Taking care of my sick mom...want a vacation (school, teaching)

[SouthernBelleInUtah]

I think it's safer to use respite care at a nursing home rather than trust your ailing mother to a stranger. also safer for your belongings.

[aeternus]

When you do this maybe you can have respite care from a nursing home to come for a few days to care for your mother and maybe the roommate can kind of get use to your place. Would be more polite to the roommate. Then I guess you guys can kinda learn to get the hang of being around each other and probably learn a few things that might be useful to care for your mother and you can make some arrangements while the Respite or Nurse from a nursing home is there for when you might be away to check on how your mother and roomate are doing, if they might need extra help, etc. Kind of you might be able to be away for more than a several days at a time to visit your home town and so and you might be a little more free to do other things. Maybe you can work out the same for your roommate if she is needing to do something by her self maybe out of town or so.

[momof2dfw]

Originally Posted by SouthernBelleInUtah

I think it's safer to use respite care at a nursing home rather than trust your ailing mother to a stranger. also safer for your belongings.

I agree.

I also would not DARE say to anyone that going away for a few days to "catch their breath" is in the least bit selfish. It is often times a MUCH NEEDED break in order to regroup to be able to come back and provide great care to a loved one. Caring for an elderly person or anyone with disability issues is very VERY tiring. I thought my MIL was going to die before my FIL did while she was taking care of him for the 3 months he was home before passing. She was literally running herself to death and that is NOT a good thing to happen.

If the OP is at the point they feel and know they NEED a break.......... it is best to take one and not have any kind of comments made to make them feel guilty. jmho

[ChristieP]

Originally Posted by aeternus

When you do this maybe you can have respite care from a nursing home to come for a few days to care for your mother and maybe the roommate can kind of get use to your place. Would be more polite to the roommate. Then I guess you guys can kinda learn to get the hang of being around each other and probably learn a few things that might be useful to care for your mother and you can make some arrangements while the Respite or Nurse from a nursing home is there.

Nursing home staff can't make "house calls." Our state licenses don't allow it. We can only care for people who are physically present in our facility. To find someone that will come out to the house, she would have to use one of the expensive services that she spoke about in her first post.

[ChristieP]

Originally Posted by momof2dfw

I agree.

I also would not DARE say to anyone that going away for a few days to "catch their breath" is in the least bit selfish. It is often times a MUCH NEEDED break in order to regroup to be able to come back and provide great care to a loved one. Caring for an elderly person or anyone with disability issues is very VERY tiring. I thought my MIL was going to die before my FIL did while she was taking care of him for the 3 months he was home before passing. She was literally running herself to death and that is NOT a good thing to happen.
If the OP is at the point they feel and know they NEED a break.......... it is best to take one and not have any kind of comments made to make them feel guilty. jmho

ABSOLUTELY!!!! Any long-term care nurse or hospice employee will tell you that bring someone's caregiver 24/7 is both physically and emotionally exhausting. It is only human to need to get away for a feew days just to reenergize and relax!! It is NOT "being selfish" or uncaring at all!! It is good that the OP realizes that she is close to her breaking point and tries to do something to relieve the stress and relax before she does break!

There is also a LARGE difference between caring for a terminally ill patient and someone who is disabled with MD. The terminally ill patient will only require intense care for a few months, but the disabled person wil require it for YEARS. It is not reasonable to assume that the caregiver will be able to keep doing their job for YEARS without a break.

[Canine*Castle]

Originally Posted by momof2dfw

I agree.

I also would not DARE say to anyone that going away for a few days to "catch their breath" is in the least bit selfish. It is often times a MUCH NEEDED break in order to regroup to be able to come back and provide great care to a loved one. Caring for an elderly person or anyone with disability issues is very VERY tiring. I thought my MIL was going to die before my FIL did while she was taking care of him for the 3 months he was home before passing. She was literally running herself to death and that is NOT a good thing to happen.

If the OP is at the point they feel and know they NEED a break.......... it is best to take one and not have any kind of comments made to make them feel guilty. jmho

You are right; one has to do what he or she feels is right for himself or herself. We often handle things differently and have different needs.

No one implied the OP was selfish or needed to feel guilty. I was reminiscing about my own dear mother and that particular scenario came to mind. I worry when I leave my sweet doggies, so that's just "a thing" with me.

To the OP...I hope you'll get the break you need and find the proper person/persons to care for your mom in your absence and will come back feeling rejuvenated. I'd venture to guess that your job drags you down much more than your mom and that, I totally understand.

[Canine*Castle]

Originally Posted by ChristieP

ABSOLUTELY!!!! Any long-term care nurse or hospice employee will tell you that bring someone's caregiver 24/7 is both physically and emotionally exhausting. It is only human to need to get away for a feew days just to reenergize and relax!! It is NOT "being selfish" or uncaring at all!! It is good that the OP realizes that she is close to her breaking point and tries to do something to relieve the stress and relax before she does break!

There is also a LARGE difference between caring for a terminally ill patient and someone who is disabled with MD. The terminally ill patient will only require intense care for a few months, but the disabled person wil require it for YEARS. It is not reasonable to assume that the caregiver will be able to keep doing their job for YEARS without a break.

It can be done. My brother-in-law needed constant care for seven years and my sister did it. Sure, she was at her wits end at times, but he had brain deterioration and then became bed ridden the last four years of his life. She's like I am; she had to be there. The few times I got her to break away and go out to dinner, she drove me nuts because she couldn't wait to get back home. Again, we're all different; she needed to be there. Yes, she even said to our pastor, "I have no life." He commented, "You have the life God wants you to have right now." And so it was what it was.

[aeternus]

She can have one of those come out and I guess learn everything how to care for elderly and ill. Like I was saying it will save her trouble in many ways. Maybe a nurse who is retired or who is off from nursing can come and teach them all about there is to know about nursing someone. Probably someone can do it for low price or maybe they can stay in contact with the topic starter, I forgot her name, and give advices in nursing someone. She just needs someone to be there with her mother so she can visit somewhere she liked to be. I think she can work this out. Just my suggestion.

[ChristieP]

Originally Posted by Canine*Castle

It can be done. My brother-in-law needed constant care for seven years and my sister did it. Sure, she was at her wits end at times, but he had brain deterioration and then became bed ridden the last four years of his life. She's like I am; she had to be there. The few times I got her to break away and go out to dinner, she drove me nuts because she couldn't wait to get back home. Again, we're all different; she needed to be there. Yes, she even said to our pastor, "I have no life." He commented, "You have the life God wants you to have right now." And so it was what it was.

There's no reason to become a martyr. There is NO SHAME in taking a break from caring for a loved one for years. Nursing homes, such as the one where I work, hire caring staff who are professionals and we are experts in caring for people whose family members love them and trust us with their care. A 5-day respite stay might just be what this lady needs. Everyone's family and personal situations are different.

Let's agree to disagree on this one, OK?

[Big G]

Just to chime in on a situation I saw from a distance:

The respite care in the nursing home had a marvelous side effect on the caregivee (is that a word??), who had previously been a proudly independent man, and a grumpy occupant of a relative's house. Namely, it opened his eyes to what his other options were like. After the short nursing home stint, he was much more grateful for being able to remain in a house, even if not his own.

Not saying that's your situation at all. Just tossing out that a short time in what many would consider an inferior situation might actually improve the person's mental outlook overall.