Going Away to College vs. Commuting for College Age Students. (state school, pay)

[Pear Martini]

Originally Posted by sheena12

I was hoping to hear why some people think that commuting is a good idea , other than parental laziness to fill out FAFSA forms, the misconception that it's less expensive, and fears about children living in dorms.

So far that is all I have heard.

It is nice to hear you admit you are extremely biased.

I know for myself and other "Hispanic" students I'm friends with it is a cultural thing to stay with our family while studying. While many of us will leave home for college, a large amount of us stay and help out with the house. I wanted to stay close to my mother, learn to cook and take care of the house and interned at a Mexican owned real estate management office. This country is filled with many different people of different cultures and most South American, Asian, and Caribbean cultures are much less individualistic than American culture.

A large amount of my Asian friends parents can afford to send them to any school they please, but they usually stay at home until they start their careers. While commuting to prestigious schools they probably work on campus as well so I'm pretty sure there are plenty opportunities to make "life long friendships".

Also, for many 1st and 2nd generation people like myself we constantly hear our parents even once they are successful telling us to save $ and not spend on take-out everyday like our all-American counterparts. I learned to cook as soon as possible just to stop the guilt tripping!


Individualistic (United States, UK, Western Europe) cultures:
Individualistic culture is a society which is characterized by individualism, not collectivism. Individualistic cultures are oriented around the self, independent instead of identifying with a group mentality. They see each other as only loosely linked, and value personal goals above that of the group. Individualistic cultures tend to have a more diverse population, and are characterized with emphasis on personal achievements, and a rational assessment of both the beneficial and detrimental aspects of relationships with others.[1] Highly individualistic cultures include the U.S., Australia, Great Britain, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, and Italy.[1]


Collectivist (South American, Asian, and Caribbean cultures): A collectivist culture is one in which people tend to view themselves as members of groups( families, work units, tribes, nations), and usually consider the needs of the group to be more important than the needs of individuals. Most Asian cultures, including China's, tend to be collectivist.

[Pear Martini]

Originally Posted by burgler09

At the end of the day it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is how much the student takes advantage of their education.

I disagree with all of your points, and I don't think that going away improves any of those besides #4

Most college students are still helpless and rely on their parents even 500+ miles away. I learned more in high school than most of these college kids.

I agree with this 100%.

Originally Posted by StealthRabbit

I must be from a different planet.
Imagine even having the choice to go away... (And what defines College age? age 14 to 99+ AFAIK)

I was caring for a disabled parent, a farm, and working 3 jobs during my entire college programs (3 engineering degrees). Many of my friends were in similar situations. Some went a few hours away to school and came home Friday-Monday to care for parents and farms. Several would go away and work in AK or international and get enough bucks to support their parents and siblings, then later college for themselves. I put my Sis through college BEFORE I went myself.

BTW... I Commuted (only 1hr daily so I could be to work on time (2pm - 2AM-F + most weekends)). Good thing was that I had NO time to spend money, so I bought my first house at age 19. (Currently on house #24 and degree #5)

You should write an autobiography! I hope to one day be as successful as you.

Originally Posted by ram2

I know many who moved back home after college due to the above. For anyone who says college kids need a social life by living away from home, mid 20-somethings need a social life even more by living away from home.

Exactly. I know so many people that have spent over a year between graduating from an out-of-state college and starting their real lives. They live with their parents and continue to drink and go out many nights a week and stagnate in a stunted adolescent stage of life.

Originally Posted by sheena12

I know of SO MANY MORE who stayed at home and dropped out.
Community Colleges right out of college are notorious for this.

Because lower income students are likely to have to drop-out due to financial issues and older returning students drop-out more often due to work-life balance.

Why is this not common sense to you?

Originally Posted by burgler09

My beef with this thread is more or less how unrealistic the OP is. Do you seriously think there's less temptation moving away than living at home? I mean come on what a joke.

I honestly have no problem with going away to a college, I think it's a great experience.. hell even I went away. It is simply the pretentiousness of the OP that gets under my skin claiming that "her way is the best way and it is sooooo much better to go away to college."

Let's face it there are serious pros and cons to both, and in the end they equal out because the only thing that matters is the education you receive. If the kid isn't growing up by living at home, that is the parents fault for still treating them like a little kid. Like I said before, I was more grown up in high school than majority of these college sophomores that you see running around bragging about how much they drank.

The thing about community colleges got under my skin too. A person who fails at a community college is going to fail at a university too. It is not about the school, it is the student not being read for the college world.

It got under my skin as well. I believe I learned more as a working community college student than I would have getting black out drunk on a college campus with a bunch of kids, barfing on the sidewalks of residential neighborhoods, and parading around to college dive bars in clothing akin to what one would see at an adult entertainment establishment.

These are the main differences I see between commuter students/real people and children who live in bubbles and carry on in a adolescent period until their mid-20s at my "elite" college.

Originally Posted by sheena12

Because I differ with you, I am not "unrealistic".

It seems my post, for one so unrealistic "got under your skin" quite a bit.

This is not "my way". It happens to be the way chosen by the most successful people. I did not invent "going away to college" and I'm not inventing the fact that most people who take the time to do their research choose this option.

I am going to guess that you think I am being "elitist" or something along those lines and that you yourself did not go away to college.

I am not one bit elitist. I am realistic. Are you familiar with the attrition rates at community colleges? They are high.

Community College serves many purposes, Great for returning students, wonderful place to take a class in something that interests you, or to get rid of a requirement at your home school.

It has been proven to not be the best place for average to low performing students, and for inner city kids it's been a disaster.

The research about community colleges in not ancient or difficult to access. They have only been around since the mid 1960s.

So let me see. You started a thread under the guise of asking people what they thought was better? Only to argue with, be snide, and belittle people who disagree with you?

I don't believe that is the function of message boards.

You accuse commuters of being provincial, but frankly you seem to lack comprehension of any world outside of your own.

I guess I may be bias since in Boston we can commute to some of the "best" institutions in the country or the world.
But even in Florida, I was satisfied with commuting .

[tpk-nyc]

This is neither a fair nor useful debate because it's really about socio-economic class and disparity of resources. If the question were "commuting to Yale vs. living on campus" the answer would be obvious. However, not every school is like Yale.

It's a false dichotomy to compare options where no options exist.

[Katarina Witt]

This thread seems to have a lot of sub-topics such as in-state v out-of-state, private v state colleges as well as going away v commuting.

It is possible to live on-campus at a state college in your own state, even close to home. I live about 15 minutes away from the University of Colorado Boulder campus; 20 minutes from Front Range Community College; 30 minutes from Colorado School of Mines; 40-45 minutes from the University of Colorado Denver and Metropolitan State College of Denver; also about 45 min from the University of Denver, which is a private school.

Many students from my community go to these schools, most eventually live away from home, either in dorms or apartments. Most who go to CU-Boulder and CSM start out living on campus. Lots of college freshmen have some wanderlust and a desire to live on their own. One of my DD's friends said "it can be a long 8 miles from Boulder (CU) to Louisville (home)". Lots of CC students, and those who go to UCD and Metro (which have no dorms) end up renting apartments with friends.

I don't think there is a right or a wrong way.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by sheena12

6. Less temptations more focus on academics. In fact, a 24/7 focus on academics! That is why you are THERE after all!

7. Less distraction from non-college connected jobs. On campus work study jobs always defer to the academic schedule. If it's finals week and you are working at the mall - well good luck with that!

8 While living on campus, students are more likely to avail themselves of cultural, sporting and intellectual events and to be involved in extracurricular activities.

Your thoughts?

I 100% agree.

While many people can make it work both ways, I am the kind of person who requires forced compartmentalization.
In order for me to really get into study mode, the atmosphere needs to be such. Living at home makes that nearly impossible for me.
Living in the student/academic college atmosphere made it MUCH easier for me to get into academic mode and focus.
Just the difference between the 3 years I lived on campus and the 2 years I lived in an apartment were shocking.

I will have my son go live on campus. It's just different.

[ElijahAstin]

Originally Posted by Pear Martini

Here is another one of this users threads just reeking of classism once again.

To dismantle your stereotypes:

I was and I guess still am a college aged commuter student.

I'm not provincial. I moved from the snobby yet provincial North East, to South Florida- a place where Spanish is the most common language spoken and the culture is a mix of Latin and Caribbean. People are much more friendly and socially intelligent in South Florida so I believe I picked up more people skills living down there than I would have cloistered at an elitist North East college.

I worked the whole time and put myself through school. I made a handful of great friends, half or whom I met at community college and the other half working, future self-made people like me. They were American, Cuban, Jewish, Colombian, Chilean, all sorts or backgrounds. Some had wealthy Doctors as parents others were dirt poor and worked two jobs while attending college.

Now I go to an "elitist" college as a commuter in my hometown. The "kids" who went straight to this college from other New England towns like places in Massachusetts and Connecticut seem like commercialized children to me compared to the dynamic and self-made individuals I was meeting before I moved back. They seem just as provincial as their lower income townie counterparts, the only difference is they wear JCREW and drink more.

They all look the same with their $100 sweatpants, jersey tans, and bleached hair. I would want to push my kids to do what I did. Feel free to move about the country, learn the value of a dollar, while one day becoming a self-made individual like myself. I believe I would be robbing them of a REAL amazing life experience if I didn't give them this option, instead of spending 4 years getting drunk and high just to feel comfortable with themselves at college parties.

I have real self-confidence and self-respect because I worked for everything I have and I know that is something many other 23 year old women in this culture are lacking.

ITT superiority complexes clash with other superiority complexes.

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by Pear Martini

It is nice to hear you admit you are extremely biased.

I know for myself and other "Hispanic" students I'm friends with it is a cultural thing to stay with our family while studying. While many of us will leave home for college, a large amount of us stay and help out with the house. I wanted to stay close to my mother, learn to cook and take care of the house and interned at a Mexican owned real estate management office. This country is filled with many different people of different cultures and most South American, Asian, and Caribbean cultures are much less individualistic than American culture.

A large amount of my Asian friends parents can afford to send them to any school they please, but they usually stay at home until they start their careers. While commuting to prestigious schools they probably work on campus as well so I'm pretty sure there are plenty opportunities to make "life long friendships".

Also, for many 1st and 2nd generation people like myself we constantly hear our parents even once they are successful telling us to save $ and not spend on take-out everyday like our all-American counterparts. I learned to cook as soon as possible just to stop the guilt tripping!


Individualistic (United States, UK, Western Europe) cultures:
Individualistic culture is a society which is characterized by individualism, not collectivism. Individualistic cultures are oriented around the self, independent instead of identifying with a group mentality. They see each other as only loosely linked, and value personal goals above that of the group. Individualistic cultures tend to have a more diverse population, and are characterized with emphasis on personal achievements, and a rational assessment of both the beneficial and detrimental aspects of relationships with others.[1] Highly individualistic cultures include the U.S., Australia, Great Britain, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, and Italy.[1]


Collectivist (South American, Asian, and Caribbean cultures): A collectivist culture is one in which people tend to view themselves as members of groups( families, work units, tribes, nations), and usually consider the needs of the group to be more important than the needs of individuals. Most Asian cultures, including China's, tend to be collectivist.

You are also biased by your own cultural background.

Yes, there are "strong" and "weak" family systems. A "weak" family system is not a bad family system, but it is more individualistic.

I'm not sure what this has to do with etnicities that are more or less likely to go away to college.

I was not addressing students in foreign countries, such as China or South American countries.

First generation students of any background are more likely, for an assortment of reasons to stick close to home.

Asian Americans acculturate quite swiftly, and while they may come from a "collectivist" culture, they tend to chose paths in life that correlate most closely with success.

Many Asian American students do go away to college, in greater numbers than European and Hispanic students who are first generation.

[sheena12]

I started a thread because I was and am sincerely interested in understanding why people, who could choose to go away to school at the "pitch perfect", quintessential time to do that, chose instead to stay at home. I have a few conclusions. It's not a war, it's an exchange of ideas.

I am new to North Eastern PA, and the students I speak of, who are commuting next year, are at least middle class. Many of there parents look no further than the local colleges, ( and not only community colleges, but pricey mediocre private schools) in a 20 mile radius. These students are not first generation Americans. And these colleges are not spectacular.

In fact, to make maters even more unique, most of their parents also attended these local colleges
So they are not even first generation college attendees.

I was and remain curious about why people, who could do so, do not avail themselves of this unique opportunity to leave home and live in a community of people with the same objective as you - to get a degree. And the "leaving" is not a complete break.

Before you know it, it's Thanksgiving, followed by Winter break, Spring break and Summer.
Most students return home on several weekends in between. It's not conscription into the Military.
It is a good way to ease the eventual leaving home, that will or should occur at some point.

When anyone accuses me of being a "snob" or an "elitist", I have to laugh! I do not believe in amassing a huge amount of debt so that your child can go to a statusy school that will impress others at the Country Club. In fact, there is no Club.

I want my children to get good educations and to have good college experiences.
I do not want them to be the neediest students on campus.Or the most indebted.

Many of my eldest's friends are receiving expensive automobiles as graduation gifts, and are attending the pricey colleges that are in our area. Money is not the issue.

Granted, I am talking about middle class, or better, students who are not first generation anything.
Most of their parents are paying for college with little assistance.

There are well endowed private colleges that could assist these students - but the institutions around here have little endowment.

There are excellent state universities, with a majority of PhD professors, but many of these people look down at state schools. This confounds me.

In terms of minority, lower income, inner city and first generation students, the statistics for graduation from community college are dismal at best. Often they are not the recipients of "graduation cars" and they must endure tiring and arduous commutes using public transportation,
Attrition rates are abysmally high. When these students drop out, they do so with a mound of debt. And no degree.

There are programs for such students at many private and public institutions that are often free of charge, that provide a bridge for students in high risk groups to acclimate to campus life and sharpen their study skills. Students who participate in these programs are less likely to be overwhelmed, or to drop out.

Why don't more guidance counselors recommend these programs? Isn't that their job?

It is not a matter of snobism, it is a matter of the best outcome and pragmatism.

College students are still kids. Do I think that all students do at college is study? No. But it's so much easier to study with people who live where you live and share your goal of self improvement, learning and growth.

[LAW89]

I agree and I disagree with everything you said. Obviously if you have the financial means to attend a university away from home, more power to you. But with news articles posted daily “horror story of a college graduate with thousands of dollars in student loan debt” going away to college and drowning yourself in debt, doesn’t sound so appealing.

I’ll play the devils advocate and give some reasons why not going away to college might be a good idea.

1. In reference to # 1: 17-18 year old students may not be mature enough to handle living on their own. Many students leave and come home again. Even attending community college for 2 years and leaving at 20 might be a better idea so the student can mature and understand life outside of high school.
2. In reference to # 2: You can still make friends, connections, and network even as a commuter. The nice thing about this is that many graduates that leave for school and move home with family upon graduating lose the connections they made in the area they were living at the time; this won’t be the case for a commuter who upon graduating will have the same connections they had during college.
3. In reference to # 6: I think that when a student is living at home, commuting, and hopefully working a job it’s less time on partying, and more time on academics. I would think leaving and going away to school only encourages more party time, since there is no parental supervision. At home you still have those same rules, curfew, and a respect for your parents to not get wasted and come home at 2:00am.
4. In reference to # 7: Most of my friends that left for college worked non-college connected jobs; waitressing, bartending, etc. It’s very difficult to get a job on campus. I don’t find this to be true.
5. A commuter student will be able to maintain a year round job instead of having to quit and find a job every time they return home for breaks from school (summer, winter, spring, fall breaks, etc.)
6. And of course the biggie one LESS STUDENT LOANS. For people that have to finance their education it’s less money to take out in loans or spend out of a personal savings account. I personally would rather walk away debt free from college then have the college experience.

But… to each their own! I don’t disagree with everything you posted. I think students do gain independence living away from home. I think the friendships made are more likely to be long lasting and closer. I highly agree with your comment # 3 that is doesn’t allow students to think everything revolves around the city they grew up in “center of the universe” it broadens their perspective on other places in the world. Students get more involved in activities, clubs, sporting events, etc.

With anything there is a pro and a con. The most important thing is the student is taking advantage of their education and walking away and doing something with the degree they receive. It doesn’t really matter what happens during college, it’s what comes after you’ve graduated. Best of luck to everyone!

[Zara Ray]

I want to go across the country for college. The farther away from the west coast, the better, lol.