Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Michigan > Detroit
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-21-2013, 02:52 PM
 
3,082 posts, read 5,420,955 times
Reputation: 3524

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by kimba01 View Post
Add to all this, the fact that face to face socializing is diminishing. How many times do you walk by a table of people and half of them have their faces stuck in their phones? People tell me all the time that looking at their phones helps them avoid awkward situations, like talking to someone new. Shame, really.

Anyway, when you meet someone in today's world, get their # for texting, their Twitter, their Facebook and then maybe you will be able to set something up further!

OP, you are just interested in making new friends, not necessarily looking for romantic relationships, right? That is the way I read your OP, anyway.
And I thought getting rid of Facebook at the beginning of the year would be a good thing for me. Ya know, force me to meet up with people rather than check their profiles out behind a monitor.

Ultimately, I'd like to find romance, but at this point, my priority is meeting new people with common interests that I can build meaningful friendships with. For all I know, the Metro Detroit area might not be the best place for this. Like others have mentioned, a lot of people here have lived here their whole lives and there is no incentive for them to meet anybody outside of their comfort zone/social circle. For what I'm looking for, I might have to be in one of those "transient" cities where so many of the residents are not originally from there. Those are the types of people who tend to be more open to meeting new people. Unfortunately, Metro Detroit doesn't seem to attract those type of people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-21-2013, 03:22 PM
 
1,648 posts, read 3,255,503 times
Reputation: 1444
If that's your attitude - you should just move to wherever suits your "transient" attitude - you're just wasting your time/energy, choosing to set yourself up for failure here. You'll never be happy if your eyes are always on the revolving door/next stop.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2013, 03:33 PM
 
2,045 posts, read 1,836,575 times
Reputation: 3499
Quote:
Originally Posted by belleislerunner View Post
If that's your attitude - you should just move to wherever suits your "transient" attitude - you're just wasting your time/energy, choosing to set yourself up for failure here. You'll never be happy if your eyes are always on the revolving door/next stop.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2013, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
30,702 posts, read 79,413,686 times
Reputation: 39425
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tekkie View Post
Funny post.

I'm not a sleezeball; I wasn't expecting to sleep or even have a conversation with this girl. My point was that the younger crowd here seems a little bit more reserved than in other parts of the country, perhaps where there is more of a transient presence. This conclusion was not reached solely from this isolated incident (that was more of an illustration of what I'm talking about). But this, combined with a relatively low participation rate in the local social scene (number of social groups available, the demographic that shows up to these groups, etc.) seems to be a decent indication of how young people are in this region.

It's not a slight in any way to the people here, it's just an observation about the culture. It's no different from when I would travel to the south with my family and folks would wave at us in our car from their porches. I think I could conclude that people in places like TN and KY are relatively friendly or hospitable.
People ar emore reserved here. It is because there is less of a transient presence here. In many places a majority of the people have known each other for years and they can be suspicious of outsiders, especially those from the land of fruits and nuts (as I discovered). People here are reserved, withdrawn suspicious of strangers. However - once they get to know you, they will gladly give you their coat, their last dollar, or half of their french fries.

Of course like any generalization this is not all encompassing, and there are some areas where you will find few people like that.

Using California as an example. People walk around waving and saying hi to each other. Grinning like fools and even hugging and kissing people they do not know. However in general (another generalization from the guy who always says how stupid generalizations are), friendships tend to be short, transient and shallow. People are your buddy until they find someone who can offer them more or better opportunities. Here (in general) get people to let you in and they will stay your bud through thick and thin, no matter what happens to you or them. It is different and it take times to be accepted. She had better see you two or three times or even talk with you once before you start smiling at her. She needs to know you are not one of Dexter's targets.

It is not that people here are less friendly. In some ways they are more friendly. It is just different. Think in terms of "breaking the ice. Murky warm water will have thinner ice on top of it. Pure cold water will have thick ice. Thin ice is easy to get thorough but sometime less rewarding. thick ice is harder to get through. Here, it is harder to break the ice, but the water underneath is more pure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2013, 10:59 PM
 
Location: Home!
9,376 posts, read 11,907,818 times
Reputation: 9282
I agree with you on most points^, still I find it kind of cold and closed off. I always smile at people when I'm out walking. Here they smile back and usually say, "hello". Doesn't make them my buddy but...

People who I've met here and see occasionally usually give a hug, at the very least a handshake. I have known them less than a year. It's nice.

Keep trying, OP, you'll get it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2013, 11:36 PM
 
5,951 posts, read 13,045,425 times
Reputation: 4813
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
People ar emore reserved here. It is because there is less of a transient presence here. In many places a majority of the people have known each other for years and they can be suspicious of outsiders, especially those from the land of fruits and nuts (as I discovered). People here are reserved, withdrawn suspicious of strangers. However - once they get to know you, they will gladly give you their coat, their last dollar, or half of their french fries.

Of course like any generalization this is not all encompassing, and there are some areas where you will find few people like that.

Using California as an example. People walk around waving and saying hi to each other. Grinning like fools and even hugging and kissing people they do not know. However in general (another generalization from the guy who always says how stupid generalizations are), friendships tend to be short, transient and shallow. People are your buddy until they find someone who can offer them more or better opportunities. Here (in general) get people to let you in and they will stay your bud through thick and thin, no matter what happens to you or them. It is different and it take times to be accepted. She had better see you two or three times or even talk with you once before you start smiling at her. She needs to know you are not one of Dexter's targets.

It is not that people here are less friendly. In some ways they are more friendly. It is just different. Think in terms of "breaking the ice. Murky warm water will have thinner ice on top of it. Pure cold water will have thick ice. Thin ice is easy to get thorough but sometime less rewarding. thick ice is harder to get through. Here, it is harder to break the ice, but the water underneath is more pure.
And this is why, really the only reason why I prefer living in major metropolitan areas with transient populations.

It is the suspiciousness is really the only reason why I don't live in small towns, or deeply rooted metro area suburbs. I really don't care all that much about culture and excitement. My interests are almost totally nature and outdoors - so I can truly live in small towns/exurban/rural areas.

But I have had a borderline identity crisis after living in small college towns of 20-something thousand, with many students coming from places even smaller. I am just ultra-sensitive to feeling like an outsider.

I would find insulting to try to have to prove that I am not creepy. As long as I am not married yet, I will NEVER again relocate to towns or even large cities where I have to prove that I am bringing in "different values". I will never subject myself to having to prove that I am one of a group.

Give me the fake smiles, pretending that you've known each other, etc., etc. It may be shallow, I know.

Part of it might be that I have the every slightest asperger-like symptoms, and need to fast-forward to when people feel comfortable around me, so that something I say isn't going to turn them off.

Well - a little venting but oh well, this is C-D I can do that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2013, 12:03 AM
 
3,199 posts, read 7,795,836 times
Reputation: 2519
I have lived in CA and MI and I agree that CA it is easier to meet people. I remember when I first moved to CA and at Starbucks the person next to me just started talking to me and it happened many other times too. I can't recall that ever happening in MI. I don't think people are being rude in MI just less likely to approach someone.
OP I cant give exact names but I remember a guy friend saying he went to sports bar restaurants in MI. Have you tried something along those lines? You may have said but do you belong to a gym because I think they are a good place to meet others?
Hang in there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2013, 08:47 AM
 
915 posts, read 1,494,432 times
Reputation: 1360
Yeah - I totally understand where OP is coming from.

I had a really hard time meeting people when I first moved out here too. However, I already had a few friends in the area and moved out here because this is where my (then) boyfriend lived (now husband).

We ended up getting involved in a local political club and made a lot of new friends that way. I made a few friends at work and through a church group. I've met a whole lot more people through my son's activities and school.

The thing is that in this area, you really have to go out of your way to seek things and people out. It also depends on what kind of housing you live in whether you find more transient people or not.

In our current neighborhood, it seems like everyone is from somewhere else. However, we are in an apartment complex. We have all types here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2013, 10:02 AM
 
3,082 posts, read 5,420,955 times
Reputation: 3524
So far I've tried Meetup.com, because that is what worked well for me in Denver. I've found one group in the area that is pretty good, albeit an older crowd. I also met some people who gather at a park in Ferndale to play dodgeball. I would like to get involved with more rec sports leagues, I just have to find them. That seemed to work well in the past as far as meeting new people and building relationships.

It's the initial interaction with people, as others have mentioned, that is most difficult. Especially if you're not already in a setting where the whole purpose is that you're meeting new people. If you attempt starting up a convo with some random at a bar or walking down the street, they will most likely look at you like you're a creeper and turn the opposite direction.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-22-2013, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Ypsilanti
389 posts, read 467,678 times
Reputation: 203
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
People ar emore reserved here. It is because there is less of a transient presence here. In many places a majority of the people have known each other for years and they can be suspicious of outsiders, especially those from the land of fruits and nuts (as I discovered). People here are reserved, withdrawn suspicious of strangers. However - once they get to know you, they will gladly give you their coat, their last dollar, or half of their french fries.

Of course like any generalization this is not all encompassing, and there are some areas where you will find few people like that.

Using California as an example. People walk around waving and saying hi to each other. Grinning like fools and even hugging and kissing people they do not know. However in general (another generalization from the guy who always says how stupid generalizations are), friendships tend to be short, transient and shallow. People are your buddy until they find someone who can offer them more or better opportunities. Here (in general) get people to let you in and they will stay your bud through thick and thin, no matter what happens to you or them. It is different and it take times to be accepted. She had better see you two or three times or even talk with you once before you start smiling at her. She needs to know you are not one of Dexter's targets.

It is not that people here are less friendly. In some ways they are more friendly. It is just different. Think in terms of "breaking the ice. Murky warm water will have thinner ice on top of it. Pure cold water will have thick ice. Thin ice is easy to get thorough but sometime less rewarding. thick ice is harder to get through. Here, it is harder to break the ice, but the water underneath is more pure.
Overall I understand what you are trying to say, but I still think you are generalizing too much saying people here are more pure than Cali. There are good and bad anywhere, I've met my fair share of shallow people here liars you name it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Settings
X
Data:
Loading data...
Based on 2000-2020 data
Loading data...

123
Hide US histogram


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Michigan > Detroit

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top