Colorado town becomes the first in the Nation to place a bounty on witches! (Fort Collins: sale, to live)

[Colorado Rambler]

And now for a little humor to liven up your weekend...

Cortez, Colorado: According to a press release issued on Friday by the Montezuma County Board of Commissioners, locals may now apply for a witch-hunting permit that is valid anywhere in the county. Permits cost $25.00 each and the county will pay a bounty of $500.00 for every verified kill. Bounty hunters must submit a broom, hat, and a magic wand from each deceased witch in order to collect the check.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, an official from the Montezuma County Sheriff’s Department further clarified that in the event a NRA inspired sharpshooter inadvertently brings down an Amazon drone, she will not face prosecution. The official went on to clarify:

“Amazon’s Jeff Bezos is the Spawn of the Devil. Our president has explained to the nation that Amazon has been taking advantage of the US Postal Service and the Taxpayer for years now. If one of Amazon’s free loading drones goes MIA, no one here in Trump country will shed a single tear.”


When asked what prompted local officials to implement the bounty, County Commissioner, Alferd Packer explained:

“Seems like every morning when we tune in the local agricultural show, there’s yet another mention concerning the president’s complaints about witches and witch hunts. It’s bad enough out here that we have to contend with varmints like coyotes and prairie dogs, but witches?

As patriotic Americans and loyal rural Trump voters, we decided to stand up and support our president. As everyone knows, the president and his staff are stretched pretty thin these days what with draining the swamp, Melania going AWOL, starting a global trade war, and making speeches extolling the virtues of Vladimir Putin.

This is the perfect opportunity for our farmers and ranchers to step in, get out their semi-automatics, and aim for the sky! To be honest, before we hit on the witch-hunting thing, farmers in rural Colorado were getting a tad discouraged. Not only have we been dealing with the worst drought in 30 years, Canada has imposed a 60% tariff on pinto beans – our main crop – in retaliation for the new US tariff on Canadian dairy products, as well as steel and aluminum. The witch bounty will help many a local farmer and rancher pay off their property liens and keep their tractors. Take THAT, Canada!”

In addition, the local Chamber of Commerce is quite upbeat, predicting that the witch bounty will bring in sportsmen and tourists from all over the United States and beyond. The permit fee for non-Colorado residents is $2,000 and 47 such permits have been sold already. Montezuma County plans to use the funds from the sale of witch hunting permits to create a hemp and recreational marijuana crop growing program which will encourage local farmers to switch from planting the highly volatile pinto bean and put in a few thousand acres of Maui Wowie instead. “We plan to keep the entire Front Range from Fort Collins to Pueblo stoned out of their minds. Ain’t no tariffs on that!” Mr. Packer exclaimed.

Indeed there is not.

[Mike from back east]

Witch hunts have been with us a long time....

One of them turned Jazzlover into a Newt .... haven't seen him since...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZB5ig6vpQug

[BarryK123]

Unless this is a joke, whoever came up with this should be fired and/or burned at the stake.

[Colorado Rambler]

Originally Posted by Mike from back east

Witch hunts have been with us a long time....

One of them turned Jazzlover into a Newt .... haven't seen him since...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZB5ig6vpQug

Poor jazzlover! I always wondered what happened to him.

[Colorado Rambler]

Originally Posted by BarryK123

Unless this is a joke, whoever came up with this should be fired and/or burned at the stake.

Ummm... You want to fire me from being retired? Anyhow, the same witch who turned jazz into a newt (see above) turned me into a salamander, and those can't burn you know.

[Mike from back east]

Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler

Ummm... You want to fire me from being retired? Anyhow, the same witch who turned jazz into a newt (see above) turned me into a salamander, and those can't burn you know.

and here all the while I thought a salamander was a form of kitchen oven or broiler....


Meanwhile, ding dong the witch is dead...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPIdRJlzERo


FYI: the last Munchkin just passed this week at age 98, the end of an era.

Ding dong the witch is dead, long live the witch.

And a City-Data Oscar to Colorado Rambler for Best Comedy this week.

[BarryK123]

Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler

Anyhow, the same witch who turned jazz into a newt (see above) turned me into a salamander, and those can't burn you know.

You got better, too?

[jim9251]

Ah Cortez...gateway to nothing.

[headingtoDenver]

Bring on the murder trial where someone claims the dead person was a witch.

[brightdoglover]

Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler

Poor jazzlover! I always wondered what happened to him.

He left CO and moved to northern New Mexico and continues to see doom in Colorado's future since it doesn't overly resemble the last 50 years or so.