Do you think there is a lot of social pressure to eat?

[AnonChick]

Originally Posted by Kim in FL

Blaming "social pressure" is just another excuse ppl use so they don't have to accept responsibility for their actions or lack thereof.

Bingo.

Remember when you were a kid, and wanted something, and whined, "But MoooOOOOOooooom, Susie gets to do it, I wanna do it!" and mom said, "If Susie jumped off a bridge, would you?"

And we learned from this, and grew up, and became adults.

People who give into social pressure, have chosen to ignore that part of their mindset, that tells them, "hey dummy - bridge ahead. Don't jump."

[stepka]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

Bingo.

Remember when you were a kid, and wanted something, and whined, "But MoooOOOOOooooom, Susie gets to do it, I wanna do it!" and mom said, "If Susie jumped off a bridge, would you?"

And we learned from this, and grew up, and became adults.

People who give into social pressure, have chosen to ignore that part of their mindset, that tells them, "hey dummy - bridge ahead. Don't jump."

And back then it was your mother telling you this. And now it's your mother or grandmother urging you to eat. I had to stop telling g-ma when I was trying to lose weight, because right on cue she'd make my favorite cake right along with my most favorite icing (homemade banana cake with cream cheese frosting. . . ) And that was lovely right along with the fried okry and the fried chicken and the turnip slaw. Oops, missing her now.

[AnonChick]

Originally Posted by stepka

And back then it was your mother telling you this. And now it's your mother or grandmother urging you to eat. I had to stop telling g-ma when I was trying to lose weight, because right on cue she'd make my favorite cake right along with my most favorite icing (homemade banana cake with cream cheese frosting. . . ) And that was lovely right along with the fried okry and the fried chicken and the turnip slaw. Oops, missing her now.

My grandmother used to do the same thing. Oh, you're looking so svelte and slender, Anon-dear, and don't forget I made my famous chocolate cake with the chocolate frosting that you always want to eat right out of the saucepot!

And my response was: "Oh sounds heavenly, I'll have a bite after dinner." And then, I'd put a square around the size of a single ravioli on my plate, and sugar-gasm over every single crumb.

I miss my grandmother too. And I still make her chocolate frosting cake, from scratch, the same way she used to. And I still eat only a single ravioli-sized square as a treat after dinner.

There is pressure from family and friends, but there is also this little thing called self-restraint. Combine it with self-respect, and you end up with a tasty little morsel, and little to no risk of morbid obesity.

[tigerlillydownunder]

Originally Posted by Kim in FL

Blaming "social pressure" is just another excuse ppl use so they don't have to accept responsibility for their actions or lack thereof.

I'm sure that some people do use it as an excuse to cut sick and eat anything within reach, but I think social pressure is a much bigger problem than being merely an excuse. Especially for, as an example, people like myself, with extreme food and eating issues, to the point that every meal is a battle between the selves, as in the one self who wants that with every fibre of their being because they know just how nice it is it's my favorite and look how everyone else is enjoying it, and the other self that knows they can't give in or the whole thing will come unravelled because once an addict always an addict albeit in various states of recovery. I have to assume that kicking heroin would be far easier for me than towing this line with food because I won't die if I don't do heroin, but if I don't eat I will die. But my addiction is food, something I must partake of to continue existing, and it is a struggle to stay on track. You wouldn't ask a recovering junkie 'Hey would you mind holding this loaded syringe for a second? I've gotta get this vein prepped'. But people have no problems purposefully making your favorite in an attempt to temp you and will do anything to get you to have some.

(I use heroin as an example because both heroin and food addictions tap into the pleasure center of the brain, and get that old dopamine going. I don't expect that all fat people are eating/food addicted, but I wouldn't wager against the suggestion that more of them are than aren't.)

I don't use social pressure as an excuse to eat, but I do use it as an excuse more and more to remove myself from situations where the pressure will be hot and heavy.

[tigerlillydownunder]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

My grandmother used to do the same thing. Oh, you're looking so svelte and slender, Anon-dear, and don't forget I made my famous chocolate cake with the chocolate frosting that you always want to eat right out of the saucepot!

And my response was: "Oh sounds heavenly, I'll have a bite after dinner." And then, I'd put a square around the size of a single ravioli on my plate, and sugar-gasm over every single crumb.

I miss my grandmother too. And I still make her chocolate frosting cake, from scratch, the same way she used to. And I still eat only a single ravioli-sized square as a treat after dinner.

There is pressure from family and friends, but there is also this little thing called self-restraint. Combine it with self-respect, and you end up with a tasty little morsel, and little to no risk of morbid obesity.

God I WISH I could just have a ravioli sized piece of cake, or chocolate, or whatever. That would be heaven. sElf restraint takes on a whole new definition for me. As it is, a ravioli sized piece would just trigger a chain reaction and before I know it I will be eating for Australia and that will be all she wrote. I'm not even exaggerating. I know my limits. The ridiculousness that I can't even indulge in one tiny treat doesn't escape me, and yet I know all too well where that road takes me.

[AnonChick]

But see tigerlilly, that -is- your self-restraint and self-respect kicking in.

For you, that means, no cake, and avoiding cake entirely. You don't give in to the social pressure. It isn't easy, but you know that for you, no -must- mean no.

There are people who also know that no means no, but they lie to themselves, or make excuses for themselves, and pretend to themselves. "Well...just this once. It's mom's birthday." They KNOW that it's going to mean another 3-week binge. They know this. There is no doubt about it, they are totally, completely, absolutely aware of the consequences, and they know without any doubt, that those consequences WILL follow, guaranteed, if they indulge.

And they do it anyway.

Those are the people who use social pressure as an excuse to overeat.

You have a hard struggle, but you know your limits. For other people, knowing their limits means nothing to them. They know, and they don't care. You care. And you are the one who gets not only self-respect, but the respect of others for what I feel are very brave decisions.

[stepka]

Originally Posted by tigerlillydownunder

God I WISH I could just have a ravioli sized piece of cake, or chocolate, or whatever. That would be heaven. sElf restraint takes on a whole new definition for me. As it is, a ravioli sized piece would just trigger a chain reaction and before I know it I will be eating for Australia and that will be all she wrote. I'm not even exaggerating. I know my limits. The ridiculousness that I can't even indulge in one tiny treat doesn't escape me, and yet I know all too well where that road takes me.

Same here--I have to not eat the stuff at all. Would you believe that I can eat just one potato chip but not one bite of sweets? All hell would break loose.

[tigerlillydownunder]

Originally Posted by stepka

Same here--I have to not eat the stuff at all. Would you believe that I can eat just one potato chip but not one bite of sweets? All hell would break loose.

Yep, sounds like me! I don't generally eat chips, but on the occasion I do, I can stop at 1 or 2 and not bat an eye. Sweets? Absolutely hopeless. It triggers something inhuman in me, which makes me think it's much less psychological than it is physical. In fact, I think it's entirely physical and I now realize that 20 years of dieting was nothing more than self inflicted torture (bit wholly supported by everyone) that accomplished nothing but make me fatter, which only made me feel terrible about myself, which made me take a backseat in my own life. It made my body ultimately turn against itself and now.......I can't even indulge a ravioli sized piece of cake without fear of losing my collective mind. That is, to me, just nothing but sad. I grieve the loss of certain foods.


Anon chic , I strongly (but good naturedly) disagree with the self respect part. For me that implies moral seniority, something I am not at all comfortable with, as I'm not morally superior to anyone. I might be able to maintain awesome self restraint, but believe me when I say that I begrudge every moment of it. I feel DEPRIVED all the time. I'm not sorry to say that I enjoyed eating nice things and that I DON'T enjoy eating 'healthy' (which for me, sadly, is complete abstinence). No, sorry, it's the dregs. It's boring, tasteless, and really not enjoyable, AT ALL, but I don't think that means I was/ am lacking in self respect. I think it just means that I want the cake with my heart and soul and every fibre of my being but I somehow manage to practice self restraint.

In my opinion, self respect doesn't enter the equation. To be honest, sometimes I wonder if really having self respect might have meant just saying to all the people in my life who bullied, belittled, harassed and generally concern trolled over the years "F*** you! There's nothing wrong with me the way I am and I'm not going to justify my very existence to you any more!"

Oh to have been so bold.

[springfieldva]

I can usually avoid desserts without too much trouble.

Luckily, I'm exercising enough now so that one piece of cake on a very *rare* occasion is fine for me as long as I'm careful about the other carbs that I'm eating that day.