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Childfree and loving it. Wouldnt have it any other way..
This isn't an insult in any form, but the more selfish a person is the happier they will be focusing on themselves.
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Originally Posted by Nepenthe
True. I don't demonize parents. I feel bad when they rarely get to go have fun or enrichening activities.
I think this is a good example backing up my claim of selfishness. Nepenthe sees a child as someone taking away from them.
Many people get joy and fun through enriching the lives of others. I knew a guy in college that would use his spring break (and other breaks) to volunteer for Habitat For Humanity. He found enrichment through helping others and spreading joy. He could have been selfish, like me, and gone on Spring Break, but that wasn't what gave him joy.
I find lot's of joy in raising kids. Give me the choice of being out in a bar or opening my front door and seeing my daughter run to me to give me a hug and tell me what she did that day, and I'll take opening that door any time. Every now and then, I like going out to a bar or whatever, but if I had to choose one or the other, there won't be a doubt.
Some people are wired different. Not everyone sees beauty the same, enjoys all activities the same or have emotions the same.
BTW, most people with kids have plenty of time to enjoy things outside of the family. Some parents sit at home and do nothing, just as many adults without children sit at home on the internet or watching tv - doing nothing.
And I have never understood why certain parents feel the need to demonize the childfree, often insinuating that those who choose to be childfree are selfish, as you have just done.
Should I have a child I don't really want just because my parent's chose to have children? Poor kid.
Why is choosing not to have children anymore selfish than choosing to have them?
In both cases, you are choosing to do something you want to do......so you could call both choices being selfish.
I never did say "selfish" and personally, I don't care if you have a kid or not. I do care though if someone has a child that they don't want and ends up neglecting.
But yes, we're both being selfish for various reasons. I don't know why you would take umbrage. I don't. I mean, am I not reminded about how there's so much personal freedom, etc. etc. being childfree?
I never did say "selfish" and personally, I don't care if you have a kid or not. I do care though if someone has a child that they don't want and ends up neglecting.
But yes, we're both being selfish for various reasons. I don't know why you would take umbrage. I don't. I mean, am I not reminded about how there's so much personal freedom, etc. etc. being childfree?
You didn't say it but you insinuated it, perhaps without even realizing it.
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.......some person or persons raised them and had to forego
some of their "freedoms".
This isn't an insult in any form, but the more selfish a person is the happier they will be focusing on themselves.
I think this is a good example backing up my claim of selfishness. Nepenthe sees a child as someone taking away from them.
Many people get joy and fun through enriching the lives of others. I knew a guy in college that would use his spring break (and other breaks) to volunteer for Habitat For Humanity. He found enrichment through helping others and spreading joy. He could have been selfish, like me, and gone on Spring Break, but that wasn't what gave him joy.
I find lot's of joy in raising kids. Give me the choice of being out in a bar or opening my front door and seeing my daughter run to me to give me a hug and tell me what she did that day, and I'll take opening that door any time. Every now and then, I like going out to a bar or whatever, but if I had to choose one or the other, there won't be a doubt.
Some people are wired different. Not everyone sees beauty the same, enjoys all activities the same or have emotions the same.
BTW, most people with kids have plenty of time to enjoy things outside of the family. Some parents sit at home and do nothing, just as many adults without children sit at home on the internet or watching tv - doing nothing.
I'm sorry, but calling someone selfish is an insult no matter how you spin it.
BTW.....couldn't it be called selfish choosing to have a "mini me" instead of adopting a child in need?
I think this is a good example backing up my claim of selfishness. Nepenthe sees a child as someone taking away from them.
Yup, pretty much. Read on...
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Originally Posted by PedroMartinez
Many people get joy and fun through enriching the lives of others. I knew a guy in college that would use his spring break (and other breaks) to volunteer for Habitat For Humanity.
I volunteered for HfH! It was enriching.
I don't go to bars. Well, rarely anyway. Enriching activities take a lot of forms. It's the dissonance of wanting to go but not being able to go that I feel bad about. It doesn't mean I'm not still a friend to these men and women. They're just... different. I'm never entirely sure whether I should just not ask so as to not make them feel bad or ask on the chance they can make it to whatever we plan.
I am organizing an Ayahuasca retreat for next year. Peru. My brother, my girlfriend, my best friend and his wife, and several other friends. I'm even kicking in some "financial aid" for those who need it. I think it's going to be amazing. But it's become pretty clear that the folks who can go are the child-less and those who can't (but want to) have kids. I feel bad but what are you gonna do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by PedroMartinez
I find lots of joy in raising kids.
Some people are wired different. Not everyone sees beauty the same, enjoys all activities the same or have emotions the same.
I'm gladdened by the first sentence and I cannot help but agree with the last two.
I used to volunteer my services as security for an abortion clinic, the majority of the patients fell into 1 of 2 basic categories. #1 poor uneducated women. #2 middle class educated women. Those in category 1 probably don't have regrets because they already have children to care for, those in category 2 probably have no regrets because they knew they did not have the time or resources to care for a child.
Ya know, I'd never get an abortion unless there was a serious threat to my health or the child would be born with a disability that no rational adult would choose to live with. Rape? I'd probably still have the kid. Down's Syndrome? I'd still have the kid. Accidental pregnancy? For sure, I'd have the kid.
But I don't presume to dictate to other people how they should feel about what they do with their own bodies, and if I did opt for an abortion for whatever reason, it would be out of necessity and I would not regret it in the least.
All of that said, reading some of the responses here makes me want to go out, get knocked up and then get the newly formed fetus vacuumed right out of me as a big ol' FU to pretty much every sanctimonious post on here. Either that or string barbed wire around my uterus.
Stick to worrying about your own bodies. If a child can't survive outside its mother's womb, it's not a person. We don't legally require individuals walking down a street to help any other individual who may be lying there distressed or dying; there's no requirement to inconvenience yourself in the slightest to prevent the death of another human being. But there's huge swathes of the population that would require a woman to carry to term a fetus that could lead to her death or serious health problems because IN THEIR OPINION it's a fully realized human being. I know two women who have flatlined while giving birth and a third who actually died. I've got my own standards regarding abortion, but those are my personal standards and it's not anyone else's choice to make for me.
Regret? That too is none of anyone's business. But women certainly are not obligated to feel any regret to appease the moralists who would apply their personal standards to everyone.
I think stages matters- in the beginning- soon after or years later??
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I don't demonize parents. I feel bad when they rarely get to go have fun or enrichening activities.
