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Old 06-20-2012, 08:24 PM
 
3 posts, read 6,981 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello everyone. I'm a newbie to this forum, but have seen lots of good information given to others, so I was hoping I may be able to get some as well. I don't have anyone to bounce my thoughts around with, that wouldn't be biased. So, I'm here...hoping for some off chance I can talk, or type this out and come to a decision soon.

I currently live on the East Coast; it is just me and my daughter who will be turning 13 soon. Like so many other people I lost my job a few years ago and have been unable to find anything in the same pay range. I had to use my retirement to get by for a few years, so I have nothing in my retirement or savings anymore. I do currently have a job that pays minimal, but we are barely getting by. We have some family that live in Denver that have offered for us to come there and help us make a new start. They believe our quality of life would be much better there with them. Financially, they are much better off than we are here. My only hold back, besides fear, is our support system we have here. My daughter truly thrives in her school and exceeds any of my expectations. She is a good kid. She is involved in a wonderful youth group at our church, that is truly an extended family for her. My mom is here and my cousin and his family. My daughter's father is also here, but she only sees him a few times a year.

I have thought about this so much that I feel scared and confused on what I should do. The town we are in is all I have ever known, it is where I was born. I love it, but I also know that if I am given the opportunity to offer a better life for my daughter, that I should take it. I just don't want to be someone that thinks $ should be the answer to everything.

Sorry for the long rant. I guess I've been holding all this in...
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:03 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
5,610 posts, read 23,259,775 times
Reputation: 5447
As a compromise, have you considered moving somewhere else along the east coast? You didn't say where you live, but I'm sure there are other cities within a few hours drive or train ride that you could move to which would have a much better job market. For example, the Washington, DC/ Northern VA metro area has one of the best job markets in the country. At least that way you could go back to visit your family over a weekend pretty easily & frequently. If you move to Denver you'll be relying on expensive airfare tickets, plus all the time wasted being stuck in airports/airplanes for the better part of a day.
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:34 PM
 
Location: Denver
9,963 posts, read 18,454,657 times
Reputation: 6181
Personally I wouldn't move a child who is "thriving" at their school. My parents made a major move when I was 13 (Los Angeles to South Florida), eventually it was for the best but it was a major shock to my studies for the first year. It's hard on kids that age IMO.

What if it doesn't work out here midway through the school year?
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Old 06-20-2012, 11:02 PM
 
3 posts, read 6,981 times
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Thanks for the responses. Vegas, I don't have the money to move any where else. The only reason that Denver is an option was because of the family that wants us to come there.

Mach, that is something that I have been thinking a lot about. If Denver didn't work out and we came back home, my daughter would have already lost her spot in her current school and would have to attend a different school. My daughter would love to move to Denver to be with her uncles, but I know there is a lot more to think about.

I have a lot to think about...
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:06 AM
 
Location: In the hot spot!
3,941 posts, read 6,696,348 times
Reputation: 4091
I understand how you feel. I have moved my family more times than I care to admit. When the moves were good they were really good. However, I have made a few mistakes which cost us. It sounds like you are thinking about the right things (daughter's school, support system) before making a decision, however, I also get the sense that you personally feel "stuck" economically and are seeking a better life for you and your daughter. Breath, take your time and make the decision that is best for you AND your daughter. One thing I've learned about my successful moves is that it was successful for all of my family and not just myself. You will make the right choice, I know it.
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Old 06-21-2012, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,316 posts, read 120,407,718 times
Reputation: 35920
Come out for a visit. Since you have family here, you would only face transportation and some food costs; you will have a place to stay. As far as your family thinking your QOL will be greatly improved here, IMO, maybe, maybe not. You seem to have a lot of things going for you, and especially your daughter, where you are now. Those are the things that make QOL, not the part of the country you're in. Denver tends to do that to people, too, make them think they have the "holy grail" all of a sudden, and they want everyone to join in. While you should be (and I'm sure are) grateful that they have offered to help you, make your own decision.
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Old 06-21-2012, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Na'alehu Hawaii/Buena Vista Colorado
5,531 posts, read 12,611,233 times
Reputation: 6192
Your Mom and your daughter's father are where you live now. Those are important people in a teenager's life. How well does she know the uncles in Denver?

We had to make a major move when I was 12 and my father died. It is wrenching for a child of that age to leave everything that I had to that point. And if your daughter is thriving in an excellent school, then why risk moving her?

You say that fear is holding you back. Maybe that's a gut feeling telling you something. Listen to your own heart and do what's best for you.
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Coos Bay, Oregon
7,138 posts, read 10,990,519 times
Reputation: 7808
Quote:
Originally Posted by scaredandconfused View Post
Thanks for the responses. Vegas, I don't have the money to move any where else. The only reason that Denver is an option was because of the family that wants us to come there.

Mach, that is something that I have been thinking a lot about. If Denver didn't work out and we came back home, my daughter would have already lost her spot in her current school and would have to attend a different school. My daughter would love to move to Denver to be with her uncles, but I know there is a lot more to think about.

I have a lot to think about...
How about planing on moving June 2013. Spend three months in Denver and if it doesn't work out for you and your daughter, move back before the start of the school year. Don't even tell the school you are moving. I'm not sure what grade your daughter is in. But moving when your daughter graduates from Middle School and is ready start High School shouldn't be too disruptive to her education.
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Coos Bay, Oregon
7,138 posts, read 10,990,519 times
Reputation: 7808
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mach50 View Post
Personally I wouldn't move a child who is "thriving" at their school. My parents made a major move when I was 13 (Los Angeles to South Florida), eventually it was for the best but it was a major shock to my studies for the first year. It's hard on kids that age IMO.
I agree 100% with this. Moving can be a major issue with kid's education. But if you have to move, moving during the child's transition from Elementary School to Middle School, or Middle School to High School shouldn't cause any real problems. Since those are big cultural changes in themselves with a new school and new classmates. Of course if you have more then one kid, you can't accommodate all of them.

If at all possible, avoid moving during the school year. Thats way too disruptive. If I had kids and had to move during the school year, I'd consider any options for leaving the kids behind to finish the school year. I just would do that to them.
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Old 06-28-2012, 06:55 PM
 
3 posts, read 6,981 times
Reputation: 10
Thank you all so much for all your thoughts. I still haven't made a decision. I'll be talking with her uncles soon, so I can get more of a feel of where their heads are at. I may not have a great job, but at least I have one. If I move to Denver, who knows how long it would be before I landed a decent job.
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