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Here's my two cents:
I have a degree and work in an office all day. Sometimes I think I'd be more satisfied doing something with my hands, some sort of craft. That kind of work can be gratifying and there's a lot to be said for that. More power to him.
Having said that, I'd kick him out. If he's not in school then he can work and earn a living and you don't need to support him. He's an adult, right? He shouldn't need your support to make a living. Make him live like an adult, pay rent, balance his budget, and go a little hungry when he gets his priorities wrong. Maybe getting kicked around the job market with various $8/hour jobs will give him some motivation to get an education. I didn't go straight to school, I went into the military. He ought to do something.
"He has tons of friends and is always busy"?! He's working part time, hanging out with his friends, and has no responsibilities! Where's the incentive for him to ever change that? He may just being playing you for a sucker. Don't enable his slacking; show some tough love.
So your answer is to throw him out like yesterday's garbage? Let him live, what, in a cardboard box until he has enough money for first, last and security to move in somewhere? That is if he doesn't freeze to death with snow on the ground and below freezing temps at night. I don't think so. That's not tough love, that's no love.
bbekity - One thing your son might consider is contacting contractors in your city and seeing if they will take him on as an apprentice. My dad had an HVAC business, all of our family friends had contracting businesses and I married a General Contractor (yeah, big surprise!). NONE of them ever went to a trade school - they all learned on the job site and that is how they hired people. Many of the "young kids" my dad hired eventually went on to get their license and start their own business. My husband and his subs are always looking for a hard working kid that just wants learn. They would rather teach them the "real way to do things" rather than what they get from a school.
Just something he can consider if he really does not like sitting in class, reading, etc.
PS - The only time I can get my husband to read something is if it is about construction or motorcycles and he HATED school; however, he is a hard worker, good with his hands and creative as all get out. Good luck!
I would never "kick out" my kids. I'd push though. I'm thinking that for everyone that was "kicked out" and got motivated and made something of themself, there is another one who didn't. Besides, my family is weird in that we all get along and don't mind living around each other or helping each other out.
bbekity - One thing your son might consider is contacting contractors in your city and seeing if they will take him on as an apprentice. My dad had an HVAC business, all of our family friends had contracting businesses and I married a General Contractor (yeah, big surprise!). NONE of them ever went to a trade school - they all learned on the job site and that is how they hired people. Many of the "young kids" my dad hired eventually went on to get their license and start their own business. My husband and his subs are always looking for a hard working kid that just wants learn. They would rather teach them the "real way to do things" rather than what they get from a school.
Just something he can consider if he really does not like sitting in class, reading, etc.
PS - The only time I can get my husband to read something is if it is about construction or motorcycles and he HATED school; however, he is a hard worker, good with his hands and creative as all get out. Good luck!
Thank you BH. Great and useful advice that I will pass on to my son. I've heard that it can be very difficult to get apprenticeships as the owners tend to have family members fill those slots much like your husband's family did. He was thinking of a Radiology Tech cert but I don't think his GPA will work and he would have to go back into a AA program again.
I would never "kick out" my kids. I'd push though. I'm thinking that for everyone that was "kicked out" and got motivated and made something of themself, there is another one who didn't. Besides, my family is weird in that we all get along and don't mind living around each other or helping each other out.
Not weird Ceece....normal. I asked my Dad why he never asked me to leave his house after I turned 18 whether I was working or not. His answer was "but you're my child"? Some may be independent and tough enough to make it at 18 in this crappy world, but some would be so much worse off if forced to move out without the necessary skills and money. At least he is working and seems to like where he works. Things tend to change daily at our house so we'll see what happens.
So your answer is to throw him out like yesterday's garbage? Let him live, what, in a cardboard box until he has enough money for first, last and security to move in somewhere? That is if he doesn't freeze to death with snow on the ground and below freezing temps at night. I don't think so. That's not tough love, that's no love.
I think the confusion is: He is still in school fulltime and working partime at this moment? I am going to assume he is going to finish the semester, so maybe done in December? If this is the case, going to school full time and working partime is all I would expect from him. That is enough. However, if January comes and he is only working partime and hanging out with his friends, that is not acceptable. If he were my son, I would have him work fulltime until enrolled in whatever new school program he is interested. Any fulltime job may be hard to come by today with this economy, but he could work 2 partime jobs.
Maybe you can clear this up because some posters are upset because they think all he is doing is working partime, running around with his friends, sleeping late and eating your food, and you seem totally ok with that. Are we wrong?????
I think the confusion is: He is still in school fulltime and working partime at this moment? I am going to assume he is going to finish the semester, so maybe done in December? If this is the case, going to school full time and working partime is all I would expect from him. That is enough. However, if January comes and he is only working partime and hanging out with his friends, that is not acceptable. If he were my son, I would have him work fulltime until enrolled in whatever new school program he is interested. Any fulltime job may be hard to come by today with this economy, but he could work 2 partime jobs.
Maybe you can clear this up because some posters are upset because they think all he is doing is working partime, running around with his friends, sleeping late and eating your food, and you seem totally ok with that. Are we wrong?????
I know this is a long thread and hard to keep up with. I have tried to thank everyone no matter their opinion for taking the time to answer, but I have no more to add to it. The issue has been taken care of within our family in the manner we see fit with our son. Thanks again.
Wow..it happened sooner than I thought. He just called to tell me college is not for him and he wants to start a trade instead. He was afraid he would be thought of as a "bad kid" for not going to college which kind of broke my heart. Anyway, he wants to get right into a trade school for plumbing and not wait, but keep his part time job. I only wish he had gone to the Tech high school nearby two years ago when he was struggling in a high performing high school.
Here is the post explaining his college status and work status, j.f.y.i.
I dropped out of high school in my junior year, got my GED, and never went to college. I started my own small business when I was 20. Thirteen years later, I have zero regrets regarding the educational and occupational decisions I made when I was younger. The problems I faced during my 20's had to do with excessive living and management of money....not making money.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,705 posts, read 58,042,598 times
Reputation: 46172
I too left college at age 18 (I didn't make it through registration, too many rules, too much structure)
I got a good paying full-time job in a career field of interest (with a GREAT company). I did 4 yrs of rotating around different depts and tasks. Age 19-26, I worked nights and went to school days + served an apprenticeship in a well regarded and excellent paying trade. The company paid for 3 degrees and I held 10 different technical positions during the next 30 yrs. I (and family) was sent on International assignments and had much respect and remuneration from company.
today, I find myself working back in my apprenticed trade (making decent money and enjoying working nights, so I can do volunteer stuff and additional school during the day,) Just finished another grad program (at age 'post-50')
Age 18 is not the most opportune time to set your whole life plan... stuff happens. (I became caregiver for a disabled parent the day I turned 18 (and for next 30+ yrs).)
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