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Old 05-11-2022, 11:09 AM
 
5,683 posts, read 4,093,621 times
Reputation: 7401

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DallasNewbie001 View Post
English is subjective, so it is easier to just say that their reading/writing is not meeting expectations.
This is completely untrue. You might think English standards are arbitrary, but things like grammar are not subjective. And the mere fact that things like writing quality are subjective doesn't imply quality can't be judged. Art might be subjective, but that doesn't mean the scribbles my toddler does are actually better than Monet's work.

OP, people here don't know the whole story, so it's hard for any of us to give you the input you're looking for. A lot of people on this thread have been skeptical of your account, and perhaps for good reason, but we're all still working with limited information.

This all comes down to whether you trust the school to guide your child's education or not. If not, then why on earth do you still want your kid attending the school?
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Old 05-11-2022, 11:16 AM
 
13,194 posts, read 28,107,679 times
Reputation: 13124
Quote:
Originally Posted by DallasNewbie001 View Post

Are you telling me, that since it is a private school and they are not breaking the law, that they can completely arbitrarily make such life altering decisions.
YES. This is what everyone on this thread is trying to get you to understand. (Caveat: “completely arbitrarily” is an opinion, not a fact).

Look, if you’ve lost confidence in the school’s ability to educate this child and care for his development, then ask what you need to do to withdraw him and put him in your public zoned middle school.
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Old 05-11-2022, 11:27 AM
 
618 posts, read 645,040 times
Reputation: 1158
Quote:
Originally Posted by DallasNewbie001 View Post
My children are my only concern. They are my reason for being. I would do anything for my child if it would help them in any way.

I am just concerned that the private school is unfairly treating my child because of one subject which refuses to credit him for the made up work that was due to an illness contracted from the school (COVID). The other classes like science, math, social studies, etc., he has done phenomenally well in. If my child was such a poor student, they would not be succeeding in every other class. Math, Science, Social Studies are objective, either you get the right answer or not. English is subjective, so it is easier to just say that their reading/writing is not meeting expectations.

The issue is why is the school so adamant about my child staying back? If you say that the child was failing in all the subjects, I could understand but if it is just one subject, why not accept the turned in late assignments? Why not accept the offer to send the child to summer school, and contingent on their passing the class, that the child be allowed to progress to the next grade. If they were so bad at English it would be reflected in the writings/reading ability for their other subjects and result in lower achievements.

It means that repeating all those classes, redoing all that work. It means that if I were my child, I would be demotivated because even though I studied hard, did my homework (except in English), did well on my tests and quizzes, it did not amount to anything. It means that the friends made will be lost as they are the 'looser' that had to stay back and was just too stupid to move forward. My child will probably face teasing, bullying, and other harassment despite the promising that they will not let that happen.

Are you telling me, that since it is a private school and they are not breaking the law, that they can completely arbitrarily make such life altering decisions.

Yes - everyone is telling you the same. You don't have any 'power' with the school. And truthfully, if you make waves - your entire family will be asked to leave. (I've seen that occur).



I absolutely get that holding a child back should be a last resort and definitely NOT a surprise. If the school is that small, then it will have definite repercussions on the child socially. Given the school the benefit of the doubt, they really must have a strong feeling of why they are suggesting this for you. OR they are trying to push you out of the school.


I think your best option is to remove this child from the school and enroll in your local middle school. OR have the kid repeat the grade. Two options only.
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Old 05-11-2022, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Sunnybrook Farm
4,235 posts, read 2,434,259 times
Reputation: 12312
If I had to just guess without knowing any of the people involved, I'd guess that OP's child, the youngest and smallest in the class, is significantly less socially and emotionally developed than his (her?) peers. The failing English part is just the final piece of the puzzle; he/she's been struggling, though not academically, all along. It may well be that the recommendation to hold back a year would have come even without the failure in the subject.

It's also noteworthy that failing English has NOT been used as a reason for the school to have the student leave. They must therefore feel that with an additional year's maturation, she/he will be able to fit in and thrive better.

I will say that my own personal experience from 50+ years ago was that I went to school as the youngest kid in the class. I was absolutely ready on the academic front, and absolutely not ready on the physical, emotional, or social fronts. My elementary and middle school experience included a tremendous amount of bullying and just general bad treatment from peers and teachers alike. I can't prove it, of course, but I have always felt that if I had started school the subsequent year as one of the oldest and largest boys in the class (because my physical development was generally on pace for my age, it was just that I was the very youngest in the crowd) my experience would have been different.

Middle school is also a time of very great physical and psychological changes in children as they enter the adolescent phase. OP, I think you need to take as objective a look at your child as you can and ask yourself "Is this child REALLY up to duking it out (figuratively, but also literally) with children 11 months older?"
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Old 05-11-2022, 12:26 PM
 
23,967 posts, read 10,303,770 times
Reputation: 45779
Quote:
Originally Posted by DallasNewbie001 View Post
My children are my only concern. They are my reason for being. I would do anything for my child if it would help them in any way.

I am just concerned that the private school is unfairly treating my child because of one subject which refuses to credit him for the made up work that was due to an illness contracted from the school (COVID). The other classes like science, math, social studies, etc., he has done phenomenally well in. If my child was such a poor student, they would not be succeeding in every other class. Math, Science, Social Studies are objective, either you get the right answer or not. English is subjective, so it is easier to just say that their reading/writing is not meeting expectations.

The issue is why is the school so adamant about my child staying back? If you say that the child was failing in all the subjects, I could understand but if it is just one subject, why not accept the turned in late assignments? Why not accept the offer to send the child to summer school, and contingent on their passing the class, that the child be allowed to progress to the next grade. If they were so bad at English it would be reflected in the writings/reading ability for their other subjects and result in lower achievements.

It means that repeating all those classes, redoing all that work. It means that if I were my child, I would be demotivated because even though I studied hard, did my homework (except in English), did well on my tests and quizzes, it did not amount to anything. It means that the friends made will be lost as they are the 'looser' that had to stay back and was just too stupid to move forward. My child will probably face teasing, bullying, and other harassment despite the promising that they will not let that happen.

Are you telling me, that since it is a private school and they are not breaking the law, that they can completely arbitrarily make such life altering decisions.
Your child did not make the cut and you refuse to accept that. He/she cannot go through life using "but I did everything else".
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Old 05-11-2022, 12:28 PM
 
618 posts, read 645,040 times
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I have two summer birthday boys that we didn't hold back. Knowing what we know now, we probably should have held back son #1 for social reasons. (But he was fully reading at age 4, so we couldn't imagine it at the time).


But it would have been horrible to have held son #2 back - even though at 4 he wasn't as strong academically. Now as a middle schooler - he probably could skip a grade and be fine.


I am not opposed to holding kids back for valid reason, but I think it would be very hard to hold back a middle schooler at his same school (especially a very small private). The only time I've heard people successfully holding back at this age is to change schools.
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Old 05-11-2022, 01:13 PM
 
Location: 89052 & 75206
8,097 posts, read 8,233,660 times
Reputation: 19885
OP, perhaps ask the school if they would consent to providing 5th grade supplemental assignments that she can do at home as she repeats 4th grade, then after the Fall semester have an evaluation to determine if this child can be promoted to 5th grade in the 2nd half of the school year?


At any rate, ask to make yet another appointment with one of the top administrators to discuss and be very polite. You can explain that you are confused about this process due to your kid’s exhibited mastery of all the other subjects and missed assignments now having been submitted. Explain that you are very open to hearing all the reasons the school believes it makes sense to hold this child back. And listen quietly, don’t interrupt; don’t display temperament. You need to represent you child so she has the best chance at academic success. If there is past history with your other kids of asking for exceptions or being nonobservant of assignments and deadlines, you are unlikely to get much consideration.

My grandkid attends a private school and her academic record was consistently weak for quite some time. The school explained that they would probably not be offering re-enrollment for the 9th grade. The school worked with her parents to determine where her learning deficits were; none found after testing with an outside educational consultant. So, it was decided to allow her to take all tests in the guidance office and her grades improved remarkably. She was allowed to stay on. The school was very receptive to her parents’ overtures to work with the school as a team to find the path for this student. I believe this was a successful event because the parents approached the school with the disposition of exploration and requesting support.
The parents were open to all the school’s opinions but also revealed their own concerns and misgivings.

The fact that my gkid has test anxiety is not the point. The point is that her parents did not take a defiant attitude but sincerely asked for help in finding the right situation for their child. If, after again exploring this with the school, you don’t agree they are working in your child’s best interest then its incumbent on you to change schools. But keep your mind open to this school’s messages to you.

Last edited by WorldKlas; 05-11-2022 at 01:30 PM..
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Old 05-11-2022, 01:30 PM
 
Location: PNW
7,201 posts, read 3,025,587 times
Reputation: 10299
Quote:
Originally Posted by DallasNewbie001 View Post
My children are my only concern. They are my reason for being. I would do anything for my child if it would help them in any way.

I am just concerned that the private school is unfairly treating my child because of one subject which refuses to credit him for the made up work that was due to an illness contracted from the school (COVID). The other classes like science, math, social studies, etc., he has done phenomenally well in. If my child was such a poor student, they would not be succeeding in every other class. Math, Science, Social Studies are objective, either you get the right answer or not. English is subjective, so it is easier to just say that their reading/writing is not meeting expectations.

The issue is why is the school so adamant about my child staying back? If you say that the child was failing in all the subjects, I could understand but if it is just one subject, why not accept the turned in late assignments? Why not accept the offer to send the child to summer school, and contingent on their passing the class, that the child be allowed to progress to the next grade. If they were so bad at English it would be reflected in the writings/reading ability for their other subjects and result in lower achievements.

It means that repeating all those classes, redoing all that work. It means that if I were my child, I would be demotivated because even though I studied hard, did my homework (except in English), did well on my tests and quizzes, it did not amount to anything. It means that the friends made will be lost as they are the 'looser' that had to stay back and was just too stupid to move forward. My child will probably face teasing, bullying, and other harassment despite the promising that they will not let that happen.

Are you telling me, that since it is a private school and they are not breaking the law, that they can completely arbitrarily make such life altering decisions.
Math and English have always been the most important subjects.

And, yes, that is what nearly everyone is telling you... You are not in the driver's seat here... How many kids even get to attend private schools?
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Old 05-11-2022, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Chicago
6,160 posts, read 5,643,350 times
Reputation: 6193
Former teacher here. It's almost always the parents who are being unreasonable in these types of scenarios. Most teachers are just trying to look out for the child and don't want any student to be unsuccessful like what would happen if a student advances to the next grade but isn't prepared. In lower levels, students can be held back for more than just grades.

You can always try to send your child to a public school and they will determine the grade based on age and likely some test scores.

I'm honestly not sure why there is such a stigma with being "held back" in the US. It's pretty common in other countries. What's wrong with more practice?
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Old 05-11-2022, 05:01 PM
 
245 posts, read 245,482 times
Reputation: 518
Quote:
Originally Posted by EP45 View Post
The really short answer is NO. Unless they’ve violated ADA or discriminated based on a protected class you gave up all appeal rights going to a private school (this is actually the definition of private as an enterprise).

Your ability to appeal is done through your wallet. You simply go to the public options.
Earnest question: if we were in the future and OP was a voucher holder attending a voucher accepting private school, would the state funding of her child’s education change this? Would a voucher holder have the same “parental rights” as someone attending their zoned public school? Internet searches only turn up the politics, but maybe someone knows.
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