Mommy-INLAW Wants US to move to TX!! HELP!! (Dallas: live, money)

[katefrisco]

Stay in Chicago. In a marriage, the spouse comes first, parents come second. Her mother should be thrilled that her daughter got a job in THIS economy right out of school.
The only thing I can think of that might sway you is if you have children and then boy is it convenient to have relatives nearby for babysitting.
If your mother in law really loves her daughter she will want her and you to be happy wherever.
Besides (and I am from Texas by the way) there is more to do up in Chicago and since you are young I really think you should take advantage of your time there.

[LovingSAT]

What do you and your wife want to do? Think about that, discuss that, and when you have the answer - thats the answer!

[WillysB]

Imagine life without the mommy... does it work for you?

[loves2read]

first of all is there some reason why her mother is so presistant
is she having life issues of her own--divorce, retirement, illness,
how long have you been married and your wife been away from home

have you and your wife discussed what happens when/if she does get the job offer--
what about YOUR job in all of this

if your wife won't tell her mother that she would rather stay in Chicago for the dream job than mov eback to FTW--it is not a good sign...

our daughter married someone who lives south of Sarasota FL--he travels M-F and wants to spend his weekends close to the Gulf--HE especially does not want to move to his home in rural MS or even to DFW where he has good friends in addition to his wife's family/friends...
my husband would LOVE to have them move here--and I would to but I have adjusted better to them being in FL--
it was difficult for my daughter moving to a new state where she knew no one BUT her husband because she lived at home except for two years in San Marcos at college--even stayed at home after she graduated and was teaching so she had not really lived on her own...and her husband is there for basically like 60 hrs on the weekends depending on flight times...but she deferred to his wishes...

I think YOU want to stay in Chicago -- and your wife probably does as well--but I think you are afraid that she will give in to her mother's demands and if you say no, you will create all kinds of conflict...

[Sean Price]

FIRST i want to say thank you for your time and feedback and SECOND i'ma apologize for perhaps NOT being clearer..

mommy-in law and I have an awesoem relationship, I'm like the son she never had, the older brother to her daughters, ect,ect its ALL LOVE and its mutual.. She is in no way demanding or anything like that..

We are thinking about having children and it would be an awesome thing to have them close by...IN A PERFECT world..

Maybe its because I've been layed off for the last 6 months and still can't find a job..but I'm not completely opposed to moving to Texas, h*ll nah to Fort Worth tho..DALLAS would be a go tho..

So whether we decide to stay or go, its going to be decided by my wife and I..

My problem is more about this.. If my wife talks to mommy in law on the phone and thinks I'm not around.. she starts saying stuff like, "well now that you've finished school, why don't you move down here". Or my favorite lately is, " YaLL jus go head and move on down here RIGHT now, and we'll worry about all your belongings later", ect, ect.

We went down there for lil' sis's graduation.. and were subject to lines like, " Oh look thats houses if for sale, you should buy it, oh thats a good house why don't you buy it" and when we left, "don't leave, just stay down here permanently, we'll worry about the rest later"..

but MAYBE what finally set me off was what happened today..

come to find out, a few hours before my wife takes, quite possibly the biggest exam of her life, state licensure.. mommy dearest calls..

Basically she told her, that I(the layed off husband) should just come on down, LIVE with her, and look for a job and a place to live, meanwhile wifey gets the experience in the dream job..once wifey has that, she starts looking for the dream job in TX...

yeah,....NO!

that falling on deaf ears.. she "jokenly" suggested wifey come on down since she would be in high demand anywhere and that I would of course/obviously follow her..

AGAIN its not "nosey" per say and its not demanding in any way.. I just find it a tad bit on the annoying side..

SO MY QUESTION IS THIS..

SHOULD I say anything to mommy about this and HOW should I say this to her..

Dont' want to offend her.. scratch that...thats not even a concern, we're cool like that.. I'm more scared of HURTING her and pushing her away. thats the LAST thing i want..

I was thinkin of something along these lines..

quick summary:

yo mommy, chill with pushin us to move down to dallas, wifey dont' really want to go, cuz if she did, she would pack up and move us this instants, she's done with school right? Me, i dont want to go at all, but you know I love your daughter and would follow her everywhere!, again Just think about this mommy,,..

School is done and i'm laid off, so if SHE really wanted to, this WOULD be the time to move, but obviously she's not instigating the move NOW, so please mommy just lay off a little (obviously think of a better way of saying "lay off" )

but yeah let me know what you think..

THANK YOU FOR READING MY ESSAY!!

oNe

[Sean Price]

loves2read, I guess as I was writing my reply, you posted yours, so didn't read i till after i posted mine..

well I must say YOUR post very closely resembles our situation.. but i hope my post above answers some of your questions in your post and look forward to your reply,

also this is why I posted ths here, hoping people with experience and hoping actual MOMMY's that have been there would offer advice, you fit that bill, thank you!

I just dont' want to push mommy-inlaw away, she's been there for us thru the rough times and we I think/hope have been there for her as well..

married for 4 years now, and just like your daughter, when my wife came up here, she had nobody..except for me.. but I think i've proven to mommy that i'm kinda an all right guy, and that her daughter really is gonna be okay..

well we'll see what yall have to say after readin these..

oNe

[JS1]

Your mother-in-law is being demanding based on what you wrote (except for the part "she isn't demanding", because that's not true).

Simply tell her: "Please stop trying to persuade us to move to Texas. We aren't interested right now. We will let you know if we decide to move."

If she continues to harrass you, send her a letter saying the same thing and stop talking to her on the phone until she cuts it out.

Hopefully it won't come to that, but you really need to stop being a verbal doormat for this person. She has exceeded the normal boundaries of a parent with an adult child and her spouse, and she needs to be put back in her place ... gently, but firmly. Your moving is not her decision to make and she needs to stop harrassing you NOW.

[lh_newbie]

(just having fun now)

I say move to Austalia. That'll teach her.

[lonestar2007]

Where's Dear Abby and Ann Landers when you need them? Maybe you should write a letter to Ann Landers and then send a copy of her response to dear MIL. I think we all know what the advice will be.

[momof2dfw]

Originally Posted by jobert

That's BS and selfish of her, make her move to Chitown...and whatever you do, do not accept money from your wife's family.

You mean like my cuz and her husband do and even LIVE TOGETHER off and on over the years

Originally Posted by $DFW8$

In this economy, you cannot just move and expect to get another job.

Why not? That is what my demented family mentioned above do that is all up each others ....... They have no real friends because they can't cut the strings. And they are packing up, leaving furniture and walking away from jobs they have here to move to their "dream state" that they have already lived in once and came crying back within a year. LOL!!! But I won't say anymore