[fchelmow]

Originally Posted by Yankeerose00

No, I don't think new job, just move. I think it sounds like dad, who is supporting his family sounds like he has been given a wonderful opportunity and dad wants the job so more weight should be given to him than the child.
A person is supposed to let a job and opportunity for a better life go away because the kids are going to have to make new friends? Trust me, they will live to tell the tale. There is always the opportunity for a kid to make new friends. Job opportunities? Not so much.
There are ways for a person to make the move easier on the kids.

Actually, moving before the kid gets to high school would be easiest for them. Nobody will even know if they are the new kid or not.
And what do you mean kids are worse than when we were younger? I grew up in the 80's and there were always the popular kids, the nerds, the bullies. If anything, there is much less tolerance for that type of stuff now. Kids change schools all. the. time. A new school is a new school. It doesn't matter if it's 30 minutes away or 6 states away. Unless a kid is exceptionally sensitive, they'll adjust.

Fortunately, my daughter is not an exceptionally sensitive kid. She is not shy; she is very outgoing, spirited, and dislikes people who whine. The other day she asked me, "Mom, if we move to VA, can I have a pony?"
I think she thinks everyone owns a horse in VA. Thank God for web cam and text messaging. She will stay connected that's for sure!

[fchelmow]

Originally Posted by fchelmow

Fortunately, my daughter is not an exceptionally sensitive kid. She is not shy; she is very outgoing, spirited, and dislikes people who whine. The other day she asked me, "Mom, if we move to VA, can I have a pony?"
I think she thinks everyone owns a horse in VA. Thank God for web cam and text messaging. She will stay connected that's for sure!

.....or maybe she's been watching too much Hannah Montana, hence the desire for a pony .....

[Yankeerose00]

Thank God for web cam and text messaging. She will stay connected that's for sure!

It is so much easier for kids to stay in touch these days. Years ago, when you moved, you moved.
In the town I grew up in, I had a lot of friends who I went to 8th grade with, then when it came for high school, they went to one school and I went to another. Even living 15 minutes apart put us in separate schools and I lost touch with them. It happens as you cross over from 12-13 to the later teen years.
Promise your daughter a few trips back to CT to visit her friends. I promise you after the first year, she won't even want to come back. She'll have made friends in VA. It's so much harder to make friends as an adult than a child.
Now I do truly feel sorry for kids whose parents drag them all over the place every year. Or kids whose parents move out of state, only to move back the next year. That's got to be hard on a kid to move 3 or 4 times during middle/high school.
Goochland county is horse country and there are plenty of places that you can go horseback riding or kind of lease a horse. It's really beautiful. I don't know what it is about little girls and ponies but for some reason at that age, you just want one. I know I did. I've got to tell my parents they owe me a pony.

[fchelmow]

Originally Posted by Yankeerose00

It is so much easier for kids to stay in touch these days. Years ago, when you moved, you moved.
In the town I grew up in, I had a lot of friends who I went to 8th grade with, then when it came for high school, they went to one school and I went to another. Even living 15 minutes apart put us in separate schools and I lost touch with them. It happens as you cross over from 12-13 to the later teen years.
Promise your daughter a few trips back to CT to visit her friends. I promise you after the first year, she won't even want to come back. She'll have made friends in VA. It's so much harder to make friends as an adult than a child.
Now I do truly feel sorry for kids whose parents drag them all over the place every year. Or kids whose parents move out of state, only to move back the next year. That's got to be hard on a kid to move 3 or 4 times during middle/high school.
Goochland county is horse country and there are plenty of places that you can go horseback riding or kind of lease a horse. It's really beautiful. I don't know what it is about little girls and ponies but for some reason at that age, you just want one. I know I did. I've got to tell my parents they owe me a pony.

Will come back to your post when I am feeling ambivalent! Thank you.

[JayCT]

It sounds to me that you are the one who is not too excited about this move maybe even more than your daughter. We do not know the circumstances involved with this promotion so it is difficult to comment on what is best for your family. Your daughter will most likely meet new friends and get over it but I am not sure that you will. Based on what you have posted though, it does seem that it would be a good move for your husband's career which I am assuming is your major source of income. If he does not accept the new job, what will that do for his career here? Some companies do not look favorably on people that do not want to improve themselves by accepting a promotion and relocation. I think you need to examine your feelings as well and try to accept that this may be best for all of you. Good luck, Jay

[RiceCake]

Army brat here.

I moved every two to three years. Moving is tough but the kids will be better for it as long as you give them something to lean on... we were always surrounded by mementos, visits, phone calls (now it would be FB), and a very supporting family. It also helped that we lived around other transplants...

As for school, they will have to be the new kid whether you move or not (eg. high school, college, first real job). New schools also offer them a chance to reinvent themselves.

Not saying this is for everyone, but my experience moving around made me very adaptive and outgoing... which has served me well in other areas of my life.

[fchelmow]

Originally Posted by JayCT

It sounds to me that you are the one who is not too excited about this move maybe even more than your daughter. We do not know the circumstances involved with this promotion so it is difficult to comment on what is best for your family. Your daughter will most likely meet new friends and get over it but I am not sure that you will. Based on what you have posted though, it does seem that it would be a good move for your husband's career which I am assuming is your major source of income. If he does not accept the new job, what will that do for his career here? Some companies do not look favorably on people that do not want to improve themselves by accepting a promotion and relocation. I think you need to examine your feelings as well and try to accept that this may be best for all of you. Good luck, Jay

Great question/observation. Thank you.
My husband is as far as he can go in his current job. His employer certainly wants him to stay and has counter-offered. But my husband has been dreaming of a job like this for a long time. Truly, a dream come true. He didn't think it would happen before he turned 50 but it has. Yes, you are right. I am having a more difficult time than my daughter. But I know I will eventually come into acceptance because my husband has never ever before compromised the happiness and integrity of our family. I'm going to trust his judgement and make the best of everything. Thank you for your well wishes!

[fchelmow]

Originally Posted by RiceCake

Army brat here.

I moved every two to three years. Moving is tough but the kids will be better for it as long as you give them something to lean on... we were always surrounded by mementos, visits, phone calls (now it would be FB), and a very supporting family. It also helped that we lived around other transplants...

As for school, they will have to be the new kid whether you move or not (eg. high school, college, first real job). New schools also offer them a chance to reinvent themselves.

Not saying this is for everyone, but my experience moving around made me very adaptive and outgoing... which has served me well in other areas of my life.

Hmmm .... perhaps I should view this as an opportunity to reinvent MYSELF! Funny thought but definitely worth taking seriously huh?
Thank you!

[fchelmow]

Originally Posted by jp03

Has anyone successfully or unsuccessfully done this? We moved 4 years ago but for various reasons may move back to CT. Don't hate it down here in N.C. land. Moved to afford a house ..that part has worked great as we have a nice house in a good neighborhood for less than half the price of a similar house in CT and half the taxes.. But its not New England and I work from home so meeting people has been very tough. So with all family and friends up there, it feels like its the right time to move back. Its too damn hot here too ..at least for me. Now, assuming I can actually ever even sell our house (I swear its that tough here), we figure with the softening of the housing market up there this would be cost feasible at this point. Not neccessarily looking for opinions on whats right and wrong (I'll take em though but more to see if people have completed this circle.

Advice to those looking to move south...you will not find the holy grail...trust me ... Good and bad with everything.

Let me hear any thoughts./.....thanks

Sorry if I took your question off course. I, too, would love to hear from people "who have completed the circle."

[fchelmow]

Originally Posted by JayCT

It sounds to me that you are the one who is not too excited about this move maybe even more than your daughter. We do not know the circumstances involved with this promotion so it is difficult to comment on what is best for your family. Your daughter will most likely meet new friends and get over it but I am not sure that you will. Based on what you have posted though, it does seem that it would be a good move for your husband's career which I am assuming is your major source of income. If he does not accept the new job, what will that do for his career here? Some companies do not look favorably on people that do not want to improve themselves by accepting a promotion and relocation. I think you need to examine your feelings as well and try to accept that this may be best for all of you. Good luck, Jay

It's the going from north to south that is MOST difficult for me. San Diego in a heartbeat. Richmond has its charm but .....