Moving out of state with my children (Austin: lawyer, schools)

[bigbenmomma]

I'm a single mom to 2 wonderful children. I grew up in VT and moved to TX 10yrs ago. Most of my family is in or around VT. My dad recently had a bipass and though he says hes ok my sister and I believe he isn't and needs help.

I have a 6 yr old with a man I don't get along with (its unfortunate and a long story). She visits her father and though theres alot of things that need help I am hoping we can work with our lawyers and the Social worker so everyone is happier. The social worker is involved because he tried ot get custody so he wouldn't have to pay more child support.

I also have a 1 yr old whose got asthma and allergies. His father isn't in the picture. The pollution here is horrible and the air quality sucks. There been many days I haven't been able to take him out because its a level orange and could cause a asthma attack.

I've wanted for years to move back to VT to be closer to my family and because I miss it. I feel the move would be benificial for my children in that theres less pollution so would be better for their heath (my daughter has allergies also). They'd be able to play outside more, the schools are smaller so theres more 1 on 1, I can't say the schools are better because TX has great schools but I like the schools in VT alot. I feel the quality of life will be better for us.

My sister is also thinking about moving to VT. Her ex finally said hes fine with it so she is free to move. If she left my children would be out their aunt and cousins, and we'd have no family left near us.

The only thing is my daughters father would never let us leave. Its not that it would hurt him, since I will work with him so he gets visits and talks to her frequently, but he has control issues and would say no out of spite. I have thought hard on what would be a acceptable visitation schedule and will split travel costs and if he wants to visit us he is welcome to.

I talked to my lawyer today and asked her what she thought of it and she said that I most likely wouldn't be able to move out of state with her. Its a law to stop people from being spiteful. My ex and I don't get along and I don't like what he does to us but I would never take her away from him out of spite. I know the importance of a childs parents and don't want her to have to go through custody fights and being put in the middle.

Is there anyway that I can move with both my children. I will not leave her here without me, but know that it would be better for my children to move. Theres got to be someway I can do it without her father "agreeing" since I know he won't.

[Squirl]

I think you are not going to be able to convince him to permit you to move with your daughter. Gee, I know I would never let my ex move with my kid...... you say you wouldn't move without her. Why do you think he doesn't feel the same way?

[bigbenmomma]

I know how they would both feel. And I'd do all I could to make it easier on them both. I would set up video visits, send pics, let them talk on the phone, keep him imformed of everything, and he'd have longer visits in the summer and during school breaks. I don't want him out of her life, and know he will miss her but I still feel the move would benefit her.

[Squirl]

Just fyi, I moved with my 6 year old son w/ex's permission (he felt guilty b/c he was the crappiest of husbands). So that was 28 years ago & we didn't have video conferencing. But there were long summers together and alternate holidays, etc. My son and his dad never had the closeness of being there. For scouting and father/kid events dad wasn't able to be there. Over the years my kid was cheated out of having a dad there for the birthday parties, school plays, teacher conferences, sports games. As for me, life was good. I screwed my kid out of something I can never repay. Dad is a functional alcoholic but still he loved that kid and the kid loved him. Now my son doesn't have the time of day for Dad. And he very much suffered growing up, too..... FWIW.

[FarNorthDallas]

It is not at all uncommon to have restrictions about moving away from the other parent. Sometimes the rule is not out of the county, sometimes not more than 100 miles away and sometimes not out of the state.

[5stones]

go to another lawyer.
If you have a job out there and family and life will be better and you have full custody etc...
A judge just might see it your way. LOTS of people move out of state with an ex and kids in the picture. Do your homework.

If you do NOT have a better job already lined up...doubt it will happen unless the father agrees to it.

[justatexan]

Well I know it's possible. Jesse James (Sandra Bullock's ex) was granted permission to move his children from California to Austin away from their mother after a pretty lengthy court battle.

You just have to prove their quality of life would be better there and make your case.

Good luck!