I would like to move my child out of state

[cfbs2691]

Originally Posted by lynn1991

i am only 22 and feel it is unfair i should be "stuck" here due to the fact i had a child at such a young age

It's a choice you made that can't be undone.
As others said, you have a child, and as a parent, your job is to put your child's needs ahead of your own.

How will moving away help your child?
I'm not saying it won't.. I'm just asking you to consider how it will make your child's life better?

[BostonMike7]

Originally Posted by lynn199

but in our court order i says i can only move in a 100 mile rad. from where my child was born how can i take care of this a move on im my life with my child in another state im willing to split cost for round trip plane tickets in the summer and he may call as much as he likes and be informed of whats going on with our son anytime it is important we were never married i am only 22 and feel it is unfair i should be "stuck" here due to the fact i had a child at such a young age in an inmature relationship with a man that i can not stand to look at, at this point in my life

You mention court order, so ill assume a custody agreement and child support order is in place. I'm not a lawyer, so none of this is official legal advice. I'm just slightly familiar with family court.

If the order states you must live within 100 miles, then it will be very difficult to modify the order to allow you to move. You will have to convince the judge it's in the best interest of the child, not you. Also keep in mind that you are creating the distance and might have to pay 100% of dads travel costs.

Dad has just as much right to his son as you do, and until he does something to put the child in danger, you can't keep him away despite his bad record. By sleeping with him and producing a child, you basically told the court you consider him to be father material. You may not think so now, but actions have consequences.

Unfortunately for you, it's all about the child right now. And your life decisions will have to deal with thinking of him first, and yourself second.

[dragon_fly_12]

Originally Posted by lynn1991

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this I understand my best bet is to contact a attorney for this matter im just trying to get some understanding from people who have gone through this them sels to understand what im getting my self into...

I currently live in MI and would like to move with my four yr old son out of state to better my life i am ready for a fresh start at my life i am currently a psychology majior coming to the end of my associate degree and would like to start my bachelors degree at a new school and to also be in a bigger place that will offer me better paying jobs and internships when i get to that point. Unlike the small town i currently live that has nothing to offer me now and in long run also i am in a steady relationship with an amazing man who is in the army and we have spent most of relationship being long dist. due to the army and me being "stuck" here due to my child i have always been a people pleaser doing what is expected of me trying to make every one happy even the people who do not deserve it in the process of that i have lost my own happiness in a way i think its time for me to worry about myself a little more and put everyone elses wants and demands on the back burner and start fresh for me an my son in a place where we can both strive, I have sole and physical custody however i share joint custody with his father who just started taking part in our sons life he takes him once a week on his terms when it "fits" into his plans up untill this point he has been absent for pretty much everything and anything. he also has charges on his record from drugsall the way to asult with a deadily weapon i however do not even have a parking ticket on mine and have been the main and onlt person in my sons life for the last four years my sons father does pay child support and acts as if i should kiss the ground he walks on because of this. smh!! he trys to go out of his way to make my life hell and stir up my anger towards him as a person an father but in our court order i says i can only move in a 100 mile rad. from where my child was born how can i take care of this a move on im my life with my child in another state im willing to split cost for round trip plane tickets in the summer and he may call as much as he likes and be informed of whats going on with our son anytime it is important we were never married i am only 22 and feel it is unfair i should be "stuck" here due to the fact i had a child at such a young age in an inmature relationship with a man that i can not stand to look at, at this point in my life

Clarify, which is it? Do you have "sole" custody or "joint" custody, because these are legal terms that have significance in the scheme of things.

Yes, I know a thing or two about the MI custody system. I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice.

In MI, paying child support does not equate getting parenting privileges, and vice versa. MI is one of the few states that will allow a parent to have their time with the child even if support goes unpaid, and hold the other parent accountable in the even the parent denies the opportunity to have time with the child, especially over money.

Yes - You could ask for permission to leave the state. MI has 14 points of what is in the best interest of the child that would be considered to get permission granted, and you have to prove to the court that the move would be in your son's best interest. If granted, you would most likely be responsible for providing most of the transport costs for dad to see son. Right now, you can move up to 100 miles away and be responsible for 50 miles of transport. Examples: you move 200 miles away, you're then responsible for 150 miles transport; 700 miles away, then 650 miles transport.

If FOC does not feel the move is in the best interest of your son, then you could next go in front of a judge. If a judge agrees that it is not in the best interest of your son, be prepared for custody to be given to dad. It is that simple.

The court won't keep you "stuck" here - but, be prepared to not get your cake and eat it, too. They'll let you leave, just might not let you take your boy when you do leave. Also, unless MI court gives up the case, you'll still have to come back to MI any time you need changes made for support or custody.

However, if the father and you come to an agreement of the move out of state and father is cool with it, then you both petition FOC for approval and it ends there.


It goes without saying - play big kid games, then you play by big kid rules. You had a child with the father, and as soon as the baby boy came into the picture, YOUR needs took a backseat for the following 18 yrs. Take this to heart and use discretion for future children.

[mostie]

Originally Posted by malamute

If the father isn't paying child support then you would have that as leverage.

If the father is paying child support, then how would removing the child from the state be fair?

No disrespect intended, but that was disturbing to read. Using child support as "leverage", that isn't right- "hey, if you don't pay up...I won't let you see your kid!", or "pay up or I leave the state"- The other statement is just as disturbing...if he's paying, then he has the right to see the child- or...if he's not, he doesn't.

I believe that a man should help to pay costs related to his children- no doubt about that. There are fathers out there who could care less whether or not they see their kids, and then there are those who would do anything for their kids, and beg for more time with them. There are also women who will use their kids as a battering ram against the father, be it because they are angry, or because they have something to hold over the father's head to get their way. What the women don't seem to understand, is not only are they hurting the father- which, I'm sure, is their sole intention (unless the father is a danger to the child- whole different situation, there), but they are hurting the child as well, and depriving the child of their other parent.

Child support and visitation are two completely separate things. You don't use child support to twist a man's arm, and use the child in that way. Like I said, a man is obligated financially to his child- but if a man doesn't have a job, and he is trying to find a job- and in this economy, it's hard to do so, especially in Michigan- should the child and the father be deprived of that relationship? I'm not talking about true "deadbeats", I'm talking about fathers who are doing the absolute best that they possibly can, under difficult circumstances.

And no- I am NOT a male.

[dragon_fly_12]

Originally Posted by mostie

No disrespect intended, but that was disturbing to read. Using child support as "leverage", that isn't right- "hey, if you don't pay up...I won't let you see your kid!", or "pay up or I leave the state"- The other statement is just as disturbing...if he's paying, then he has the right to see the child- or...if he's not, he doesn't.

MI actually treats support and custody as two separate things and not dependent on each other. MI will protect the rights of the support paying parent and FOC will put a showcause on the parent denying visitation over money as long as the offended parent notifies / petitions FOC to take action.