After one year in Denver, no TRUE friends (university, road)

[the3Ds]

Another thought about making true friends is to figure out how you met those that you DO really call friends. Mine became my best friends because we shared intense experiences together (first loves, first breakups, college, studying abroad, etc). Sometimes you never know how good a friend is until you really DO need them.

We met my neighbors not long after moving in. They invited us over for BBQ and margaritas and have enjoyed a nice relationship with them. They too have no family here in Denver so we found we had that in common. A few months ago, we got a knock on our door at about 8 pm because our neighbor went into labor nearly a month early and while their family was coming in a few weeks, they had no one to watch their 2 year old. They were really shaken and upset and panicked and of course we helped them out. From that day on, we've been friendlier than ever. Now, it's more than just neighborly waves and small talk in the front yard. I am not sure I'd call them "true" friends but they are the closest people we have here in Denver. We would never had developed a closer friendship had the circumstances not been an emergency.

[Osito]

Originally Posted by StarlaJane

I don't think that it is unique to your geographical location; I think that it is like that everywhere. It is especially difficult if you are single or are new to an area. People are either wary or already have as many friends as they need.
I do think that people are more wary nowadays than, say, 10 years ago b/c let's face it--you never know. Maybe I'm looking at the past through rose-colored glasses, but I don't remember it being like this 10 years ago.
But it isn't just Denver. People in Florida are like that as well--very insular, suspicious and not welcoming to people that are completely new to an area, unless you already know people who can vouch for you and introduce you to others.

I actually thought people were nicer in Florida than here... I agree with the fact that it's hard to make friends. In particular as a single person in a couples' world.

[BlueWillowPlate]

Originally Posted by StarlaJane

People in Florida are like that as well--very insular, suspicious and not welcoming to people that are completely new to an area, unless you already know people who can vouch for you and introduce you to others.

Generalize much?
We've been in north Florida since '05 and have made some good friends, but I admit, of the two of us, I am the one who makes the effort, my husband is not exactly a social ball of fire.
I agree with Murphles that friendship, *true* friendship, is both a blessing and work. I also agree with EscapeCalifornia that shared experiences can nurture friendship, and that age/stage of life influences this.
Friendship is also chemistry and happenstance. You kind of know it when you meet someone who is simpatico, and it might happen when you're not even looking for it.
However, seeking like-minded individuals by through a ski club, soccer team or volunteerism might help.
Good luck, mcb1025. It took almost year for us to even settle in our new location, let alone make true friends.

[yukiko11]

Well, welcome to adulthood.
The kind of friendship you are describing is the kind you enter into as a child. I met my best friend when I was 10 and we have been best friends for 49 years. In all those years, although I have lived several places, and am very sociable and friendly, I would have to say that I have only made acquaintances. Some are closer than others, but none are anything close to my best friend.
As we get older and suffer hurtful experiences in various situations, we tend to become rather self protective and are not quite so open to being friends.
At you rage, your next best prospect is to start looking for your future wife. If you end up with the right woman, she can become your best friend for life.
Other than that, just enjoy the acquaintances you have and make the most out of the relationships.

[Katarina Witt]

I made some good friends when I quit working and became a stay at home mom. I'm still good friends with some people in my old babysitting co-op. Most of us have gone back to work, some have even retired!

[icewater]

I will now (officially, as of tomorrow) be residing in Spokane, WA. I don't expect to have friends in a week, I don't expect to have friends in a year, but if I continue to be myself, eventually somebody will knock on 'ol David's door. And we will promptly watch the game and have a beer.[/quote]

Hang in there, and just assume that by being yourself that you'll meet new genuine friends who take you as you are. Being otherwise may cause the phone to ring but it could be a hollow voice on the other end. Besides, who wants a friendship based on shallow vices or mask-wearing? It will take time- days or years, but ultimately is worth it.

Maybe there will be or already are weekends of silence, and this is tough, but in the end it will spur you to move toward socializing in some way or allow you to be comfortably alone with yourself....either way is acceptable and if it jibes with your true being then THAT is the key. Remember, unsocial people can be perfectly content (successful/married/fulfilled) while the life of the party may be ultimately dissatisfied (you see those 45 year olds at a bar trying to pull off age 25).

Good Luck and hang in there. Following your hobbies or pastimes should introduce you to like-minded individuals. Take your interests to the next level and new worlds should open up.

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by the3Ds

Sometimes you never know how good a friend is until you really DO need them.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

I was scanning the board and saw this. I've lived in several cities and they have been a 180 from each other. Personally, I think the Intermountain West and the Northwest may appear to be cordial, but are deep down aloof in spirit. There's such a premium on that individuality, that I can see this happening. I have had better experiences in the East. Give it some additional time. Also, join some groups for common interests.

[ihynes]

I think this is the way things are in modern America . . . people don't seem to be able or willing to connect anymore. When we had kids, our friends who chose not to be parents fell away (these people always say the new parents don't have time for them, but they really don't want to be around the diaper scene), and then when we moved to Illinois we left behind everyone we knew. Most people are content to just hang around with their extended families, no need to make any new friends, ever.

[wankel7]

So, I read your original post and you don't mention ANY hobbies!

Honestly, if I didn't have any hobbies I would have not made any friends since I moved here.

I ride motorcycles, rock climb, mountain/road bike, hike, and love working on cars.

Between those hobbies I have made many friends.

If you have any hobbies I would highly suggest www.meetup.com

[Katarina Witt]

Originally Posted by ihynes

I think this is the way things are in modern America . . . people don't seem to be able or willing to connect anymore. When we had kids, our friends who chose not to be parents fell away (these people always say the new parents don't have time for them, but they really don't want to be around the diaper scene), and then when we moved to Illinois we left behind everyone we knew. Most people are content to just hang around with their extended families, no need to make any new friends, ever.

Maybe in Illinois they are content to hang out with extended family, but many people here don't have any family within 500-1000 miles. For the first 16 years we lived here, we didn't have any. Now we do, and I like it. It's nice to have people to have Christmas dinner with, to invite to graduations, etc. But if you don't have family, you have to make your own family, and that can take time.