Why are people in Denver so fake and phony acting? (apartments, school)
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Why you have to come close down a perfectly good conversation? I'm trying to get some understanding here and you're just trying to hinder that.
I'm sorry it's hard to accept, but when you've repeatedly meet people who are all in your face one minute but then when you're out of their sight they act like they can't be bothered...I'm going to talk about it.
This must be the behavior of geographically isolated cities. I keep forgetting Denver is atleast 400 miles from the nearest largest city...and well over 700 miles when you exclude Albuquerque and Salt Lake. Seem like people here just act suspicious or something when you from another city and act like they can't trust you and keep their distance. Add on the fact of being Black, they just can't handle it. They just get all flustered and think you're out to get them or something. And I don't even openly speak about being from Florida unless they ask...but since it's obvious that I'm not by the way I dress and carry myself...they always do ask, "are you from Denver?" Hell no I ain't from no Denver. Do I look like it? I'm sorry but that's just how I'm perceiving it.
I can appreciate the older people here of Denver seem to have a completely different mindset, but being 24 I think it's only fair I meet people my own age range. But those be the very ones that seem like they not used to meet anybody from other places...or races...
Nothing you mentioned has anything to do with the people here. Yes, all those things are what also attracted me here (except food choices, are you kidding me? I can find good food in any city).
In addition you had 2 friends who came here together, to meet you; a friend. That's a huge contrast for someone who has come here alone and doesn't really know anyone and has to weave their way into getting to know people. Your friends already have a huge head start, they already know someone.
When I initially moved to South Florida when I was 19 for college, I was in a similar situation. Moved on a whim not knowing a soul. But by the time I got there I had made a circle of friends practically immediately. 2 years later, I can go down there again and meet the same friends again.
I'm not saying Denver isn't a beautiful place with lots of things to offer. But when a person can't seem to meet any decent people to share those things with it doesn't really mean much. And yes I realize it doesn't happen overnight, but come on...I been meeting so many fake people out here it's ridiculous.
No, I didn't mention anything about the people, because it's clear you already have your opinion of all of us out here and how fake we all are. If anything, I've said it many times, that people here are a bit more reserved than in bigger cities and even a bit more private. My wife moved here a year ago from another country mind you and has already made two sets of girlfriends here on her own, beyond any of my friends and she thinks people here are very friendly and easy to meet.
People have already said this to you time and time again, it's clear what ever you are "putting off" is becoming "off putting" as if anything people here are very preceptive and can feel the negativity you are oozing. It's as if you've already told yourself this story in your head of how someone's going to react to you before you even meet them and then you look for any small thing to validate all the stories you've already been telling yourself. I agree, it's kinda lame that people don't respond to you, but I ask again, what kind of people are you attracting? You seem to meet all these "fake" people you keep talking about in bars and clubs which I hate to break it to you, but those places are made up of about 99.9% fakeness.
Doesn't seem like anything anyone has said to you has sunk in so I say why are you still here complaining and putting so much into a place you clearly don't jive with or want to be in any longer?? No one here is going to change your attitude that you have already formed and solidified with each situation you encounter, each guy you meet that doesn't text you back, this person at the store, this situation at the mall, yada yada yada. Man it must be utterly exhausting to see so much negativity......
I never been to California but have met people from there. They like to put on fronts out there, sort of like Florida does. But it's in the way of having more money than actually having. Not the "I want to be your friend, but don't ever call me or ask to hangout. just text me" attitude that Denver has. I was on a date with a guy from Cali here couple months ago. He shows up in a beamer, but claimed he was broke
But then again, I met a guy from California before and the first date he invited me out to his local hangout spot with 1 of his friends. In Denver, they can't even do that! The local invite in Denver is the face and crotch meetup...
Matter of fact, I have met quite a few guys from California and they seem less uptight and more open to hangout.
I moved here from Southern California and within the first 5 months I had dated three different woman, the last one turned into my wife. I have never had a problem meeting people here either. I am curious, what area of the Metro area do you live? Maybe it is the area you live. Just trying to dig deeper to see what it is about you that seems to push people away.
Also, what brought you to Denver in the first place?
Stay away from clubs. If you want to meet a nice guy go to a sports bar, a nice one. Men love woman who will sit and watch/talk sports with them. My wife is a prime example of this. This is a huge sports town. Take advantage of it.
Only speaking for myself (obviously)...but I don't understand why some forumers are afraid of, or annoyed by, long threads. Sometimes you have to get deep into the conversation before it really gets interesting and insightful...just like "real life". Hmmmm...
Why you have to come close down a perfectly good conversation? I'm trying to get some understanding here and you're just trying to hinder that.
I'm sorry it's hard to accept, but when you've repeatedly meet people who are all in your face one minute but then when you're out of their sight they act like they can't be bothered...I'm going to talk about it.
This must be the behavior of geographically isolated cities. I keep forgetting Denver is atleast 400 miles from the nearest largest city...and well over 700 miles when you exclude Albuquerque and Salt Lake. Seem like people here just act suspicious or something when you from another city and act like they can't trust you and keep their distance. Add on the fact of being Black, they just can't handle it. They just get all flustered and think you're out to get them or something. And I don't even openly speak about being from Florida unless they ask...but since it's obvious that I'm not by the way I dress and carry myself...they always do ask, "are you from Denver?" Hell no I ain't from no Denver. Do I look like it? I'm sorry but that's just how I'm perceiving it.
I can appreciate the older people here of Denver seem to have a completely different mindset, but being 24 I think it's only fair I meet people my own age range. But those be the very ones that seem like they not used to meet anybody from other places...or races...
You're attributing a particular characteristic of people you've met to something completely non-related. The fact that there isn't a major city near Denver has zero to do with your personal experiences with people here or how they act toward you. You could blame it on the altitude, and still be wrong.
I was 24, single, and gay in Denver. I went out to bars, made friends, dated a few guys (black, white, hispanic... race was of no importance) and ended up meeting my partner, who is black. I've never found people in Denver, as a whole, to have some unusual negative quality that doesn't exist in other cities.
I'm white, so I'm not going to try and tell you that you don't have a different experience than I did due to your race, but I know and have known plenty of gay black men in Denver and never heard any of them whine and complain like you do. At some point, you have to start thinking that it might just be you that's the issue- the way you interact with people could very well bring about negative responses to you. And taking the experience you have, or perceive to have, with a handful of people and then decide that millions of people here are exactly the same shows immaturity and a poor understanding of society in general.
I was 24, single, and gay in Denver. I went out to bars, made friends, dated a few guys (black, white, hispanic... race was of no importance) and ended up meeting my partner, who is black. I've never found people in Denver, as a whole, to have some unusual negative quality that doesn't exist in other cities.
I'm white, so I'm not going to try and tell you that you don't have a different experience than I did due to your race, but I know and have known plenty of gay black men in Denver and never heard any of them whine and complain like you do. At some point, you have to start thinking that it might just be you that's the issue- the way you interact with people could very well bring about negative responses to you. And taking the experience you have, or perceive to have, with a handful of people and then decide that millions of people here are exactly the same shows immaturity and a poor understanding of society in general.
Well, you don't necessarily know what people go through though to really validate that. People are good at hiding things and not speaking about it especially in person. Hell, even I act fake about how i feel about Denver when people ask. Only because I don't like getting into heavy discussions about it with people I'm trying to get to know relationship-wise. The ones that you met that don't complain, I bet you 99% of the time they have never really lived anywhere else so what they see here they are used to it already. Or they have lived here all their life and already integrated with the scene here. I have met a few gay Black guys here and most of them have lived here all their life. or since high school. Or they moved here because of friends and already found their way into it.
And FYI, most of the Black dudes here in Denver be more interested in chasing White folks around all the time. They want to believe they are White and dress accordingly. There is barely any camaraderie with gay Black guys here. I've introduced myself and had light conversations with several and they say a couple words and then move on. They afraid if they introduce you to their White friends, you're going to 'get in' on their territory. I'm sorry but I speak REAL. I see through a lot of these things all the time...I seen this Black dude at my barbershop the other week. I knew he was gay. Later on, I seen him at the club. I said hello and introduced myself and noticed non of his friends were Black. He turned to me and had a quick conversation, but then turned around and carried on, couldn't even close the conversation or introduce me to anyone. Just acting pure STANK.
I precisely remember one night, this Black dude was trying to fight me over this White boy that I came into the club . The White guy set up the situation to make both of us jealous. It was at the particular point I had figured out what Denver gay scene was all about. They pure trifling. The guys out here who I have met who are interested in meeting Black guys, their intentions and motives don't ever be right. Or they act real secretive and waywardly about it.
Once again, instead of seeing things for what they are, you just assume I'm the issue which is typical. They guy who said he'd met his wife here after 3 meetings with women is pretty lucky to say the least LOL.
I cannot pinpoint anything that would cause anyone to be flaky like they are here. I meet someone, or they meet me...and then just for no apparent reason they start acting up. They give off the impression they are interested and then turn around with this I'm dating/boyfriend bullcrap.
One guy, I met a bar the other night. He stared me down. I stopped and had a chat with him. a few minutes later, "he has to go". We exchange numbers. We text a little bit here and there but there hasn't been any attempt on his part to agree on a 2nd meeting. And texts have been sporadic as well.
In Florida, going to the bar and meeting someone, one had to decide, "am I going to spend the whole night with this guy...or try to meet other guys". "Am I going to take him home or is he going to take me home?" Here in Denver, it's...okay gotta go my friends! my friends, my friends, they are leaving me I have to go find them! Nice meeting you, txt me. And then the next day they act like they don't even know who the **** you are.
Last edited by CruisingUSA; 08-30-2011 at 02:39 PM..
Well, you don't necessarily know what people go through though to really validate that. People are good at hiding things and not speaking about it especially in person. Hell, even I act fake about how i feel about Denver when people ask. Only because I don't like getting into heavy discussions about it with people I'm trying to get to know relationship-wise. The ones that you met that don't complain, I bet you 99% of the time they have never really lived anywhere else so what they see here they are used to it already. Or they have lived here all their life and already integrated with the scene here. I have met a few gay Black guys here and most of them have lived here all their life. or since high school. Or they moved here because of friends and already found their way into it.
Once again, instead of seeing things for what they are, you just assume I'm the issue which is typical. They guy who said he'd met his wife here after 3 meetings with women is pretty lucky to say the least LOL.
I cannot pinpoint anything that would cause anyone to be flaky like they are here. I meet someone, or they meet me...and then just for no apparent reason they start acting up. They give off the impression they are interested and then turn around with this I'm dating/boyfriend bullcrap.
One guy, I met a bar the other night. He stared me down. I stopped and had a chat with him. a few minutes later, "he has to go". We exchange numbers. We text a little bit here and there but there hasn't been any attempt on his part to agree on a 2nd meeting. And texts have been sporadic as well.
In Florida, going to the bar and meeting someone who had to decide, "am I going to spend the whole night with this guy...or try to meet other guys". Here in Denver, it's...okay gotta go my friends! my friends, my friends, they are leaving me I have to go find them! Nice meeting you, txt me. And then the next day they act like they don't even know who the **** you are.
I wouldn't call it luck. You do know the city is known as "Menver" for a reason.
Well, you don't necessarily know what people go through though to really validate that. People are good at hiding things and not speaking about it especially in person. Hell, even I act fake about how i feel about Denver when people ask. Only because I don't like getting into heavy discussions about it with people I'm trying to get to know relationship-wise. The ones that you met that don't complain, I bet you 99% of the time they have never really lived anywhere else so what they see here they are used to it already. Or they have lived here all their life and already integrated with the scene here. I have met a few gay Black guys here and most of them have lived here all their life. or since high school. Or they moved here because of friends and already found their way into it.
And FYI, most of the Black dudes here in Denver be more interested in chasing White folks around all the time. They want to believe they are White and dress accordingly. There is barely any camaraderie with gay Black guys here. I've introduced myself and had light conversations with several and they say a couple words and then move on. They afraid if they introduce you to their White friends, you're going to 'get in' on their territory. I'm sorry but I speak REAL. I see through a lot of these things all the time...I seen this Black dude at my barbershop the other week. I knew he was gay. Later on, I seen him at the club. I said hello and introduced myself and noticed non of his friends were Black. He turned to me and had a quick conversation, but then turned around and carried on, couldn't even close the conversation or introduce me to anyone. Just acting pure STANK.
I precisely remember one night, this Black dude was trying to fight me over this White boy that I came into the club . The White guy set up the situation to make both of us jealous. It was at the particular point I had figured out what Denver gay scene was all about. They pure trifling. The guys out here who I have met who are interested in meeting Black guys, their intentions and motives don't ever be right. Or they act real secretive and waywardly about it.
Once again, instead of seeing things for what they are, you just assume I'm the issue which is typical. They guy who said he'd met his wife here after 3 meetings with women is pretty lucky to say the least LOL.
I cannot pinpoint anything that would cause anyone to be flaky like they are here. I meet someone, or they meet me...and then just for no apparent reason they start acting up. They give off the impression they are interested and then turn around with this I'm dating/boyfriend bullcrap.
One guy, I met a bar the other night. He stared me down. I stopped and had a chat with him. a few minutes later, "he has to go". We exchange numbers. We text a little bit here and there but there hasn't been any attempt on his part to agree on a 2nd meeting. And texts have been sporadic as well.
In Florida, going to the bar and meeting someone, one had to decide, "am I going to spend the whole night with this guy...or try to meet other guys". "Am I going to take him home or is he going to take me home?" Here in Denver, it's...okay gotta go my friends! my friends, my friends, they are leaving me I have to go find them! Nice meeting you, txt me. And then the next day they act like they don't even know who the **** you are.
Well, when you're dealing with gay men in their lower 20s, trifling is what you're going to get! Gay couples in Denver where both men are black isn't very common for some reason. Maybe you need to be in a city with more black men? I don't know what to tell you. I remember plenty of BS back in my bar days. I didn't meet my partner in a bar. He lived in my building, and didn't go to bars. I wanted nothing more than to meet the one person I would spend the rest of my life with, but had given up. That's when I met that one person - when I stopped trying. Maybe the Universe is telling you to move on, that this place isn't right for you. I believe things happen for a reason, and that I'm always right where I should be, even when things seem wrong. When things seem wrong, they soon change. New beginnings start with an end.
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