Relocation advice needed- Massachusetts to Dallas area (Irving, Carrollton: townhouses, neighborhood)

[stan4]

Originally Posted by carroll4628

That's a little easier said than done. Especially when raising children. It's always an interesting conversation when kids find out that other kids don't have a cleaning service (i.e., we're trying to teach our children the importance of learning to clean a bathroom, kitchen, etc.) or yard service (trying to teach my 11 year how to mow the lawn).

Teens can be very cruel to other teens. Tweens can be even worse. I know ALL the schools address the bully problem, but for some reason, kids are still "shunned" by other kids and sometimes that's even worse than being bullied. (Except cyber-bullying - that's the worst.) Being an outcast because of your parents "value system" is difficult to handle for some children, whether they're 8 years old or 14 years old. They don't understand the "larger picture". It's a constant battle to explain how your family is different from other families. Some kids get it, some don't.

I don't care what the PTA moms think about me, but it's heart-breaking when your child is excluded because mom and dad make different financial decisions from all their peers.

So, we parents who relocate around the country, try our best to find a nice, safe school and neighborhood where our children will be tolerated for their parents' financial decisions and beliefs. I wish it wasn't this way, but it is what it is. We all just want our kids to be happy and find a few friends when we have just pulled them away from everyone and everything they know.

I've heard that before and as someone who grew up in a hoity-toity environment (nationally recognized for it, in fact) in both CA and TX with parents who didn't give in to the hoit or the toit, I still say the bigger message and the stand are way more important that making sure Jr fits in with an immature crowd. And I had PLENTY of friends. The conflict is seriously over-hyped. The irony was that my parents probably had more money than most of the families there (in Tx, anyway) but saw no point in spending money on stupid things or to impress anyone.

If you are going to be involved in the best schooling (primary, undergrad, etc), you will generally encounter a lot of people who have a lot more than you do (or maybe they don't have a lot more, but they flash a lot more), and that's something you need to learn about and face early.

Commercials, internet, media is all telling you to consume and envy those who have more. People rack up debt all over the place because they don't want to feel bad not having what they think everyone else has. How about learning up front it's all ridiculous and pointless up front?

And where do you plan to go where you won't face it? I work in a pretty countrified, outskirty place, and there is STILL in-your-face materialism. It may be the jacked up truck instead of the Maserati, but it's the same thing.

I'm not denying my kid the best of everything because I'm scared someone else will be stupid and hurt his feelings.

What next? Tell him to dumb himself down because he'll get made fun of for being a nerd?

[turf3]

As a native Texan and native Dallasite (a vanishingly rare breed these days) I can tell you that in my experience, those who are most prone to spending every penny they get before they even get it, tend to be transplants from the upper Midwest, CA, NY, etc., not natives. Your experience might be different...

I am quite a bit older, probably, than those of you who are currently dealing with your fears for your small children, but I attended one of the finest/most expensive schools in the area, and I can tell you that by and large we looked down on those students who made a lot of their families' wealth; and that the wealthiest of my friends drove things like Mom's five year old Pontiac sedan. These were people whose family names you would recognize; their names are on prominent buildings around town. So if you downplay your moderate wealth you will be in the company of those who have way more of it than you do. If you play it up you will just be in the company of all those with big hats and no cattle. Whose sandbox do you want to play in?

[numbersguy100]

Originally Posted by LeagleEagleDFW

I'm curious as to why driving a nicer car is supposedly symptomatic of some need to display material wealth, or of being pretentious. Dallas is a driving city, much more so than most other areas of the country. Lots of people just want a nice car during their commute.

Honestly, I just don't think people from Texas and other parts of the country get it. I literally hadn't even heard of the concept of people tearing down houses just to build a new one on the same lot until I moved to Texas. That sort of thing is simply not done in New England and much of the Midwest/rust belt, and the few people that do it in are considered obnoxious new money. It is a widely accepted practice here. I'm not going to say that people in New England don't flaunt wealth in other ways. Summer camps, private schools, country clubs, very expensive private colleges, and trips to Europe are the norm for people well outside the upper economic rungs. It's just very, very different and Southlake is going to be a bigger culture shock than, say, Lakewood.

As to the poster saying that if you have different values it's your own problem, that's not really true. Most people want their children to grow up around people who share enough of the same values to reinforce the things that are most important to them and they want to feel like part of a community.

[TheOverdog]

Statistically, approximately 5% of car sales across Texas are luxury car sales, about 1% ahead of Massachusetts, and way behind the leaders NY, CA, and FL which are all in double digits and VA which is just outside of double digits.

Not that outrageous considering that DFW the metroplex has twice as many lane miles as Boston, and if I'm reading the stats correctly, 80% as many road miles as Massachusetts the state, with DFW the metroplex having about 10% less road miles driven than Boston, ie much less congestion.

I literally hadn't even heard of the concept of people tearing down houses just to build a new one on the same lot until I moved to Texas.

Tearing down buildings to build larger buildings is how cities grew for the first ten thousand years of civilization, and yes that includes houses. It's a very common practice. The average house in Massachusetts isn't from the 1780s it's from the 1940s. Those people's houses got torn down.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by numbersguy100

Honestly, I just don't think people from Texas and other parts of the country get it. I literally hadn't even heard of the concept of people tearing down houses just to build a new one on the same lot until I moved to Texas.

As to the poster saying that if you have different values it's your own problem, that's not really true. Most people want their children to grow up around people who share enough of the same values to reinforce the things that are most important to them and they want to feel like part of a community.

Really?
Happens in Cali all the time. Read up on real estate there.

In fact, my cousin bought 2 lots in Palo Alto, tore everything down, and built a bigger house.
My aunt did the same thing in Lompoc. Only she turned one lot into a fruit garden and the other is her five story house.
My friend in Missouri did it with an old farm house.
My other friend did it in Phoenix (might be Scottsdale, but her addy says Phoenix).
There are listings on the Hawaii real estate website who literally say, "Tear this down and build your dream home."
In fact, I don't know personally know anyone in Texas besides my father in-law (who did it as a real estate investing/flipping thing in The Heights in Houston) who has torn down their home to build another one.

There's no such thing as a community where every single person shares the exact same values about everything.
If you're looking for a community of rich, educated people who value education more than the general population, you're going to run into snobs, money-throw-arounders, etc, amongst the more down-to-earth folks.

And frankly, if it's nothing to me to buy a $100k car, why shouldn't I? Why is that flashy? Not everything is about you and not everything everyone else does is to show off to other people. Maybe they just like something and that something happens to cost a lot. I know this idea is completely lost on many people, but nothing nice I own is to impress anyone else bc I don't care to impress people who judge you on material things.

[turf3]

By the way, the real estate bubble here in Massachusetts is leading to a wave of tear-downs and subsequent McMansions being built. It's been going on since the late 90s with a brief respite in 2007-2010 or so. In fact, in the more "desirable" towns, it's impossible to buy a smaller older house. As soon as the owner wants to sell, they contact an agent or builder, it is bought by a builder, never even gets on the open market.

So it is simply not true to say that it's almost unheard of to do teardowns in New England.

[turf3]

There are also financial reasons for teardowns. Banks are not going to lend you $400,000 to buy a house for $450,000, when the house is actually worth nothing and the lot is worth $350k. If you buy for cash, then you have to live in the house never putting a dime into it, if you think you will sell it later, because when that time comes, you'll still only be able to get lot value for it.

[numbersguy100]

Originally Posted by TheOverdog

Tearing down buildings to build larger buildings is how cities grew for the first ten thousand years of civilization, and yes that includes houses. It's a very common practice. The average house in Massachusetts isn't from the 1780s it's from the 1940s. Those people's houses got torn down.

yes, this is how cities are built, but the houses that are torn down are typically replaced with higher density. and yes, there are lots of new single family houses in the northeast but they are built on farm land. maybe I was just too far removed from all of it, living outside the 128 loop of Boston. I still find it tacky and obnoxious.

I also don't begrudge people an expensive car if they can afford it. What I dislike is the expectation that people's consumption should be dictated by what they make, rather than what they like.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by numbersguy100

I also don't begrudge people an expensive car if they can afford it. What I dislike is the expectation that people's consumption should be dictated by what they make, rather than what they like.

Of course.
It makes perfect sense.
What's the point of making a lot of money if you don't derive happiness from it?
My idea of happiness has nothing to do with fulfilling other people's expectations.

[Brookside]

[quote=Gree Mountain;43432187. The North Texas economy is such that status is largely conveyed through material signs of wealth. Of course, I think this is true in many places throughout the United States, except perhaps parts of the Midwest, which were incidentally settled by New Engenders or Scandinavians, but I digress.
.[/QUOTE]

You obviously haven't been to Overland Park, Naperville, or Eden Prairie ....