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Old 09-12-2022, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Canada
14,681 posts, read 14,804,674 times
Reputation: 34681

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSPNative View Post
I’m looking for a friendly and kind response to say when people make odd or disparaging remarks about the school that I went to.
Say nothing. As you mentioned in your post, Pat is trying to get a rise out of you .... and it's working. You are rising and responding to his jibes exactly as he hoped for. So say nothing.

Don't get into disparaging conversations with Pat or anyone else about any educational institutions. When they start up you can just say you're not open for discussions on the matter and then walk away.

.
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Old 09-12-2022, 03:34 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
3,009 posts, read 1,973,611 times
Reputation: 11192
My take is that your brother feels bad that his school is not well known, not that he is dissing YOUR school, although you know him better. I would ask him "Do you wish you had gone to _______ (the school he mentions)?" and listen carefully to what he says.

If you talk to him about what he is thinking/feeling you might find he feels he was done out of a "name" school even though he is successful. He probably runs into jerk CEO's who all went to Ivy League and they put him down because of his school. I know how prep schoolers/Ivy Leaguers talk and they can be jerks.

Or he is maybe a jerk just like them and practicing on you so he can then throw it down with bigger jerks than himself.
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Old 09-12-2022, 07:44 PM
 
743 posts, read 1,362,933 times
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Pat is trying to get a reaction.

The best reaction is none.

When Pat doesn't get the reaction he's seeking, eventually he loses interest in trying to poke you that way because it doesn't work.
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Old 09-12-2022, 08:04 PM
 
12,070 posts, read 23,139,778 times
Reputation: 27177
Quote:
Originally Posted by GSPNative View Post
People in some circles in my hometown. They disparage the perceived political leanings of the school.
Most of higher education leans left so, if that's what they think, they are probably correct. I wouldn't try to be polite or witty. I'd just tell them to get off it; they sound like a broken record.
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Old 09-12-2022, 08:29 PM
 
7,181 posts, read 3,993,346 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
No verbal response will change Pat's "superiority syndrome", a learned and supported behavior from birth. Pat will always come back with a superior response. Let them have their day. "Do not respond to a fool according to their folly, lest you be like them"
Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
In our earlier lives, just punching him in the nose would have been an adequate response.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blakely View Post
Pat is trying to get a reaction.

The best reaction is none.

When Pat doesn't get the reaction he's seeking, eventually he loses interest in trying to poke you that way because it doesn't work.
Lordy! No one has asked me about my college in decades. What am I missing out on?

This is classic sibling rivalry. It goes back to Cain and Abel. Ain't going to change.

If you punch him, he'll press charges. It's unfortunate, because he needs a good punch.

Next time he starts, walk out of the room.
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Old 09-12-2022, 09:30 PM
 
12,101 posts, read 17,009,203 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCityDreamer View Post
Among the Asian community (Chinese, Korean, Indian), it is a big thing.

There are some people who think their life has ended if their kid doesn't go to an elite college or university.
Even that is pretty antiquated...

Just for some background, Asian Baby Boomer immigrants pushed their Gen X kids super hard to go to great schools because ... in their countries in THEIR TIME, it was 'almost' an automatic ticket to a great job/great life (well 'great life' in terms of high paying job = great life, which isn't necessarily so ... but I digress).

This was because 1) there weren't that many college graduates, 2) education is more revered in Asia. So ... if you went to a super great school in Taiwan, Korea, or India, you were sorta set. So those parents just assumed that ... if my kid goes to Stanford, their life is 'mostly' set. Fallacy...

Nowadays though, even in Asian countries, there are way, way, WAY more college graduates. So it dilutes the meaning of an elite degree.

So, even though there is a bigger push from Asian parents to send their kids to elite schools in 2022 than say ... white parents, it's not like it was before.

And amongst 2nd generations, it's a mixed bag.

Last edited by jobaba; 09-12-2022 at 10:29 PM..
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Old 09-12-2022, 10:34 PM
 
3,600 posts, read 1,632,236 times
Reputation: 3198
Your brother sounds very insecure. Reassure him that his program at the state school was very challenging. I'd also ask him "would you rather have gone to my school?" and ask him directly what is driving him to disparage your Ivy League school which almost nobody does as they are Topps in the nation.
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Old 09-13-2022, 03:59 AM
 
Location: Honolulu, HI
24,326 posts, read 9,203,569 times
Reputation: 22694
That's called toxicity.

The only way to "win" is not to play.

My sister has not even been to college and I would NEVER ever put her down. Just the thought of doing so would upset me. Time to cut off your toxic sibling.
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Old 09-13-2022, 06:24 AM
 
2,106 posts, read 1,432,929 times
Reputation: 5727
GSPNative.....You made me think of the Led Zeppelin hit "Rock and Roll" ("been a long time....."). You are back. Anyhow, it sounds great that your brother Pat has made 10's of millions of dollars. So I am assuming he is a billionaire now.

You should learn to get over it, be glad that a family member has been that successful and be content with your choices.

Nobody cares or has asked me what school I went to (they may assume I am unedumacated when theys meets me) other than the employment form where I applied for my job.

My brother is an attorney and I am happy having spent most of my days being a carefree jock. There is something to be said for drooling out of the corners of your mouth, breathing fresh air and not needing/or having to burn up excess brain cells. I am thankful to have a brother that is smart and can bail me out if I ever need his services. Meanwhile, I have learned to be content with visualizing clouds and flowers in my head. : ) Life is good.

Be grateful for others success and learn to enjoy the good things your life offers. There are many that would like to have attended an Ivy League school, if that is indeed what you did.
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Old 09-14-2022, 03:35 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
10,265 posts, read 13,785,826 times
Reputation: 18085
Quote:
Originally Posted by GSPNative View Post
I’m looking for a friendly and kind response to say when people make odd or disparaging remarks about the school that I went to.

For example, I have one sibling, “Pat”. Pat and I are probably equal in intelligence (although Pat might be a bit smarter; I don’t know). We’re both middle-aged adults. Pat has done extremely well; Pat made tens of millions of dollars in business and retired around age 40. I’m still working.

I went to an Ivy League school- one that basically everyone has heard of, and even when I worked abroad, people definitely knew the name. Pat went to a large state university, in a very hard program, even though the school is not well-known.

Whenever Pat sees a mention of another Ivy League school, Pat makes a big deal out of the other ones, saying, for example, that the other school is so amazing, and Pat goes on and about how great the other school is. Pat consistently does this.

I think that Pat is looking to get a rise out of me, but why would I care? I usually say something like, “Yes, that’s a great school.”

I’m not sure what’s driving this. My parents favored Pat and thought that Pat was so amazing and always made it clear that they thought that I was dumb, so it can’t be that. When people ask me where Pat and I went to school, people sometimes comment that Pat must not have done as well, but that’s false; maybe people say similar things to Pat.

Next time Pat starts going on and on about how great other Ivy League schools are, I’m planning to say, “You would easily have gotten admitted into mine, but back then, it didn’t have the programs that you were looking for, so it would have made no sense to go there. But I hope that your children would consider it when they start their college search.”

Would that be a good response: aiming to be affirming and supportive and aiming to show that Pat’s comments don’t bother me?

Thanks.
I'd tell Pat to shove it. I'm not about to deal with family like that, screw their feelings.
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