I would like to move my child out of state (Grand Rapids: lawyer, buy)

[lynn1991]

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this I understand my best bet is to contact a attorney for this matter im just trying to get some understanding from people who have gone through this them sels to understand what im getting my self into...

I currently live in MI and would like to move with my four yr old son out of state to better my life i am ready for a fresh start at my life i am currently a psychology majior coming to the end of my associate degree and would like to start my bachelors degree at a new school and to also be in a bigger place that will offer me better paying jobs and internships when i get to that point. Unlike the small town i currently live that has nothing to offer me now and in long run also i am in a steady relationship with an amazing man who is in the army and we have spent most of relationship being long dist. due to the army and me being "stuck" here due to my child i have always been a people pleaser doing what is expected of me trying to make every one happy even the people who do not deserve it in the process of that i have lost my own happiness in a way i think its time for me to worry about myself a little more and put everyone elses wants and demands on the back burner and start fresh for me an my son in a place where we can both strive, I have sole and physical custody however i share joint custody with his father who just started taking part in our sons life he takes him once a week on his terms when it "fits" into his plans up untill this point he has been absent for pretty much everything and anything. he also has charges on his record from drugsall the way to asult with a deadily weapon i however do not even have a parking ticket on mine and have been the main and onlt person in my sons life for the last four years my sons father does pay child support and acts as if i should kiss the ground he walks on because of this. smh!! he trys to go out of his way to make my life hell and stir up my anger towards him as a person an father but in our court order i says i can only move in a 100 mile rad. from where my child was born how can i take care of this a move on im my life with my child in another state im willing to split cost for round trip plane tickets in the summer and he may call as much as he likes and be informed of whats going on with our son anytime it is important we were never married i am only 22 and feel it is unfair i should be "stuck" here due to the fact i had a child at such a young age in an inmature relationship with a man that i can not stand to look at, at this point in my life

[HarryBTL]

Originally Posted by lynn1991

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this I understand my best bet is to contact a attorney for this matter im just trying to get some understanding from people who have gone through this them sels to understand what im getting my self into...

I currently live in MI and would like to move with my four yr old son out of state to better my life i am ready for a fresh start at my life i am currently a psychology majior coming to the end of my associate degree and would like to start my bachelors degree at a new school and to also be in a bigger place that will offer me better paying jobs and internships when i get to that point. Unlike the small town i currently live that has nothing to offer me now and in long run also i am in a steady relationship with an amazing man who is in the army and we have spent most of relationship being long dist. due to the army and me being "stuck" here due to my child i have always been a people pleaser doing what is expected of me trying to make every one happy even the people who do not deserve it in the process of that i have lost my own happiness in a way i think its time for me to worry about myself a little more and put everyone elses wants and demands on the back burner and start fresh for me an my son in a place where we can both strive, I have sole and physical custody however i share joint custody with his father who just started taking part in our sons life he takes him once a week on his terms when it "fits" into his plans up untill this point he has been absent for pretty much everything and anything. he also has charges on his record from drugsall the way to asult with a deadily weapon i however do not even have a parking ticket on mine and have been the main and onlt person in my sons life for the last four years my sons father does pay child support and acts as if i should kiss the ground he walks on because of this. smh!! he trys to go out of his way to make my life hell and stir up my anger towards him as a person an father but in our court order i says i can only move in a 100 mile rad. from where my child was born how can i take care of this a move on im my life with my child in another state im willing to split cost for round trip plane tickets in the summer and he may call as much as he likes and be informed of whats going on with our son anytime it is important we were never married i am only 22 and feel it is unfair i should be "stuck" here due to the fact i had a child at such a young age in an inmature relationship with a man that i can not stand to look at, at this point in my life

Doubt the state will go for it. Unless he is totally absent the court will do everything to try and keep both parents in the child's life. Why not just move to Grand Rapids/west side of the state? Plenty of good jobs etc available?

[zthatzmanz28]

Could always leave the child with the father? If you feel you are "stuck" due to am immature relationship, why not consider the needs of the child instead of focusing on you? And who is to say if GI Joe is going to continue to be a stable realtionship?
Also, IF the child's father has all these feloniy charges, I should be easy to get restraining orders and alter the custody / visitation arrangement? What judge wil place any child in a dangerous situation?
Again, instead of making decisons based on your personal wants, think about what will benefit you as an INDEPENDENT woman and ultimately benefits your child's life?
Also, as a college student you should invest in a keyboard that has periods, commas and other punctuation keys. Just a suggestion.

[belleislerunner]

You should share your story with teenagers. It's a good example that sometimes the consequences of our actions last at least 18 years - even if we don't want them to. Others last a lifetime.

[lynn1991]

My child is in the best hands when he is with me,I have rasied my child on my own with no effort on his "fathers" part. i didnt come here to get "bashed" on for my question simply to get some answers from thoes who have gone through this. I am an idependent person/mother i have my own place my own car my own income im not being selfish in any way me and my son have been a solo team for the past 3 1/2 yrs and we are good. i understand having a father in your childs life is important however it just started not that long ago and its on his tearms he dosent show up for doctors/dentist appt. he dosent come to pre school meetings or come around to help when our son is sick nothing he picks him up once a week random days random times hangs out with him and drops him off he dosent do anything there is alot more to being a parent then taking your kid swimming once a week. Selfish or not im ready to move on in my life out side of MI leaving my son with him is not an option that will never happen!! Me and my son were fine when he wasnt around running the streets missing his birthdays, beating up girls and being absent for every milestone of his life we will be fine in another state he dosent do anything important he can take him swimming in the summer while hes there because thats all he does now, he couldnt even tell you anything of importance about or son he dosent even know who or where his doctor/dentist office is, or his pre school because he is never around for things that matter.

[soon to be ex californian]

My ex moved to another state with my son in 2002. Despite a custody arrangement and all that. I have not seen nor heard from my son in over 10 years. There is nothing I can do about it because I am not wealthy and could not afford a lawyer then or now to do something about it.
My advice to you...If you want to cause someone unmeasurable sadness and grief, go ahead and move. What you are planning to do will break someones heart. I know, it happened to me and It left the biggest emotional hole in my soul that you could ever imagine. I missed out on my sons life, I have no idea what he looks like, what his grades were etc. I had to pay child support every month but the courts wouldn't even give me his address or phone number. I was cheated out of his life big time.
So go ahead and move.

[canudigit]

Have you asked your son if he wants to move far away from his daddy? Even though you think he's a rotten parent, he's something to your son, and kids love their parents and feel a natural attachment to them, even when they aren't what most people would consider a good parent. Even kids who are taken away from their parents because of abuse and neglect still want to be with them, so strong is that parent/child bond.

Your child's father must feel some love for your son if he pays child support and does some things with him, and even those little things like taking him swimming mean more to your son than you realize, because he is with his daddy, and little boys want to be with their daddys. Who is to say that this man won't become a better parent as time goes by, if given the chance? What if your new boyfriend decides that he doesn't want to stick around and raise someone else's little boy?

I'm sorry, but I agree with the PPs, the little guy wins this one. You are lamenting the fact that you got into a sexual relationship with a less than stellar human being when you were too young to think it through, but none of that is your son's fault, so why punish him? If he has any love for or attachment to his daddy at all, you are going to break his little heart if you take him away against his will. If this army guy really loves you and is committed to a future with you, he should respect that your little boy needs a relationship with his daddy and move to be with you. If not, then he isn't worth it and you will probably end up in another broken relationship with another child five years down the road.

Besides all of that, as long as your child's father is paying support and making an effort to spend time with his little boy, good luck on getting the court to let you out of that agreement. They look at it like having a part-time daddy is better than no daddy at all and will do everything in their power to keep the two of them in each others' lives.

[zthatzmanz28]

I do know a little something about taking a child down the road and away from dad. Long ago (21 years) the same happened to me. She said "I am pregnant" and just left.
21 years later she is contacting me about my "daughter." She wants to know if I would like to meet her??!!
If dad is such a whack job, he will either end up in jail, dead or just stop seeing the kid.
First thing I did was buy her a keyboard that had functional commas, periods and a shift key.

[Cliffie]

Ths is a question for an attorney, not us!

[malamute]

If the father isn't paying child support then you would have that as leverage.

If the father is paying child support, then how would removing the child from the state be fair?