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Old 03-30-2021, 01:09 PM
 
1,070 posts, read 614,304 times
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I don't know if my kids will listen to me but after reading and seeing how expensive all the costs are I would highly encourage them to live at home for the first two years and attend a local college or junior college. I have one that is a senior in high school, has offers from several schools. First- in-state is a no brainer. I've at least convinced my oldest of that. Second, the "other" costs are brutal-- between living on campus, the meal plan, rec activities, man...... live at home and then transfer if you want after the first two years. Just thinking and trying to avoid debt.

I lived at home 3 of the 4 years of college. I enjoyed that more than living on a campus. I know everyone's situation is different though.

Thoughts?
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Old 03-30-2021, 01:33 PM
 
Location: on the wind
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You need to determine what your college support budget is and make that clear to them. If they are determined to go to college and there's a gap in funding necessary to make that happen, they'll realize they'll need to find a way to pay for what they want (regardless what school it is). Scholarships, grants, loans, work, etc.
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Old 03-30-2021, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
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There is more to college than just buying a degree to put on your resume. Depending on the choices you make, you may learn a lot more in the dorm room than you will in the classroom.

Another part of college learning is learning to live on your own, take care of yourself, share space with others, etc. A lot of people who do not go to colleges never learn the basics of living, how things work, how to be courteous to other people. they ar enot going to listen to mom & dad (or mom and dad cannot teach them) and they never really learn.
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Old 03-30-2021, 05:36 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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College is expensive ?? (you read...)

Be enlightened, expand your reading and horizons and options.

Some of my kids wanted to live at home (not an option), others wanted to live away. One lived as a resident volunteer at a Fire Station for 3+ yrs (Free, and busy, great experience ...). They ALL grew up a lot (handling it on their own).

No one starved, no one 'rebelled', all graduated Magna. 15+ yrs later all doing well.

To do it over... they would all do it very differently (no correct / perfect plan). Part of the growing up, choices, life progress.

College is SUCH a sweet time of freedom and choices and learning (about a lot of things).

The one who INSISTED On 'their plan', is still insisting @ age 40. Very painful to see yourself in the mirror of a child, as you know how they are going to struggle and get boxed around.

By age 40, I had significantly mellowed. We gave all our wealth to our family foundation at age 39, and started over, all fresh again. That too was a learning experience. We often excel when tested to the max.

Let your kids feel the 'refining fire'... and get burnt a few times.

I too am still 'learning'...
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Old 03-30-2021, 05:54 PM
 
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Hmm.

It can be if you make it.

My parents paid for my undergrad degree, but I paid for my other degrees, and I have more than one 'other' degree.

Generally, I agree, community college to local 4 year, living under your roof is the way to go. That can be pretty reasonable, and HOPEFULLY even more so in the future.

The educational system works in a very odd way. You have very few opportunities to select/change careers, usually only two.

Yet ... you have to use one of your decisions up before you've even been able to make any real $ or live in the real world.

So, I would compel my child to go out and make some money without a degree, zero in on what kind of life they want and then go back for the degree.

Community college first while they also do that would be a good idea.

A FAR cry from my parents pushing me to get into the best school I could get into...
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Old 03-30-2021, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Plano, TX
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They should go wherever is the best fit for them, ... and they should have some skin in the game.

I have been at the community college, and it was definitely a learning experience. I have been at the flagship state school, it was a learning experience. I have been at multiple elite top 10 private universities. They were learning experiences for different reasons.

Why does your child need to live on-campus? Why do they need a meal plan? Why do they need a membership for rec activities? When I was an undergraduate, I saved money by taking classes at both the public flagship university and the community college. I did not live on campus, but I could walk outside my building and throw a paper airplane into a parking garage owned by the university. My building did not have parking spaces for everybody, and all the units except three of them had to share bathrooms. I did not have a meal plan, I bought and cooked my own food, ... oftentimes toward the end of the semester I would get free food from classmates that needed to use up their meal plan. Rec membership? The kids are supposed to be at the university to exercise, but not at the rec center, ... They're supposed to exercise their minds, ... Again, it's supposed to be a time of transition and a learning experience, better to leave the nest in most cases, and definitely have some "skin in the game", and learn to make sacrifices, judge costs, have motivation for a better life, etc.
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Old 03-30-2021, 09:52 PM
 
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I have kids college aged so I have/am going through this process right now.

My advice is not popular, but it's very important that your students know what they want to study if they want to avoid debt. In the "old days" you could go to college and major in something and get a job after college with a company who would train you. You often would end up in a career that was different than your major too. You could switch your major with little consequence because tuition was much cheaper and classes were plenty. There was room to explore. But now all of that has changed.

The kids I know who graduate college with little debt right now do so because they had a grand plan. If they went the community college route they knew exactly what they needed to take for the 4 year public university and made sure that every class would transfer. Some did dual credit in high school or cook CLEP tests and easily shaved off a semester. Then when they transferred they stuck with their major, took advantage of internships, and graduated on time.

It's a shame, because older generations were able to have the college experience without much debt (and not just partying). There's a lot of growth that can take place when a student lives away from family for the first time.
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Old 03-30-2021, 10:48 PM
 
7,114 posts, read 3,941,309 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coloradomom22 View Post

It's a shame, because older generations were able to have the college experience without much debt (and not just partying). There's a lot of growth that can take place when a student lives away from family for the first time.
There is also a lot of growth when a student rejects the status quo.

I thought my friend was kind of crazy or out-of-step when she insisted her children attend a community college before transferring to a four year college.

There is so much pressure from peers to attend the best school possible. It's like a fever coming over a student to conform to the norm. Even parents get into the bragging of college acceptances. To stand against this tide is pretty impressive. It takes a certain amount of maturity.

I really admire my friend now for her sticking to her guns. Her children have grown into mature and capable young adults.

BTW, one of mine lived on campus at a private college. The college was small with small class size. He worked for one professor as a research assistant. Great experience. Another kid commuted to college. It was twenty minutes away from home. Also had a great experience and close relationship with professors.

When I attended college, the drinking age was 18. My day when we got a pitch of beer while dancing in the college pub. We didn't need to pre-game because we could purchase alcohol. Today, kids start college at 18 and can't legally drink until almost graduation. As a result, kids pre-game. They drink harder alcohol in high qualities. They are more drunk and less in control. It wouldn't be a bad thing to skip this.

Last edited by YorktownGal; 03-30-2021 at 11:08 PM..
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Old 03-30-2021, 11:16 PM
 
4,822 posts, read 2,616,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeminoleTom View Post
I don't know if my kids will listen to me but after reading and seeing how expensive all the costs are I would highly encourage them to live at home for the first two years and attend a local college or junior college. I have one that is a senior in high school, has offers from several schools. First- in-state is a no brainer. I've at least convinced my oldest of that. Second, the "other" costs are brutal-- between living on campus, the meal plan, rec activities, man...... live at home and then transfer if you want after the first two years. Just thinking and trying to avoid debt.

I lived at home 3 of the 4 years of college. I enjoyed that more than living on a campus. I know everyone's situation is different though.

Thoughts?
I think that you're on the right track. Living at home for as long as possible and going to a local college is indeed a cost saver.

I also lived at home for my entire Bachelor's degree program at Michigan State and enjoyed it. I visited dorm rooms on occasion and didn't like what I saw. There was too much on-campus drinking, partying, and time-wasting. I didn't have that at home. It was quieter at home and more conducive for better studying and less interruptions. I had the whole house to study in, from a large desk in my bedroom to using the dining room table to spread out my books and maps (Geography major). Better than studying in a tiny dorm room that you have to share with one or two other guys or have to go to the library.

Your kids should appreciate what you are doing for them - paying for college. That is a big deal. Not every parent can afford it or wants to pay for their kid's college costs. My father certainly did not pay. Why pay college costs for a loser who won't succeed in life? But I got a full-ride scholarship after doing well on my SATs and this "loser" didn't pay any tuition or for books and got a free ride anyway. LOL!

There is a difference in attitude on saving money when someone pays your way, versus when you have to pay for things yourself. For the latter, you tend to be more frugal. I hope that your kids appreciate what you are doing for them and that they see the wisdom of what you are doing more clearly.
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Old 03-30-2021, 11:48 PM
 
1,939 posts, read 2,145,571 times
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We just happen to live 10 minutes from our state flagship school. After sorting through the offers and scholarships this is where they chose to go. Most of their classmates who were also accepted there made plans to move out and into campus housing. Many schools now require students to live on campus their freshman year and if you live on campus you have to buy a meal plan. It is laughably expensive. We got a waiver because of our home zip code. You can live where you want after the first year, but we told our kids we weren't going to pay their living expenses to live 7 minutes away on or off campus.

We did think about the college 'experience' they should be having and figured they would last a year before choosing to move out. We made it clear we weren't keeping them here. They could move anytime, we just weren't going to pay for it. They didn't move. They made loads of friends, joined campus groups, found favorite places on campus to do homework, but also really valued having a quiet place at home to retreat to if that better served, they traveled all over and came by to sleep. They moved to the basement, had their own entrance and could sneak in for a nap and we wouldn't know they were there. So this arrangement worked out for us, but I could easily see it being a disaster, too. The family dynamic has to be right. They would tell you their college experience was fantastic up until the pandemic hit.

Outside of a roof and access to the fridge, we gave them no money. Insurance, phones, computers, travel, food, clothes, whatever they wanted was on them. They work about 20 hours a week. They graduate in May. There's no debt as they had academic scholarships. One is headed to grad school, which will require debt and the other has 3 offers and counting with money in the bank.

So that's how we did it. We're a regular family. The poster that said kids need a plan is correct. Our kids knew what scholarships they wanted and how to keep them. They were incredibly focused. College can be crazy expensive, but somehow we pulled this off.
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