will always have you in remembrance to help them out of it.
So, look forward with enthusiasm, for God has never abandoned you, just that you had a detour in life, but still on course.
You are blessed to have your children still love you, though it may seem not, but God will touch them eventually, as you remain strong and well.
It sounds very much like your first marriage is simply broken. You should not go back to it. You should take a close look at your current marriage. Focus on the spiritual merits of your current marriage. Ask GOD to show you where the current marriage is by His standards.
Pray for your children and love them all you can. They need your love and good example in their lifes. Remeber, GOD forgives the repented heart. Reach out to JESUS, as He is the only one who can give you grace
I agree with AJ. The children may be angry at present but they will see why you had to leave. It is important now to teach your children how to live in Gods light and set a fine example. Your children will understand why you had to leave.
Thank you all, reading and re-reading all of your replies. Please keep my children and I in your prayers...Llg
holding onto this thought from AJ -----> "So, look forward with enthusiasm, for God has never abandoned you, just that you had a detour in life, but still on course."
llg63...I Pray for you, that God will give you strength to be a good mom, even though you are more distant from the children than you or they would like. I also Pray that God will give you strength and perseverance to be 'loyal in your present marriage'. As the children mature, they will find out how important 'loyalty' is, and sooner or later they will love you for setting a good example. Take a few moments to read the word of God, a little every day, and it will give you peace to go forward, even when you feel otherwise!
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. KJV
Peace and Blessings to you, your present marriage and the children...Rkin
your husband is a classic selfish chauvinistic pig. who only wants to satisfy his sexual needs and don't care what his lovers feel. i am surprised you lasted 18 yrs. i would not put up with knowing he has other women intimately?! then be intimate with me too? yuck! well, from your post it seem u still love him or you WILL not put up with this pig for 18 yrs. if you truly need Godly advice refer to the 7th(?) commandment about adultery. and whatever 1000 diff ways your pig of a husband try to convinve you. it is adultery you are committing. you two are no longer married. but married each to your own partners now.
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