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Man, I can't wait to start this job. The busier I am, the more I don't think about smoking. Sure, I'll have a craving here and there but most of the time, I'm noticing, I want to smoke when I'm bored. (And by "bored", I mean, I'm not doing anything...like when I'm on CD. No offense to CD but I'm not realllly being all that constructive here.)
This morning I made myself get up and drag myself, (I really was), downstairs to the Wii. And made myself turn it on and made myself work out. Didn't do quite as good on the running part today. Strange.
You know those people who say, "Oh working out is so fun! I feel like a million bucks when I'm done!" I want to smack people like that. I HATE working out. I pretty much hate every single moment of it. All I feel when I'm done is happy that I got that over with. The Wii makes it somewhat bearable. See, I don't like to "work out". It is INCREDIBLY dull to me. "Let's stand in one spot and lift weights" or bounce around. BOR! ING!
I'd much rather be out doing something like riding a real bike up real hills and over real terrain, not some fake stationary garbage with some computerized "landscape". I'd rather do actual walking than on some treadmill. We already know how I feel about running. I'd rather swim for real, not mimic swimming motions in some work out. I'd rather snowboard for real, or even ski for real, instead of some repetitive exercise segment that mimics the movements. Dullsville!
Oh I've worked out before. I've purchased those tapes and had some WAY too chipper hag on there telling me, "let's go! you can do it! don't stop now, only 347 more repetitions to go! That's it! You got it! Woohoo!" Man, b*tch! Shut! UP!
I'm not even fond of my Wii yoga instructor. "Oh, looks like you're a little stiff today. Try to maintain that balance..."
HEY! AHOLE! How about a little positive reinforcement! You have no idea what I'm going through just maintaining your "tree" stance so GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT MY BALANCE!
Or my Chico Metrics dvd, (this one works, holy cow does this one work...but you PAY for it!). This guy has us doing some small movement, (which doesn't look like much when you start and you laugh, foolishly, thinking how easy is this? You scoff and sneer as you get in to position, "Pscht, piece of cake!"), in 5000 repetitions. THEN! Just when you think you've made it, (and you did some serious psychological game playing to will yourself to stay with it till 5000), he then says, "Now switch sides and let's do 5000 more! Let's go! Feel the burn!"
How about you feel my foot up your ass! WTH is wrong with you!? Are you TRYING to kill us?! (But this one does work. It hurts, oh my God it hurts...and you hate...you seethe with hatred every moment of this tape...but man does it work. You see results FAST!)
Anyway, so that is what torture I did to myself this morning, trying to build up my lung capacity. Some parts of the Wii workout are fun and you don't start to realize it's not fun until you've done about 3 minutes of hula hooping and your ass starts to hurt...then it's not fun anymore and if those Miis throw one more hula hoop at your head, you're going to run over there and beat the snii out of them.
So I did that for awhile, switched to Wii sports just for fun and did everything I could to keep busy this morning. I'm practically done with laundry, the house is already clean, the fish tank is clean, I did the garbage yesterday, I don't have to go to the store so I can't dawdle in there for awhile trying to stay busy, the dogs have been out already and are conked out...
And now I don't know what to do but think about damn cigarettes. I find this very annoying.
I forgot to update yesterday by the way so I will do that here and then later, add another one.
Keeping in mind I didn't do so well on Thursday, I will subtract 10. Five for the ones I smoked on Thursday, 1 for the one I smoked Friday, and I'm adding a few more to equal what I may have smoked for all the times I allowed myself a puff. I don't think it's this much but I'm rounding up.
Congratulations on your new job--and I very much admire your honesty. As I said before, I think your method of "quitting" was doomed from the beginning as the smoking habit/addiction was not eliminated...it was only throttled back...and cigarettes and smoking were constantly on your mind and within reach.
Cigarettes were available and too tempting. Truth told, the most effective way to quit is to cold turkey it and go through the withdrawal--both physically and mentally. Sure, it's tough for a couple of weeks, but millions have done this successfully. You can, too. You're bigger than cigarettes!
Often we need help and behavior modification to do this. I got my support through the Lung Association and their smoking cessation program.
You're not a failure, you only need support and help to aid you in reaching your goal of being a non-smoker. I hope you reach out and find the support that will lead to your success!
Congratulations on your new job--and I very much admire your honesty. As I said before, I think your method of "quitting" was doomed from the beginning as the smoking habit/addiction was not eliminated...it was only throttled back...and cigarettes and smoking were constantly on your mind and within reach.
Cigarettes were available and too tempting. Truth told, the most effective way to quit is to cold turkey it and go through the withdrawal--both physically and mentally. Sure, it's tough for a couple of weeks, but millions have done this successfully. You can, too. You're bigger than cigarettes!
Often we need help and behavior modification to do this. I got my support through the Lung Association and their smoking cessation program.
You're not a failure, you only need support and help to aid you in reaching your goal of being a non-smoker. I hope you reach out and find the support that will lead to your success!
I still would have smoked whether they were there or not. The store is just down the road and I would definitely have gone there and bought a whole pack. So, having smokes around is not what is keeping me from quitting.
I'm still going to do it this way just remind myself of how I felt on that Thursday coming home after the run.
I'm not going to go cold turkey. I've tried that, it doesn't work for me.
Another day, another round of torture. This better be fricken worth it when all is said and done.
I forgot to update last night and frankly, I'm really not in any mood to talk about smoking or cigs or what I've done or what people think I should have done or WHAT ever. I'm in the $&*#@! anger part of this so maybe don't fricken lecture me right now!
The fact remains, I have had success. The fact remains, even after a setback, instead of throwing in the towel, I continue on. I am happy with that. No one else needs to be happy with it, no one else needs to think it's successful. The fact is, I have not smoked OVER 200 CIGARETTES, I am going to be damn proud of that accomplishment no matter WHAT anyone thinks of HOW I did it.
Spent most of the day getting ready for tomorrow. Cleaned the house again, went to the store to get things I need for the job, interviewed some dog sitters...pretty much took up the whole day.
I did have one cigarette when I was outside waiting for one of the interviewees to get there. Had no idea what to do with myself while waiting the 20 minutes. Everything was done. The bonus is, I did this outside now that my house is coming down from the "smoke smell", and I just washed all my clothes and bedding and don't want them to smell like smoke, either.
Even on my drive through idiotic traffic to the store, I didn't smoke. Now that is a major hurdle!
Once again realized, as long as I'm busy, I'm pretty good. So, tomorrow will be a long day and the only time I'm going to have any issues, I think, are at break time. I've never not had a smoke at break time...I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with myself.
Spent most of the day getting ready for tomorrow. Cleaned the house again, went to the store to get things I need for the job, interviewed some dog sitters...pretty much took up the whole day.
I did have one cigarette when I was outside waiting for one of the interviewees to get there. Had no idea what to do with myself while waiting the 20 minutes. Everything was done. The bonus is, I did this outside now that my house is coming down from the "smoke smell", and I just washed all my clothes and bedding and don't want them to smell like smoke, either.
Even on my drive through idiotic traffic to the store, I didn't smoke. Now that is a major hurdle!
Once again realized, as long as I'm busy, I'm pretty good. So, tomorrow will be a long day and the only time I'm going to have any issues, I think, are at break time. I've never not had a smoke at break time...I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with myself.
Total cigarettes I have NOT smoked: 220
Watch people who don't smoke.....copy what they do.
This is also helpful in not replacing cigarettes with candy/etc.
old cold, I'm so over the candy it's not even funny. I think I am all lollipopped out for a number of years! The people who don't smoke just sit there and gossip or eat. Or drink coffee. I'm not interested in gossiping. I don't drink coffee and the last thing I need to do is eat more considering how much hard candy I downed my first week at this.
Today was the first day at the new job. I did pretty well for the most part because we were kept busy. There were about two times that I reallllllllly wanted a smoke...not a whole one, just a puff. That's all I wanted. But, of course, I can't do that where I work, (not because of some lame policy about not having smokers, there's a really good reason for it), so I chewed my cinnamon gum until it was hard as a rock and I had a headache.
I purposely did NOT bring any smokes with me to work. I wanted to see if I could do it. I wanted to see if I could drive that long drive there, sit there all day, drive that long drive home and not have one.
The drive home almost set me over the edge. Every fricken snail on the planet was cued just in time to get in front of me and drive slow. as. hell. All I wanted was to GET. HOME. But NO! They were in no hurry. Speed limit? Pshaw. That's a suggestion. We intend on going 15 mph UNDER that suggestion. OMG, I seriously almost lost my sanity.
I think a LOT of that had to do with withdrawals. As anyone who has quit knows, your emotions can be heightened...what might normally just annoy you gets turned in to an all out melt down.
I will admit, I damn well did have a smoke when I got home. Well, about half because I got lightheaded off of it and went back inside the house after putting it out.
So...I'm getting there. It's not how anyone else wants me to do it but it's working for me. I'm not smoking a pack a day anymore and I'm actually doing ok with that. I'm not even smoking half a pack a day and I'm doing ok with that. I'm not even smoking five a day and I'm doing ok with that. So this IS working. I AM weaning myself off of the nicotine doing it my way.
Total number of cigarettes I have NOT smoked, 240.
240!!?? That's awesome!!! That is a lot of cigarettes you've avoided smoking. And a lot of money saved! Don't think about when you fail and have one, think about when you succeed and don't have one. You can do it!
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