Denver is making me depressed...time to find a new place to live (Lake City: appointed, cliquey)

[CruisingUSA]

I am coming up to the 1 year anniversary of when I first visited here last June and thought what I was feeling back then was love at 1st sight. Having never been 'out west' past Texas I really felt happy to have come here.

I've been here now steadily for 6 months, and also a 3 month streak between August and November. I left in November because it was not growing on me like I expected and went out to travel as well as go back home to Florida.

Well then I felt I had not given it enough time and decided to come back.

Anyway, to cut to the chase...me as a Black/mixed race person in Denver I am finding it way too difficult to meet anyone here. This has been going on now for several weeks now, and every weekend I feel like this. And it's got to stop.

First complaint is this: I go out tonight, confident-looking good and ready to have fun. In nearly 4 hours I didn't meet a single person. And nearly every time I go out it's like that. I look around and every Black person is with a group of White people. They don't even try to acknowledge another Black person. On the opposite extreme if it's anyone who does acknowledge me it's ONLY a Black person.

I mean, this don't even make no sense. There is no reason I should be going out on a regular basis and only person talking to me is the older White guy in the corner alone. I'm 23 years old. I work out, I dress nice...yet I feel like I'm a nobody here.

I don't understand where all this Denver is friendly stuff is coming from. These people are anything but. I'm alone at a club or bar because I don't know anyone here and people here make it seem as if going out alone is unheard of. Like, what's wrong with you...you don't have any friends? NEWSFLASH! People do go out alone sometimes. Not everyone is as cliquey as you guys are constantly looking for your group of friends. People here can't even meet new people because they so scared to be alone away from their friends. Maybe if these mother ****ers weren't so god damn flakey I wouldn't have an issue bringing someone with me to the bar or club but they are full of crap out here.

My second complaint, which I mentioned last year on this same forum is the fact that the wages here are below average. I mean, even in comparison to Salt Lake City, Denver's pay falls behind and it's starting to show in my monthly earnings here. I run a home based business which involves travel and comparing SLC and Denver, there is a lot more potential for higher earning in Utah.

Both of these things are driving me away from here. It's like out of all the cities I've lived in I am having the most hardest time trying to meet anyone out here. Every time I have attempted to meet someone here they either flake or they have a boyfriend or something. I can't meet anyone real out here! Nobody wants to meet up, all they do is text message, they don't initiate anything in public...it's just ridiculous. Like what do I have to do to meet someone who is going to follow thru with their word in this town? Because nobody does. I have lost count of the number of dates I've had since I been here that have not happened because of people's lack of follow thru here.

But guess what? The older White guys damn sure follow thru. Sometimes that is.

I was sucked in by the mountain view and my 1st visit experience but I am lead to believe this place for me should have only been a visit...nothing more than that. An occasional place to visit.

I really don't see how people who live here have made friends. I can guess they've known each other for years or met at work. I really haven't even met anyone here who came from a different state. Probably because y'all done ran them all off. Especially a Black person.

As a single Black person coming from a different state I no longer see any meaningful reason to stay here. There's nothing here for me. No roots, no job that's forcing me to stay (as I can pretty much go anywhere and do the same thing) and no dates, no friends, nothing. It's lonely here for me. The past 5 times or so I've gone out here I have come home disappointed. And at one point in life it wasn't like this. Even when I was lonely I could still go out to a bar or club and meet SOMEONE. Even if it didn't last...but atleast I would meet someone. Not here. I don't meet anyone. There's no reason I should have to keep coming home by myself.

I'm out of here. I'm not going to deal with this crap anymore. I don't have to. I don't have to live here and be unhappy in a place where you have to be born and raised, White or Hispanic or a Black person who likes to just hang around a bunch of White people to have any sort of social life. People here can't even approach a single Black person if their life depended on it and dammit I'm tired of trying to always be the one to make a conversation or speak to someone only to be dissed because I'm BLACK. Overlooked by my own race because I'm Black. And the White and Hispanic people here don't know how to talk to Black people unless it's in their group of White friends. They won't go up to a Black person who's not up in their group. Other than that they don't even feel there's anything in common with them, therefore dismissing them as a person of interest to speak to. What kind of mess is that? I don't have to continue to subject myself to this nonsense.

[Timmyy]

Is there a chance you are coming off too confident when you go out? People don't like that. If you don't like it here you certainly will go crazy in SLC.

[DMan87]

Yea, I agree if you dont like it here you wont like SLC... I cant say I can relate (I'm 24y/o wht male) but I do notice that its kind of hard to make good friends here... I've met people but its just the occasional talk at the bar that leads to nowhere (usually talk about sports). I know things are going to be harder for me because back in NY I never really tried to make friends, I was content with the ones I had and the friends i did make were through school or playing sports together. Even with girls, I met all my ex's through friends or house parties... I lack friends here and I dont do the house parties anymore soooooo...... But I hear what you are saying.. I run the Cherry Creek Bike Path every weekend and never get achknowledged, I go to Washington Park and just sit in the grass or by the lake by myself (I think next time I go there Im just goin to ask to get in on a volleyball game), I walk through Capitol Hill alone (people do say Hi to me which is nice but I would like someone just to shoot **** with while I walk), etc... I also work at a police station and my department is primarily older individuals who are extremely friendly but not really friend material.

I have my lease through the end of March 2012... If I havent met any good friends, have not received a better paying job by then or dont have a committed gf I will also most likely move back to the East Coast (I do miss my family who are all on the East so I think that would be the best route if I did leave Denver). I still have hope that Ill meet a couple people here and there and start to branch out from that. Hopefully things work out for you as well

[gmm_24]

Ok I am going to be honest, first I could careless what race you are, I grew up in NY with friends of every color and I take people on a person by person basis not what they look like. If you are going out with the attitude you displayed here that can be a problem. Maybe you do not and are just venting here?

I find that people from the East Coast are the ones that tell me how much they dislike it here more so then people from other areas. My mom was one of them, it felt like she would say..... hi my name is----- I am from NY and I hate it here! She really did not say that, but trust me it came through and people could tell.
She came out here because of me, no I did not invite her, she lived here for 13 years and complained the whole flipping time. She FINALLY moved back to NY and hopefully she can find something else to complain about
So if you really hate it here and it is depressing you, you should move. Being unhappy all the time is not a way to live.

I have been to SLC, it seemed very white to me and it was pretty boring. You might want to look into more areas then just one. If you can work anywhere you have greater options.

I will also say that meeting people in bars is not the place I would think to look for a good dating propect. If you joined some type of club that interested you, like idk hiking, a church group etc that might be a better place for a relationship.

Your young, you should have fun and if it is not in Denver I hope you find a place more diverse and to your liking.

[maciesmom]

There are valid reasons for not liking any given place. But for those of you who just recently moved here - have you moved anywhere before? What I find is that people who have never really moved, spent most of their life in one area, expect that when they move somewhere new they will almost instantly feel the same level of comfort, familiarity and good friends that they spent years developing in the place they left. I have moved my entire life. IME, it takes at least a year, sometimes 2, to feel like somewhere new is home. Just something to think about.

And a postive attitude helps too. And - there are some people who won't be happy anywhere.

[LisaCACO]

I've noticed that blacks who grew up here (massive generalization) have more of an assimilationist attitude than people of color in other parts of the US. it's more of a survival instinct. there isn't much of a nod to other blacks, etc that you see in other communities. whatever. it's colorado's take on blackness, lol. it's almost that by looking and acknow. other blacks you then "out" yourself, lol. very funny place. there are enough blacks from out of town for me to cope, however.

btw, I think most people here don't meet much in bars anymore but meet in activities, or at least that's what i hear from my single friends. this place is pretty outdoorsy.

I wish you luck where you next land. And make use of city data forums to ask single black people what it's like to be there before you transition.

[cowboyxjon]

Good luck with your move to another city. Really, it sounds like you gave Denver a try and found that it isn't for you -- and that's OK. I agree with what others have said and I'm not sure Salt Lake City would be much different, so be careful if that's what you have in mind for your next city.

I can speculate as to why you might be having trouble meeting people (and I think I did once before), but I doubt it would help.

[CO_Transplant]

People here are not quick to warm up to people they don't know! I have had the same issues that you have been talking about. There have been threads that have discussed how normal social interaction isn't a strong suit of many Coloradans.

Many people will ignore you and treat you like you're non-existent if they do not know you. Unfortunately that's the way it works here. There are some people here with normal social skills, who will introduce you to their friends, and that's how group friendships start here! Once people get to know you, they will stick to you like superglue, almost to the point of sometimes being excessive and overbearing.

I am from LA where talking to random people at a bar is much easier than it is here. Sorry you're having such a difficult time!

Avoid what people are saying about Salt Lake. While most people in Utah are in the cult known as Mormonism, the majority of the in-town Salt Lake population is non-Mormon. Because of this, non-Mormons seem very eager to get to know other non-Mormons.

[SheridanL]

You say that the Blacks ignore you and only hang out with groups of Whites yet,....on the other end, only the Blacks will talk to you! Dissed by your own race however, you really only want the Latinos to want you.(other post) Huh?
Then you say that YOU cant count how many dates fell thru. Really....you can't count huh? Well to me, THAT means you have talked to a LOT of people AND given out your number, right? Which is it? NOBODY pays any attention to you OR, you talk to countless perspective dates and exchange your number? Maybe you are a bit overbearing. Yes?
How about all of those Older White Guys that always follow thru?? Listen, they CAN'T follow thru unless you talk to them and give them your number, right? Maybe you are a bit desperate. Yes?
Can't have it both ways and whine about racism and lump every race in Denver into one package!! Well YOU can but, that makes you a little nuts IMHO.
You had mentioned in a previous post about this subject only, instead of Denver, it was America and you wanted to go overseas. I think it might be time to use that passport.

[CruisingUSA]

Originally Posted by CO_Transplant

Once people get to know you, they will stick to you like superglue, almost to the point of sometimes being excessive and overbearing.

Right, but that's the definition of 'cliquey'. Being superglued to your group of friends ignoring whoever else may be in the vicinity nearby.

When I lived in Miami, it was OK to go out to a bar or club alone because there would be other people alone as well and you could actually meet people! There were tourist in town you could meet as well.

Not to say I ever want to move back there but you can see why I am struggling here. My definition of a bar or club back in the day was going to meet someone. EVEN IF it involved going with a friend. I would not spend all night looking for and following around friends like they do here in Denver.

Originally Posted by CO_Transplant

Avoid what people are saying about Salt Lake. While most people in Utah are in the cult known as Mormonism, the majority of the in-town Salt Lake population is non-Mormon. Because of this, non-Mormons seem very eager to get to know other non-Mormons.

I think Salt Lake may also just be a place to visit as well. I mentioned the topic of Salt Lake as in relating the financial aspects of the 2 cities. There's billboard in SLC calling it, "most fiscally fit city in the nation" and it shows.

However, I went out on the town there as well and felt it to be equally as Denver. Only Black person around, a stranger to say the least...and not many people tried talking to me.

Originally Posted by LisaCACO

btw, I think most people here don't meet much in bars anymore but meet in activities, or at least that's what i hear from my single friends. this place is pretty outdoorsy.

I wish you luck where you next land. And make use of city data forums to ask single black people what it's like to be there before you transition.

Well, I joined a meetup.com group here and attended twice. Although it was good fun I still didn't quite find my place. I was the only 23 y.o. Black person on the team and most people were married or bought along their girlfriend or boyfriend. I'll continue to go to get out the house, but it hasn't really bought me any closer to finding a date.

Originally Posted by maciesmom

IME, it takes at least a year, sometimes 2, to feel like somewhere new is home. Just something to think about.

I know and that's what I think about sometimes but with the rate things are going it seems hard to imagine being here another year or 2. I'm just thinking what is it that's going to magically happen between now and next year that's going to make a change?

I really think I need to get out of the middle of the country period. I was in Texas for 2 years exact and it never grew on me either. When I left I had no friends, no steady boyfriend, there was really nothing to leave behind. And the good thing about that is Denverites actually don't like Texas either so that's 1 thing we can agree on LOL.