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It's one of the most common messages on the internet. It's time to stop having kids or you shouldn't have had so many kids or any variation of that. Maybe if people post it a billion times someone will read it and appreciate it. Or not.
What she did was unacceptable. It should be a warning to people not to have more kids than you can take on. I used to want 5 kids but realized I didn't want to end up too overwhelmed even though I love children. Perhaps some family member will reach out and help her because based upon how she looks and this event she needs it.
My SIL left her baby home alone in a baby swing all day while she was at work. I found out because I stopped off at my mom's place and the two apartments connected. I heard him screaming his head off. He had messy diaper and no telling how long it had been since he had a bottle. I didn't have a car seat to take him to my college class, so I stayed and took care of him best I could until she got back. There were no baby wipes and nothing to make a bottle with. I so regret not calling the cops on her. There were so many times I could've called the police on the family. The SIL was angry I had come by and took care of him and jerked him out of my arms.
I wasn't a perfect parent, but I never forgot my baby anywhere. I took her with me everywhere at all times. When she was a newborn I was too scared to leave her alone while I showered so I even took her into the bathroom with me and had her in her infant seat where I could keep an eye on her. I will never understand the mentality of the people who abandon or forget their children.
When I was a teenage baby sitter a long time ago, a baby was coughing and making throat noises. I moved the crib into the bathroom and filled the bathtub with hot water, so the humid air could help the baby breathe better in the crib. When the parents arrived, I told them the baby was in the bathroom for the humid air, and they didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with it. That was back in the days when parents were a lot more relaxed about their children, and the children grew up to be normal, under a lot less pressure. Modern parents would have been upset that I wasn't constantly in the bathroom with the baby, and/or that I didn't call 911 to take the baby to the ER. I just looked in at the baby once every 5 minutes or so, and spent the rest of the time watching TV. And the parents considered that normal, and had no problem with it.
There's a monumental/astronomical/astounding difference between taking your eyes off your kid for a second vs. leaving them in a shopping cart and driving home.
Nope, I don't see one. Either one is an imperfection that leads to a scary outcome but isn't worthy of judgment.
I contend that if something like "Baby Jessica" happened again now, the reaction would be totally different. You'd be hearing "what kind of idiot doesn't know there's an abandoned well present" or "if you can't have someone more fit than that watching your kids you shouldn't have had them."
Nope, I don't see one. Either one is an imperfection that leads to a scary outcome but isn't worthy of judgment.
I contend that if something like "Baby Jessica" happened again now, the reaction would be totally different. You'd be hearing "what kind of idiot doesn't know there's an abandoned well present" or "if you can't have someone more fit than that watching your kids you shouldn't have had them."
There were already people like that back then. Now they just have more means to express themselves.
And there is a difference in what happened to baby Jessica. No one forgot baby Jessica. They were kids playing normally when an accident happened. This woman here has priority issues.
I don't think she should lose the kids though. She obviously loves her children. She needs to examine her priorities. I don't think she'd make a mistake like this again. If anything she'll probably be hyper vigilant about them in the future. And the children would be extremely traumatized if they were ripped away from her. That's why so many kids as young as 2 or 3 years old are chemically sedated in foster care.
Again, what about the guy that told a pilot to drop a 500lb bomb on top of him? Distracted, stressed, low on sleep? *normally* impossible errors start to happen in those situations.
What about him. That's not even close to being the same type of mistake. Coordinates/numbers - intangible. A baby is a living breathing thing.
On another note, what is the deal with 4 kids? I heard that number a lot growing up being around girls/young women etc as the number of kids they wanted to have. Most guys I know were like 1-2...and every once in a while 3.
There were already people like that back then. Now they just have more means to express themselves.
And there is a difference in what happened to baby Jessica. No one forgot baby Jessica. They were kids playing normally when an accident happened. This woman here has priority issues.
I don't think she should lose the kids though. She obviously loves her children. She needs to examine her priorities. I don't think she'd make a mistake like this again. If anything she'll probably be hyper vigilant about them in the future. And the children would be extremely traumatized if they were ripped away from her. That's why so many kids as young as 2 or 3 years old are chemically sedated in foster care.
There should never be people like that, then or now. Period. That's my unrealistic expectations of perfectionism, though--ironic, as that's what much of this in fact is.
My contention is that people still get judgmental even when it is a case of "kids playing normally." I have heard many speak of how they never let their children just play that they ALWAYS supervise EVERYTHING, and how it's reckless to not do so.
Heck, even if she makes this mistake again, but it's several years from now, I don't think anything should happen. If it were every other weekend or something, then sure, but parents are going to make mistakes periodically. It's just how it is.
I have to be careful with my tone, but I have the most intense level of dislike towards this ideology of crucifying a parent who had an "oops" moment and making out like "I WOULD NEVER LEAVE MY CHILD THAT WAY" and "I have never taken my eyes off of them for a second." My blunt reply--if you say you've never taken your eyes off of your children for a second, you are flat-out lying, and you have no way of knowing FOR SURE that what this lady did you couldn't possibly do your own self.
In the past 15-20 years or so, expectations of parenting have gone through the roof. It used to be the case that others understood that things happen even under a reasonably watchful eye, and there wasn't judgment so long as the parent wasn't stoned or intoxicated etc. Look at how people rallied around Jessica McClure's caretakers in the 1980s, and look at how people reply now.
The people in the 1980s had it right, the people in 2015 have it wrong--and no, I don't care that "it's not the 1980s anymore." Decency and reasonable expectations apply to any year and any era.
Except the bolded is not what happened in this situation. She left her baby in a CART, got all her other groceries out but LEFT the baby, and didn't realize until FORTY FIVE minutes later. That's a significant difference from taking eyes off of a child for a minute. The two aren't even the same things.
Of course no parent is perfect. I stand by the fact and even admitted that I'm not a perfect parent and that I've had plenty of parent fails, but NOT to the extent where I risked my child's life because I forgot about the child--such as leaving my child in the car for several hours when it's hot out, or leaving my child in the cart and driving away from the store leaving my child in a situation where he could be kidnapped, or abandoned. But I have like many parents made mistakes such as taking my eyes off of him for a few moments while I was distracted momentarily by something. I've even left my son in the car for 2-3 minutes while I ran inside of a gas station to pay for my gas, or picked up a food item I ordered, etc--tasks that make little sense for me to bring him a long, because I'll be in and out. I've also kept my eye on him and stayed on my porch while he played yards away in our backyard. I can go on and on, but my point is that most parents have probably done things that are risky that can't be disputed, no one is perfect and on top of it 100% of the time.
But leaving a newborn baby in a cart at a store? That's a HUGE type of memory lapse. Consider for a moment that most moms that have just had babies are attached to their babies, or have had to adjust their lifes significantly because of all the responsibilities a newborn requires. The change is so significant during those first few months that your life sort of transforms into a 24-7 "take care of baby" routine. I remember it, because the change was so huge--it was hard to forget my son because my life became my son--every few hours he woke up crying, needing food, needing "something". I got little sleep. All my actions and decisions were influenced by "will he wake up" or "crap I have to take him outside and get all his stuff" to "I need to figure out how to dress him because it's too cold or too hot out"--I can go on and on but I think you get the gist... Forgetting a baby with that in mind, in a cart, at a store--where you got all your groceries out but somehow forgot the baby that you brought in with you--is a problem.
I don't think this woman is evil nor do I know if it was intentional, but I do think there are some clear PROBLEMS going on. She probably is stressed, overwhelmed, and tired and NEEDS help and probably has needed help EVEN before the baby got here. I get it--I do. But the thing is when you're a parent there's a huge difference between losing a wallet, a phone, car keys, etc versus losing the child, or leaving the child in the car for several hours and then later on realizing it and realizing that as a result of your mistake your child has lost his/her life.... The consequences are extreme when you consider the differences of each offense... That is why there are certain things that I'm pretty laidback and liberal about when it comes to my kid and certain things that I REALLY cannot wrap my mind around because of the shear possibility of the awful consequences are so ingrained in my head that I almost do a mental note to make sure that I don't do "certain" things such as leave him unattended at a public area for a long period of time, or forgetting him while I'm at work.
I have NEVER left my son anywhere for a long period of time, nor have I forget him. Perhaps I'm lucky but my son is not quiet, and never has been. And even when he was quiet, for some reason I NEVER forgot he was in the car with me. So unfortunately this is an incident where I can say as an IMPERFECT parent that nope I've never done something like that before because I haven't.
AS for the 1980's versus 2015--look I totally agree that parenting and the expectations are ridiculous but I also think it's ridiculous for a parent to forget their newborn baby at a cart in a store...
Last edited by Faith2187; 08-31-2015 at 05:51 PM..
That's just great. Lets ease up on here and act like it's just a mistake. Then we can see how all these people supporting her feel when one of her kids ends up dead from bad parenting.
She's probably too busy texting with a friend and trying to multi task her family.
I'm of a very mixed mind on this. One one hand, yes mistakes happen. On another level, this could have been really bad.
I think with 4 young kids she was probably overwhelmed beyond belief. I cannot imagine why she would take them to the grocery store, frankly. Is she a single mom with no partner to help her parent? Otherwise, the kids' father should be watching them while she runs errands. It's a good way for a father to bond with his children, and it gives her some space. I mean seriously, I can't imagine taking 4 young kids out to go grocery shopping - that's insane.
I do think child services should get involved, but mainly to help her establish routines that would prevent this from ever happening again. I've got severe ADD, but I've schooled my brain to focus on the absolutely crucial things that I must remember. So my dogs, for example, will never be forgotten, because they're my primary focus - lives that I am responsible for. They are at the top of my hierarchy. Just as this mother's children should be at the top of her hierarchy.
Lets ease up on here and act like it's just a mistake. Then we can see how all these people supporting her feel when one of her kids ends up dead from bad parenting.
No way. We can't ease up. We have to keep this thread going, to keep the pressure on her. How else is she going to learn?
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