Why are people so shady here? (Iowa City: middle school, store, pool)

[camille563]

That's exactly what I mean! You shouldn't have to do fundraising or fill sandbags to have walls come down and people start being friendly. Midwestern people are not nice unless you fit in their bubble or are their kind of normal they don't welcome change or different people! That's sad

[atler8]

DSM=Cultish=my eyes rolling.

[camille563]

Originally Posted by atler8

DSM=Cultish=my eyes rolling.

Yes it is a bit cultish! Clicks are also formed and outsiders aren't welcomed

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by camille563

Yes it is a bit cultish! Clicks are also formed and outsiders aren't welcomed

Are you stopping to recognize their culture or do you want them to adjust to you?

I have a hard time accepting that the entire area is not working out for you. I would also caution that if the first batch of people you've met weren't a positive experience (I've had this happen places)...don't let that jade you and thus taint the next opportunity to meet people.

P.S. When I saw "shady" that usually infers they are doing illegal things, shouldn't be trusted not to steal money out of your purse etc. type people. I'd not seen it used to mean "unfriendly" is that a regional thing?

[camille563]

I mean shady as they say hi but turn their head and make a not so friendly comment. I moved to Iowa in 2009 and I have met great people but the majority are not so nice! I don't need the city to adjust to me. People here are naturally unwelcoming that's what I've noticed. I have witnessed people whispering and judging others just because of how they speak or because they were overly friendly when they walked in. Friendliness catches people off guard here!

[econboy]

To take a balanced perspective on this...coming from a lifelong Iowan. Age 32.

What I notice is that this more white collar uptight crowd you speak of DOES exist. It's not the whole area but it certainly is a larger part of it. It wasn't always this way though.

Prior to the 1980's/1990's, Iowa had a more common live-and-let-live 'working class/be who you are' type crowd. Things weren't as fast paced as they are now around DSM, Iowa City, etc. But they also weren't as high end professional across the board and as 'suburban' in nature. This has all resulted from the socioeconomic engineering thats been happening the last 20 years, especially in the Des Moines area. Des Moines is getting a good Finance, Hi-Tech and Life Science base but whats happened is it attracts all these serious, nose to the grindstone, legalistic lifestyle types (I'm generalizing I know). Like anything this causes 'group mentality' and while it has created a nice quality of life it also makes it difficult to experience other types of people and thought processes.

This is not to say Des Moines hasn't experienced increased diversity in it's growth. But growth and diversity don't necessarily go hand in hand. Depends what you mean by diversity as well.

Take all this with a grain of salt because we are speaking in midwestern terms, obviously.

And I should add when I say socioeconomic engineering, it's the emphasis the state and area cities put on targeting these key industries with incentives, initiatives and so on.

[atler8]

I'll put it this way: I don't believe in the premise cited in the title of the original thread that this is a thing that is unique to Des Moines or that it is even remotely a cultish place. That's why I wrote "eyes rolling" earlier.
For me, it is not unique there but rather a situation that is widely found across the country & thus not peculiar to Iowa: The question in the premise can be written as in, "Why are people so shady in New England?" Talk about reserve, Iowa's own brand of reserve has nothing on that found in New England.
I ate at a church supper in Vermont once & took my host's earlier hint for me to show some conversational reserve once I saw how it was pretty much an eat without conversation type of situation. For what it's worth, I never ate at a quiet church meal in Iowa.
Furthermore: "Why are people in the rural South so shady?"
You can expect to experience guarded reactions, even suspicion & nearly-mute communication if you venture off the beaten path in the rural South, especially if you are a stranger or have license plates from "one of those" (fill in the blank) locations.
I could go on, but I think that you get my point.

[Meemur]

There's a strong work ethic in our culture. I remember going around to farms in NW Ohio gathering hay for Iowa farmers during one of the droughts, and I remember crying tears of joy when I spotted one of the big conveys of trucks from Iowa rolling into the staging area, carrying hay to our farmers during one of the droughts.

When Iowa City was flooding, people were descending on the city to help fill sand bags and pass out water and sandwiches, not to cause trouble. I was one of the coordinators getting vans and gas to get Ohio volunteers out there.

It takes awhile to build friendships in the Midwest, but once they are forged, they are strong. These are the people you can depend on to care for your family while you're in the hospital, and you'll gladly do the same.

Work is one of the elements that binds us.

I'm not articulating this well, but it's one of the reasons I stay in the Midwest.

[atler8]

Memur,
You made your point well enough so no apologies are necessary.

[Tek_Freek]

I've lived here my entire life. I've never met a stranger. I don't care what you look like or how you talk. If you're a nice person we're going to have a conversation. It's rare that I ever meet anyone that won't talk to me.

And I meet people like me constantly. At the bar, in an elevator, waiting to walk at a red light, standing in line at a checkout in the store. I've had people tell me, "I see you've never met a stranger, either." We are everywhere.

Where, exactly are these unfriendly people? I'm 65 and I have no problems talking with people of any age.

I am always surprised when I read these types of posts - about any location. I'm the same way when we travel and I always meet great people simply because I take the time to talk to them. A smile and, "Hello" is all it takes.