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Old 10-04-2011, 01:43 AM
 
3 posts, read 6,587 times
Reputation: 10

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Hi,

I am currently in Junior standing at my University. Last semester, I left school early due to severe depression. My school offered to give me a medical withdraw from my classes, but I was stubborn and decided to take "in completes" instead to finish them later. Part of this decision was based on the fact that I felt guilty wasting my parents money and (unrealistically) believed that I could finish my classes and get okay grades. I was wrong. Anyhow, I am currently enrolled in four units, and have one class from last semester left to complete. My parents, some friends, and the Deans at my school are not in support of me being back here this semester and feel like I will not do well. They have expressed extreme concern that I am back this semester, and my Deans have told me that, if there was a policy that could force me to leave, they would implement it. On top of this, my housemates just kicked me out of my house and I am in the process of moving into a different one with strangers. I have three midterms this week and am already behind/not doing well in my classes. I have no choice but to stick this semester out, and am trying not to look back and be too tough on myself with the decisions that I have made. All I can do is do my very best to do well this semester. However, I feel very burnt out and can't stop thinking about how I would rather be somewhere else. I am unsure of what major I would like to pursue. I was thinking about taking next semester off, but honestly, I know that I will regret it because I am already planning to live with some of my friends who I really love, and I feel like if I flake out on them, they will not ask me to live with them during our Senior year. Also I kind of just want to finish school on-time and power through.Basically I cannot get out of my mind how it would've been in my best interest to take this semester off. I have yet to find any positives about being here that will outweigh the positive long-term effects that taking time off would have brought to me. I do not want to take next semester off because I fear that I will not return. If I were taking this semester off, I would have a set date of return to the school. I feel stuck and I have only seven weeks left of this semester, but I can't stop thinking about how these seven weeks could've been put to better use traveling and re-taking some classes that I did poorly on on-line. Since I cannot change my current situation, I will devise another plan. I feel that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, but the idea of being at this school for another year frustrates me because I feel that I will not grow at all being here. I also am really burnt out in regards to the surrounding area and the social scene. I feel like I am suffocating and not growing here in this little bubble and I hate the fact that I will be here for another full year. Many of my friends are either abroad or are going abroad this year, and I feel like I deserve this but alas I am not going because I missed the deadline to apply due to me leaving early. It has always been a dream of mine to do this.

This is an alternate plan:

-- re-take the classes that I did poorly on during the summer on-line
-- re-take a class that I will receive a poor grade in once my "in completes" have been graded and turned in by my teachers next semester...
-- try to do the best that I can in my current classes
-- make the best of my housing situation
-- petition to study abroad for the Fall of my Senior year ( after finishing my in completes and raising my GPA of course)

-- generally hang in there and focus on the small,positive things
-- try to pray more and see if I can volunteer/spend more time at a local church.

Does this sound like a good plan? Would you suggest me taking time off next semester? I don't feel good about it. Should I try getting a medical withdrawal from my classes this semester? I do not feel depressed, but was hospitalized last semester for depression.

I am a very smart girl but my grades do not reflect this due to the fact that I started struggling with mental health issues during my Sophomore year. I know that I need some kind of break before I graduate to figure some mental things out--- I just don't know when else would be a good time, looking forward. This semester would kinda of only be the best time. I need to get it out of my head that I'm not "supposed" to be here now. Who knows, maybe something marvelous will come of it (although I can't think of what that is now). I cannot help but think how I am not truly enjoying being here, and how this is not the way that college is supposed to be. I know that I have the potential and ability to love it here and to thrive ( I did it my freshman year), and I want to get back to that place. I lost a lot of friends last semester and it is hard seeing everyone around campus again. I somewhat dropped out of the social scene, but it doesn't bother me much because my future housemates alwAYS do things together and include me. Problem is, I am not currently living with them and feel somewhat isolated.

Any advice would be appreciated.

'Just a confused college student wanting to make a difference, trying not to be too proud to admit that I might have to sort some things out, while also being inclined to "stick things out" and keep going. Change is scary.

Thank you!!
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Old 10-04-2011, 07:55 AM
 
3 posts, read 6,587 times
Reputation: 10
Any and all advice would be appreciated. I know that this is a long post. Thank you very much!
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Old 10-04-2011, 08:26 AM
 
12,076 posts, read 23,189,033 times
Reputation: 27203
You need to take care of your mental health issues before you worry about anything else. You went against the advice of the very people who are concerned about your academic success and you wonder why things aren't all peachy. Really? At this point in your life I don't think you are ready for this commitment. There is nothing wrong with that. Are you at least seeing the mental health people at your college?
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Old 10-04-2011, 09:39 AM
 
3 posts, read 6,587 times
Reputation: 10
Default Thank you

Thank you for your response. At the beginning of this year, both of the deans seemed to be on-board with me being here. They helped me to sign up for classes and spoke to me about continuing my education. Then, some of my friends went into their office and told them that they were concerned about me. Before this, I had no doubts that I would be fine. It was at this point when they expressed concern about me being here. I am meeting with a counselor on Wednesday. Perhaps I can receive a medical withdraw for this term. I know that it sounds stupid that I went against everyones advice; I was just afraid of going home ( it is not the healthiest of environments), and I did not like the fact that I did not having any real beneficial and pre-arranged positive plan for this semester. I was afraid of going home with no plan and then having deep regrets and an unproductive semester. I figured that I had to get through college somehow, and figured it would be better to stay on-track and just get through instead of having to take an extra semester later. I know that I can do fine in my classes, but it does say something that I am still pining about being elsewhere right now. I am writing this when I should be studying for one of my midterms. I think I just need to buckle down, do the best that I can, and graduate.
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Old 10-08-2011, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Washington, DC area
607 posts, read 1,214,843 times
Reputation: 692
IMHO, I think your mental health should be your number one concern. You can always go back to college in the future. It might be difficult but not impossible. Lots of people take some time off and you'll probably feel much better once you sort out your issues. If home isn't a good environment, do you have any other options? Could you work and live on your own for a while and/or go to college part time?

Best wishes and good luck on your exams.
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Old 10-09-2011, 08:05 AM
 
2,612 posts, read 5,574,783 times
Reputation: 3965
Quote:
Originally Posted by acole View Post
Hi,

I am currently in Junior standing at my University. Last semester, I left school early due to severe depression. My school offered to give me a medical withdraw from my classes, but I was stubborn and decided to take "in completes" instead to finish them later. Part of this decision was based on the fact that I felt guilty wasting my parents money and (unrealistically) believed that I could finish my classes and get okay grades. I was wrong. Anyhow, I am currently enrolled in four units, and have one class from last semester left to complete. My parents, some friends, and the Deans at my school are not in support of me being back here this semester and feel like I will not do well. They have expressed extreme concern that I am back this semester, and my Deans have told me that, if there was a policy that could force me to leave, they would implement it. On top of this, my housemates just kicked me out of my house and I am in the process of moving into a different one with strangers. I have three midterms this week and am already behind/not doing well in my classes. I have no choice but to stick this semester out, and am trying not to look back and be too tough on myself with the decisions that I have made. All I can do is do my very best to do well this semester. However, I feel very burnt out and can't stop thinking about how I would rather be somewhere else. I am unsure of what major I would like to pursue. I was thinking about taking next semester off, but honestly, I know that I will regret it because I am already planning to live with some of my friends who I really love, and I feel like if I flake out on them, they will not ask me to live with them during our Senior year. Also I kind of just want to finish school on-time and power through.Basically I cannot get out of my mind how it would've been in my best interest to take this semester off. I have yet to find any positives about being here that will outweigh the positive long-term effects that taking time off would have brought to me. I do not want to take next semester off because I fear that I will not return. If I were taking this semester off, I would have a set date of return to the school. I feel stuck and I have only seven weeks left of this semester, but I can't stop thinking about how these seven weeks could've been put to better use traveling and re-taking some classes that I did poorly on on-line. Since I cannot change my current situation, I will devise another plan. I feel that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, but the idea of being at this school for another year frustrates me because I feel that I will not grow at all being here. I also am really burnt out in regards to the surrounding area and the social scene. I feel like I am suffocating and not growing here in this little bubble and I hate the fact that I will be here for another full year. Many of my friends are either abroad or are going abroad this year, and I feel like I deserve this but alas I am not going because I missed the deadline to apply due to me leaving early. It has always been a dream of mine to do this.

This is an alternate plan:

-- re-take the classes that I did poorly on during the summer on-line
-- re-take a class that I will receive a poor grade in once my "in completes" have been graded and turned in by my teachers next semester...
-- try to do the best that I can in my current classes
-- make the best of my housing situation
-- petition to study abroad for the Fall of my Senior year ( after finishing my in completes and raising my GPA of course)

-- generally hang in there and focus on the small,positive things
-- try to pray more and see if I can volunteer/spend more time at a local church.

Does this sound like a good plan? Would you suggest me taking time off next semester? I don't feel good about it. Should I try getting a medical withdrawal from my classes this semester? I do not feel depressed, but was hospitalized last semester for depression.

I am a very smart girl but my grades do not reflect this due to the fact that I started struggling with mental health issues during my Sophomore year. I know that I need some kind of break before I graduate to figure some mental things out--- I just don't know when else would be a good time, looking forward. This semester would kinda of only be the best time. I need to get it out of my head that I'm not "supposed" to be here now. Who knows, maybe something marvelous will come of it (although I can't think of what that is now). I cannot help but think how I am not truly enjoying being here, and how this is not the way that college is supposed to be. I know that I have the potential and ability to love it here and to thrive ( I did it my freshman year), and I want to get back to that place. I lost a lot of friends last semester and it is hard seeing everyone around campus again. I somewhat dropped out of the social scene, but it doesn't bother me much because my future housemates alwAYS do things together and include me. Problem is, I am not currently living with them and feel somewhat isolated.

Any advice would be appreciated.

'Just a confused college student wanting to make a difference, trying not to be too proud to admit that I might have to sort some things out, while also being inclined to "stick things out" and keep going. Change is scary.

Thank you!!
Your situation is fairly simple - it's your thinking that is a mess. You sound like you are still somewhat depressed. It's like that book by Sylvia Plath - the Bell Jar - you can't see things clearly because you are looking at everything through a filter that skews it all. It makes it impossible even to think rationally. You probably won't take good advice at this point because it will seem like you can't do it or no one understands or it just isn't possible for some reason. In spite of that, here goes.

Stop regretting and thinking about where you'd rather be. That is completely irrelevant. Grownups can't afford to do that anymore. You have a job - complete school - and you need to finish it. A year is a short time, regardless of what that seems to you. Many many people do not have fun at college. Many people are depressed there. It makes it worse that you have to hear all the hype about how these are the best years of your life and it always seems like they are for a lot of people. But trust me, lots of people are not having fun. Fun is, in fact, irrelevant to college, in spite of what it seems. Social scene also pretty irrelevant. In a year you'll be somewhere else doing something else. Hopefully you chose a major that will allow you to find a job. Then you can worry about having a good time. Eventually, you will have a great time. It just isn't right now. That happens in life. You just have to motor on and get your job done. It's true what they say - there are no excuses in life.

As for retaking classes you did poorly in, forget it. Why? As long as you got the credit for the classes (toward your degree), do not retake them. No one is going to care about your grades, and anyone who does will not be impressed by seeing that you retook a C and got an A. It's still a C on your record. It's much more important to show a drastic improvement toward the end. Just focus on finishing school and doing well. Study and forget the other crap. Or at least ignore it.

Try to improve your housing situation if you can, but don't waste too much time on it or thinking about it. Schoolwork is more important. Going abroad may not be a great idea - take your advisor's advice on that. They probably won't accept you anyway. You can always go after graduation. Or maybe for a summer program.

I don't think you have time to volunteer more right now - you need to focus on your job, which is your classes. Don't take on new activities.

Good luck. Hang in there. Things will be completely different one day soon. That's a guarantee.
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