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I understand the school's point, but agree that it's heavy-handed.
I remember square dancing in the 4th grade. I think the teacher must have said that the girls could ask the boys to dance because I can remember the room being dead silent while the teacher waited for one of the girls to ask the least popular boy in the class to dance. He often didn't smell good and he was just odd bird. Finally, one of my friends sort of harrumphed and walked over and asked him to dance. I admired her for that and wished that I had been that kind and generous.
Being rejected and left out sucks and I imagine that is the point of the school's rule. But the other side is that it teaches people that they need to please others at the cost of their own will.
I can definitely see both sides.
Our city YWCA had occasional Friday night middle school dances for the 8th and 9th graders. While it was normally boys asking girls to dance they always ended each evening with a girl's choice slow dance. I was the "odd bird", a poor farm girl. I remember the night that that I asked the boy who sat next to me in art class to dance. He was part of the "in crowd", the rich kids who lived in those huge houses on East Hill. The immediate look on his face (which he quickly hid) was absolute terror as he glanced over to his rich "in crowd" friends standing near him. But, he then smiled at me and said "Yes" and we danced together. This was over 50 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I bet that he was teased by his friends later on but the kindness that he showed to me that night was one of my fondest memories from middle school and high school.
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-13-2018 at 09:20 AM..
Our city YWCA had occasional Friday night middle school dances for the 8th and 9th graders. While it was normally boys asking girls to dance they always ended each evening with a girl's choice slow dance. I was the "odd bird", a poor farm girl. I remember the night that that I asked the boy who sat next to me in art class to dance. He was part of the "in crowd", the rich kids who lived in those huge houses on East Hill. The immediate look on his face (which he quickly hid) was absolute terror as he glanced over to his rich "in crowd" friends standing near him. But, he then smiled at me and said "Yes" and we danced together. This was over 50 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I bet that he was teased by his friends later on but the kindness that he showed to me that night was one of my fondest memories from middle school and high school.
Your story gave me goose bumps.
"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is wasted."
Yes. Cotillion. I wish I'd made my kids go to that. Teaches polished manners.
Outside of a Cotillion atmosphere (and now I'm going to sound 108 years old) 6th graders ought not be doing the kind of dancing where consent is required. Period. That's too early for full frontal contact. I realize a lot of them will be sexually advanced, but for the school to sanction this . . . in the dark . . . it's not appropriate. Cotton eyed joe is good, other group dances are fine and very fun. Not "slow dancing" in the dark.
Our middle school finally went to "socials". In the two hour event, there's a half hour of dancing somewhere in the middle of the evening if you want. The basketball gym is open, there's pizza, etc.
Because it was getting out of hand. Too many girls were refused at the door for wearing inappropriate dresses (really moms?) and the bathrooms always had some sobbing girl that a mom volunteer had to try to put back together. And the boys were too afraid to ask the girls to dance for fear of being rejected, so girls stood in clumps waiting in vain to be asked. No thanks.
Not appropriate.
Well, 6th, 7th, 8th grade is when many of us had our first sexual experience (and this was back in the 80s!), so I think schools probably were aware of this, I have no idea whats its like today, but in all likelihood, its probably much worse, as kids are introduced to this stuff earlier and earlier.
Prior to the dance, which is voluntary, students are told to fill out a card by selecting five people they want to dance with.
So nobody is being forced to do anything, except to agree to those rules, if they want to participate. All the mother has to do is tell her daughter not to participate. Problem solved. I believe the school has the right to make the rules for stuff like that. I think their objective is admirable. Their goal seems to be to teach the children how to build a little good karma, by not destroying another kids self esteem. The concept of which seems to be going over the head of the mother. I suspect her daughter is going to grow up to be a very self-centered person, like her mother.
Our city YWCA had occasional Friday night middle school dances for the 8th and 9th graders. While it was normally boys asking girls to dance they always ended each evening with a girl's choice slow dance. I was the "odd bird", a poor farm girl. I remember the night that that I asked the boy who sat next to me in art class to dance. He was part of the "in crowd", the rich kids who lived in those huge houses on East Hill. The immediate look on his face (which he quickly hid) was absolute terror as he glanced over to his rich "in crowd" friends standing near him. But, he then smiled at me and said "Yes" and we danced together. This was over 50 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I bet that he was teased by his friends later on but the kindness that he showed to me that night was one of my fondest memories from middle school and high school.
Both boys AND girls need to learn that not everyone will like them and that a request to dance or to be friends or to date can and will be rebuffed at times. That is a big lesson to learn. Everyone should be taught how to be courteous but also that NO means NO...EVERYONE.
A school dance rule described by a school district in Weber County, Utah as a way to teach inclusiveness raised concerns for one student's mother, KTLA sister station KSTU reported Thursday.
So apparently, this school has had this policy of NOT turning down anyone who asks you to dance. You HAVE to say yes, and dance with whoever asks you. This is a bunch of 6th graders.
The school is saying it's about being inclusive and teaching kindness. I think it's about teaching children, and especially female children that they don't have autonomy over their bodies. Honestly, if I was the mother of a female student (especially) I'd keep the student away from the dance, and go do something else special.
Either we believe that females get to have the final word on who they allow to touch their bodies...or we don't. I guess this particular school thinks it's more important to spare a boy's feelings, than it is to respect the girls' right to give consent.
Does dancing these days involve touching bodies? When I was in school, it didn't.
Yes. Cotillion. I wish I'd made my kids go to that. Teaches polished manners.
Outside of a Cotillion atmosphere (and now I'm going to sound 108 years old) 6th graders ought not be doing the kind of dancing where consent is required. Period. That's too early for full frontal contact. I realize a lot of them will be sexually advanced, but for the school to sanction this . . . in the dark . . . it's not appropriate. Cotton eyed joe is good, other group dances are fine and very fun. Not "slow dancing" in the dark.
Our middle school finally went to "socials". In the two hour event, there's a half hour of dancing somewhere in the middle of the evening if you want. The basketball gym is open, there's pizza, etc.
Because it was getting out of hand. Too many girls were refused at the door for wearing inappropriate dresses (really moms?) and the bathrooms always had some sobbing girl that a mom volunteer had to try to put back together. And the boys were too afraid to ask the girls to dance for fear of being rejected, so girls stood in clumps waiting in vain to be asked. No thanks.
Not appropriate.
The amazing thing is, that this is still going on among grown adults at nighclubs, today. The men stand around on one side, watching the women dance with each other, or with no one, and avoid asking anyone to dance, for fear of rejection.
My daughter went to cotillion for three years. For six Saturday evenings the middle school aged boys and girls dressed up and learned a few different dance styles. First the boy asked the girl to dance, then the next song the girl asked the boy. And no, you couldn't say no. An additional rule was you never danced with the same partner twice.
This wasn't a school function but something done by the town. It was immensely popular to the point where there was a limit of participants and if you didn't sign up that first day you probably weren't getting in.
They focused on polite interacting, learning how to ask nicely and accept graciously. In the middle there was a break where the dance partner escorted the girl to a seat, politely asked if she wanted a glass of punch and a cookie, and brought it to her if she wanted something.
The event was well chaperoned and done in a well lit hall. The last week parents were invited to participate as well. The kids showed their dancing skills and danced with one of their parents.
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Originally Posted by MDrenter223
I Love converging sensitivities.
Because it shows us what really matter.
Your feelings stop at my rights.
That’s how it works.
Every girl and boy has the right to say no, and that’s kinda the final word.
I see grey area. Kids who go to the dance are in a pool of kids who are willing to dance.
First, I don't think full frontal contact in 6th grade is appropriate, so let's take that off the table. I agree, no one should have to submit to full frontal contact with someone they don't care to. That's just nuts.
But no contact - or limited contact dancing - is different.
I really don't see how requiring kids to dance with those who ask - at a school function where they chose to be there of their own free will - is any different from requiring that the child invite all the kids in the class to the birthday party if they bring the invitations to school and hand them out.
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