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Old 06-03-2014, 03:34 PM
 
12,199 posts, read 23,114,652 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alastrian2 View Post
I've read and talked to others who say the jealousy thing is a bit less at the more prestigious private schools than say in HPISD. The gist of what was conveyed was that children at the more prestigious schools have less to prove, money is just a fact of life for most, and as long as you've got on a big tshirt and a pair of athletic shorts (for girls) or t-shirt and khaki shorts (for guys), you just go along with your social core (athlete's, dancers, geeks). Yes this is simplistic, but for some reason it made sense to me.

To wax a little bleeding heart liberal, I'm starting to feel as if my child going to one of the privates would be other kids pulling my kid up, while if we go public, it will be our family able to help pull other kids up. I think I will be less resentful of the latter, but I'm not sure if it's best for my child.
On your first paragraph- the economic spectrum is MUCH larger at private schools. You'll have everything from a kid taking 3 busses a day from south Dallas to get to school to the Jones / Cuban/ Dedman/ Perot kids (literal billionaires). So while it may not be a big deal for little Susie Billionaire to have 2 nannies (not to be confused with the estate manager or her mother's social secretary), summer in East Hamtpon or Carmel (while not on their "real" vacation to Africa), and be able to charge clothes at Neiman's or Korshak by signing her daddy's name (when clothes aren't being dropped off at her house "on approval"), can you imagine the culture shock of the full scholarship kid from south Dallas or the kid from 75229 whose parents are dual professionals and scrape together their tuition payments every month by the skin of their teeth?? Maybe little Susie isn't a brat at all; it's just the world she grew up in and she doesn't know any different. She may truly not be flaunting her wealth but it doesn't mean that seeing her wealth won't have an impact on less affluent classmates. It IS great for the "bootstrap" kids to be exposed to a much bigger world than they come from, but don't underestimate the jealousy and anger, especially during the early teen years.

Now I think at the Catholic schools, there is less wealth than at Hockaday / ESD/ St Mark's and probably less chance of Susie Billionaire being a classmate. There is also teaching (and likely parenting) from a core Christian value that one's worth lies in being created by God and living for Jesus and serving others. When life is rooted in that truth vs materialsm/ keeping up, it's easier to face jealousies and insecurities, or at least have a framework of discussion for battling these feelings. Broad generalization, I know, but again a nuance to Christian-based education vs the more secular schools.

On your second paragraph, I commend you for thinking that way and I wish more educated middle / upper middle class people would have similar thoughts! Yes, it's somewhat risky but your kid is going to turn out great because he/she has involved and educated parents who care. Imagine the impact your family can have on his/her classmates by being involved in the classmates / friends lives as well!
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Old 06-03-2014, 04:41 PM
 
1,212 posts, read 1,925,883 times
Reputation: 1074
Quote:
Originally Posted by alastrian2 View Post
I've read and talked to others who say the jealousy thing is a bit less at the more prestigious private schools than say in HPISD. The gist of what was conveyed was that children at the more prestigious schools have less to prove, money is just a fact of life for most, and as long as you've got on a big tshirt and a pair of athletic shorts (for girls) or t-shirt and khaki shorts (for guys), you just go along with your social core (athlete's, dancers, geeks). Yes this is simplistic, but for some reason it made sense to me.

To wax a little bleeding heart liberal, I'm starting to feel as if my child going to one of the privates would be other kids pulling my kid up, while if we go public, it will be our family able to help pull other kids up. I think I will be less resentful of the latter, but I'm not sure if it's best for my child.
One smart thing that the private schools do is the use of uniforms. In middle school one of the only ways to distinguish yourself (while at school) is the backpack (not many purses). However, even an expensive backpack, is less than $300.00. Far better than worrying about shoes, clothes, etc. on a daily basis.
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Old 06-03-2014, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX
2,828 posts, read 3,698,241 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HockDad View Post
One smart thing that the private schools do is the use of uniforms. In middle school one of the only ways to distinguish yourself (while at school) is the backpack (not many purses). However, even an expensive backpack, is less than $300.00. Far better than worrying about shoes, clothes, etc. on a daily basis.
True but seeing a classmate being dropped off by their driver in a Bentley every day while your mom is dropping you off in the 1999 Honda Odyssey puts those thoughts on high alert as well. If we are going to think uniforms are going to keep kids from knowing who's rich vs poor... That's just insulting.
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Old 06-03-2014, 06:48 PM
 
91 posts, read 126,539 times
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These schools keep uniforms just to give preppy vibes & to avoid dress code enforcement dilemmas, not to make Susie Billionaire & Misty Financial Aid feel equal. There are so many ways "class diffrence" is obvious, donations, connections, homes, cars, tutors, nannies, country clubs, vacations, phones, bags, camps etc etc. Misty may develop lifelong insecurities or may not care at all but it is insensitive to shove an impressionable kid to deal with all unnecessary emotional burden.
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:00 PM
 
Location: Funky town
954 posts, read 1,533,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alastrian2 View Post
To wax a little bleeding heart liberal, I'm starting to feel as if my child going to one of the privates would be other kids pulling my kid up, while if we go public, it will be our family able to help pull other kids up. I think I will be less resentful of the latter, but I'm not sure if it's best for my child.
It looks like you have your heart set on privates. However, if you think public schools are going to pull your kids back, you are probably speaking with reference to where you live because if you put your kids at elite publics such as Plano, coppell or southlake ISD (factoring on diversity that is completely lacking at privates and HPISD), it will blow your socks off. If either of these ISDs accepted only top 20% of the class then I doubt any private will even come close.
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:18 PM
 
Location: The Village
1,622 posts, read 4,073,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleCreek80 View Post
Now I think at the Catholic schools, there is less wealth than at Hockaday / ESD/ St Mark's and probably less chance of Susie Billionaire being a classmate. There is also teaching (and likely parenting) from a core Christian value that one's worth lies in being created by God and living for Jesus and serving others. When life is rooted in that truth vs materialsm/ keeping up, it's easier to face jealousies and insecurities, or at least have a framework of discussion for battling these feelings. Broad generalization, I know, but again a nuance to Christian-based education vs the more secular schools.
As much as one might hope there's more parenting from a Christian social justice perspective in the Catholic schools, from my experience there isn't any difference. The most "Christian" parents I've seen in the private school world are ironically at Greenhill.

It may be true there are few if any billionaires' children at Jesuit and Ursuline, but there are a lot of millionaires' children. "Average" at Jesuit is probably a household income of $300k or so. Kids don't talk about where they summer or what brand their blazer is, but a kid whose family doesn't have disposable cash is probably going to notice it to some degree when they can't go on the team trip or the spring break to Rome or whatever that many other kids take for granted.
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Old 06-04-2014, 08:28 AM
 
244 posts, read 321,012 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frenzyrider View Post
It looks like you have your heart set on privates. However, if you think public schools are going to pull your kids back, you are probably speaking with reference to where you live because if you put your kids at elite publics such as Plano, coppell or southlake ISD (factoring on diversity that is completely lacking at privates and HPISD), it will blow your socks off. If either of these ISDs accepted only top 20% of the class then I doubt any private will even come close.
I do not have my heart set on privates. I have my heart set on a place where my competitive albeit lazy kid will flourish because he has to keep up (see prior post).
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Old 06-04-2014, 09:01 AM
 
244 posts, read 321,012 times
Reputation: 205
Just so this thread can close out, thanks for all of the responses. We just can't afford the higher end privates- two professional incomes won't cut it without very significant sacrifice, so we're going to do a deep dive on the DISD public options for elementary school and figure it out after that. Again, thanks for all of the food for though and guidance.
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Old 06-04-2014, 10:39 AM
 
1,212 posts, read 1,925,883 times
Reputation: 1074
Quote:
Originally Posted by bencronin04 View Post
True but seeing a classmate being dropped off by their driver in a Bentley every day while your mom is dropping you off in the 1999 Honda Odyssey puts those thoughts on high alert as well. If we are going to think uniforms are going to keep kids from knowing who's rich vs poor... That's just insulting.
I don't think uniforms keep the kids from knowing who is rich and poor, but it does keep it in check to some extent, especially when the kids are young. When I went to public school I "wanted" the latest polo shirt, or cool jeans, etc. I remember my dad complaining that my jeans cost 3x the amount of his jeans. Those issues are lessened by uniforms.
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Old 06-04-2014, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX
2,346 posts, read 6,121,729 times
Reputation: 2305
Quote:
Originally Posted by Renu.Uner View Post
There are so many ways "class diffrence" is obvious, donations, connections, homes, cars, tutors, nannies, country clubs, vacations, phones, bags, camps etc etc. Misty may develop lifelong insecurities or may not care at all but it is insensitive to shove an impressionable kid to deal with all unnecessary emotional burden.
So, you're saying it's bad to send your kid to places like Plano West, Shepton, and Renner??
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