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It is possible. Where the South differs from the rest of the country is that there are towns, cities and counties here where black people make up half or nearly 100% of the population. To put it in perspective, the county with the largest black population in New York is Bronx County at 42.7%. Alabama has 15 counties with a higher percentage of black people than that with the highest being 82.5%, Georgia has 32 counties with a higher percentage of black people with the highest being 75.5 percent.
It is quite possible for someone to spend the majority of their life around nothing but black people in these places and only rarely come into situations where they might encounter racism. It's a similar effect that you may witness in places where the population is nearly 100% white, but they claim there is no racism. Can't be a victim of, or perpetrate to, racism if there aren't people around to do it.
Very true. My home county in SC is about 61% Black.
I can't really say that I've experienced anything directly racist such as being called the n-word or anything.
I think what some people don't understand is that religion/church in parts of the South is just as much of a social thing as it is a religious thing. Asking what church you go in those parts is akin to asking what school one attended or what exact neighborhood one is from in certain other parts of the country.
no i get it. but i don't think that excuses anything. yea maybe that's just a nice little question to another person in their neighborhood, but these are people who i have to work with. who should understand that i'm not from their neighborhood (obviously, they know i'm coming in from philly) and that maybe they shouldn't ask me about stuff like that because it's
a) inappropriate
b) unprofessional
c) none of their business
i mean someone asks me what church i go to, what am i supposed to say "none of your business" that's rude. i can't say that. so i just normally say "i don't go to church".... but people have even questioned me further when i said that!
like "oh that's a shame, why not?" so then what do i say? i then just tell them i'm not christian i'm and athiest, and maybe it's in my mind but it seems to alienate a lot of people once they know that. it's just annoying. and it's something i've never had to dealt with traveling any where else in the entire world. it's just flat out rude and small minded to not understand that not everyone is like you and that talking about religion isn't something you should be doing at work with someone who you don't really know.
i will say this though, in all my time traveling in the south it doesn't seem to be as racist as everyone acts like it is. i mean i'm sure there's plenty of it, but there's plenty in philly, nyc and everywhere else in america.
so i do think they get a bum rap there.
now i do only talk to people in the south in a business setting so i imagine there's less of an opportunity for people to be racist in those situations, but still, people act like the south is way more racist then it really is in m opinion.
the religious stereotype seems to be a bit more deserved to me though.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phillies2011
no i get it. but i don't think that excuses anything. yea maybe that's just a nice little question to another person in their neighborhood, but these are people who i have to work with. who should understand that i'm not from their neighborhood (obviously, they know i'm coming in from philly) and that maybe they shouldn't ask me about stuff like that because it's
a) inappropriate
b) unprofessional
c) none of their business
i mean someone asks me what church i go to, what am i supposed to say "none of your business" that's rude. i can't say that. so i just normally say "i don't go to church".... but people have even questioned me further when i said that!
like "oh that's a shame, why not?" so then what do i say? i then just tell them i'm not christian i'm and athiest, and maybe it's in my mind but it seems to alienate a lot of people once they know that. it's just annoying. and it's something i've never had to dealt with traveling any where else in the entire world. it's just flat out rude and small minded to not understand that not everyone is like you and that talking about religion isn't something you should be doing at work with someone who you don't really know.
i
the religious stereotype seems to be a bit more deserved to me though.
Here's the thing to remember though, in America they have every much a right to think the way they do as you have the right to think the way you do. Your civil rights weren't infringed nor did you have to deal with any negative consequences. It's the nature of a free society for people to have totally different views from you are. Their freedom is your freedom.
The next time you are in that situation, just do what I do and tactfully decline.
no i get it. but i don't think that excuses anything. yea maybe that's just a nice little question to another person in their neighborhood, but these are people who i have to work with. who should understand that i'm not from their neighborhood (obviously, they know i'm coming in from philly) and that maybe they shouldn't ask me about stuff like that because it's
a) inappropriate
b) unprofessional
c) none of their business
i mean someone asks me what church i go to, what am i supposed to say "none of your business" that's rude. i can't say that. so i just normally say "i don't go to church".... but people have even questioned me further when i said that!
like "oh that's a shame, why not?" so then what do i say? i then just tell them i'm not christian i'm and athiest, and maybe it's in my mind but it seems to alienate a lot of people once they know that. it's just annoying. and it's something i've never had to dealt with traveling any where else in the entire world. it's just flat out rude and small minded to not understand that not everyone is like you and that talking about religion isn't something you should be doing at work with someone who you don't really know.
i will say this though, in all my time traveling in the south it doesn't seem to be as racist as everyone acts like it is. i mean i'm sure there's plenty of it, but there's plenty in philly, nyc and everywhere else in america.
so i do think they get a bum rap there.
now i do only talk to people in the south in a business setting so i imagine there's less of an opportunity for people to be racist in those situations, but still, people act like the south is way more racist then it really is in m opinion.
the religious stereotype seems to be a bit more deserved to me though.
Best answer: 'I'm a spiritual person (optional) but I don't practice organized religion (straight to the point).'
The spiritual part is optional, but I threw it in there because I know many who fall into this subcategory, although it may not be you- in which case it should be removed, but you can't go wrong with the rest. The bottom line is there are many who believe in a higher power but not necessarily the Church. Just because someone isn't a member of any particular Church doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't spiritual individuals. Thumpers on the other hand will tell you that you aren't spiritual unless you are a member of a Church unfortunately, and will point out scriptures to support their argument. I find this rationale to be most prevalent in rural areas, but you owe them nothing more.
Originally Posted by phillies2011
in the five years i've been traveling to the south i've been invited to someone's church once. i'm not saying people are attacking me with bibles, but it's inappropriate and in all my years up north i feel confident in saying that the same would not happen here.
being invited to a church was the most egregious example of it but they are more free with talking about this type of stuff and i don't like it. i'm not one to begrudge someone else's religion. that's their own business. but it's just weird to bring me into it.
i'm struggling to think of other big examples, the only other examples i can think of is being asked what i gave up for lent a few years back and durring the same trip someone else reminding me that i was about to eat meat and it was friday... which i don't really even get... i thought it was only catholics who did this stuff.
the point is i feel like because the south is more homogeneously christian they feel more comfortable talking about this stuff with relative strangers because they're used to a world where everyone is christian too. i know they're not trying to be thoughtless, but i don't like it.
I think what some people don't understand is that religion/church in parts of the South is just as much of a social thing as it is a religious thing. Asking what church you go in those parts is akin to asking what school one attended or what exact neighborhood one is from in certain other parts of the country.
Same thing I was thinking when I read Phillies post. People don't understand that inviting someone to church or asking what church they go to doesn't necessarily even have anything at all to do with religion. They are just socializing.
Growing up in the South I just never considered that going to church had much to do with how religious a person was.
no i get it. but i don't think that excuses anything. yea maybe that's just a nice little question to another person in their neighborhood, but these are people who i have to work with. who should understand that i'm not from their neighborhood (obviously, they know i'm coming in from philly) and that maybe they shouldn't ask me about stuff like that because it's
a) inappropriate
b) unprofessional
No, it's a different culture. In other parts of the country it may be inappropriate and unprofessional and people adjust accordingly.
- Culture: Here's the thing I have an issue with, its got microclimates of cultures, but people generalize the entire region as the same culture. Dallas is NOT the same as Houston, Houston is NOT the same as Atlanta, Atlanta is NOT the same as Miami, and Miami is NOT the same as Dallas. Jackson, MS is NOT anything like Houston, Dallas, Miami, & Atlanta.
That's so true. Different parts of the south can be so different from each other and it does not mean that one is more southern and the other is less southern. So many people try to make the South out to be one thing.
Kind of funny how on a lot C D threads people in Dallas, Houston, Oklahoma, or wherever try to say their place is not southern because of all the ways it's different from say, Birmingham -and usually people who do that consider being southern as a bad thing.
But as you said, lots of different elements in the culture in different parts of the South. In spite of lots of transplants in some places or how different they might be from rural Georgia or Alabama or from Memphis they're still southern.
You make an articulate and reasonable case for your point of view -- and I mean that sincerely -- but IMHO, you overlook and/or dismiss something that can be summed up in the old adage: When in Rome, do as the Romans do!
OK, I realize the above is not exactly on-target...a bit facitious in fact. However, I stand solidly behind its underlying meaning as applies to your point. To wit (and with all due respect):
Quote:
Originally Posted by phillies2011
no i get it. but i don't think that excuses anything. yea maybe that's just a nice little question to another person in their neighborhood, but these are people who i have to work with. who should understand that i'm not from their neighborhood (obviously, they know i'm coming in from philly) and that maybe they shouldn't ask me about stuff like that because it's
a) inappropriate
b) unprofessional
c) none of their business
First of all, this preface heavily implies that you think it is all about you. That others should adapt to your notions of what is or is not appropriate in the realm of social interactions. Concrete fact is that you are in their/our neighborhood now and just might have to make some adaptations of your own. As to particulars? Well...
There is an old saying (and like most "old sayings", rooted in reality), that a Southern will ask the "new kid in town" where they are from...while non-southerners will ask what they do for a living. I never lived up north, but I can verify that my times up there confirm it. Thus, I could just as easily say that for someone to ask me what I do for a living is:
a) inappropriate
b) unprofessional
c) none of their business
What the difference here (or there, rather! LOL)?
BTW -- my own kids are "half-yankee" and my own experiences with my ex's families when visiting up North (Midwest) have been nothing but fun and enjoyable.
Quote:
i mean someone asks me what church i go to, what am i supposed to say "none of your business" that's rude. i can't say that. so i just normally say "i don't go to church".... but people have even questioned me further when i said that! like "oh that's a shame, why not?" so then what do i say? i then just tell them i'm not christian i'm and athiest, and maybe it's in my mind but it seems to alienate a lot of people once they know that. it's just annoying. and it's something i've never had to dealt with traveling any where else in the entire world.
ATL and kdb adressed this one very sucinctly as to how to respond. And at least as importantly in that an invitation to church is not necessarily a mission to save your soul, but to invite you to a social event/gathering. {Speaking of, I bet most of my fellow Southerners remember our younger years the first time we got together naughtily with a member of the opposite sex at a "church gathering" )
But seriously, on a related tangent, don't you know that a lot of us Southerners also get irritated when we are interupted on a Saturday afternoon when we are rooting for our favorite college football team and someone knocks on the door and wants to come in and "spread the Good News"? LOL
But most don't do that. In the overwhelming majority of cases, a query as to where you are from, what church you are affliliated with..and an invitation to attend? Well, it is not much more complicated than what can be summed up as good Southern manners.
Quote:
it's just flat out rude and small minded to not understand that not everyone is like you and that talking about religion isn't something you should be doing at work with someone who you don't really know.
No, what is flat-out rude and small minded is to presume that you (not necessarily in the first-person sense) are the one who sets the standard when you come into someone else's home. Again, your whole premise seems -- even though not stated directly -- is that Southerners need to adapt to your take on matters.
In a nutshell, we Southerners are the most hospitable and welcoming folks in the world if you return our natural hospitality with a reciprocating respect for our traditions and folkways. Simple as that. You can easily become one of us.
On the other hand? If you come down with a condecending, superior, attitude? Then you have no one to blame but yourself if you get yer gizzerd slit before being lynched.
no i get it. but i don't think that excuses anything. yea maybe that's just a nice little question to another person in their neighborhood, but these are people who i have to work with. who should understand that i'm not from their neighborhood (obviously, they know i'm coming in from philly) and that maybe they shouldn't ask me about stuff like that because it's
a) inappropriate
b) unprofessional
c) none of their business
It's small talk, that's all.
And that is inappropriate in your opinion. Remember, appropriate is determined by the situation you are in. Whether or not you like it, it's a socially acceptable question in some areas.
As for the others...just politely decline to answer, or tell the person that you prefer to keep that private. Unless they are incredibly rude, they won't persist to get an answer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by phillies2011
i mean someone asks me what church i go to, what am i supposed to say "none of your business" that's rude. i can't say that. so i just normally say "i don't go to church".... but people have even questioned me further when i said that!
like "oh that's a shame, why not?" so then what do i say? i then just tell them i'm not christian i'm and athiest, and maybe it's in my mind but it seems to alienate a lot of people once they know that. it's just annoying. and it's something i've never had to dealt with traveling any where else in the entire world. it's just flat out rude and small minded to not understand that not everyone is like you and that talking about religion isn't something you should be doing at work with someone who you don't really know.
Why do you care what others think of you? That's something you cannot control. Let it go.
And with the last part, once again, socially acceptable depending on the region you are in. Remember, the social rules aren't the same state to state, or region to region, whether you like that or not.
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