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Without being there I can't tell whether you provoked that person or not, because why should I take your word for it?
You dismissed my earlier comment about lacking emotional intelligence, but what if that's the problem you're having with people and don't realize it? In this thread alone are several examples of people who clearly are not good at disengaging conflict, but want to call someone crazy because their response isn't what you think it should be.
You don't have to take my word for it B
But really? what is provocative about a simple request for ID? a request I've made over the years from hundreds of other without any issues whatsoever. Every time it happens I'm the problem, even though for me it's just a standard run of the mill event. (I don't care if some stranger buys beer or not, what would be my angle for provocation?)
However when multiple people are telling you the same thing, your insistence that it can't happen and doesn't happen isn't logical. It begins to feel like you're digging in your heels just for the sake of argument, and as such I'm done.
I feel that people, all kinds of people, are ramping up their open hostility. I think it started with internet anonymity, and has spilled over into face to face conflicts. Now that's what I feel, personal opinion, and I don't have statistics to back it up.
I feel that people, all kinds of people, are ramping up their open hostility. I think it started with internet anonymity, and has spilled over into face to face conflicts. Now that's what I feel, personal opinion, and I don't have statistics to back it up.
I agree. There's also group mentality that can whip an otherwise semi-reasonable person into a frenzy they would not have done on their own.
I feel that people, all kinds of people, are ramping up their open hostility. I think it started with internet anonymity, and has spilled over into face to face conflicts. Now that's what I feel, personal opinion, and I don't have statistics to back it up.
You don't have to take my word for it B
But really? what is provocative about a simple request for ID? a request I've made over the years from hundreds of other without any issues whatsoever. Every time it happens I'm the problem, even though for me it's just a standard run of the mill event. (I don't care if some stranger buys beer or not, what would be my angle for provocation?)
Well speaking from experience as someone who's been on both sides of that counter, I do know that there isn't always a good reason to refuse sale without ID. A good reason being that the person is visibly underage or your register literally won't let you make the sale without running their ID. Customers are aware of this, so they may assume you're just being difficult unless you prove otherwise. Does that mean you deserve to be cursed out for doing what you're supposed to do? Of course not, but you leave room for reasonable doubt when you aren't willing to reassure them that you aren't screwing with them
Quote:
However when multiple people are telling you the same thing, your insistence that it can't happen and doesn't happen isn't logical. It begins to feel like you're digging in your heels just for the sake of argument, and as such I'm done.
Multiple people are also repping me.
This whole disagreement ensued because people insist such an act doesn't need any sort of provocation, but the story itself points out that an argument went on between the man and woman that obviously led to the shooting.
OH yes. I have a customer who,every time he comes into city hall, he tries to start a fight with me about wearing a mask. He never wears one and I do not say a word to him about it (I am not going to get shot over the mask issue regardless of laws mandates or regulations). He is always the first one to bring it up. The first time, I found myself almost falling for it, as I tried to explain the city's policy. He immediately became belligerent and abusive so I walked away to find my supervisor. She wasn't there so I went looking for the next in command. He was gone when we got back.
Since then he's been in twice more to pay water bills or taxes or whatever and the same exact thing. No mask, I don't say anything, he brings it up trying to start a fight with me. I refuse to engage and simply walk away from him. Get my boss, she comes out and he's gone.
Some people just want to be obnoxious. They really, just do. They take pleasure in making other people's lives miserable. They don't always even need to see the results of their behavior. How about the neighbor who starts his big truck and runs it and guns it for half an hour or more at midnight, or 5 am waking the neighborhood. He doesn't have to see that he is disturbing us, he knows it. I've found that, no matter where I live, there are one of those. There is a guy like that in every block it seems.
People just like to be jerks. Some carry it further than others.
There are people who live life looking to pick a fight with anyone over anything. I saw it as a kid, I saw it in college, I saw it when working in a couple different factories, I saw it in the Navy, I saw it teaching and I've seen it as a public official.
There were a few people I worked with over the years where I would leave if they came into where I was because, sure as anything they there was going to be a problem at some point. This was years ago and the places were usually bars. Just like in the Toby Keith song As Good as I Once Was, he's having a drink and minding his own business when his buddy picks a fight with a couple bikers.
And yes emotional intelligence is in order. Like this guy right here:
Why was it even necessary to add in that last retort? Should've just walked away, because you can't accuse the other person of being crazy if you're not doing everything you can to deescalate the matter.
I don't understand your conclusion here. The last retort is exactly what deescalated the matter. Walking away, which so many people, including psychologists, recommend, does not work with certain types of people. Obsessive types, resentful types, compulsive types, a variety of types, will follow you, and continue the conversation or argument or whatever the dynamic is.
Emotional intelligence means being able to size up the person you're dealing with, so you can try to choose the most effective way to handle him/her. That seems to be what the poster you quoted did instinctively. Or maybe he just got lucky, and his innate reaction was the right one.
Here's a lousy surveillance video of the incident, but more impressive is her front door and entryway, into which Coleman fired multiple shots, and the mention of a "lengthy rap sheet."
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