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Old 02-09-2019, 10:47 PM
 
Location: Nashville
3,533 posts, read 5,811,066 times
Reputation: 4708
I guess I cannot totally blame the flaky fake friendship phenomenon on Denver. Well, I had another such encounter last week. This time I met a gentleman from St. Louis. Somehow, we just hit it off and had a long conversation and talked for over an hour. I was even telling him how it is hard to make friends with people in Denver and that I am new here and how people give me their numbers and say how they want to be bros and hang out.. He acted sympathetic and said, oh no, it's easy to make friends here, you are such a friendly guy, blah blah .. Well, we really had nice long conversation and I made it a point not to exchange numbers and just accept meeting people in Denver outside of a long-term friendship circle, work or some type of continual social/outdoor activity will usually be futile and all social interactions will be superficial. So, after making brewery/bar buddies with this guy he gives me his business card that has his cell phone and says how I am a really interesting guy, he liked talking with me and that I should give him a call next time im in the RINO and we will get together for some beers. Oh , whoopie joy, once again! Yeah, I did not ask him for his number , but he gives me his number, says to call him and he wants to get together.

So, what I do? Of course, being a new guy in the city, working 70+ hours a week and having no friends I head up to the RINO Friday night and decide to text the guy. Yeah, this time around I am only expecting the worst. So, I text him and say: "Hey So-And-So, I am headed up to the RINO tonight and going to get a beer. I'm sure you're busy, but thought I just hit you up as you requested. You are welcome to join me if you are free tonight." What happens? The guy does not bother to even make up an excuse or even waste his precious time saying he is busy. Nope. He just ignores me and pretends I don't exist. Like , what the **** did I give this guy my number and try to make friends with him? I mean, cannot this person at least have the dignity to respond to me? He was the one who gave me his number and said he wanted to hang out. Why be a p*ssy and just ignore me? At least be a freakin man and say hey bro I am sorry I am busy tonight. Just ignore me after you give me your number? Maybe, all this fake friendliness is a Midwest thing? I have no clue. Or , maybe Colorado attracts the weird fake friendly introverts from the Midwest? Like I said, the transplants I meet from the South or even East Coast and other places are pretty friendly and seem more genuine. But, I just got ignored by a Missourian, so I guess I cannot pin the whole epidemic on Colorodans alone. It is just that I have experienced more of this weird behavior from the locals. i am talking about the fake friendliness, where they claim they want to be your best friend and then get the whole cold feet, where they are probably crapping in their pants, saying OMG, this guy is trying to be my friend, OMG!!!

Ugh.. I have officially given up with trying to make any friends in this city.. I am actually already making plans to leave Denver. I will miss a lot of things about Colorado. The Libertarian politics agree with me and I do appreciate the decent beer, found a nice cannabis dispensary and feel the taxes are reasonable and gun laws are acceptable (except the dumb, unenforced magazine ban). The terrain is a bit dry and brown which also kind of makes me depressed now, but there are some beautiful outdoor areas. However, I just hate the social atmosphere here and being that I am not a guy who hikes and skis every day or have the free time to go hike all around Colorado with groups of people I just don't think there is any way to have a social life here. Yes, I will agree that making friends in bars, breweries, coffeeshops or most other businesses that provide food, drink are not places you make friends in Colorado. The meetup groups here are complete garbage and there are about a fraction like (70% less) meetup groups here than Seattle and many are money making type schemes where you pay like $30 to go drink at a bar with people. I can do that much cheaper without RSVPing for the meetup .



--------------------------------------
About Women in Menver/Colorado:

I really did not even want to get into the topic of women, dating and Denver. Just to be clear, I am not pursuing any relationship here. I've pretty much gave up on the prospects of finding a lady in Menver, but let me just go ahead and share my opinion since people keep bringing it up.

The women here are pretty unapproachable, but many are hitched. I am not a guy who has a lot of fear approaching women, even though being not a hot looking supermodel type, I obviously have to do more work when trying to pick up on women. However, the women here are even worse than the guys and pretty much will ignore you or act like you are trying to rape them. I think the insecurities a lot of the women face is being in a place where they are so outnumbered and probably have to deal with so many horny guys. Seattle, wasn't much different in this regard, but I actually found women in Seattle to be friendlier than Denver. That is, the ones who were not rabid, man-hating feminists, which is very common in Seattle. That says a lot though, considering the gender ratio imbalance in Seattle is even worse than Denver. And, many men will also claim Seattle to be one of the worst dating cities for them. It is not good, but I actually found it to be better than Denver. Even with all the hordes of men in Seattle, there seems to be more women hanging around places, since Seattle is a city where people live and play in rather than Denver where they live, but play somewhere else (the mountains). I don't even bother talking to women here as they are the most unfriendly have seen anywhere. Another funny thing about Seattle is there is lots of geeky/dorky/anti-social/socially awkward men and they don't approach women at all. If you are lucky enough even to see a woman in Denver, much less one not wearing headphones with a terrified look on their face, they pretty much always are married or have boyfriends.

There are probably about 20% more single men (under 50) than women in Denver and it really is obvious. Reading male/female populations alone are inaccurate, as it doesn't account for elderly people and children. I still am scratching my head at the ladies (I've yet to meet a man say this) who claim Denver doesn't have that many single men.. Ummm, wow, where do you spend all day, at yoga classes or knitting groups? Yeah, just walk into any ol' bar and you will be surrounded by more single men than you will ever want to meet, trust me . I've met lots of single guys, but hardly ever meet a girl in Denver who doesn't have a boyfriend. I have flirted with some girls here, but they always have boyfriends, so trying to get a date with them would seem a little unscrupulous. Met a real cutie at a local head shop a week ago and we really hit it off and talked for quite a long time. But, I just felt so awkward trying to ask her out, knowing that she moved to Colorado with her boyfriend and still lives with him. Oh yeah, I hit it off with this other cute girl I met who use to work at one of my favorite breweries. She also lives with a boyfriend but we could talk for hours and really hit it off.. Once again, ughhhh.. I guess, any kind of relationship I would have in Denver would be an open relationship and it's harder finding girls who are willing to date multiple guys (and whose boyfriends are ok with that) than the other way around. And yeah, I do feel a bit guilty flirting with girls who are hitched, but this is Menver and sometimes you just yearn to talk to a girl and good luck getting in a conversation with a single one; they are rare.

Really, I wonder where the heck all the women in this town are? Everywhere I go there are lots and lots of bros. The only place I see women here is in grocery stores and they usually are shopping for their family and pretty cold-faced and unapproachable. If you see girls in a bar, it is usually a group of two or three and they go huddle in a corner by themselves and refuse to talk to anybody but themselves. They are obviously there for a girls night out, not to meet guys. It was more common to meet and chat up with girls in bars in Seattle. And, Seattle does not have a great bar scene for meeting chicks. Good luck finding a single girl sitting by herself in Denver at a bar. You won't ever see that! I remember just asking a girl if anyone was sitting at table next to her at Whole Foods when I was trying to eat my lunch. She gave me a dirty look and refused to answer until I asked her again louder and she just nodded and looked at me angrily like I was trying to rape her.. So sorry for invading your precious and sacred personal space! Ughhhh..

Last edited by RotseCherut; 02-09-2019 at 11:21 PM..

 
Old 02-10-2019, 07:03 AM
 
937 posts, read 740,475 times
Reputation: 2335
Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
I guess I cannot totally blame the flaky fake friendship phenomenon on Denver. Well, I had another such encounter last week. This time I met a gentleman from St. Louis. Somehow, we just hit it off and had a long conversation and talked for over an hour. I was even telling him how it is hard to make friends with people in Denver and that I am new here and how people give me their numbers and say how they want to be bros and hang out.. He acted sympathetic and said, oh no, it's easy to make friends here, you are such a friendly guy, blah blah .. Well, we really had nice long conversation and I made it a point not to exchange numbers and just accept meeting people in Denver outside of a long-term friendship circle, work or some type of continual social/outdoor activity will usually be futile and all social interactions will be superficial. So, after making brewery/bar buddies with this guy he gives me his business card that has his cell phone and says how I am a really interesting guy, he liked talking with me and that I should give him a call next time im in the RINO and we will get together for some beers. Oh , whoopie joy, once again! Yeah, I did not ask him for his number , but he gives me his number, says to call him and he wants to get together.

So, what I do? Of course, being a new guy in the city, working 70+ hours a week and having no friends I head up to the RINO Friday night and decide to text the guy. Yeah, this time around I am only expecting the worst. So, I text him and say: "Hey So-And-So, I am headed up to the RINO tonight and going to get a beer. I'm sure you're busy, but thought I just hit you up as you requested. You are welcome to join me if you are free tonight." What happens? The guy does not bother to even make up an excuse or even waste his precious time saying he is busy. Nope. He just ignores me and pretends I don't exist. Like , what the **** did I give this guy my number and try to make friends with him? I mean, cannot this person at least have the dignity to respond to me? He was the one who gave me his number and said he wanted to hang out. Why be a p*ssy and just ignore me? At least be a freakin man and say hey bro I am sorry I am busy tonight. Just ignore me after you give me your number? Maybe, all this fake friendliness is a Midwest thing? I have no clue. Or , maybe Colorado attracts the weird fake friendly introverts from the Midwest? Like I said, the transplants I meet from the South or even East Coast and other places are pretty friendly and seem more genuine. But, I just got ignored by a Missourian, so I guess I cannot pin the whole epidemic on Colorodans alone. It is just that I have experienced more of this weird behavior from the locals. i am talking about the fake friendliness, where they claim they want to be your best friend and then get the whole cold feet, where they are probably crapping in their pants, saying OMG, this guy is trying to be my friend, OMG!!!

Ugh.. I have officially given up with trying to make any friends in this city.. I am actually already making plans to leave Denver. I will miss a lot of things about Colorado. The Libertarian politics agree with me and I do appreciate the decent beer, found a nice cannabis dispensary and feel the taxes are reasonable and gun laws are acceptable (except the dumb, unenforced magazine ban). The terrain is a bit dry and brown which also kind of makes me depressed now, but there are some beautiful outdoor areas. However, I just hate the social atmosphere here and being that I am not a guy who hikes and skis every day or have the free time to go hike all around Colorado with groups of people I just don't think there is any way to have a social life here. Yes, I will agree that making friends in bars, breweries, coffeeshops or most other businesses that provide food, drink are not places you make friends in Colorado. The meetup groups here are complete garbage and there are about a fraction like (70% less) meetup groups here than Seattle and many are money making type schemes where you pay like $30 to go drink at a bar with people. I can do that much cheaper without RSVPing for the meetup .



--------------------------------------
About Women in Menver/Colorado:

I really did not even want to get into the topic of women, dating and Denver. Just to be clear, I am not pursuing any relationship here. I've pretty much gave up on the prospects of finding a lady in Menver, but let me just go ahead and share my opinion since people keep bringing it up.

The women here are pretty unapproachable, but many are hitched. I am not a guy who has a lot of fear approaching women, even though being not a hot looking supermodel type, I obviously have to do more work when trying to pick up on women. However, the women here are even worse than the guys and pretty much will ignore you or act like you are trying to rape them. I think the insecurities a lot of the women face is being in a place where they are so outnumbered and probably have to deal with so many horny guys. Seattle, wasn't much different in this regard, but I actually found women in Seattle to be friendlier than Denver. That is, the ones who were not rabid, man-hating feminists, which is very common in Seattle. That says a lot though, considering the gender ratio imbalance in Seattle is even worse than Denver. And, many men will also claim Seattle to be one of the worst dating cities for them. It is not good, but I actually found it to be better than Denver. Even with all the hordes of men in Seattle, there seems to be more women hanging around places, since Seattle is a city where people live and play in rather than Denver where they live, but play somewhere else (the mountains). I don't even bother talking to women here as they are the most unfriendly have seen anywhere. Another funny thing about Seattle is there is lots of geeky/dorky/anti-social/socially awkward men and they don't approach women at all. If you are lucky enough even to see a woman in Denver, much less one not wearing headphones with a terrified look on their face, they pretty much always are married or have boyfriends.

There are probably about 20% more single men (under 50) than women in Denver and it really is obvious. Reading male/female populations alone are inaccurate, as it doesn't account for elderly people and children. I still am scratching my head at the ladies (I've yet to meet a man say this) who claim Denver doesn't have that many single men.. Ummm, wow, where do you spend all day, at yoga classes or knitting groups? Yeah, just walk into any ol' bar and you will be surrounded by more single men than you will ever want to meet, trust me . I've met lots of single guys, but hardly ever meet a girl in Denver who doesn't have a boyfriend. I have flirted with some girls here, but they always have boyfriends, so trying to get a date with them would seem a little unscrupulous. Met a real cutie at a local head shop a week ago and we really hit it off and talked for quite a long time. But, I just felt so awkward trying to ask her out, knowing that she moved to Colorado with her boyfriend and still lives with him. Oh yeah, I hit it off with this other cute girl I met who use to work at one of my favorite breweries. She also lives with a boyfriend but we could talk for hours and really hit it off.. Once again, ughhhh.. I guess, any kind of relationship I would have in Denver would be an open relationship and it's harder finding girls who are willing to date multiple guys (and whose boyfriends are ok with that) than the other way around. And yeah, I do feel a bit guilty flirting with girls who are hitched, but this is Menver and sometimes you just yearn to talk to a girl and good luck getting in a conversation with a single one; they are rare.

Really, I wonder where the heck all the women in this town are? Everywhere I go there are lots and lots of bros. The only place I see women here is in grocery stores and they usually are shopping for their family and pretty cold-faced and unapproachable. If you see girls in a bar, it is usually a group of two or three and they go huddle in a corner by themselves and refuse to talk to anybody but themselves. They are obviously there for a girls night out, not to meet guys. It was more common to meet and chat up with girls in bars in Seattle. And, Seattle does not have a great bar scene for meeting chicks. Good luck finding a single girl sitting by herself in Denver at a bar. You won't ever see that! I remember just asking a girl if anyone was sitting at table next to her at Whole Foods when I was trying to eat my lunch. She gave me a dirty look and refused to answer until I asked her again louder and she just nodded and looked at me angrily like I was trying to rape her.. So sorry for invading your precious and sacred personal space! Ughhhh..
I think you are barking up the wrong tree with how you are trying to make friendships and hoping something comes out of it. These interactions you describe are just one time, random conversations with random people of whom you will likely never see again. The friendship studies show that you would likely need to place yourself in situations in which you would repeatedly meet up with the same people over and over in order for the possibility of friendship to develop and blossom.

There was a study done in the late sixties in which a male student kept showing up to a college class only wearing a black bag and sat at the back of the room on a table. At first, people were distant and hostile to this person but over time warmed up to and befriended him. His face wasn't showing, only his feet. The basis of the study was that the repeated interactions even with this frightening and odd bag covered person eventually yielded some rapport and warmth towards him and people in the class eventually befriended him.


https://www.ua-magazine.com/ten-unus.../#.XGAzOC2ZPUo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mere-exposure_effect

Last edited by Chloe333; 02-10-2019 at 07:39 AM..
 
Old 02-10-2019, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Indianapolis, East Side
3,054 posts, read 2,364,460 times
Reputation: 8410
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankhharu View Post
Despite the fact that a large majority of people don't participate in the census (myself and 2 male roommates included), the census shows that men do outnumber women here. The Menver moniker is fitting. And anyone can go to a bar, club, musuem, concert, etc and anyone can see that that men out number women here by a significant margin.
Actually, census.gov shows slightly more women than men. A visit to restaurants, grocery stores, a downtown park, concerts, or anyplace pretty much everyone goes to will show men and women in about equal numbers, you and your two roommates notwithstanding. https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fa...rado/PST045217

Bars and clubs probably attract hordes of single men, but museums? Really? I suppose single men are patrons of the symphony, ballet and Shakespeare festival as well?

One reason I gave up swing dancing was the lack of partners. I guess they were all at the museum!
 
Old 02-10-2019, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
3,961 posts, read 4,362,124 times
Reputation: 5273
Your initial post in this thread stated you were looking forward to being a place where you could meet people someplace other than bars and clubs where things are fleeting and superficial, yet you seem to constantly go to these places expecting different results.

IRCC, some of your other posts you state you are a firearms enthusiast. Have you tried going to any ranges or joining a shooting club? These don't require the overt physical level of activity you can't engage in currently, yet would give you a great opportunity to met other people who have a shared recreational activity other than comparing IPAs and porters. I dare say you may even find people who may return your phone calls because you have a common bond.

There also have been some great suggestion in this and other threads that you could try to change your status quo and put you in front of others that don't involve hops and barley. If you chose not to attempt them and expect Denver to change to suit you, then you may indeed be happier if you left.

Sorry it didn't work out for you and I wish you the best in your next relocation.
 
Old 02-10-2019, 09:14 AM
 
1,190 posts, read 1,187,835 times
Reputation: 2320
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheerbliss View Post
Actually, census.gov shows slightly more women than men. A visit to restaurants, grocery stores, a downtown park, concerts, or anyplace pretty much everyone goes to will show men and women in about equal numbers, you and your two roommates notwithstanding. https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fa...rado/PST045217

Bars and clubs probably attract hordes of single men, but museums? Really? I suppose single men are patrons of the symphony, ballet and Shakespeare festival as well?

One reason I gave up swing dancing was the lack of partners. I guess they were all at the museum!
The TV ad must be true- "Men these days have less testosterone than their fathers, who had less than their fathers".

Makes sense!
 
Old 02-10-2019, 09:50 AM
 
9,868 posts, read 7,650,602 times
Reputation: 22123
After reading many of RotseCherut’s posts about places he has lived, one overwhelming commonality has emerged:

“No matter where you go, there you are.”
 
Old 02-10-2019, 10:19 AM
 
937 posts, read 740,475 times
Reputation: 2335
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCHP View Post
There also have been some great suggestion in this and other threads that you could try to change your status quo and put you in front of others that don't involve hops and barley.
But he could have his barley-hops and drink it too. He could set up a Meetup like "New to Denver" or the like where the group meets at some brewery or bar every so often. Then he has a situation where repeated interactions can take place making friendships or even romantic prospects more likely.
 
Old 02-10-2019, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,827 posts, read 29,862,778 times
Reputation: 14428
Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut View Post
I guess I cannot totally blame the flaky fake friendship phenomenon on Denver. Well, I had another such encounter last week. This time I met a gentleman from St. Louis. Somehow, we just hit it off and had a long conversation and talked for over an hour. I was even telling him how it is hard to make friends with people in Denver and that I am new here and how people give me their numbers and say how they want to be bros and hang out.. He acted sympathetic and said, oh no, it's easy to make friends here, you are such a friendly guy, blah blah .. Well, we really had nice long conversation and I made it a point not to exchange numbers and just accept meeting people in Denver outside of a long-term friendship circle, work or some type of continual social/outdoor activity will usually be futile and all social interactions will be superficial. So, after making brewery/bar buddies with this guy he gives me his business card that has his cell phone and says how I am a really interesting guy, he liked talking with me and that I should give him a call next time im in the RINO and we will get together for some beers. Oh , whoopie joy, once again! Yeah, I did not ask him for his number , but he gives me his number, says to call him and he wants to get together.
I'm going to give you some recent examples of my social life, and I'm probably the most socially awkward dude in this thread:

-This guy I met a month ago playing poker, we'll call him Larry; we had a nice long discussion earlier this week after we played. He implored me to play in a major tournament this weekend, so I did, even though we played in it on separate days. We kept each other abreast of our status in the tournament, and offered each other support. Larry is from Europe, and has been in Denver for 5 weeks, and is roughly 5 years younger than me.

-After I was done with the tournament yesterday, I texted my friend Mike, and asked him if he wanted to go play in a specific poker game he had brought me to before. He all but immediately said yes, and we went and played for three hours, and went and had a beer at a bar afterwards (said bar was filled with young women BTW). Mike is from Chicago, I've known him for about 1.5 years, he has been in Denver for at least 20 years, and is about 20 years older than me.

-One of my better current friends blew me off yesterday when I texted him. We'll call him Brian. I've known him about 1.5 years, he's 8 years younger than me, he's from Tampa, and he has been in Denver about 2 years. Brian also works for me, and we see and talk to each other all week anyway, so I'm not trippin.

-Another friend (we'll call him Harry) asked me to go hit some baseballs with him on Friday. We couldn't get our schedules matched up, so it never happened. We did shoot the breeze via text on Friday, he is one of my better friends, but we've only been talking about once a week lately. He's about 7 years younger than me, I've known him about 1.5 years, and he has lived in Denver his whole life.

-A week ago on a Friday night, this guy Sam that I haven't seen since 2016 texted me and asked me what I was doing that night. I told him that I was working, and to hit me up when he knew which bar he wanted to go to, and I would show up when I was done. I never heard from him again that night. He does this about twice a year, and we've yet to meet up for various reasons. He's a few years older than me, I've known him for 3 years, and he's lived here in Denver since he was very young.

-I have another friend named Lenny. He texts me about every two weeks on average about random stuff, and we chit chat each time he does. Him and I were very close in 2016 (he even stayed with me for a bit), but he was pretty toxic to my life overall so I've made some space. I'll run into him frequently during my summer activities, and I never make an effort to see him, and for me that is fine/more than enough. I've known him for 3 years, he's about 7 years younger than me, and he has lived here in Denver for his whole life.

Notice no female friends. My wife of 13.5 years has never really allowed that (though we are separated for the moment for not exactly marital reasons), and I wouldn't know where to begin to find any anyway (I do have a few lesbian friends my age/older that I don't hang out with often); platonic or otherwise. I too find females pretty cold here overall compared to other places.....I would say less open/friendly in general (taken as a whole). When I travel, I don't find that to necessarily to be the case elsewhere.

I don't know Rotse, it took me close to 11 years of living here to feel "connected". I have never felt more connected here than I have the last 6 months or so....it's about to the point where I have no dream of leaving here anymore. It took a ton of effort on my part, and it was an effort that I made after spending the entirety of 2017 as quite depressed. All I really did was put a renewed focus on my hobbies, and made a concerted effort to make them a priority. It's taken some time, but what has occurred for me has happened pretty organically.

I will also note that I pretty much stay out of bars a) because I don't really drink anyway, and b) not sure what exactly I'd be looking for there. 8-10 years ago, I played poker in bars, and I made many friends out of that, many of whom I am friends with to this day. So if there is a bar activity you enjoy (aside from knocking a few back) that might be a suggestion no matter where you land.
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Old 02-10-2019, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Indianapolis, East Side
3,054 posts, read 2,364,460 times
Reputation: 8410
Quote:
Originally Posted by LHS79 View Post
The TV ad must be true- "Men these days have less testosterone than their fathers, who had less than their fathers".

Makes sense!
Apparently it prevents men from looking for women anywhere but in a bar.

I agree with other posters' suggestions to seek friends through hobbies. That's how I met some of my friends there.
 
Old 02-11-2019, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Way up high
22,237 posts, read 29,276,194 times
Reputation: 31308
I have resting bytch face so people are usually scared of me..
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